Doing too much

EC and I were the last to leave the office yesterday, and he informed me, because there wasnt anyone else around to eavesdrop, that BigBigBoss has called him for a meeting.

BBB asked him how come I had been the one liasing with clients and suppliers very often at this stage of the project. Actually after the design stage, after the client have approved the design and signed the contract, after I'd briefed the project team on the design, my involvment in the job is actually quite over.

But because the project team has been very tied up recently because of some new staff joining us, and there was some training periods involved, I involved myself more with some of the jobscope that was meant to be of the project's team.

In other words, while the liasion with clients and suppliers are the project team's business, I've been putting a nose into it.

Partly because the project is mine, I want the best for it and I want the best for my clients.

Partly because I am new to this line, and I want to learn as much knowledge and information about the trade as I can, and this can be acheived if I take the trouble to do all the crap work.

Actually, it is also partly because I prefer to depend on myself when I can help it, because it is easier to yourself to help then to request some to lend a helping hand. And by not always needing others' help, I wont be develping a dependant trait on my colleagues.

I've mentioned before that when I first joined a bank as a temp, because I was really no good with figures, I grew very dependant on a colleague and hence I was totally helpless for a period of time after he left the job.

Actually, with the memory in mind, I really do not want that to happen again.

The dependence on another person does little to my growth in any job because I am absolutely certain he would be there at the adjacent workstation when I need his help. But having said that, I have to admit, the best thing on being dependant on another person, is that I will remember to be humble.

Humble.

This term had seemed to disappeared from me over this past 3 months.

I am now in the 7th month of this job. I once thought I will leave after 6 mths but now I am still here. When I first joined, or to be exact, in the first 3 mths, I was very uncertain and felt very lost. I depended on my colleagues very frequently for their help and I had to be humble when I needed them to assist me.

Past that, I realised I have been more arrogant these days. Well, maybe not arrogant, but I've lost the humble bit. It is due to the increase in confidence that came with the increase of knowledge of this trade.

People felt that my current attitude is more suitable as compared to my old behaviour. Probably because I am supposedly a designer, I need to be more confident in my works, and not bend myself to suit what others felt.

I constantly reminded myself to plant my feet firmly to the ground, or I will fly into a concrete wall without me noticing. But sometimes I guess it isnt easily achieved. It is impossible for me to be confident and humble at the same time, I dont know how others does it.

Well, maybe the others didnt manage to do it also, but if their objects of abuse doesnt retaliate, I guess it is fine.

For me, I do try to put myself in the shoes of others, therefore I speak to others like how I want others to speak to me. I try not to be rude even if I am pushed to the edge. I dont want to use my position as a designer to boss others around, but communiate with them why I think it is better to do things this way than the other way.

Sometimes when vendors ask me for my opinions, I offer but I dont insist, but listen to what they have to say about the issue. But it causes me certain dilemnas too. If I prefer things to be done in a certain way, the vendors felt that I am not being considerate towards their difficulties.

If I dont, and agree to change certain designs due to constraints, they will ask me how come, I as a designer, doesnt have a mind on my own and is so easily swayed by their so called problems.

Well said.

I hope they recognise the irony too. But usually people cant because they are in the situation themselves.

There are some issues that I can leave it to the project team to handle, because the issues arose on site, and if so, the project team are supposed to handle them and give me a solution, or give me a choice between 2 solutions.

At the same time, they will have to be the one to sort it out with the clients because, well, the issues arose on site!

Hey, I know that sounds like I am shrinking my responsibilities. But precisely because I hadnt been shrinking my responsibilities, I got EC into trouble. While such issues are project team's problems, I had been tackling them myself. This had made EC look bad because it looks like I am doing more than I should and he less than he should.

CD told me that I shouldnt be doing all these because eventually the project team will grew reliant on me to get things done. And I will be pushed up to the firing square with them should anything goes wrong.

Sigh. How then? How should I solve this problem?