Design hell.

*Nods furiously to this and this*

Washed out

I feel totally washed out.
So much to do,
so little time to.

Burnt wkend

Bloody hell.

Doing work at home again.

I'm damn tired. I think I am not going to finish it, until tuesday late morning, then get colleagues to rush out quotations in 4 hours.

I know that sounds mean, but hallo, isnt it worse for me to slog the wkend to try to pass it to them early, when they are not appreciative at all?

Bloody hell. Dont give a damn. Anyway, have to show manager too, and if she dont come in before 10am on tuesday, it is not like I can finish finalising before noon.

Aww.. too bad, they just have to rush.

No ideas

I've brought work home to do again today although I dont really have the mood for it. I've been struggling with it for the past 1 hr but I am still wound up with nothing concrete yet.

Ok. I shall give myself 30 more minutes to mull over the space planning, then give myself a break for the day. I should be coming back to blog, so see you later.

Happy vesak day meanwhile! =)

Late night OT

I dont mean tonight guys, dont worry.

What I meant was an insane late night I've put in for work on thurday (or fri morning, more aptly).
I broke my own personal record then, on the nnumber of hours I stayed back to do work on a work night.

The last record was 2.30am, but on thurs I left at a frightening 4.30am.

4.30 am!!!!!!

Honestly, I couldnt believe myself doing that. On regular days I do OT every night, yes, but I try to avoid any time later than 10pm (which is the official time that I may take a cab home).

I digress a little. Having taking cabs more than 30 times a month just to attend meeting (ooi... I attend more meetings than that, but most of them are within walking distance in CBD area), I am so used to flag down cabs whimsically. The bulk of my expenses are contributed to taxi drivers kopi-o funds, but I still have to put up with their nonsense. Ok, that's another entry for later.

Anyway, I was saying I try not to leave later than 10pm, but sometimes it is impossible not to, due to the massive work load. Also, I've worked till 6.45am before, but that was a friday night and I had the whole of saturday to sleep off my weariness.

For thurs, it was hardly similar. I left at around 4.45am and reached home at 5am. With record speed I washed up and took off my contact lens.

I was unconscious before I could say 'wah kao'.

I slept 3 hours and still managed to reach work on time. I'm amazed.

Actually it is more accurate to say I am amazed by my amount of will. Each time I push myself to do more work, I managed to accomplish it and come out in one piece. There's so many times when thought I will fall over and die, but I am still here.

The late hours spent in office is agontasing, to say the least. You'll look at your pile of work with despair, then anger, then resignation, then despair all over again. You'll force yourself to concentrate but you find yourself in a daze every alternate minute. You are so tired that your mind had already switched itself off but you have to drive it on.

It is a battle between you and youself, and there is no winner at the end of it. You either gain your rest and get fucked the next day for not completing the work, or stay till you are near collapse, and live with the throbbing headache and giddiness for the next 2 days.

Lose-lose situation, but there is no way out.

All except linn understands why I have to do so much ot, especially when the quantity is not justifiable. Most people warns me what I already know, that I will burn myself out before long, (as a matter of fact, linn and myself tells each other that, but we never kept to our promise of leaving early) or that family and friends are more important than work - I may die at work and my boss wont even care beyond 2 weeks.

But I must say that doing ot is really a choice. I could just produce crappy work and escape the office at 6 or 7 - crappy work in my definiation, is work that is done to please others only, and not myself. Working to pass my own judgement is what I am more concerned about.

I dont want to, because I am answering to myself.

And only myself.

Tired mind

I feel very braindead.

I keep reminding myself to relax but so far so bad.

It had been a long week, or rather, it had been 2 long weeks, further magnified by all the OTs.

I keep reminding myself to relax but so far so bad.

The hectic week

I have no idea how the week zoomed by, meaning from monday to friday. I was supposed to be starting on the construction drawings for a confirmed project - Proj103 - since monday, but I never managed to get anything done until fri.

Didnt help that the clients change their mind every few hours, and one of the client is in singapore while the other one is in auzzie. While the logical thing to do is that wait until they confirm before i start drawing, it is not possible because they will never decide.

And there are somethings that I've to think out while I am doing the drawings, and if I havent finalise the design, whenever they ask me, I am at a loss of what to answer. Then they will contemplate to change more details, wiping out the 50% or so that I've already mapped out.


Monday -

Doing powerpoints on Proj110 for manager. This is a marketing job, how come they dont hire a marketing and make us designers do it. TOO MUCH!

Doing Proj098. The client apparently likes me too much, and keep giving me new empty layouts to fill. How many options do they really want me to do? Shucks.

Proj103 not touched.

OT till 8pm. Gave up and went home.


Tuesday -

Doing Proj098. Still not finalised because client decided to take an EVEN smaller space and expect me to squeeze everything in. Everyone chorus "做不到！" with me.

Doing presentation boards for Proj110. Had been spending time liasing with the contractors but no one is responding fast enough. I've really little patience for people whom take moons to get things done.

(That is why I am always impatient with myself!)

Managed to finish 2 boards out of 4, and had already arranged everything nicely for the remaining 2 boards, expect to come in on wed and stick them down and tada~!

OT until 9pm. Worn out and went home.


Wednesday -

Doing presentation boards for Proj110. The submission deadline is 12pm and I spent the whole morning just doing the fucking pasting for 2 boards., plus taking calls from client on Proj098. New space for them again, and I told client I cant get the layout done within the same day, will try by thurs' evening.

I grew to realise I work better with no one around, and outside working hours where there's no one to distract me. Know what? I think I will go back to work on chinese new year since I dont want to go visit those damn relatives who talked to much with contents lacking.

Spent 1pm to 6pm with client of Proj103 at showrooms, then spent the night revising layout for the system furniture.

OT until 9pm. Shut down and went home.
(Must start on the construction drawings le lah!!!!!!! Tomorrow, really tomorrow!)


Thursday -

Do layout for Proj098. I am going mad already, and I dont even need to look at the requirements anymore, given I've memorised them after doing 6 completed layouts in the past 2 weeks.

Finished within half a day, not exceptionally fast, but my concentration level is decreasing rapidly due to the overuse for the past few days. Left the office to visit site for Proj103.

(Construction drawings not started!! Wails.)

At site with client from 4pm to 7pm. Went back to office and helped colleague with his sch project for a while, and eventually started to revise layout (with the latest comments after site walkthrough) at ard 8.30. Finished at 10pm and started doing basework for construction drawings, like title blocks, and etc. Did I mention design actually not confirmed at this point?

I die, I really die.

OT until 11pm. Collaspe over and went home.


Friday -

"I must start on the construction drawings!!" was the only thing I chanted the whole day. Then manager advised I should get the design out first, let the client confirm, then maybe things will be easier. Sound advice, and hence the time was spent on finalising the design and the layout. Client called me thrice, each call lasting 30 minutes with different things to change, and before I know it, it was 6pm.

Helped colleagues develope concept for his school project.
(Up till today after I rejected him - I decided to reject help after 3 days - he havent done any concept research. But what do I expect, if he didnt do anything for the past 26 weeks - they begged for extension - will he do anything in the 27th week? I am kidding myself)

Went to buy dinner at 8pm, and started to revise the layout based on client's third call at 5.30pm, and managed to get the layout done within 1 hr - 8.30 to 9.30 and sent out to client.

Supposed to be meeting colleagues for karaoke - reward for a punishing week and I have to leave at 9.45 to be able to meeting them at 10pm. Maybe I shouldnt go since I've so much more to do. Worked until 10.45pm before deciding, Hey! I deserve a break!

Sang karaoke until 2am.


Saturday -

I hate going back to work on saturday but there I was. I reached the office at 2pm and didnt start immediately. I decided to clear up the clutter (I wasnt in the mood to start working yet) and I started work at 4pm.

I eventually worked till 12am. I enjoyed the solitude though I fear some apparitions would appear anytime.


Sunday - I slept till 1 am and watched tv. Here I am blogging this long entry and I estimated that around 8pm I will do some drawings until say 10pm. 2 hours of work is all I can manage on a sunday. Hee. =)

Please be polite

I use msn on a daily basis, and once upon a time, msn is typically a form of deformed communication between me and my friends.

These days, I logged on for the heck of it, and blocked everyone who might be talking to me, except my colleagues and mashi of course. There is no way I will block mashi because she is the perfect anger dumpster for me.

I would just msn a whole lot of crap, not even need to wait for her to reply her take, and I would close the window. It is like writing an letter and slot it into the metal bins instead of the postbox.

My colleagues are all unblocked for a simple reason, cos sometimes it gets too cumbersome to walk over to their workstation (read lazy genes) and I will just msn them to tell them to come talk to me when they happen to need the loo.

I sit near the smelly place, by the way.

For certain friends, we almost talk on gmail chats only. Gmail totally rocks my socks off, because while we used to need to download and install google talk to be able to talk to friends, now we can just talk via the inbox, as long as we are logged in.

Amazing.

And I like it that way that if you set your status as 'BUSY', gmail will automatically generate a message to say that "User is busy, you may be interrupting. Continue?"

Usually this message is good enough to stop anybody who swings by and looking for a chat.

('BUSY' mode isnt an automatic mode. You will have to set it, so there is no excuse for people who claim "Oh, I thought it was an away message." Bleah!)

Still, I get messages from people who apparently cannot understand the simple message. Are they expecting me to reply despite my busy status, or are they thinking that I am pretending to be busy (hmmm, maybe I am), or what?

If they meant it as a note for me, then drop me an email! We are in the inbox already for godness sake!!

14 Nov 2007

That is when my singnet contract is ending! Holy crap!!

My greatest wish now is to wait until this contract expire, and hopefully by then I get myself married out, and I can do set up in my new house all over again. Currently it is just so irritating to re-setup everytime somethings cock up.

And I want to get wireless internet, and get a laptop. In short, I want everything that mashi is having. I kinda think that if I have a living room like hers, with a low table in front of the tv, I would be able to bring work home to do. I would sit in front of the tv and do my drawings, while fully utlising my scv bill and internet bill, unlike what is currently happening.

Anyway, 11 mths is definitely not long enough to convince any man to marry me. Heck, I dont like living with me either. Hee. =)

But anyone wants to offer?

Colleague who doesnt work

It is an entire irony, when I say that I am doing too much, and working too hard, and not being able to enjoy life anymore, while I have a colleague who is not doing work.

I have lots and lots of complains about this colleague, but I am too lazy to list them one by one down specifically.

All I want to say is, how come he is not doing work? How come he is doing so little compared to CD whom he was supposed to take over? How come we have to spoon feed him with all the information and he still feels we owes him big time?

BigBoss (not the same person as BigBigBoss) asked me to ask CD to come back, so that he can ask this guy to go. But CD is asking for a very high pay as compared to what she used to be taking here, and apparently the boss doesnt want it.

But one way or the other, this guy would have to go. I feel a tad bad for him, but if he is not performing, and not showing that he is willing to work hard, there is nothing much chance the boss wants to keep him.

That brings me to another problem. I used to think it would be a good idea if CD comes back, because now I am not too sure.

I mean, she is a good gossip buddy, and she stands up for me, but sometimes she can be very overbearing. When she wants to talk to me, she will just go on and on without stopping, and she wont care if I am eyebrow deep in work or not.

If she wants to talk, and need a listening ear, I can lend her while I am busy working. But I am really unable to answer her each whims. And like yesterday, she, SS and myself were supposed to be having dinner at 7. They arranged between themselves and told me they would be meeting at 7.

They wanted me to join them promptly at 7, but I mentioned that if I have OT to do, I will try to finish it before joining them. Dinner at 7 is almost totally impossible for me.

She said that maybe I shouldnt, and I must join them for dinner first, and then return to office to do OT after that, and that was a command. I told her I am not going to do that if I can help it, because it feels like shit when your dinner companions are heading home after dinner but you are going back to work.

She was displeased, but I wasnt going to continue discussing it with her because I was very determined.

Then come yesterday, knowing that I have this thing against the japanese restuarant near workplace, she insisted on eating there. She told SS that they should just go ahead and ignore my dislike for the place, and that I will still go no matter what.

She underestimated my stubborness and when she called me to tell me they are eating there, I told her then I am not going. She then sounded hurt and said I should have told her earlier that I dont want to dine there.

But the point is, she knew about it, and joked about it, and then she pretends not to know about it. And she kept calling me while I was still in office doing work, and kept urging me to join them when I've mentioned that I want to finish what I was doing.

And I wondered, in the past 2 mths that she left the company, because the guy who was supposed to be taking over her is not quite competent, I had been taking charge of many matters myself and I had hence grew an edge to my patience too.

While she mentioned that I havent got the tiniest bit of patience to begin with, the main difference was that if it was in the past, I would loose patience and try to do the work myself, making mess in the process.

Now, after I am more familiar with work, if I lost my patience, say because the person supposed to be doing the job is not effecient enough, I will do the work myself, and I will give the ineffecient person hell later on for adding to my workload.

I cant imagine if she returns, and then she will keep bugging me as a colleague like what she is doing now as a friend, how am I going to cope with her. Actually I think, maybe it would be a good idea to tell the boss to hire a fresh grad and train from the beginning.

I would be quite willing to help to teach her if she shows willingness to learn.

I think CD is better as a friend then as a colleague maybe.

Doing too much

EC and I were the last to leave the office yesterday, and he informed me, because there wasnt anyone else around to eavesdrop, that BigBigBoss has called him for a meeting.

BBB asked him how come I had been the one liasing with clients and suppliers very often at this stage of the project. Actually after the design stage, after the client have approved the design and signed the contract, after I'd briefed the project team on the design, my involvment in the job is actually quite over.

But because the project team has been very tied up recently because of some new staff joining us, and there was some training periods involved, I involved myself more with some of the jobscope that was meant to be of the project's team.

In other words, while the liasion with clients and suppliers are the project team's business, I've been putting a nose into it.

Partly because the project is mine, I want the best for it and I want the best for my clients.

Partly because I am new to this line, and I want to learn as much knowledge and information about the trade as I can, and this can be acheived if I take the trouble to do all the crap work.

Actually, it is also partly because I prefer to depend on myself when I can help it, because it is easier to yourself to help then to request some to lend a helping hand. And by not always needing others' help, I wont be develping a dependant trait on my colleagues.

I've mentioned before that when I first joined a bank as a temp, because I was really no good with figures, I grew very dependant on a colleague and hence I was totally helpless for a period of time after he left the job.

Actually, with the memory in mind, I really do not want that to happen again.

The dependence on another person does little to my growth in any job because I am absolutely certain he would be there at the adjacent workstation when I need his help. But having said that, I have to admit, the best thing on being dependant on another person, is that I will remember to be humble.

Humble.

This term had seemed to disappeared from me over this past 3 months.

I am now in the 7th month of this job. I once thought I will leave after 6 mths but now I am still here. When I first joined, or to be exact, in the first 3 mths, I was very uncertain and felt very lost. I depended on my colleagues very frequently for their help and I had to be humble when I needed them to assist me.

Past that, I realised I have been more arrogant these days. Well, maybe not arrogant, but I've lost the humble bit. It is due to the increase in confidence that came with the increase of knowledge of this trade.

People felt that my current attitude is more suitable as compared to my old behaviour. Probably because I am supposedly a designer, I need to be more confident in my works, and not bend myself to suit what others felt.

I constantly reminded myself to plant my feet firmly to the ground, or I will fly into a concrete wall without me noticing. But sometimes I guess it isnt easily achieved. It is impossible for me to be confident and humble at the same time, I dont know how others does it.

Well, maybe the others didnt manage to do it also, but if their objects of abuse doesnt retaliate, I guess it is fine.

For me, I do try to put myself in the shoes of others, therefore I speak to others like how I want others to speak to me. I try not to be rude even if I am pushed to the edge. I dont want to use my position as a designer to boss others around, but communiate with them why I think it is better to do things this way than the other way.

Sometimes when vendors ask me for my opinions, I offer but I dont insist, but listen to what they have to say about the issue. But it causes me certain dilemnas too. If I prefer things to be done in a certain way, the vendors felt that I am not being considerate towards their difficulties.

If I dont, and agree to change certain designs due to constraints, they will ask me how come, I as a designer, doesnt have a mind on my own and is so easily swayed by their so called problems.

Well said.

I hope they recognise the irony too. But usually people cant because they are in the situation themselves.

There are some issues that I can leave it to the project team to handle, because the issues arose on site, and if so, the project team are supposed to handle them and give me a solution, or give me a choice between 2 solutions.

At the same time, they will have to be the one to sort it out with the clients because, well, the issues arose on site!

Hey, I know that sounds like I am shrinking my responsibilities. But precisely because I hadnt been shrinking my responsibilities, I got EC into trouble. While such issues are project team's problems, I had been tackling them myself. This had made EC look bad because it looks like I am doing more than I should and he less than he should.

CD told me that I shouldnt be doing all these because eventually the project team will grew reliant on me to get things done. And I will be pushed up to the firing square with them should anything goes wrong.

Sigh. How then? How should I solve this problem?

Cant find the time

I was supposed to be talking to a colleague regarding a project last fri. I was finally free after 3 weeks of endless workload, but everyone else had began to be working their asses off already.

Luckily my bosses are sympathetic enough to recognise that I'd been eyebrow deep in work and struggling with all my OT, and so they are okay with me being more laid back this one or two days.

But of course I still had work to do, just that my workload is being lesser over this two days. But still, I am still juggling two or three projects at one time, and hence, like everyone else in the company, I dont have the luxury of attending to one project wholeheartedly.

Therefore, all of us are always finding time to get together for a discussion. And sometimes it proves fruitless because everyone rockets away to the next meeting.

I digressed. I was supposed to be having this discussion with a colleague last fri, and then attend the company's gathering at a karaoke pub. This discussion is for a project that finally got confirmed after 4 months of bouncing balls off the walls, and the client had many questions for me.

I tried to check with this colleague regarding some issues, but he was very busy. I understand the frustration of being bothered when you are super busy, hence I told him that once he has a little time, look for me.

Well he didnt, and I was thinking he might had forgotten, so I would visit his workstation every 2 hrs to see if he is any less busy. He was still very tied up and I could only remind him repeatedly that I really need to speak to him at his first available minute.

He went out for another meeting at around 5pm and the client was already chasing me for answers. I wrote out a list of questions that the clients had for me and waited for said colleague to return, which he estimated to be at 6 plus.

I meant to email the client the answers to her questions and I told her the email would come by around 6.30. I didnt think it was a problem at all because all I needed was some information and I could draft out the email very quickly.

But he never did return on time, and while he was still away, the boss mentioned that we shall go for dinner first before attending the company party. But because I wasnt interested in the dinner venue, I declined and wanted to stay back to finish the project before going to the company party.

When boss mentioned that the said colleague was joining them for dinner, I hadnt any complains. All I wanted is that he answer a few questions for me so that I can draft an email to the client, and work out some details in the project.

But he went for his dinner. Still, I have no problem with that, because well, it is his prerogative to have his meal, but all I wanted is some information so that I can get my work done.

I waited until 7, when I was already get tired of needing to wait, so I left the list of question for him, wrote a note for him to remind him that he had to send out the email the same day, and proceed to leave. While I was walking out, he returned and he wanted me to tell him what was it that I needed from him.

I told him everything is already on the piece of paper and he immediately showed his annoyance and said he rushed back from the dinner so that he can discuss the project with me. I told him I am tired, and I needed to get some shopping done before the shops are closed.

When I saw him again at the company party, he said that they were rushing him to leave the office, hence he didnt manage to get the email sent. Nevermind, he said, he will get it sent out on saturday.

Come today, I checked with him was the email sent. He admitted no. He said he will be doing it today and I told him nevermind, I shall get the information from another colleague and reply the email. But because I need to arrange a meeting with the client tomorrow, I need this colleague to let me know what time will he be free.

He told me he was busy and he cant confirm there and then, and told me he will let me know. I had to attend the company meeting and I told him I will speak to him later. While I was in the meeting, I saw him leave the office and hence I was not able to check with him after the meeting.

I then went out to attend another meeting and then returned to the office to realise he is not around. Bosses began to chase me for the status on the project and told me to call said colleague to see what time will he be free tomorrow so that we can arrange the meeting with the client.

I tried to explain that said colleague is busy, but boss insist I make the call. Then? Said colleague told me he is busy and will be back in a while's time.

He didnt, and the email was just hanging in the air, and the moment he came back, I wanted him to give me an answer and that we can have a discussion on the project. We only managed to speak for 10 minutes and he had to rush off to the next meeting. We managed to confirm the meeting time for tomorrow, but said colleague mentioned that we shouldnt send out this email until a later time.

I disagree, because it isnt nice to arrange a meeting without giving the client sufficient notice. But he insist on not sending out the email. He told me he will come back to discuss further with me when he was back, which he promised to be soon.

It was 4pm then.

I went back to do other stuff while waiting for him to return. He wasnt back by 6.30 and I called him. He said he will be back soon and then the line went dead. I called back but there was no reponse.

By then I was thoroughly pissed. It wasnt everyday that I can leave on time and for the one day that I can, I had to be delayed for someone who couldnt be contacted.

I packed my things and left. I left a note for him to remind him that the email had to be out today and explained to boss that I had an appointment and I cant be waiting around endlessly.

After I've left the office, I saw said colleague's sms and he said that he will be back in 10 minutes time. I replied to tell him I've left and that I know he is busy, but I really had been waiting for the few pieces of information for the whole day already.

I really arent angry with him, because I know he is very busy. When I was busy, I didnt manage to attend to everyone who needed a share of my time. But I really think a simple email taking 3 days is too much.

Simply too much.

I am not feeling well, and I am considering whether I should be taking mc tomorrow and let him die himself. Sigh. He is not the only one who is tired. While he had long hrs, at least he enjoyed one or two days of leaving on time every week. Really, let's not compare who had it worse, but just be considerate to one another.

Burnt out

I am so tired that I want to cry.

I have been doing so much OTs these days that it is burning myself out. I dont want to talk to anyone and all I want now is not just sleep, I want to take off to an unknown place and stay there for a week.

Sooner dead than escape this job with my soul in one piece.

Lend me a hand please

I've got so many things on my mind that I think my diskspace is going to be full really soon, and then it will becomes slower, then hang, then display the dead blue screen.

Everyone is telling me to relax and dont stress myself up so much. Sometimes I feel like I need to be one of those poor souls in tv dramas, who fought the nurses and doctors who are pinning them down to the bed, and injected with certain relaxant.

I dashed about like a headless chicken sometimes and the feeling of helplessness swallows me up whole. I look around for someone to rely on, only to find everyone on shore but I am treading water.

I wish someone comes by to literally lend me a hand to grasp tightly on.

Disappointment at work

Recently, we had a very good sales executive who left the company and hence our pitchings for new projects dwindle to almost a stop.

I had no longer any new projects on hand, but rather, I am just a support to LW, where I collate all the information, take all the notes, draw all the basis stuff and then do the presentation boards.

Today I was informed that there will be a new project that will be assigned to me, and I happily went to see the client with the team, and started to conceptualise the design even on the way back, because I know I have less than 24 hours to do the project.

It was THAT rushed.

Eventually? I was informed that the project is to pass to LW and I am to help her to the presentation boards of another project.

(I thought that proj might be mine too, since I was the one doing all the research and information collating and etc. I even went to scruntise the client's existing office to see if there is any underlying concept that I can adopt and adapt.)

(I also took note of some features that was not mentioned by client but I think I must include in my design. In the end? Bam, LW got the job after I finished the collation.)

I am not needed on the design of the projects anymore, and I will be assigned to do all the crappy stuff like doing drawings that no one wants to do.

All I can say?

Bloody Hell.

The art of talking

Firstly, I wanted to explain that I am not implying what I am saying is totally correct. I had only worked in a semi-customer-service-job for 15 mths, but I had been on the receiving end of customer service often enough to judge.

Actually, I am not referring to the sevice in boutiques and the like, I am tagetting my discussion at the day-to-day conversation we hold, or rather, the weak and painful attempt at communication.

Often, we are at the abusing end of such boorish conversation. Many beings doesnt realise the mistakes in their method of talking until they saw blood dripping from the bearer’s wounds.

(Well, some had eyes perpetually bound with white lengths of cloth and they cant see you, bleeding or otherwise.)

The less sensitive victims are often the ones who attained higher nirvana in the end, who will brush off the rude conversation, and at the same time, letting the offender gets away without a scathe.

The vengeful few, like myself, bristles and wickedly thinks of methods to get back at these poor-mannered population. But more often, revenge is hard to execute based on a verbal vendetta.

But in the first place, why does this offenders make their offending offensives?

I can be less mean, but I shall not mince my words for people who dont deserve them. I do think that these people who spoke without considering their choice of words, are just plain brainless.

Either they are brainless, hence they dont think and sprout crap, or they are brainless, hence they believe what they say seriously rules the world and no one should get offended by it.

It is like when the emperor commented that you have bad breathe. Can you slap him across the face or even mutter some colourful expletives when you are thousands of miles away from him, in your humble barn where you share with your reared chickens?

You dont.

And obviously there are some people who feels that you shouldnt be offended by them no matter what they say because what they say overwrites all knowledge you previously possessed, hence yah, you are are stupid and you must listen to them.

Who are the stupid ones actually.

Especially in a modern context, where everyone is a working environment have to rely on one another to get things done, it is appalling to see how some people speaks without thinking and hence permanently ruined a could-be good working relationship.

Many had forgotten their basic manners, barking out commands at you as though you owed them your living.

Many saw themselves as superior beings, and they look as you as though you are some bad smelling trash, and hence their nose is constantly turned away, and into the air.

Many tell bad jokes, even when you have not the slightless interest in hearing them, and bellow HAHAHAHA while you look around nervously to ensure no one had caught you standing beside this lunatic.

Many butts into your converstations and pretends they didnt know they are not welcomed.

I can seriously go on endlessly about the kinds of unforgivable behaviour I had encountered throughout this short life of mine, but I think you got my point already.

I dont wish to complain, really, of the way people speak because well, all of us are brought up differently, and it is unfair to demand equal civilities from everyone. But sometimes I pray these people finally realise, why they are putting people off so much, and then change their method of communication to one that doesnt sting.

But maybe it is too much to ask for, because it is far too convenient to be rude.

Leading to doom

The one person at work whom I am close to is going to leave the job before the end of next week. Of course I am feeling affected, but I think it is only the best for her to leave because she deserves better.

This company is seemingly leading to doom as staff leave one after another. The bosses are not doing enough to make sure we want to stay, and by the time any staff tendered the resignation, they will begin to offer supposedly attractive benefits which should had been offered long ago.

As much as I think I am tired where I am now, I want to stay in this job for at least a year before I move on, I think I should at least try to perserver, because that is almost just everything that I can do now.

When you scroll to the bottom of this blog, you will see a countdown counter. That counter used to be counting down to the days where I can leave this job so that I can work for a competitor to my previous job.

As of today, there is just 5 days left before it marked 6 mths that I have left that previous job. Now it went up to 212. Tamade.

A dream last night

I dreamt last night, that I was missing 3 teeth. According to the various websites, a person who dreamt of teeth on a general whole is a bad thing.

It represents failure, represents lying, represents being found out on a bad past.

Sigh. That is so encouraging.

Anyway, this site - where various people submit their own dreams - is interesting. The dreams are explained and you can learn a few things about the common dreams.

Actually, I used to be very interested in dreams interpretation and I can even explain dreams when friends ask me about theirs. It started because of a nightmare, but I had since stopped reading these books.

Quite wasted.

Another ex colleague

The FC I mentioned in the last entry left the company around 2 wks ago. YF almost treats him like a god re-borned, gushing over how talented he is, how good he is at talking and how good he is at drawing.

I can only recognise that his drawing skills are good. But talking? And when he pulled me and YF aside that day to want to give us a training session on presentation skills, I was quite happy to oblige.

But when he started telling us vocabulary, I was very tempted to stop him and tell him to try harder next time.

His english is poor. Period.

Well, my english sucks as well, but I know better than to make a fool of myself, no? I mean, is there a need to be proud that you know the word "manoeuver"? Or "embark"?

He recommended we read more design books to build up our vocabulary but I was so very tempted to ask him, is there such a need? I am building my vocabulary from newspapers already, do I really need to learn more from design books, when its function is to showcase design to me?

And I was reading his blog just now. Can you imagine his tagline is (it is not exact in case he has the habit of googling his tagline, but close enough) "our lives are like a plate of dimsum, you dont know what you will get until you order it".

It is like, what the hell. What is this? A lousy ripoff from forest gump?

Oh, I so realise that I am mean. Can you imagine I will hypocritically agree with YF when she says he is nice, then bitch about him here.

Muahhaha.

Talk is cheap. Very cheap

◘ Abducted contents ◘

We were supposed to have a company gathering on thurday night, but because myself and CD were busy with projects, we asked the rest to go ahead while we shall stay to work on.

EC needed the stuff by 9am on fri morning, he claim, and hence I felt I will definitely need to stay back or how would I be able to finish the work?

(By the way, it was freaking 6.30 pm then, so it is not even a case of finish-work-quickly-and-we-can-go.)

Uncle and LW began to flutter around me asking me what am I busy with that I can go for the gathering, because I HAVE TO GO.

Excuse me, I am hardly that important. I really cannot comprehend how come just because CD and myself cant make it, they have to eventually cancel the dinner?

They keep pressing me to tell them what is on hand, and what do I have that I need to do so urgently.

I counted off my fingers that I have P081, P079, P074 and P076 that I need to work on, and P081 and P079 must be finished immediately so that CD can then work on it.

Granted that it is actually not a lot to do, but can I be doing it at my pace, and not dash through it so that I can go for dinner?

Uncle and LW began to quite useless things like how come I’ve got so much to do, why did I give clients promises of deadlines that will force myself in a dead corner (he was referring to P074). But I am very eager for this project to materialise, and this client was supposed to give us a reply on fri itself.

If I cant give him a revised layout for him to further firm his decision, regardless it is good news to us or bad news to us, I think it is the least I can do for the client to help him have a better idea on what he wants eventually.

(Update: The client didnt reply yesterday (on friday) as he previously promised. I guess we might have lost the job.)

It was why I had wanted to give him a revised layout as soon as I can, and I didnt count on it that LW would pass the entire P081 to me when the project is in her name, hence I couldnt finish all that was to be finished.

I hate it the way that they will say things like "Oh, we will help you talk to the client" or "I will help you do one of your other projects" or saying things that is talking up my time just to listen to you but not helping me reduce my workload significantly.

Talk is cheap ok.

Like I mentioned to YF yesterday over coffee, it is a real pain in the ass when I need to do drawings or presentation boards for LW. It is not I cant take extra work, but I hate it when it is not my project to begin with, and I will have to study the project from the scratch.

In all honesty, hence I dont blame LW totally, it is impossible to totally brief another person about your project unless you religiously take down every single note and record what your client wants on your mp3 player, then pass it on to the next person.

More often, I take down important information and when I was doing the project, information will come back to me as I scrutinise every area and I will input design according to the information I have in my brain.

So when LW passes me her projects, I know it is not really her fault that she didnt manage to give me all the points. But it is frustrating that she expects the finished work within a certain timeframe, but I had already fully packed my schedule for my own projects.

And when she passes the crap to me, I will have to start to understand everything that is in the project.

I will have to study the site photographs, I will have to quickly look at the client’s website to give me an insight of who the client is, and I will have to ask CD on what are things that was quoted for the clients because I would have to specify the finishes in the drawings.

And then I would have to pray LW had already selected her whole set of laminates, wallpapers and carpets and other materials and had already set them aside for collation. If she had, I just have to put them in a sensible order, doing up a board labeling each material that was used and where it was used.

If she hadnt decided, which is like 50% of the time, then I will have to ask her what she have in mind, and she will send me to ask kok (whom she had briefed once and hence she dont want to brief me again), who will sometimes give me, ermmm, interesting answers and then I will get questioned by LW how come I am not doing her project to what she had in mind.

Because kok does the visuals, and visuals usually feature specific locations like the conference room and the reception, the places like utility is often not featured.

And areas that are not needed to be shown in visuals are often given the last priority (I am only being frank, shoot me down if you think otherwise). And when the materials in these places are hence not decided, I will have to bring laminates after laminates, wallpapers after wallpapers to LW, and hope she can decide on one of them quick and I can quickly get the fucking work done.

It is also why for her projects, I usually end up specifying the most boring and standardised laminates and wallpapers. I really have no energy to choose one that I like, then she decided against it, *repeats for 3 times* then finally she decided on one that is often the least adventurous.

I also mentioned to YF once that I dont believing in specifying wallpapers that is forgettable. If I want a wall that gives a subtle wallpaper feeling, I will choose one that is in one single colour but is characteristically textured.

I will not choose one with grainy bumps in one single colour because that is exactly how a wall might look, with or without wallpaper.

I will not choose one with that is cream colour with bits of latte coloured dashes. If I want it to be that boring, I might as well just paste mahjong paper over it.

Hence I hate it when you tell me my wallpaper is too flamboyant. If someone had studied my design and wants to offer comments, I am more willing to listen it out. But if the intention is to get me changed to something simpler because personally you cannot accept loud design, then too bad. Being loud is my way of life, and hence it manifests in my design.

But I hate the presumption when other designers ‘felt’ the client wont like it. If clients dont like it, it is up to me to convince them. If I cant convince them, and I had to change, then I will dejectedly reasoned it to be that clients are not as receptive as us regarding colours and I will get over it.

But I cant take it that other designers are not openminded to designs other than their own. I can accept that you prefer subtle designs, then why cant you accept my strong design. Ok, dont accept it, but dont run it down with your bulldozer.