"You can't believe how much hard work it is to con people into thinking that you're productive when you're unemployed. Always thinking up things to tell them you're going to do tomorrow, having to exaggerate every minute of your nowhere day...it's worse than having a job. At least when you're employed, when people ask about your day you can tell them to shut up and mind their own business." --Drew Carey
Humour is at its best when it doesnt apply to you.
But of course, I get an insane kick out of mocking at myself, so it wasnt half as bad. I had plenty of sleep and I drink buckets of water since I was too lazy to go out to get drinks to knock myself out. I committed an affair with the television, an companion that I had conveniently abandon when I was busy with my last job.
I did a space planning for slt, revamp a flier for sis; read 4 books, got a new addiction on the swapjob game; swept my floor a grand total of 2 times (or was it 3?), I wash clothes, I swept and mopped the floor of the remaining of the house (something I usually dont do, haha), wash dishes, helped out in cleaning the mess my mother made every day in the name of dinner; passed my rlt, failed my rp1.02; had dinner with the gang twice - drinking once, had coffee with en'en on separate occasions twice, had coffee with iris, had lunch with peilin; round up some crap and got them to pretend they are members of my portfolio, redo a paper art (which isnt completed yet); sang karaoke twice, once with mashi and once alone; blogged 32 entries since I've left that job (33 inclusive of current).
I did many other stuff too, which I cant recall enough to record all of them down.
Of course I had the chance to talk to many friends, many of them called me to extend their concern, or sent me sms to remind me I am not alone. I organised my thoughts and gave things good thinking through. I know I should never commit the same crime of making friends again at the new workplace, and I shall, like I've declared before, draw a distinct black bold line between work and friends.
Extremist at her best. I still long to strike a healthy balance but it is never my forte. I can only choose to be honest, frank and brutally cruel; or I shall masquerade as the quiet ghost that no one give a second glance.
I count against one left hand on the number of remaining friends I think I have. Sometimes it is really difficult to live like this, without a man and without much friends.
But I am happy to announce, I have a job now. The interviews went well and I am starting next wed, with a little lie I told to get myself off on tues. (I am choosing to be a liar at the job - One character flaw that is sufficient to cover up for all my remaining character flaws).
I have no idea if I can cope, but I am reasoning with myself that whenever I get a simple job, after a while I get all bored because there is no challenge. So I hope at this new place I will be constantly be pushed to my max so that I can see myself evolve into a stronger person at a faster pace.
Aja aja fighting! =)
Saturday, April 29, 2006
He's a busy man
My z520i has a very low threshold for multiple messages and I always have to delete sent messages after every two days or so, at the same time clearing messages in the inbox. Sony Erisson phones doesnt return to the original message after you sent a reply for it, instead it throws you out into the main standby screen.
So yesterday while I was browsing my messages, I saw a message that was meant for lao da. After the big episode, lao da called to extend his concern but I missed that call. There was a sms following, saying that he've heard about what had happened from andy and asked if I was ok?
I replied that I was, and there's nothing to worry about, etc etc etc.
But just yesterday I found that message in my draft folders.
This could mean that either I deluded myself into believing that I've already sent out the message, or the message simply didnt got sent out. I bank on the latter.
So I composed a new sms to lao da yesterday apologising for not realising the unsent msg any earlier, and that sorry to kept him worries. He called me at night and we chatted for like 20mins, something that lao da never like to do because he feels I talk TOO much.
Lao da is eyebrow deep with work commitments and he is forever rushing around to get work done. He is so busy that I dont even dare to suggest we meet for dinner some time soon, in case he develop a new disgust for my insensitivity, hur hur hur.
Hey lao da, take good care of yourself, ya?
So yesterday while I was browsing my messages, I saw a message that was meant for lao da. After the big episode, lao da called to extend his concern but I missed that call. There was a sms following, saying that he've heard about what had happened from andy and asked if I was ok?
I replied that I was, and there's nothing to worry about, etc etc etc.
But just yesterday I found that message in my draft folders.
This could mean that either I deluded myself into believing that I've already sent out the message, or the message simply didnt got sent out. I bank on the latter.
So I composed a new sms to lao da yesterday apologising for not realising the unsent msg any earlier, and that sorry to kept him worries. He called me at night and we chatted for like 20mins, something that lao da never like to do because he feels I talk TOO much.
Lao da is eyebrow deep with work commitments and he is forever rushing around to get work done. He is so busy that I dont even dare to suggest we meet for dinner some time soon, in case he develop a new disgust for my insensitivity, hur hur hur.
Hey lao da, take good care of yourself, ya?
Coffee with iris
I had coffee with iris today and we chatted randomly about our preferences. We have quite a lot in common but unfortunately we wont have much chance to gather due to her very packed schedule.
But I certainly found her to be really easy to get along. =)
She accidentally spilled some sugar, then proceed to rearrange the grains so that they look artistic. I captured this pic from my perspective.
When I swept the sugar up after we are done with the coffee, I was suddenly reminded of how, during the last job, there was once we had a team lunch. At that eating place, one of the service staff was rude to my then-colleague and she revenged-ly pour salt all over the table to give that service staff a hard time.
I brought up the story while I am cleaning up and iris told me she didnt spill the sugar on purpose. Sigh. I always say the wrong things. I never meant it that way, but I think iris is too gracious to think I am being rude.
I am to arrange a dinner date with her, slt and en'en. I wonder where should we go and what can we do. Movie? Pool? I have no idea at all. I wonder what is interesting? Maybe dinner at some coffee place since iris likes to drink coffee.
Maybe bah.
Drinking at harry's bar
Pictures taken with my lousy vga camera during the last drinking session last fri.
We originally decided to go to harry's bar at esplanade, then later we decided that we were to go to cosy bay instead. Jnce asked us if we were like to join her at bala, but it was too damn crowded and I dont like the idea of standing around during a drinking session.
To me, standing = clubbing, clubbing ≠ me. The guys hum and haw and didnt know how to tell jnce that we want to go somewhere else, so I had to step in to say that I think it is best we leave. Hope jnce isnt pissed with me, but I really didnt want to spend another 10min standing there with the guys, hoping they speak up.
At the end of the day, dear ppl, guess where we went to? We went to harry's bar at harbourfront. What the? We had red wine, something I dont like, and it taste too sweet. Like I mentioned, no one is talking, so I randomly took low resolution pics to pass the time.
The place is bloody warm. I dont think I ever want to go there again.
Friday, April 28, 2006
More or less confirmed
Things are looking good of me clinching that job. I am pleased, definitely, and let's hope it is for real. =)
If I do get in, I really have to learn how to take care of myself. I am not going to disclose so much about myself and I will try not to get too close with the ppl there. I will shuddup and do my necessary work and if I need to complain I will complain to mashi only, or I will ren then blog about it here.
See how.
If I dont get it, I think I want to try to apply to be a chinese teacher, or rather, apply to learn to teach chinese. I've said before that I want to teach art, but if I cant, I think teach chinese also not bad, since I love chinese and mandarin SO much.
Let's see what happen.
If I do get in, I really have to learn how to take care of myself. I am not going to disclose so much about myself and I will try not to get too close with the ppl there. I will shuddup and do my necessary work and if I need to complain I will complain to mashi only, or I will ren then blog about it here.
See how.
If I dont get it, I think I want to try to apply to be a chinese teacher, or rather, apply to learn to teach chinese. I've said before that I want to teach art, but if I cant, I think teach chinese also not bad, since I love chinese and mandarin SO much.
Let's see what happen.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
2nd interview
I'm scheduled for a second interview tmr. 10.30am.
I never like the feeling of second interview, because I've been rejected at a second interview before. But to think on the bright side, even if I am not hired, at least it means that I left an impression that is good enough for them to want to see me a second time.
*Hopes for the best.*
But as per my habit, I am already starting to console myself that if I dont make it, I wouldnt feel too disappointed. For one, the location is really inconvenient.
I never like the feeling of second interview, because I've been rejected at a second interview before. But to think on the bright side, even if I am not hired, at least it means that I left an impression that is good enough for them to want to see me a second time.
*Hopes for the best.*
But as per my habit, I am already starting to console myself that if I dont make it, I wouldnt feel too disappointed. For one, the location is really inconvenient.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
About today's interview
I lamented yesterday on how I didnt get my portfolio ready, but of course, I still manage to put together a few pieces of scrapes to make it look remotely portfolio-ly.
I decided that I will leave home today at 11am to run to Ann's Printing shop at bras basah, expecting myself to reach there around 12pm. I estimated the printing to take around 1 hr, then I'll have lunch, then at 2 I will proceed for my interview.
But I woke up late, and I decided to sacrifise my lunch, and hence I left home at 12 instead. I reached the printing shop at 1, but the printing took just 10 minutes (talk about efficiency!). I end up at the interview venue around 2pm but it was too early.
I paced the length of the road and went for my interview at 2.40. En'en asked me why didnt I just turn up at 2? I told her I have no wish for any employer to think that I am a habitual early-comer. Hahah.
The interview was quite ok, I think Linda likes me. But then again, who doesnt? =P
She asked me quite a number of questions, and even brought me around the office to take a look. I think I have quite a good chance looking at how things seem. She even say that she will be speaking to her management soon and they will probably be calling me by fri to offer me.
I hope I didnt catch any wrong vibes, but things certainly look good. Of course, she have to convince her management, and the management didnt see me, so they have no idea how nice and wonderful I am. Hallo, narcissist!.
And of course she asked me why I left the last job, I spoke exactly like I rehearse, with apt regretful expressions to tell the story. I cant tell if Linda bought my story, but well, I will know by fri.
And if unfortunately I dont get this job, I can always apply for more. I am 22, not like I am 36 like that creature, I have plenty of time to find my perfect job. =)
I decided that I will leave home today at 11am to run to Ann's Printing shop at bras basah, expecting myself to reach there around 12pm. I estimated the printing to take around 1 hr, then I'll have lunch, then at 2 I will proceed for my interview.
But I woke up late, and I decided to sacrifise my lunch, and hence I left home at 12 instead. I reached the printing shop at 1, but the printing took just 10 minutes (talk about efficiency!). I end up at the interview venue around 2pm but it was too early.
I paced the length of the road and went for my interview at 2.40. En'en asked me why didnt I just turn up at 2? I told her I have no wish for any employer to think that I am a habitual early-comer. Hahah.
The interview was quite ok, I think Linda likes me. But then again, who doesnt? =P
She asked me quite a number of questions, and even brought me around the office to take a look. I think I have quite a good chance looking at how things seem. She even say that she will be speaking to her management soon and they will probably be calling me by fri to offer me.
I hope I didnt catch any wrong vibes, but things certainly look good. Of course, she have to convince her management, and the management didnt see me, so they have no idea how nice and wonderful I am. Hallo, narcissist!.
And of course she asked me why I left the last job, I spoke exactly like I rehearse, with apt regretful expressions to tell the story. I cant tell if Linda bought my story, but well, I will know by fri.
And if unfortunately I dont get this job, I can always apply for more. I am 22, not like I am 36 like that creature, I have plenty of time to find my perfect job. =)
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Damn me
I am sighted to be a hardworking person and I take pride in acknowledging that I am responsible towards work assigned to me. But I seemed to be putting in my best when I am at work, but towards myself, I am a damn procrastinator.
I mentioned yesterday that I have an interview coming up tomorrow and I am supposed to get my portfolio ready. The thing is, I couldnt find anything that I can proudly display as my portfolio but yet I am not doing anything to remedy the situation.
For the past 30 hours, or past 20 waking hours, I've been just counting down to my doom but I had not been doing anything to solve the problem. Now that I've less than 24 hours left, I still have got no idea what I should do.
Die le die le.
I mentioned yesterday that I have an interview coming up tomorrow and I am supposed to get my portfolio ready. The thing is, I couldnt find anything that I can proudly display as my portfolio but yet I am not doing anything to remedy the situation.
For the past 30 hours, or past 20 waking hours, I've been just counting down to my doom but I had not been doing anything to solve the problem. Now that I've less than 24 hours left, I still have got no idea what I should do.
Die le die le.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Interview on wed
I am having an interview on wed, and I am expected to bring my portfolio. Anyone who knows me also knows that I do not have a portfolio.
When I graduated from poly with such low grades, the first thing I did was to bury all my work into the dusty corner of my room. I used to have soft copies, but I clapped my hands when my last comp crashed and brought all my work to hell with it.
So now, where do I find a portfolio to bring?
And I've half decided, that when they ask me why I leave my previous job, I will say:
"A small part of the reason was that my direct supervisor doesnt like me and doesnt hestitate to show it. She was getting too emotional about it and it was affecting our working relationship. But the larger reason was because I felt my jobscope wasnt what I thought I will be doing. I was told I will be doing space planning using their furniture, but most of the time I was just counting the panels quantities."
I think this answer is apt. I didnt lie, and it is lengthy enough to make anyone fall asleep. This way the interview would feel I am a thinker, I think about my prospects and welfare, and aims to become better.
=)
Hmmm,
So now, where do I find a portfolio to bring?
When I graduated from poly with such low grades, the first thing I did was to bury all my work into the dusty corner of my room. I used to have soft copies, but I clapped my hands when my last comp crashed and brought all my work to hell with it.
So now, where do I find a portfolio to bring?
And I've half decided, that when they ask me why I leave my previous job, I will say:
"A small part of the reason was that my direct supervisor doesnt like me and doesnt hestitate to show it. She was getting too emotional about it and it was affecting our working relationship. But the larger reason was because I felt my jobscope wasnt what I thought I will be doing. I was told I will be doing space planning using their furniture, but most of the time I was just counting the panels quantities."
I think this answer is apt. I didnt lie, and it is lengthy enough to make anyone fall asleep. This way the interview would feel I am a thinker, I think about my prospects and welfare, and aims to become better.
=)
Hmmm,
So now, where do I find a portfolio to bring?
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Walked away
I met up for dinner with the gang although I was reluctant, I felt a strong sense of apprehension but it is not something that I can just wave away. Then again, I know it is not fair to the rest of them if I avoid them because I have an issue with myself.
I can avoid jes or vince (see below) or those creatures whenever I want because they are not important to me. I dont have to see them in a good light because I dowan to, anyway.
But I have no reason to abuse the sweetness and tolerance the gang extended to me. They had supported me through that episode, and I really shouldnt imagine any of them is not being genuine to me.
I arranged to meet en'en and pris below the office block and michael was there as well. Today's jane's birthday and I randomly picked out a cheap present for her.
Jane is vince's wife and around 1 or 2 wks before I left the job, I began to talk to her more frequently. Previously I find her fierce and intimidating, so I always avoided talking too much to her.
I made it a point to want to give jane's a present partly because it is my habit to give birthday presents as long as I remember the birthday. But a larger part of the reason was because I wanted to pretend how magnanimous I was (even if I am not) as compared to vince and the creatures. The age of them three combined is over a hundred, yet they are trampling on someone as young and non-ruthless as me.
Pris helped me bring the present up to jane, and jane came down with her, after knowing that I was still downstairs cos I was waiting for pris to come down so that we can continue our conversation. Huixian joined us as well and hence myself, pris and her started chatting. En'en sat to my right with jane to hers.
En'en jokingly told jane she will call vince to remind him to bring jane out for some romantic time and together I turned away from their conversation on their mention of vince. A while later, vince walked past us and I eyed him, wondering was he coming over. He didnt, he went up the escalator to the office.
While I turned my back to the escalator and was chatting with pris and huixian, suddenly pris cued that vince is coming over. I immediately stood up, tapped pris and I walked away. Pris and huixian caught up with me and they told me that jane expressed shockness at why I left the moment vince came.
Apparently she asked en'en "Why she leave? Why she leave the moment vince came?"
Because I left the scene of crime so quickly, I didnt hear her asked that.
I arranged another meeting point with en'en and michael again and when we gathered, en'en asked me why I walked away so abruptly. She felt I could have just said hi to vince and I do not need to talk to him at all.
But my reason was simple. I do not wish to talk to him at all and if I were to hide my displeasure and converse with him, however short the talk is, I am being the hypocrite that I always hate. En'en assured me that whatever it is, it will fade away after some time. Probably sometime in the future I will be able to let go of the whole issue and start to talk to vince again.
I agreed with her.
Yet deep under I think most probably this will not be the case. I forgive easily, but I will never forget whatever bad someone done on me. I am petty and I know it. One day I might forgive him for not standing on my side as I thought a friend would do, but I will never forget the sense of betrayal.
Or rather maybe one day I might look back at myself and think how silly I am to imagine he is a friend when he obviously do not see me in the same light. Actually it is so much easier to forgive if I look at it from this perspective. But it will hurt me equally bad to know that he never treated me as a friend all these while.
***
Gatherings with this gang have always been quite a silent affair. Everyone gets together to complain about work only and outside the damn company, we have very little in common. I sometimes find that this gang is formed 'accidentally'.
Digression!!:
I coined this term 'accidental friends' to categorise all the people whom wouldnt become my buddies if not for some weird reasons. Granted that life works in a weird way, but sometimes I am awed.
Take for example jnce. I got to know her when I met en'en and slt for dinner and karaoke once, and she used to work at the damn company before I joined. I completely clicked with her, although we are not really that close. While I was still at the damn company, sometimes she will sms me to join her for lunch. Now this is what I call an accidental friend. Cos I wouldnt have known her under normal circumstances.
Back to topic. I was saying this gang is formed quite accidentally because the reason why we are one gang (ok la, to be politically correct, they were one gang and I joined them) is that we are all on the same (wrong) side of the office politics.
We prefer not to play a part in the scandalous environment and were victimised by the ppl who played evil. If it wasnt for this fact we wouldnt have nothing much in common. Of course you can remind me that our gang likes to drink, but actually not, cos michael doesnt.
A good portion of the gang likes to drink, but more accurately, the gang gets together purely for more lamentation. I feel this gang feels more like some rape victim support group sometimes. Hahahah.
But it is getting more comfortable and less awkward these days when all of us just sit around and not talk. Previously I was still feeling self-conscious with them because they are really different compared to lao da and andy. But now I am beginning to fit it with them, and just slip into the comfortable silence.
As I grow older, sometimes this kind of silent interaction is more than welcomed. I am growing too old to have endless chatterbox session. =)
I can avoid jes or vince (see below) or those creatures whenever I want because they are not important to me. I dont have to see them in a good light because I dowan to, anyway.
But I have no reason to abuse the sweetness and tolerance the gang extended to me. They had supported me through that episode, and I really shouldnt imagine any of them is not being genuine to me.
I arranged to meet en'en and pris below the office block and michael was there as well. Today's jane's birthday and I randomly picked out a cheap present for her.
Jane is vince's wife and around 1 or 2 wks before I left the job, I began to talk to her more frequently. Previously I find her fierce and intimidating, so I always avoided talking too much to her.
I made it a point to want to give jane's a present partly because it is my habit to give birthday presents as long as I remember the birthday. But a larger part of the reason was because I wanted to pretend how magnanimous I was (even if I am not) as compared to vince and the creatures. The age of them three combined is over a hundred, yet they are trampling on someone as young and non-ruthless as me.
Pris helped me bring the present up to jane, and jane came down with her, after knowing that I was still downstairs cos I was waiting for pris to come down so that we can continue our conversation. Huixian joined us as well and hence myself, pris and her started chatting. En'en sat to my right with jane to hers.
En'en jokingly told jane she will call vince to remind him to bring jane out for some romantic time and together I turned away from their conversation on their mention of vince. A while later, vince walked past us and I eyed him, wondering was he coming over. He didnt, he went up the escalator to the office.
While I turned my back to the escalator and was chatting with pris and huixian, suddenly pris cued that vince is coming over. I immediately stood up, tapped pris and I walked away. Pris and huixian caught up with me and they told me that jane expressed shockness at why I left the moment vince came.
Apparently she asked en'en "Why she leave? Why she leave the moment vince came?"
Because I left the scene of crime so quickly, I didnt hear her asked that.
I arranged another meeting point with en'en and michael again and when we gathered, en'en asked me why I walked away so abruptly. She felt I could have just said hi to vince and I do not need to talk to him at all.
But my reason was simple. I do not wish to talk to him at all and if I were to hide my displeasure and converse with him, however short the talk is, I am being the hypocrite that I always hate. En'en assured me that whatever it is, it will fade away after some time. Probably sometime in the future I will be able to let go of the whole issue and start to talk to vince again.
I agreed with her.
Yet deep under I think most probably this will not be the case. I forgive easily, but I will never forget whatever bad someone done on me. I am petty and I know it. One day I might forgive him for not standing on my side as I thought a friend would do, but I will never forget the sense of betrayal.
Or rather maybe one day I might look back at myself and think how silly I am to imagine he is a friend when he obviously do not see me in the same light. Actually it is so much easier to forgive if I look at it from this perspective. But it will hurt me equally bad to know that he never treated me as a friend all these while.
***
Gatherings with this gang have always been quite a silent affair. Everyone gets together to complain about work only and outside the damn company, we have very little in common. I sometimes find that this gang is formed 'accidentally'.
Digression!!:
I coined this term 'accidental friends' to categorise all the people whom wouldnt become my buddies if not for some weird reasons. Granted that life works in a weird way, but sometimes I am awed.
Take for example jnce. I got to know her when I met en'en and slt for dinner and karaoke once, and she used to work at the damn company before I joined. I completely clicked with her, although we are not really that close. While I was still at the damn company, sometimes she will sms me to join her for lunch. Now this is what I call an accidental friend. Cos I wouldnt have known her under normal circumstances.
Back to topic. I was saying this gang is formed quite accidentally because the reason why we are one gang (ok la, to be politically correct, they were one gang and I joined them) is that we are all on the same (wrong) side of the office politics.
We prefer not to play a part in the scandalous environment and were victimised by the ppl who played evil. If it wasnt for this fact we wouldnt have nothing much in common. Of course you can remind me that our gang likes to drink, but actually not, cos michael doesnt.
A good portion of the gang likes to drink, but more accurately, the gang gets together purely for more lamentation. I feel this gang feels more like some rape victim support group sometimes. Hahahah.
But it is getting more comfortable and less awkward these days when all of us just sit around and not talk. Previously I was still feeling self-conscious with them because they are really different compared to lao da and andy. But now I am beginning to fit it with them, and just slip into the comfortable silence.
As I grow older, sometimes this kind of silent interaction is more than welcomed. I am growing too old to have endless chatterbox session. =)
Friday, April 21, 2006
Meeting them
Despite me saying that I think I am meeting the group only after I found a job, I am still going to meet them for dinner tonight.
Sigh, for en'en's sake la, if not I dont think I will go. After a while, it get really meaningless, and I dowan them to start looking at me with sympathy in their eyes.
Maybe I am the only one with the problem, and no one is looking at me in negative light, but I cant stop myself from thinking that way. Sigh.
Things will be fine, things will be fine, things will be fine. I think I am going to chant this phrase 15million times.
Sigh, for en'en's sake la, if not I dont think I will go. After a while, it get really meaningless, and I dowan them to start looking at me with sympathy in their eyes.
Maybe I am the only one with the problem, and no one is looking at me in negative light, but I cant stop myself from thinking that way. Sigh.
Things will be fine, things will be fine, things will be fine. I think I am going to chant this phrase 15million times.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Sibei Eng: Distorted Tune Test
Distorted Tune Test
Hearing Test Results:
You correctly identified 22 tunes (out of 26) on the Distorted Tunes Test. Congratulations! You have a fine sense of pitch.
Unfair, I hadnt heard of some of the tunes before! Bleah!
Hearing Test Results:
You correctly identified 22 tunes (out of 26) on the Distorted Tunes Test. Congratulations! You have a fine sense of pitch.
Unfair, I hadnt heard of some of the tunes before! Bleah!
Happy bday to gor
2 minutes before your birthday is up. Happy birthday! Hope you enjoyed the pizza. Hee.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Dear En'en
I love you.
Seriously, I do. But I dowan you to marry me, I dowan to marry you either. You go ahead and have your hot dates on fridays.
=)
I had always meant to say this, and I've said part of it to you. I've told you that the best thing that came out from the damn job was knowing all of you, particularly pris and you, and that I really appreciate everything everyone had done for me, regardless it is eventually of help or not. Haha.
But to you especially, thank you for being the one whom always ensure I am not left out in this group of yours, and thanks for being the one who strike the best balance. I dont know if the correct dose of sympathy from you is a result of 狗屎运 or what, but I prefer to think that you are sensitive and 心思细腻. Not bad huh, still know how to por you in a time like this. =)
Thanks for being angry on my behalf. I couldnt feel a trace of anger and I was helpless on how to help myself get out of this rut. But seeing you being angry for me cleared some of my blocked frustration artileries. Thanks for being the one whom tried your best to ensure the gathering on michael's birthday would be comfortable for me. Thanks for all the time you spent with me on msn.
There was once on msn when you suddenly ask me was I very sian with life, I denied at first thinking you had just randomly asked. When I realised you hadnt, I laughed and replied that you know me better than I thought you did. While most people couldnt see past my mask that I don for a good part of my life, you happen to see through it. Maybe it is not fair to say that you happen to, but it is a scary thought to know how much you might know about me in the short 5 months that we knew each other.
Unfortunately, you might be feeling that I am ostracising you these days. To be more exact, I am ostracising myself. It is not fair to you after you had been so kind to me, but that is my way of coping in difficult times. What you had done for me is already way more than I can expect from anyone, so for the remaining path, I will pick myself up.
When I return, it would only be after I've found and started on the new job, I will be a happier person (on the surface of course). Till then take good care!
Yours,
LG.
Seriously, I do. But I dowan you to marry me, I dowan to marry you either. You go ahead and have your hot dates on fridays.
=)
I had always meant to say this, and I've said part of it to you. I've told you that the best thing that came out from the damn job was knowing all of you, particularly pris and you, and that I really appreciate everything everyone had done for me, regardless it is eventually of help or not. Haha.
But to you especially, thank you for being the one whom always ensure I am not left out in this group of yours, and thanks for being the one who strike the best balance. I dont know if the correct dose of sympathy from you is a result of 狗屎运 or what, but I prefer to think that you are sensitive and 心思细腻. Not bad huh, still know how to por you in a time like this. =)
Thanks for being angry on my behalf. I couldnt feel a trace of anger and I was helpless on how to help myself get out of this rut. But seeing you being angry for me cleared some of my blocked frustration artileries. Thanks for being the one whom tried your best to ensure the gathering on michael's birthday would be comfortable for me. Thanks for all the time you spent with me on msn.
There was once on msn when you suddenly ask me was I very sian with life, I denied at first thinking you had just randomly asked. When I realised you hadnt, I laughed and replied that you know me better than I thought you did. While most people couldnt see past my mask that I don for a good part of my life, you happen to see through it. Maybe it is not fair to say that you happen to, but it is a scary thought to know how much you might know about me in the short 5 months that we knew each other.
Unfortunately, you might be feeling that I am ostracising you these days. To be more exact, I am ostracising myself. It is not fair to you after you had been so kind to me, but that is my way of coping in difficult times. What you had done for me is already way more than I can expect from anyone, so for the remaining path, I will pick myself up.
When I return, it would only be after I've found and started on the new job, I will be a happier person (on the surface of course). Till then take good care!
Yours,
LG.
Loud and clear
Recently I had been receiving many good-intention-ed advices, with the underlying message being that I must let go of the past and look forward to a better future (which comes in the form as a promising career).
People, trust me when I say I understand.
I know exactly what you mean. Theory lessons has always been easy to me. Like my bike lessons, I passed my RTE (Riding Theory Evaluation) at my second try and my RTE (Riding Theory Test) at my first, which is supposedly not easy, considering I should have some practical lessons background, which I dont.
Despite so, I managed to pass my theory part for my 2b license, basking in admiration with fellow students in my practical lessons, but anyone who sees me ride a bike has the unanimous reaction as -_-".
Hence, what I want to say is that I do understand what you all mean by telling me to think on the brighter side. What I need to do is to really put knowledge to practice. And to do that I know I have to depend on myself, and I am bearing that in mind.
***
And peeps, everyone has some archilles heels, and I am telling you one of mine.
I've mentioned before, not only in my blog, but to many of you personally, that I really do not appreciate hearing things like "You had it bad, but others have it worse."
When I was doing my fyp during my TP years, I had this coursemate, unknowingly, who tried to assure me when I was feeling very insecure about my project. She told me "Dont worry, look at xxx or yyy, their projects are worse than yours!" I hate her for that.
All along, I had never really like to compare myself to others. I seldom look at at the top student in my class and wonder how come I cant perform as she does. Mostly I look at myself and wonder if I can push myself a little bit more. I dont care if someone else had did a worse job, I admit it is of some comfort though, but I care about how come I can never do my work to a standard that I can be proud of.
It is just a pet peeve, so try not to say that, or anything in the same line, to me can?
Thank you. =)
People, trust me when I say I understand.
I know exactly what you mean. Theory lessons has always been easy to me. Like my bike lessons, I passed my RTE (Riding Theory Evaluation) at my second try and my RTE (Riding Theory Test) at my first, which is supposedly not easy, considering I should have some practical lessons background, which I dont.
Despite so, I managed to pass my theory part for my 2b license, basking in admiration with fellow students in my practical lessons, but anyone who sees me ride a bike has the unanimous reaction as -_-".
Hence, what I want to say is that I do understand what you all mean by telling me to think on the brighter side. What I need to do is to really put knowledge to practice. And to do that I know I have to depend on myself, and I am bearing that in mind.
***
And peeps, everyone has some archilles heels, and I am telling you one of mine.
I've mentioned before, not only in my blog, but to many of you personally, that I really do not appreciate hearing things like "You had it bad, but others have it worse."
When I was doing my fyp during my TP years, I had this coursemate, unknowingly, who tried to assure me when I was feeling very insecure about my project. She told me "Dont worry, look at xxx or yyy, their projects are worse than yours!" I hate her for that.
All along, I had never really like to compare myself to others. I seldom look at at the top student in my class and wonder how come I cant perform as she does. Mostly I look at myself and wonder if I can push myself a little bit more. I dont care if someone else had did a worse job, I admit it is of some comfort though, but I care about how come I can never do my work to a standard that I can be proud of.
It is just a pet peeve, so try not to say that, or anything in the same line, to me can?
Thank you. =)
Sibei Eng: Zeronews
Watch this.
Then, found at the same site, play this.
The music is so irritating that it is addictive. Hahah.
Then, found at the same site, play this.
The music is so irritating that it is addictive. Hahah.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Sometimes I ...
The thing about not working is that I get plenty of sleep.
For the past one week I have been chalking up enough sleep to offset any lack-of due to my last job. Physically I am repaired but emotionally I feel empty still.
Sometimes I live my life not knowing what I want.
Sometimes I remember what I wanted but I feel defeated because I know I dont have what it takes to achieve it.
Sometimes I feel like throwing in the towel and declare that I am a loser, and so what?
Sometimes I hung my head in shame acknowledging I am not working hard enough towards my dream.
Sometimes I am helpless to the hurdles in life. As much as I understand that these are all part and parcel, I just cant seem to take them as they come.
Sometimes I wish I am as strong as I appear to most people, for most people felt it's okay to leave me alone. My weakness is my vulnerability, and my archilles heel belongs to people who saw me in those times.
Sometimes I encourage myself to open up to friends, but end up lying to them, telling them I am fine, and they believing.
Sometimes I believe I am doomed to fail and I started counting down to it happening.
Sometimes I worry about what others thought of me, but most of the time I cannot be bothered.
...and
Sometimes I think I am alone walking down this road, but I know I'm not when I feel stones pelting me.
The last one came from the bottom of my heart.
For the past one week I have been chalking up enough sleep to offset any lack-of due to my last job. Physically I am repaired but emotionally I feel empty still.
Sometimes I live my life not knowing what I want.
Sometimes I remember what I wanted but I feel defeated because I know I dont have what it takes to achieve it.
Sometimes I feel like throwing in the towel and declare that I am a loser, and so what?
Sometimes I hung my head in shame acknowledging I am not working hard enough towards my dream.
Sometimes I am helpless to the hurdles in life. As much as I understand that these are all part and parcel, I just cant seem to take them as they come.
Sometimes I wish I am as strong as I appear to most people, for most people felt it's okay to leave me alone. My weakness is my vulnerability, and my archilles heel belongs to people who saw me in those times.
Sometimes I encourage myself to open up to friends, but end up lying to them, telling them I am fine, and they believing.
Sometimes I believe I am doomed to fail and I started counting down to it happening.
Sometimes I worry about what others thought of me, but most of the time I cannot be bothered.
...and
Sometimes I think I am alone walking down this road, but I know I'm not when I feel stones pelting me.
The last one came from the bottom of my heart.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Socrates
In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."
"Test of Three?"
"That's right,"Socrates continued "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?"
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.
Socrates continued. "You may still pass though, because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really..."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"
The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.
- From Gophercentral
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."
"Test of Three?"
"That's right,"Socrates continued "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?"
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.
Socrates continued. "You may still pass though, because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really..."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"
The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.
- From Gophercentral
Meaningful quote
"Don't be so positive, the light in the tunnel could be a train."
- (Stolen from sgforums)
- (Stolen from sgforums)
Friday, April 14, 2006
Thursday, April 13, 2006
See this
Click here.
Good place to waste a few minutes. Now I wish I can change the face to someone else's. Heck, I'll even pay! =)
Good place to waste a few minutes. Now I wish I can change the face to someone else's. Heck, I'll even pay! =)
Spilled again
Victor was asking me what do I mean when I say I spilled again.
Spilled means literally splashed from the bike to the ground. And that is what I did.
I am giving myself at least 2 weeks break before I will challenge the bike again. I am really not confident of myself and I hate to be holding up the instructor's time.
Like my brother say, I shouldnt have pass 1.01 in the first place when I am that buay zai. I +1 because I know this will happen: if I have to attend 1.02 when I dont have 1.01's standard, I am doomed to fail what.
So today after spilling a few times, with the last time scratching my blister, I took a break and told the instructor to fail me and let me come back another day.
I promise I will learn to ride a bicycle before I come back again. I know what I say before, that so what if I cant ride a bicycle, cos bicycle is controlled by legs and bike is controlled by engine.
And I am also bu shuang that alex tan felt I was lacking in sense of balancing that's why I cannot ride properly.
Ming ming is he never teach properly mah.. Maybe not his fault, he thinks too highly of his students le.
But today the instructors were so much nicer. Thanks Mr Lian, for being so kind with me. He told me that learning how to ride a bike is essential not only because of the skill to balance. It is more importantly because, if I dont have the balancing skill, I will have to juggle between learning how to ride a bike and how to ride a bicycle.
He told me a bicycle is easier to learn compared to a bike because bicycle are lighter, hence there is a less issue about being unable to control the machine when it falls to the side. He explained to me that I can spend lots and lots of money coming to bbdc to learn balancing, because instructors wont care, but it wont do me good.
I told him I will, and I still tried my best to learn the basics so that the next time when I come back for 1.02, I will be able to catch up. I feel I am getting better, because I am not as prone to be looking to the ground. Instead I learnt to look ahead and I can actually turn corners.
The instructors (many other instructors were there and they help me balance my bike when I spilled) were very encouraging and they felt I was getting better. I was getting more familiarised with the clutch and the throttle but I am really frustrated because I am obviously a far gap away from where I should be on the learning chart.
Eventually the instructor came to me again (as though he can read my mind), and repeated his views. He told me the reason why I cant ride is because I am really scared, and that because I cant ride a bicycle, it will be some time before I will dare to pick both legs off the ground and onto the bike.
It was really from there before I start to apprehend. It is really true. I should learn to ride a bicycle first if I want to ride a bike. It is nothing to do with balancing, but the fact that I should learn to fall and learn to be less afraid.
And also that I shouldnt look to run if I havent learn to crawl.
Spilled means literally splashed from the bike to the ground. And that is what I did.
I am giving myself at least 2 weeks break before I will challenge the bike again. I am really not confident of myself and I hate to be holding up the instructor's time.
Like my brother say, I shouldnt have pass 1.01 in the first place when I am that buay zai. I +1 because I know this will happen: if I have to attend 1.02 when I dont have 1.01's standard, I am doomed to fail what.
So today after spilling a few times, with the last time scratching my blister, I took a break and told the instructor to fail me and let me come back another day.
I promise I will learn to ride a bicycle before I come back again. I know what I say before, that so what if I cant ride a bicycle, cos bicycle is controlled by legs and bike is controlled by engine.
And I am also bu shuang that alex tan felt I was lacking in sense of balancing that's why I cannot ride properly.
Ming ming is he never teach properly mah.. Maybe not his fault, he thinks too highly of his students le.
But today the instructors were so much nicer. Thanks Mr Lian, for being so kind with me. He told me that learning how to ride a bike is essential not only because of the skill to balance. It is more importantly because, if I dont have the balancing skill, I will have to juggle between learning how to ride a bike and how to ride a bicycle.
He told me a bicycle is easier to learn compared to a bike because bicycle are lighter, hence there is a less issue about being unable to control the machine when it falls to the side. He explained to me that I can spend lots and lots of money coming to bbdc to learn balancing, because instructors wont care, but it wont do me good.
I told him I will, and I still tried my best to learn the basics so that the next time when I come back for 1.02, I will be able to catch up. I feel I am getting better, because I am not as prone to be looking to the ground. Instead I learnt to look ahead and I can actually turn corners.
The instructors (many other instructors were there and they help me balance my bike when I spilled) were very encouraging and they felt I was getting better. I was getting more familiarised with the clutch and the throttle but I am really frustrated because I am obviously a far gap away from where I should be on the learning chart.
Eventually the instructor came to me again (as though he can read my mind), and repeated his views. He told me the reason why I cant ride is because I am really scared, and that because I cant ride a bicycle, it will be some time before I will dare to pick both legs off the ground and onto the bike.
It was really from there before I start to apprehend. It is really true. I should learn to ride a bicycle first if I want to ride a bike. It is nothing to do with balancing, but the fact that I should learn to fall and learn to be less afraid.
And also that I shouldnt look to run if I havent learn to crawl.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Happy Birthday to Mchl
Happy birthday! =)
I had dinner with them today, namely mchl, en'en, slt, kt, jnce, ec and jes. I honestly didnt expect jes to turn up because I thought it was a private gathering with them.
Vnc shared the present, and I was originally very against it. When slt told me there's 8 person sharing the present, he gave me the names as myself, himself, en'en, kt, jnce, mchl, wilfred, and phua. Slt insisted that jes was on the list all along. -_-"
I had nothing against her la. I originally wanted to ask her myself. It was just that I know she will definitely ask vnc cos it is her habit to do so.
When I first heard of it while I was msn-ing with slt and en'en, my first thought was that: I want out. En'en was quite frustrated why slt asked jes, who will in turn ask vne, and told slt that the two of them cant join in. I understand en'en was angry on my behalf, I really appreciate her being so supportive.
Too bad slt was constantly out of league and couldnt understand why we two were against it. But eventually I told slt nvm, it is a good idea too. The more ppl who share means I can pay less. I am kinda broke these days.
I hope that is a good enough excuse for everyone to forget this small disagreement and move on.
I went to purchase the present and went back to raffles place to meet en'en and mchl. Luckily I went to buy it first, if not with michael there how to buy? =)
While walking to esplanade where we were planning to have dinner, jes called me and asked where were we eating at!!?!
I turned my shocked expression towards en'en and she returned a look of bewilderment. But because I can easily hide emotions in my voice, I dont think jes realised it. She asked me if I know vnc was coming, and I practically screamed a 'huh?!'.
She said that she will be paying for vnc instead and asked me was that ok. It was then that I realised I misheard. Vince wasnt turning up. Should he be, I honestly would have turn around and left.
I am being a spoilt brat I know, but I cant help it. Slt and jes was going to be late and when we reached, we took our seats.
I originally wanted kt to shift over to be in front of me so that jes wont sit opposite me. This is how much I didnt wanted to be there at the point of time. I even contemplated to get someone to call me to pretend they need me elsewhere so that I can get away.
But I never did la. Instead, jes took the seat beside michael and I was relieved. If she were to sit opposite me I would be obliged to speak to her.
It was a nice dinner, if kt didnt keep trying to agitate me. It all started when I showed mchl my blister scar, because I had meant to tell him while I was still at the damn company but I never had the chance, and I revealed to him that I am taking 2b.
Kt immediately asked me how I got it and asked if I spilled? I admitted, I dont believe in lying anyway, and he laughed.
..|..
It is always my habit to laugh at myself, so I laughingly said my brother mocked at me for being stupid when I came home with the blister, and kt happily agreed, saying my brother is very right in saying that.
And so on and so forth. No matter what I said that night he would have a sarcastic remark ready for me. Nevermind, lao niang not in a good mood. Had I wanted to retaliate he would never be able to fight my sharp tongue.
I just let him went on and on. I hope it is not his way in helping me deal with my anger. Everyone is inventing their ways to help me cope, I certainly hope this is not his method. Cos if it is, he is really asking for a beating.
I hate it when ppl give me sarcastic replies to EVERYTHING I say. A few funny ones will do, thank you very much, kt!
When en'en said that tlk had realised that I've left the job and wanted to arrange lunch with me (I once helped him do his project and was reprimanded by that creature for 'doing things outside my jobscope'. For goodness sake, everyone's colleagues!). I mentioned can I asked for a session of drinks instead, and kt had to merrily give his two cents worth, and asked why do I even bother, since I cant drink.
I wish there was something on the table that I can use to throw it in his face.
..|..
We mentioned that the next birthday coming up is en'en's and michael asked me if my was after that. I replied in negative and said that ec's and jnce's was coming up first. Kt immediately say that for my birthday we need not invite him, he will not come.
I smiled and told him he is not invited, let's leave it at that. =) I hope he caught all the killer vibes that I was emitting.
When we left the place, ec and slt asked me if I was free tmr morning. I mentioned I have practical tmr at around 12, kt had to asked me if I was going for falling lessons. I just had to elbow him, I couldnt help it.
He can still laugh. I think he is sick, he liked seeing me seething with anger. He should realise some time soon that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
Especially when I am a spiteful little bitch to begin with.
But nevermind, I dont expect to see him again anytime soon. I guess the next time would be no earlier than june, when it is en'en's birthday. Till then, I will graciously forgive him.
For now, it is still
..|..
I had dinner with them today, namely mchl, en'en, slt, kt, jnce, ec and jes. I honestly didnt expect jes to turn up because I thought it was a private gathering with them.
Vnc shared the present, and I was originally very against it. When slt told me there's 8 person sharing the present, he gave me the names as myself, himself, en'en, kt, jnce, mchl, wilfred, and phua. Slt insisted that jes was on the list all along. -_-"
I had nothing against her la. I originally wanted to ask her myself. It was just that I know she will definitely ask vnc cos it is her habit to do so.
When I first heard of it while I was msn-ing with slt and en'en, my first thought was that: I want out. En'en was quite frustrated why slt asked jes, who will in turn ask vne, and told slt that the two of them cant join in. I understand en'en was angry on my behalf, I really appreciate her being so supportive.
Too bad slt was constantly out of league and couldnt understand why we two were against it. But eventually I told slt nvm, it is a good idea too. The more ppl who share means I can pay less. I am kinda broke these days.
I hope that is a good enough excuse for everyone to forget this small disagreement and move on.
I went to purchase the present and went back to raffles place to meet en'en and mchl. Luckily I went to buy it first, if not with michael there how to buy? =)
While walking to esplanade where we were planning to have dinner, jes called me and asked where were we eating at!!?!
I turned my shocked expression towards en'en and she returned a look of bewilderment. But because I can easily hide emotions in my voice, I dont think jes realised it. She asked me if I know vnc was coming, and I practically screamed a 'huh?!'.
She said that she will be paying for vnc instead and asked me was that ok. It was then that I realised I misheard. Vince wasnt turning up. Should he be, I honestly would have turn around and left.
I am being a spoilt brat I know, but I cant help it. Slt and jes was going to be late and when we reached, we took our seats.
I originally wanted kt to shift over to be in front of me so that jes wont sit opposite me. This is how much I didnt wanted to be there at the point of time. I even contemplated to get someone to call me to pretend they need me elsewhere so that I can get away.But I never did la. Instead, jes took the seat beside michael and I was relieved. If she were to sit opposite me I would be obliged to speak to her.
It was a nice dinner, if kt didnt keep trying to agitate me. It all started when I showed mchl my blister scar, because I had meant to tell him while I was still at the damn company but I never had the chance, and I revealed to him that I am taking 2b.
Kt immediately asked me how I got it and asked if I spilled? I admitted, I dont believe in lying anyway, and he laughed.
..|..
It is always my habit to laugh at myself, so I laughingly said my brother mocked at me for being stupid when I came home with the blister, and kt happily agreed, saying my brother is very right in saying that.
And so on and so forth. No matter what I said that night he would have a sarcastic remark ready for me. Nevermind, lao niang not in a good mood. Had I wanted to retaliate he would never be able to fight my sharp tongue.
I just let him went on and on. I hope it is not his way in helping me deal with my anger. Everyone is inventing their ways to help me cope, I certainly hope this is not his method. Cos if it is, he is really asking for a beating.
I hate it when ppl give me sarcastic replies to EVERYTHING I say. A few funny ones will do, thank you very much, kt!
When en'en said that tlk had realised that I've left the job and wanted to arrange lunch with me (I once helped him do his project and was reprimanded by that creature for 'doing things outside my jobscope'. For goodness sake, everyone's colleagues!). I mentioned can I asked for a session of drinks instead, and kt had to merrily give his two cents worth, and asked why do I even bother, since I cant drink.
I wish there was something on the table that I can use to throw it in his face.
..|..
We mentioned that the next birthday coming up is en'en's and michael asked me if my was after that. I replied in negative and said that ec's and jnce's was coming up first. Kt immediately say that for my birthday we need not invite him, he will not come.
I smiled and told him he is not invited, let's leave it at that. =) I hope he caught all the killer vibes that I was emitting.
When we left the place, ec and slt asked me if I was free tmr morning. I mentioned I have practical tmr at around 12, kt had to asked me if I was going for falling lessons. I just had to elbow him, I couldnt help it.
He can still laugh. I think he is sick, he liked seeing me seething with anger. He should realise some time soon that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
Especially when I am a spiteful little bitch to begin with.
But nevermind, I dont expect to see him again anytime soon. I guess the next time would be no earlier than june, when it is en'en's birthday. Till then, I will graciously forgive him.
For now, it is still
..|..
Bit of insight from anywhere
I watched Yours Always last night and saw this part of the show.
J: Joanne Peh
P: Pierre Png
Pierre Png's character brought Joanne Peh's character to a boutique to pick out a very sweet looking dress. This dress is supposed to be wore to his parents wedding anniversay party.
Joanne felt it wasnt her style, voiced it out but still agree to wear it to the party at Pierre's insistance. On the day itself, she decided to don a sundress instead. Pretty, but not formal enough.
P: I thought you are wearing the dress I bought for you?
J: But that dress is really not me. And I feel that as long as my clothes are clean and comfortable, it should be ok.
P: You should understand that different occassions deserve different dressing up. But never mind, as long as you prefer.
Was she wrong?
At the party, Joanne saw this group of woman talking very loudly, one of the woman was gesturing animatedly and her hand knocked into a waitress, causing wine to spill.
S: Shrew
W: Waitress
S: Are you blind or what? Why did you knock into me?
W: I...
S: Ask your manager here, I want to complain.
(Joanne steps forward, Pierre had went to get a drink for her.)
J: (to shrew) How can you blame her when you are the one who knocked into her?
S: If she saw me she should have avoided me. Clumsy and slow people are not suitable to be waitresses.
J: You are obviously in the wrong and you are still indignant?
P: (reappearing and to Joanne) Qiaoshan, stop it.
S: Shaoqi, you know her?
P: Yes aunt, she is my gf.
S: It is bad enough that she comes here in such clothes, how can she be imprudent?
J: We are not talking about my clothes here, we are talking about poor behaviour!
P: Enough!! Let's go.
(Pierre drags Joanne away.)
He later reprimanded her, saying she shouldnt have said that. She felt she wasnt wrong at all, and his aunt was obviously in the wrong. (You can see I feel the same way, or I wont name that woman as a shrew.)
He felt she shouldnt have been so impulsive, and she felt she was just being honest.
She is right, the woman is wrong; but he is right too, she shouldnt had been that impulsive.
Me too. I shouldnt had been that impulsive. Not talking about my resignation. I mean in life. I should had controlled my temper all along, and if that had been the case, I wouldnt have been view as the villian in any scenario.
I've mentioned before when I first joined that damn company. I flew into a rage because adeline sabotaged me and from then on I had been the official company bitch.
I got along well with everyone else, but everyone also know that I have a temper not to be aroused.
If I hadnt been so open with my temper, maybe I wouldnt had been termed the bad person. If I had always been quiet and meek, at the most the boss wont have a good impression of me, but at least he wont view me in a negative light.
I dont regret my conflict with her, I dont regret resigning, but I hate the fact that she was immediately seen as the person who is right simply because she knows how to act the correct way in front of the correct people.
The next job I am going to work, no matter where it is, I am not going to express my anger again. I will do my work and leave for the day. I wont stay to talk to the ppl, heck, I wont even go for lunch, is everyone satisfied?
J: Joanne Peh
P: Pierre Png
Pierre Png's character brought Joanne Peh's character to a boutique to pick out a very sweet looking dress. This dress is supposed to be wore to his parents wedding anniversay party.
Joanne felt it wasnt her style, voiced it out but still agree to wear it to the party at Pierre's insistance. On the day itself, she decided to don a sundress instead. Pretty, but not formal enough.
P: I thought you are wearing the dress I bought for you?
J: But that dress is really not me. And I feel that as long as my clothes are clean and comfortable, it should be ok.
P: You should understand that different occassions deserve different dressing up. But never mind, as long as you prefer.
Was she wrong?
At the party, Joanne saw this group of woman talking very loudly, one of the woman was gesturing animatedly and her hand knocked into a waitress, causing wine to spill.
S: Shrew
W: Waitress
S: Are you blind or what? Why did you knock into me?
W: I...
S: Ask your manager here, I want to complain.
(Joanne steps forward, Pierre had went to get a drink for her.)
J: (to shrew) How can you blame her when you are the one who knocked into her?
S: If she saw me she should have avoided me. Clumsy and slow people are not suitable to be waitresses.
J: You are obviously in the wrong and you are still indignant?
P: (reappearing and to Joanne) Qiaoshan, stop it.
S: Shaoqi, you know her?
P: Yes aunt, she is my gf.
S: It is bad enough that she comes here in such clothes, how can she be imprudent?
J: We are not talking about my clothes here, we are talking about poor behaviour!
P: Enough!! Let's go.
(Pierre drags Joanne away.)
He later reprimanded her, saying she shouldnt have said that. She felt she wasnt wrong at all, and his aunt was obviously in the wrong. (You can see I feel the same way, or I wont name that woman as a shrew.)
He felt she shouldnt have been so impulsive, and she felt she was just being honest.
She is right, the woman is wrong; but he is right too, she shouldnt had been that impulsive.
Me too. I shouldnt had been that impulsive. Not talking about my resignation. I mean in life. I should had controlled my temper all along, and if that had been the case, I wouldnt have been view as the villian in any scenario.
I've mentioned before when I first joined that damn company. I flew into a rage because adeline sabotaged me and from then on I had been the official company bitch.
I got along well with everyone else, but everyone also know that I have a temper not to be aroused.
If I hadnt been so open with my temper, maybe I wouldnt had been termed the bad person. If I had always been quiet and meek, at the most the boss wont have a good impression of me, but at least he wont view me in a negative light.
I dont regret my conflict with her, I dont regret resigning, but I hate the fact that she was immediately seen as the person who is right simply because she knows how to act the correct way in front of the correct people.
The next job I am going to work, no matter where it is, I am not going to express my anger again. I will do my work and leave for the day. I wont stay to talk to the ppl, heck, I wont even go for lunch, is everyone satisfied?
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
1 week
I hope it is not too much to ask for one week of rest before I officially start to look for a job.
Give me one week to wallow please. If I were to find jobs now I dont know how to face the interviewers even, how do I even expecting to clinch a job? I hate to think how I would need to answer repeatedly why I left the last job cos interviewers LOVE to ask this question.
Hence I've decided to give myself a break, and not wander my finger over the 'New tab' icon in my mozilla browser for hours without actually clicking on it to enter any jobsite's address. I appreciate a vacation. I hope when I emerged from this I am a strengthened person already.
But that brings me to my next worry, what if I cant find a job after this? I keep willing myself to think on the bright side. Not to offend anyone or be insensitive here, but I am I am being as neutral as I can already.
It could had been harder for me to find a job if :
Sigh. This doesnt make me feel better at all. What's my point in the first place.
Give me one week to wallow please. If I were to find jobs now I dont know how to face the interviewers even, how do I even expecting to clinch a job? I hate to think how I would need to answer repeatedly why I left the last job cos interviewers LOVE to ask this question.
Hence I've decided to give myself a break, and not wander my finger over the 'New tab' icon in my mozilla browser for hours without actually clicking on it to enter any jobsite's address. I appreciate a vacation. I hope when I emerged from this I am a strengthened person already.
But that brings me to my next worry, what if I cant find a job after this? I keep willing myself to think on the bright side. Not to offend anyone or be insensitive here, but I am I am being as neutral as I can already.
It could had been harder for me to find a job if :
- I'm only a PSLE grad but I am not.
- I'm a degree/master holder but I am not. (Recently my friends who had it worse in finding jobs are those with very good qualifications.)
- I've been convicted for a crime but I had not.
- I'm a bankrupt but I am not.
- I'm handicapped but I am not.
- I've got atrocious results at school but I had not. (Not that I can really remember, haha.)
- I've a serious personality flaw, like the tendecy to lie, but I had not.
- I've a problem controlling the amount I smoke or drink but I have not. (I think those whose life is controlled by a mere liquid or a mere dangerous herb is pathetic. But a few glasses a day or a few sticks a day is ok. I am not saying about you.)
- I demand a high pay but I dont.
- I'm not susceptible to long working hours and OT but I am not.
Sigh. This doesnt make me feel better at all. What's my point in the first place.
Monday, April 10, 2006
That dramatic episode
I dont wish to talk about this anymore after this.
I desperately want to close this unhappy chapter and get on with life.
This is going to be an extremely long entry, I am estimating it to hit 2000 words. And my entries almost never come with pictures, and this is definitely one of those that will be words and more words. If you are not interested, you should stop here and visit happier sites, like here.
After this I will try not to speak of this episode again. If anyone must know they will have to receive this entry in this entirety.
I've mentioned before that I wasnt angry. I wished I could be, then maybe I know how to handle my emotions. Anger is destructive compared to sorrow but at least it is straightforward. With anger, you just vent it and you are immediately better. Sadness unalike. Maybe it is just me, but I had always had a big problem trying to deal with sadness.
Well, let's see if I can complete this entry.
On wed, after the meeting with her, as suggested, I went to talk to the director.
(To my best memory, but contents DEFINITELY not twisted in my favour.)
k : Mr Ong, can I speak to you?
d : Yes?
k : It's between me and adl, she said that she can no longer work with me in a team, and asked me to tender my resignation or come to talk to you.
d : And the purpose of you talking to me?
k : (huh?) I am not sure, I thought she had already spoke to you and want you to convey some message to me.
d : She never did.
k : Hmm, I have got no idea, she got me to speak to you, and hence I am here.
d : What is between you two?
k : She insisted that I am going around the office spreading rumours her which I never did. I've got no idea why she say that.
d : Let me speak to her first.
k : Ok, I do understand. Shall I talk to you after that? Will tomorrow be fine?
d : It will be.
k : Thanks Mr Ong.
And I returned to my seat.
I started sms-ing peilin, mashi, meow, andy, seoul, then I sms-ed en'en and pris. Mchl was sitting behind me but I think him, on sensing things were wrong and I cant talk openly, sent me an sms to ask "What's wrong? Is everything ok?"
I replied to tell him adl ask me to tender my resignation.
He replied his shock, and asked me if I wanted to talk. It was almost knockoff time and he suggested we go for a drink later.
At that point of time, all I could react was "What's there to talk? I will resign. =)"
I could still smile then.
I had already arranged to meet esther, and I couldnt have called it off because it was very late already. Esther informed she would be reaching by around 7 and hence I continued to stay in the office.
En'en and pris started getting worried about me but they also knew they cant walk over and talk to me then, because the director would be noticing.
When it was 6pm, I braced myself and went to find en'en, and went with her to wish iris a happy birthday. By then I was feeling fidgety but I squared my shoulders and went to talk to iris as though nothing had happen.
There, I told ec of the news.
He was surprised but he thought, even up to now he feels the same, that it is just as well. This company wasnt a place for anyone to stay forever because of the culture and he felt I should take the chance to leave.
We left the conversation at that and I told him I will talk to him again the next day.
I returned to my workstation and typed out the resignation letter. I knew that no matter whether I speak to the director or not, whether he was wise enough to see that I was wronged or not, I had to leave. How could I be working with someone who would blatantly malign me and still righteous? She is being absurd.
Pris and en'en met me downstairs and they couldnt believe that this was happening. Neither could I but I was feeling a weird sense of humour then. I wanted to laugh as though this was just one big joke but another part of me was somber.
I felt strangely like I was split into a few persons. One of me wanted to laugh, one is feeling shock and helplessness, one is looking on thinking how come there is no anger, one is sitting there feeling void of emotions.
It is such an insane rush of conflicting emotions.
They each told me not to think too much about it. At that time, all of us knows that as much as I am innocent, I am dead meat since adl is obviously targeting me.
We ended the conversation with them two leaving after esther arrive, with them reminding me repeatedly to not think too much about it.
Come thursday. After I reached the office I began to create spreadsheets on how the process of the jobscope so as to facilitate the next person.
This next person is going to need all the good wishes he/she can get.
I did the spreadsheet definitely not because I wanted to help adl even after I had left -I am not deranged- I wanted to help the new person as much as I could so that he/she could eventually override adl.
Something that I didnt manage to do.
I helped ec did a drawing, and asked vnc if there was any drawing he needed me to do for him. I did one out of two for him, then went for lunch. When I returned, I waited for him so that he can brief me, but he never returned again.
At around 3pm, katherine told me to go up to the mini showroom, and that the other two of them are already waiting for me upstairs.
I went up and the three of them sat with adl opposite me, katherine to my left and vnc to my right. I instinctively pulled my seat closer to vnc than katherine, as though I thought he would support me.
Katherine was the only one who spoke. She said that the three had came to a conclusion that none of them could work with me in a team anymore and they wanted me to either tender resignation with immediate effect, meaning I leave the same day, or they will give me a letter of termination.
I kept quiet for a second, giving them the luxury to wish they will see me falter. But they can only wish, because I told them my resignation letter is already printed and sealed, and I will get it for them immediately.
I also told them I will get my ot and expenses claim form and bring it up together.
With that I stood and left them.
I had records of all my ot and expenses in the computer in an excel sheet that I call 'Personal'. In the same file, I've a record of all the projects I've done and some summary of them which had aided me along the way in this job.
It was the only file that I remembered to delete. I should have deleted all the libraries I had created, but I didnt have time.
Before you say anything about me being morally wrong to delete the company's file, I have to say that the libraries I am talking about are all done by me for my convenience's sake. Upon my leaving I should have deleted them but I didnt had the chance.
That is my biggest regret now.
I returned to the room with my resignation letter and forms, passed them to katherine and asked her and vince if they had anything else that they want to say to me.
They shook their head, and I sat down and stared at adeline, telling her "Adeline, now that I've resigned, tell me, what is it exactly that you heard. You've insisted that I leave and I've done it, now tell me, so that I die knowing."
She told me that she was waiting for me to ask that question the day before, why hadnt I. I didnt answer and repeated my question again.
She told me she heard from 70% of the people in the company, that I've directly said to them I dont want to work under her.
I told her, in the firstly, the company's strength is 100. 70% is 70 people. I dont even know 30 people for god's sake. Secondly, whatever I'd said before I will admit, whatever I didnt I am not taking the blame for nothing. I've mentioned before that it is difficult to work with her, but I had never said I dowan to work with her, less to say that I've went around telling 70 people that.
She said the day before, during the meeting, when she said to me that she heard me spreading her rumours, I had not defended myself but had 'uh'-ed all the way with defiance. When she asked me to tender my resignation or talk to the director, I just stood up and walk away.
I told her I have got no idea why is she recognising a totally wrong set of emotions. I didnt know what I was feeling back then, but it was definitely not defiance. I was more shocked and didnt know how to react, but I thought I didnt show any emotions on my face.
She then said she was waiting for me to defend myself but I walked away. When we both reached our workstation, she said that although she had a meeting, she sat there waiting for me to talk to her, instead I went to talk to the director.
(She really makes me sick. How hypocritical can she get?)
I told her since she could have misinterpreted my emotions, she shouldnt be surprised that I didnt catch her underlying 'wishes' at all. To me, it was all very straightforward. She is maligning me of something I didnt do, and I had only two options: tender my resignation or talk to the director and tender my resignation.
It was a case of "That's all, get out." to my ears. (I swear I heard nothing more than that.)
Like pris said after that. What fucking options is she talking about. She drew a straight line to a wall and ask me to walk into it. Exactly like how I felt then. There wasnt options. It was just die, or talk and die.
Which is also why I never imagine I need not tender my resignation.
I told her again that whatever I've done and spoke I will never deny responsibilities. I've told a few of the closer colleagues that I find it hard to work with adeline, but I've spoke to around 4 persons only.
She then say if that is the case, someone must have spreaded my words.
I told her there she goes, she is not making sense. First she say I went to 70% of the people in the company and spreaded rumours, then now she say someone spreaded my words.
She ignore my accusation and said someone whom I spoke to must have spreaded my words and asked whom did I think had done it to me.
I told her what I felt, that it could jolly well be someone misinterpreting something innocent that I said and went on to spread it. That wasnt something that I can control.
I gave her an example. If someone were to come up to me when I OT-ed till 11pm and asked me why am I such a poor thing to have to OT till that time, and where is adl, why is she not staying OT with me.
If this person unwittingly, out of sympathy for me, told someone else that she spot me doing OT alone while adl goes home, and this person who heard it might think I was the one who publicise myself doing OT while adl went home.
This scenario is very possible, give that I OT all the time and people offer their sympathies to me all the time.
I asked adl, in a scenario like this, am I still in the wrong? She found no words.
She asked me if I could recall anyone who probed words from me, and tricked me into saying negative things about her. Or had deliberately stirred things up. I told her I do not think so. Everyone spoke to me earnestly and I believed at the worst it was just a gossip went badly wrong.
But I would rather resign then to randomly point fingers (like she did). I disbelieve someone was out to cause me harm. I have trust in the people I spoke to, whether it was directly about my working problems with adl or whether otherwise.
I told them, as I've told vnc once and I am telling them again, that by telling these ppl, I am treating them as my friends and not my colleagues. These people are people I trust, and I dont reckon they spreaded rumours in my name. I told him, like I told adeline, this people I talked to could jolly well been my mother, my best friend, my dog, my anyone. To me they are just ppl I confide in. There is nothing complicated to it!
And by telling them, my perspective had always been what I was going through, and not how by saying what I say, I can effectively get adl into trouble. If that is really what I want to, I might as well complain directly to the top. Why should I do such a stupid thing like spreading rumours when it can be traced to me.
(Also, I had always been very vocal. If I had really had been unable to work with her, I would not have hesitated. I would have went up to the boss to sabotage her direct!)
Eventually it seems that she realised she had wronged me and told me the decision was back in my hands. If I want to stay, we would bury the hatchet and work together again.
She said she would forget about the whole rumours thingee.
I kept quiet as I thought how ridiculous can she get. I am obviously the victim here, whom is she to claim the right to cry foul?
But I thought if I were to leave the company and join another one, I will have to cope. If I were to stay I would like to think I am starting all over again, bearing no grudges against her groundless accusations.
But eventually, she said the director wasnt comfortable with me anymore and suggested I quit all the same. She was just getting a kick out of sending me on a wild turkey chase.
I told her fine, and I packed my things and left. I resigned in comfort knowing she didnt get to see me panic or teary, but I was fortified with the faith that she is NOT going to see me buckle. I wanted her to feel stupid, that after thinking for so long for a plan to rid of me, I just said ok and resigned.
To the people who felt I shouldnt leave because I did no wrong, I agree. But the real reason for needing to leave, and my decision on resignation, was based mainly on the fact that I felt she was tekan-ing me on purpose. Should I not leave she would also think of Plan B or Plan C or Plan D.
Peilin was saying that it hurts to be wronged this way, especially when I had put in my best efforts at work. (Despite whatever they want to say about me spreading rumours, at least they still have the correct conscience to recognise I am an amazing worker.) But she told me that it could had been worse. The longer I work there, the efforts I paid out was directly proportionate and it could had been a bigger tear at my heart to see my efforts meaning nothing to the management.
My management cares nothing about efforts as you can see. I can safely tell you my job performance had been nearly perfect because I take pride in my work. But still I was caused to leave for a fault that is not mine, and they didnt retain me even if I am a good worker.
I called vnc on my way home after that, and he was still indignant. Although it had been obvious that I was maligned and I had to leave for something I never did, he felt I was the root of the problem. If I had never started telling the ppl in office about what I felt about adl, but had went direct to her, there wouldnt have been such a chance for misunderstanding.
I halted him and told him, I've never said that. I said that if I moved over, with a bigger chance of contact, we might quarrel frequently. It was not as vnc had said, that I will quarrel with her everyday, as though I will add it to my priority list.
Vnc still had the cheek to tell me, "See, it is so easy to get your meanings wrong. Luckily I've never told anyone what you told me."
"I shouldnt have said anything to you then. In a scenario like this, it will be your words over mine. I would have unwittingly caused myself harm.
"But I still believe in my friends."
I ended the call feeling very disappointed with him. How could he had allowed me to be wronged and not help? To think I had always done my best to do his projects and drawings for him, and I had place tremendous trust in him. If there was any case of misplaced trust, it was on vnc that it was.
Pris was very supportive of me. As a matter of fact, all of them are. Although they are not reading this, I want to show my gratitude towards pris, en'en, ec, slt and mchl, they had been the only merits of the job. Knowing them was the best thing that happened to me in the damn company.
Peilin stood by me throughout, as andy, seoul and meow did. Mashi was silent most of the time, but she gave me the space I need. If I were her I would have expected to be the first to know everything, but she gave me the space to explain to everyone else first.
I am indebted to all of them for holding faith in me. This is a hurdle in life that I had to step over and I am still trying to cope. Without them I would have fallen from the start.
"U r not spreading rumours abt her. U merely ve working problems w her. Wa lao, she really eh. U did nothing wrong and always did what she 1 u to do." - en'en
"Are u feeling better? U really decided not to defend yourself? Actually I think no matter what, u must at least defend yourself whether u r leaving or not. Cos I think to you like that is not fair at all do all e bloody shit for her n in e end kena treated like like. You must voice out de." - pris
"Ok, good to think this way. You really deserve better." - mashi
"Gal you ok? I hope pris is with you now." - en'en
"Dun be like this la. They r all fuckers. Dun be sad cos of them. Oh no, I cant believe I'm cursed." - en'en
"Okie dokes, Hang in there, babe." - peilin
"Kanina! Y they so cb one? Your things a lot or not? I come up help you take." - pris
"=) take a break first huh." - andy
"So fast!! I start 2 hate them oredi! It's really unfair.. U dunno how they came out with tis conclusion.. Ah, Anyway wil c u again rite? Til then c u!" - mchl
"It's really sad tat our kai xin guo left us.." - mchl
"How can she do this? Evil person." - iris
"V disappointed wif them. Vnc oso ask u 2 tender or support [you]?" - mchl
"Gossip n telling e truth is totally 2 different issue.. u r rite. They r a gang. Only noe how to protect their ass." - mchl
"No point telling her otherwise kt won't leave [the coy]. Y not ask vnc 2 talk 2 her instead? Excuses. All bullshit." - michael
"R you feeling ok?" - iris
"You take care ok, I'm going to miss u like hell. We must definitely meet up again no matter what ok! Just take this as a lesson, when one day u really succeed, I see how long they can laugh and continue with their bird talks! All damn pu bohs! Dont let me see them fall one day." - pris
"You enjoy yourself ok! Dun think too much, not worth it, sing until u vomit is e best. =)" - pris
"I will miss you too." - en'en
"Lol! I miss u too! How r u feeing today? Ok bo? ... I think of their stupid faces I also sian. Only this bloody team like this." - pris
"如果心是近的，再远的路也是短的。 如果开心是蜜做的，再咸的海水也是甜的。如果你收到我的短信了，希望今天再累再烦的你也是快乐的。" - esther
"I totally understand what u r going through. E only reason y u r feeling like that right now is cos u know injustice had been done to u. Clear your mind, open your thoughts, dun let this situation lead u on to becoming even more stressful. It's not good for you mentally. U deserve more than this. Dun ever let this incident bring u down. U dun deserve this." - pris
"No problem. U just take care ok. Dun keep thinking about them cos e one feeling miserable will be u and they wont feel a single thing. You'll be at e losing end. That day what I saw in your eyes, I cant describe but I hope I wont see that vision again. Cos you deserve to be what u r, and not what they made you to be." - pris
I pray sincerely I will be strong enough to overcome all these. I dunno how long will it takes, but this has shaken my confidence considerably. It had been 3 days only, but it felt ages. Can I indulge in a little self pity? Give me a while, peeps.
My msn nick : 用尽了力气勇敢后，就不再有力气坚强了。- 朋友们，我本来就不坚强的。你们太看得起我了；我好想逃走，逃离自己，因为我的心容不下我自己。
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Tweaking the blog
I've made minor changes to my blog to make myself more comfortable.
I've edited how the right sidebar looked under the 2B header. I thought the list was getting a little too long so I've place three dates in one line.
And I've taken out my picture.
That picture had been there for at least 6 months I think, and I've blogged before on how I felt it is a dilemma how posting my pic gives an identity to my blog, make me responsible of what I say, but at the same time, it is restricting on what I can say.
After all this time, I've suddenly decided that I want to take off my picture to give my blog as much anonymity as I can manage. This is the only way I can protect this blog.
I've edited how the right sidebar looked under the 2B header. I thought the list was getting a little too long so I've place three dates in one line.
And I've taken out my picture.
That picture had been there for at least 6 months I think, and I've blogged before on how I felt it is a dilemma how posting my pic gives an identity to my blog, make me responsible of what I say, but at the same time, it is restricting on what I can say.
After all this time, I've suddenly decided that I want to take off my picture to give my blog as much anonymity as I can manage. This is the only way I can protect this blog.
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Passed my RTT.
I've passed my RTT.
It is actually easier than I thought. =)
But I am not as happy as I thought I would be. Maybe I am still more or less still affected by the past days' events.
And it is only today that I realised, after I reached the test venue, that this IS the traffic police theory test already. And all along I thought I have to clear a Riding Theory Evaluation, a Riding Theory Test, and then finally some traffic police theory or what.
But no, there isnt, after this test I just need to concentrate on practicals.
Up to now, the system havent updated me as a 'Pass', but I will wait for at least 24 hours before I will call and give someone a piece of my intelligent mind.
I was saying it is easier than I thought because the questions asked are not as tricky as RTE. And there was only one question on traffic police signals, and it was the easiest of the lot. Of all the different kind of traffic signs that could come out and stump me, the only one that came out was the split traffic sign.
Hahaha. That is the first one that I learnt to recognise. (Sorry for the small image, but you know how it is impossible to find decent pics on the internet these days.)
It is actually easier than I thought. =)
But I am not as happy as I thought I would be. Maybe I am still more or less still affected by the past days' events.
And it is only today that I realised, after I reached the test venue, that this IS the traffic police theory test already. And all along I thought I have to clear a Riding Theory Evaluation, a Riding Theory Test, and then finally some traffic police theory or what.
But no, there isnt, after this test I just need to concentrate on practicals.
Up to now, the system havent updated me as a 'Pass', but I will wait for at least 24 hours before I will call and give someone a piece of my intelligent mind.
I was saying it is easier than I thought because the questions asked are not as tricky as RTE. And there was only one question on traffic police signals, and it was the easiest of the lot. Of all the different kind of traffic signs that could come out and stump me, the only one that came out was the split traffic sign.
Hahaha. That is the first one that I learnt to recognise. (Sorry for the small image, but you know how it is impossible to find decent pics on the internet these days.)
Sold!
I managed to sell tomorrow practical's slot.
I am not quite in the mood to prepare to fall again, and anyway, I should be taking my lessons during off peak hours from now on anyway. So I sold it.
Heng it is a sat slot, so it was quite easy to sell, so tmr I will just be going for my test then will come home to sleep. =)
I bet I will fail tomorrow's test, but heck la, at the most I take rte again, I've got plenty of time anyway. =P
I am not quite in the mood to prepare to fall again, and anyway, I should be taking my lessons during off peak hours from now on anyway. So I sold it.
Heng it is a sat slot, so it was quite easy to sell, so tmr I will just be going for my test then will come home to sleep. =)
I bet I will fail tomorrow's test, but heck la, at the most I take rte again, I've got plenty of time anyway. =P
Happy Birthday to Iris
I should gey gey backtrack to 5th apr, but why should I be deceitful on my blog?
Happy birthday to iris, my dear at my ex coy. Sorry I should be happier for you on your birthday but that was quite a bad day for me. =)
Keep in touch! =)
(Yah, as though iris is reading this blog at all.)
Happy birthday to iris, my dear at my ex coy. Sorry I should be happier for you on your birthday but that was quite a bad day for me. =)
Keep in touch! =)
(Yah, as though iris is reading this blog at all.)
Friday, April 07, 2006
Give me a while more
I am not ready to blog it out yet.
Like I mentioned before, if I can flare up and be angry at least I am dealing with my anger, but now mainly I am being wronged and a dead sense of betrayal.
I dont know if I am going crazy or what, but I may have an overdose of brainwashing, from myself, no less. Maybe I shouldnt have been so extreme, to brainwash myself to be void of any anger.
Sometimes I think I can form a cult on my own, with myself as the only member. My mind is so weak that it takes a little good advice from anybody, and I can successfully twist my brain so much that the advice keeps swimming in my head.
What I had received are good advice, but maybe I am too much a believer when it comes to good advice. I am not wise enough to decide when are the scenarios that are not suitable for the advice.
It is really scary how my own brainwashing can do. I am not feeling angry. Not at the meeting yesterday, not at the meeting the day before.
All I was feeling was that adeline is crazy. She must have a few vital screws missing.
Everyone else was feeling angry for me. I hope I could be angry, but I wasnt, I was merely laughing at the irony of it all.
The same day, on wed, I've told pris and ncn, that from the same day onwards, I am not going to be angered by adeline's poor attitude anymore. Nevermind her bossiness, nevermind her being yahyah. I've mentioned before that I am nice to ppl who are nice to me, and in the same tone, I will return in folds when people show me their attitude.
But I had already decided that I wont be angry with her anymore.
I shall, from then on, bear with her, not be angry with her, and treat the job with professionalism.
But it was the same day when she decided to drop the threat on me, and all I could felt was "Now she is crazier than I thought."
I wish I could be angry. I wish I could still feel the furious blood rushing through me and I wish I could scream some vulgarities.
But at this point of time. All I am feeling is just sickness. This company is sick!
Most importantly, adeline is sick. She is a hypercritical woman and a liar at that. She needs a doctor.
Like I mentioned before, if I can flare up and be angry at least I am dealing with my anger, but now mainly I am being wronged and a dead sense of betrayal.
I dont know if I am going crazy or what, but I may have an overdose of brainwashing, from myself, no less. Maybe I shouldnt have been so extreme, to brainwash myself to be void of any anger.
Sometimes I think I can form a cult on my own, with myself as the only member. My mind is so weak that it takes a little good advice from anybody, and I can successfully twist my brain so much that the advice keeps swimming in my head.
What I had received are good advice, but maybe I am too much a believer when it comes to good advice. I am not wise enough to decide when are the scenarios that are not suitable for the advice.
It is really scary how my own brainwashing can do. I am not feeling angry. Not at the meeting yesterday, not at the meeting the day before.
All I was feeling was that adeline is crazy. She must have a few vital screws missing.
Everyone else was feeling angry for me. I hope I could be angry, but I wasnt, I was merely laughing at the irony of it all.
The same day, on wed, I've told pris and ncn, that from the same day onwards, I am not going to be angered by adeline's poor attitude anymore. Nevermind her bossiness, nevermind her being yahyah. I've mentioned before that I am nice to ppl who are nice to me, and in the same tone, I will return in folds when people show me their attitude.
But I had already decided that I wont be angry with her anymore.
I shall, from then on, bear with her, not be angry with her, and treat the job with professionalism.
But it was the same day when she decided to drop the threat on me, and all I could felt was "Now she is crazier than I thought."
I wish I could be angry. I wish I could still feel the furious blood rushing through me and I wish I could scream some vulgarities.
But at this point of time. All I am feeling is just sickness. This company is sick!
Most importantly, adeline is sick. She is a hypercritical woman and a liar at that. She needs a doctor.
I've resigned.
With immediate effect. Meaning I am paid to slack at home until 5th may.
It does sound better, but I think the accurate fact is that I am wrongly accused and was asked to leave for a fault that belongs to the few assholes up there.
The whole story is lengthy, but because I am sleepy, I shall blog about it tmr.
I think I will sleep until 12pm.
Meanwhile, I've decided since yesterday night (or is it this morning), that after I quit I will go learn my 2b full time, taking my lessons during off peak hours.
Now I can, because I am free from now onwards! Hahaha.
Ok la, I will get to the story tmr, explaining why I have to keep emphasizing what a scum she and vnc is.
I need to sleep now, good night!
It does sound better, but I think the accurate fact is that I am wrongly accused and was asked to leave for a fault that belongs to the few assholes up there.
The whole story is lengthy, but because I am sleepy, I shall blog about it tmr.
I think I will sleep until 12pm.
Meanwhile, I've decided since yesterday night (or is it this morning), that after I quit I will go learn my 2b full time, taking my lessons during off peak hours.
Now I can, because I am free from now onwards! Hahaha.
Ok la, I will get to the story tmr, explaining why I have to keep emphasizing what a scum she and vnc is.
I need to sleep now, good night!
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
I was asked to tender my resignation
After the long talk on msn yesterday with andy, I spent some time talking to myself in the bedroom after that. I came to the conclusion that not only I shouldnt be angry, I should take a further step to make my life better.
At the current job, during the interview, I was told I will be assisting the sales person in her job, meaning I will be doing space planning, materials collection, presentation boards and etc. That jobscope is exactly as I like it, so I was quite pleased to grab this job.
But as I worked on, I realised it is not like that at all. I am doing the work of adl while she is busy with *ahem* *ahem*. I dont do space planning, materials collection or presentation boards much, less than 10% of the time. The remaining of the time I am doing things like quotation, delivery of catalogues, print pictures, send email to client, etc.
Totally off track.
Hence I decided I want to ask for a transfer, and I went to the HR to asked about the possibility.
Later when she came into the office, she began to go crazy. I asked her questions regarding work and she unwillingly answered them. When the secretary finished formatting the quotation, I calculated the total as I usually do as a double-check confirmation.
She immediately asked me what I was doing. I informed, and she told me that is NOT NECESSARY and asked me to bring the whole stack over to her.
I reminded myself not to be angered by her poor behaviour and I passed the stack to her, while she went thru the stack of more than 30 pages within 5 seconds.
She exclaimed again that checking is NOT NECESSARY!, so I left her and went back to do my stuff.
I have no idea what is she pissed about at the point of time, but I kept having to remind myself I mustnt be angry.
Then came afternoon, she dumped more work on me and told me she wants them by 6. I was still doing them at 4 and she came over and asked me if I can finished them within 15mins. I told her I cant, I need one hour at least, and checked with her isnt the drawings needed at 6 only?
She said yes, and then she said she wants to speak to me.
(There it goes again!)
I finished work at around 4.50pm and I passed the stack to her. She didnt even have a word of thanks and asked me to follow her to the meeting room.
I did, and she told me she have been hearing rumours spreaded by me about her. She said she already told me before that if there is something I am displeased with her I should just tell her and not spread rumours about her.
(I have no idea what is she talking about at all, but I cannot be bothered to defend myself. It is always she's right and I'm wrong anyway.)
She told me either I tender my resignation or talk to the director. I was shocked but I didnt give her the luxury to see me falter, even if it was only for a split second. I simply told her ok and walked away.
I think I should leave. I've prepared my resignation letter already, but I shall tender after I spoke to the director. Even if I am quitting, I am not going to do it for her. I've already addressed the letter to the director.
I am tired of being constantly angry here, and the management are always siding the 'seniors'. My other colleagues are having problems with their seniors but the management doesnt recognise the problem at all.
I want to be working in a job, best if it is 5-day week and internet connection. That's all I ask for, I dont mind workload at all! =)
But what kind of job should I look for, marketing maybe.
At the current job, during the interview, I was told I will be assisting the sales person in her job, meaning I will be doing space planning, materials collection, presentation boards and etc. That jobscope is exactly as I like it, so I was quite pleased to grab this job.
But as I worked on, I realised it is not like that at all. I am doing the work of adl while she is busy with *ahem* *ahem*. I dont do space planning, materials collection or presentation boards much, less than 10% of the time. The remaining of the time I am doing things like quotation, delivery of catalogues, print pictures, send email to client, etc.
Totally off track.
Hence I decided I want to ask for a transfer, and I went to the HR to asked about the possibility.
Later when she came into the office, she began to go crazy. I asked her questions regarding work and she unwillingly answered them. When the secretary finished formatting the quotation, I calculated the total as I usually do as a double-check confirmation.
She immediately asked me what I was doing. I informed, and she told me that is NOT NECESSARY and asked me to bring the whole stack over to her.
I reminded myself not to be angered by her poor behaviour and I passed the stack to her, while she went thru the stack of more than 30 pages within 5 seconds.
She exclaimed again that checking is NOT NECESSARY!, so I left her and went back to do my stuff.
I have no idea what is she pissed about at the point of time, but I kept having to remind myself I mustnt be angry.
Then came afternoon, she dumped more work on me and told me she wants them by 6. I was still doing them at 4 and she came over and asked me if I can finished them within 15mins. I told her I cant, I need one hour at least, and checked with her isnt the drawings needed at 6 only?
She said yes, and then she said she wants to speak to me.
(There it goes again!)
I finished work at around 4.50pm and I passed the stack to her. She didnt even have a word of thanks and asked me to follow her to the meeting room.
I did, and she told me she have been hearing rumours spreaded by me about her. She said she already told me before that if there is something I am displeased with her I should just tell her and not spread rumours about her.
(I have no idea what is she talking about at all, but I cannot be bothered to defend myself. It is always she's right and I'm wrong anyway.)
She told me either I tender my resignation or talk to the director. I was shocked but I didnt give her the luxury to see me falter, even if it was only for a split second. I simply told her ok and walked away.
I think I should leave. I've prepared my resignation letter already, but I shall tender after I spoke to the director. Even if I am quitting, I am not going to do it for her. I've already addressed the letter to the director.
I am tired of being constantly angry here, and the management are always siding the 'seniors'. My other colleagues are having problems with their seniors but the management doesnt recognise the problem at all.
I want to be working in a job, best if it is 5-day week and internet connection. That's all I ask for, I dont mind workload at all! =)
But what kind of job should I look for, marketing maybe.
The best summary of my problem
Bearly 10 minutes after I spoke to andy, I am happy to inform, I am feeling so much better.
I am angry with myself for being so easily agitated. What is the point, really?
I sms-ed andy and tell him I wish he can give me a call at his convenience anytime over the next few days, because I need sound advice and I know he is the one can point out things to me.
I know for sure he is the one to talk to because he seems to have the power to knock thru the coconut of a head I have.
There was a period of time when I felt I couldnt face the world after my depression period (heck, you can still consider me to be IN the depression period at that time). I dont want to meet up with old friends because I dunno what they will think of me, I dont know how to explain to them how I failed to discipline myself properly.
But after the lenthy conversation with him and lao da, I eventually came to sense.
He came online to talk to me less than 10 mins after I sent that sms. Everyone knows I am constantly online. I didnt have to go into all the details, I just gave him a very rough outline of my problem and he got me to read his blog entry.
"How can a normal human being be so easily affected by others?
What I did..
1. Did nothing
2. Smile
With the action of this 2 simple task, I have the ablity to CONTROL her emotions..
Am I that powerful?
or is she that Weak?
No no ...
I don't allowed that in my life..
I will not let anyone that's irrelevant in my life to affect my emotion so easily.."
It is really true.
But I could only promise him I will try.
k : ok, i will remember..
k : next time when i am angry
k : i will just excuse myself
k : walk away and give myself 5 mins to think whether it is worth to make myself angry
k : who are they to me
a : yah...
a : i can tell u the answer without thinking for 5 mins..
a : Answer: Who are they ? Chey~
That is the best summary to my problem can?
There is no better answer. It is really just a 'chey~'. They are not worth my anger, my braincells, my wrinkles, my vulgarities even. Who are they? Chey~.
I told andy that is the best summary, he was a little surprised. He didnt expect me to catch it that fast.
Hmm, to the people who are reading this, I have no idea whether you understand why that is the summary. There is no insider joke here, it is just a very apt summary.
Ok, as long as I understand can already. =)
It is really the cleverest thing I've done in months, by talking to andy. I can only count on him to give me important directions.
Yet he humbly say "thanks me ??? No .. thanks yourself for seeing the light ok ?"
=)
Like I told him, when I first got to know him, he is "lao da's friend". Since that afternoon at mac, I realised he is more that that to me. He is MY friend.
I told him that, because I believe that when you care for a friend you must let him/her know. He smiled and said thanks.
I am really blessed.
How many people are blessed with good friends like andy?
I am angry with myself for being so easily agitated. What is the point, really?
I sms-ed andy and tell him I wish he can give me a call at his convenience anytime over the next few days, because I need sound advice and I know he is the one can point out things to me.
I know for sure he is the one to talk to because he seems to have the power to knock thru the coconut of a head I have.
There was a period of time when I felt I couldnt face the world after my depression period (heck, you can still consider me to be IN the depression period at that time). I dont want to meet up with old friends because I dunno what they will think of me, I dont know how to explain to them how I failed to discipline myself properly.
But after the lenthy conversation with him and lao da, I eventually came to sense.
He came online to talk to me less than 10 mins after I sent that sms. Everyone knows I am constantly online. I didnt have to go into all the details, I just gave him a very rough outline of my problem and he got me to read his blog entry.
"How can a normal human being be so easily affected by others?
What I did..
1. Did nothing
2. Smile
With the action of this 2 simple task, I have the ablity to CONTROL her emotions..
Am I that powerful?
or is she that Weak?
No no ...
I don't allowed that in my life..
I will not let anyone that's irrelevant in my life to affect my emotion so easily.."
It is really true.
But I could only promise him I will try.
k : ok, i will remember..
k : next time when i am angry
k : i will just excuse myself
k : walk away and give myself 5 mins to think whether it is worth to make myself angry
k : who are they to me
a : yah...
a : i can tell u the answer without thinking for 5 mins..
a : Answer: Who are they ? Chey~
That is the best summary to my problem can?
There is no better answer. It is really just a 'chey~'. They are not worth my anger, my braincells, my wrinkles, my vulgarities even. Who are they? Chey~.
I told andy that is the best summary, he was a little surprised. He didnt expect me to catch it that fast.
Hmm, to the people who are reading this, I have no idea whether you understand why that is the summary. There is no insider joke here, it is just a very apt summary.
Ok, as long as I understand can already. =)
It is really the cleverest thing I've done in months, by talking to andy. I can only count on him to give me important directions.
Yet he humbly say "thanks me ??? No .. thanks yourself for seeing the light ok ?"
=)
Like I told him, when I first got to know him, he is "lao da's friend". Since that afternoon at mac, I realised he is more that that to me. He is MY friend.
I told him that, because I believe that when you care for a friend you must let him/her know. He smiled and said thanks.
I am really blessed.
How many people are blessed with good friends like andy?
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Curbing my anger
I really will try my best to curb my temper. I dowan to complain anymore, and I dowan to make a fuss anymore.
I will just ignore whoever is making me angry.
I will just ignore whatever crap is happening and will control my anger.
By not complaining non stop, I am not continuing to piss my friends off. Everyone is sick of listening to me complain about the same things over and over again. I am tired of saying them over and over again myself.
Things are not getting solved anyway, so why should I be angry over it.
I dowan to over estimate myself any longer and pretend I am able to change things for the better. As a matter of fact, how do I know for sure that my better is THE better?
The only thing is that, but not being able to be angry, I am depriving myself of an outlet. I feel very wronged and eventually I feel so helpless that I dont know what to do.
When anger turns to tears, it is scary. So scary that you wouldnt know what to do.
I will just ignore whoever is making me angry.
I will just ignore whatever crap is happening and will control my anger.
By not complaining non stop, I am not continuing to piss my friends off. Everyone is sick of listening to me complain about the same things over and over again. I am tired of saying them over and over again myself.
Things are not getting solved anyway, so why should I be angry over it.
I dowan to over estimate myself any longer and pretend I am able to change things for the better. As a matter of fact, how do I know for sure that my better is THE better?
The only thing is that, but not being able to be angry, I am depriving myself of an outlet. I feel very wronged and eventually I feel so helpless that I dont know what to do.
When anger turns to tears, it is scary. So scary that you wouldnt know what to do.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
The conversation with vnc
I am too lazy to blog it out, so you have to bear with my copy and paste.
Henry is a friend whom I chat regularly on msn only.
k : i very pek chek... but dunno have to explain to you starting from where... long long story... regarding work
h : will take long or not.... later story half u wan to log off liao...
k : very long, you want to listen ar?
h : haha..... convenient not?
k : ok , i start
k : basically i long bang a coll's car home just now
k : he is something like a boss/manager in the company, but i am not under him
k : at my office, we are divided into teams
k : in my team there is 3 boss, he is one of them, but i am under another boss in the team
k : so... the three of them always get together and talk one lah,
h : so he is not ur direct boss right....
k : yah... not, but he can tekan me still... he is the one who hired me though.. he just now just said that he can sack me if he wants to
h : WAH!!!!
k : so just now vnc was saying i have attitude problem, said i am not handling things aptly
k : said he felt it is not fair for me to go tell so many people of the conflict between me and my direct boss (adl)
k : said adl is upset.
k : i told him i never expected her not to, she have to start to get use to the fact that not everyone will do things the way she wants
h : HM... OKOK...
k : if life dont sail smoothly for me, why must is sail smoothly for her at MY EXPENSE?
k : he felt that i shouldnt have told so many ppl, shouldnt have gossip
k : i told him, that is depending on how a person defines 'gossip'
k : to me, i am not gossiping, I am just relating my anger to my friends at work
k : i am not restricting to only colleagues, i complain about it to my family, to my outside friends, ex colleagues, etc...
k : i told him i dont think i am gossiping,
h : but u talk to it in the office?
k : but i did talk about it to many ppl
h : i mean u talk about it in the office?
k : yah
h : today?
k : angry about things tt she did to me, then i talk about it lor
k : no lah, it is acutally quite some time ago
k : dunno why suddenly he brings it up again.
h : oic.... so it's some time ago one....
k : and also i dont think i am gossiping because i wasnt lying at all.... i didnt twist the story to my favour, and i am not targetting at her alone....
k : when i am angry, i AM angry,
k : if it is vnc who made me angry, i will also complain about him.
k : to me it is really not a case of gossip, if anyone have to put a term to it, i am complaining
k : i dont expect everything to go my way
h : maybe perhaps he dun wan u to sow more discord around ba....
k : but sometimes these boss are really *_$(*$%&#
k : precisely.... that is what he felt
k : that i am sowing discord
k : that with me coming to the surface with my anger
k : many ppl are admitting on their anger too
k : it is not something that i expected
k : nor is is somethign that I was wishing for
k : when i complain, i was going saying my piece
k : i dont know how it affects the rest
h : ya.... boss always cover each other's backside...
k : the rest had always have a problem with her but because the bosses cover each other so well, we subordinates usually dont dare to say anything.
k : i used to think that I am the one having problem
k : until i express my anger, express my helplessness when it comes to handling her, then i realised everyone who worked with her felt exactly the same way
k : she is at fault but she would point the finger at me because i am an easy scapegoat
h : simple lor....
k : can always say i havent got time to finish my work, (when it is because she felt the job is too small for her but yet she dowan to offend client personally)
k : everyone who ever worked with her kena it before
h : some boss are like that one...
k : if i never express my anger, i would never had known so many ppl are facing the same problem
h : hm.... then dun have to worry lah....
k : but because i expressed my anger, many ppl are taking the opportunity to run adl down
k : and now the fault lies with me,
k : because i am 'sowing discord'
h : the worst case is look for new job lor since u cannot enjoy ur work....
k : when did i did that? i was merely expressing my opinion
k : sometimes i felt like quitting
k : but i dowan to be yet another person to quit because of her
h : maybe voice out to HR to transfer....
h : that means many has left ar?
k : the other teams wont take me in one... cos if they do they will offend adl
k : a few have left. from as far as i heard... not just in the department, some of the admin also
h : then i think since u feel so bad there, might as well look for a new job liao...
h : no point feeling so sad working there right...
k : because when she gives work, she wants the work NOW... no matter what you are doing, she want the work NOW!, if you cannot finish, good luck, she will tell the client you cannot finish the work
k : and she totally ignore the fact that it takes time to do any work
k : like she can go for meeting at 11, tell the client she will get the changes done and she will be back by 2
h : simple lor.... jus do what u do best lor....
h : anything happen she push the blame to u...
h : but something will happen to her sooner or later....
h : if she skeep pushing the job to ur side..
k : she will give unrealistic deadlines
k : but now at least she dont do that to me, cos i argued with her once
k : i told her that her deadlines are unrealistic and unreasonable
k : but now at least she dont do that to me, cos i argued with her once
k : but she is still doing that to other colleagues, but i cant help them either... i also cant save myself much
h : i think she shud ask u first by what time u can finish and do adjustment...
k : because i do autocad drawings
k : i tell her to give me at least one hr per piece
k : last time she can demand 2 piece in 50mins
h : for buildings or electronics?
k : system furniture la, not as complicated as building plans
k : so each a4 will take ard 1hr for me
h : oicic....
h : so jus take ur time to do ur best lor...
h : see how long she can push the blame to u....
h : the most u get fired...
h : but she'll be in depp shit....
k : she still does tt all the time
k : i dowan to be fired la
k : i want to throw letter if i can
h : hm.... okok... try to endure....
k : he felt that i am not responsible at work
k : doing things like adl tells me
k : he said when he hired me
k : he is looking to have someone who can counter propose to the sales (adl is the sales person)
k : i know i should be, but i am not doing it at all
k : i also dunno why
h : meaning?
k : say client have this budget
k : then adl propose something
k : she propose then all the sai gang proposal i do one la, like dwgs, quotation, imaging, etc all i do
k : so while i am doing, i should be thinking of ways to improve her quotation,
k : maybe quote a different range of products
k : and etc etc etc etc
h : oic.... evaluation...
k : so that she gets the job
k : but i am not doing tt at all
k : she gives me whatever crap
k : i do up proposal and gives her whatever crap she decided on
h : then u shud start to do what ur job scope allows..
k : i also dunno why i so kuai lan
k : maybe because i want to cut down on the chance to talk to her
k : the less i ask and counterpropose, the less i need to communicate with her
k : then i wont be so pissed by her, or the chance of her pissing me off is reduced
h : hm.... in the first place.... first impression.... do u like her?
k : first impresson ar
k : no particular impression
k : but i started being pissed with her less than 2 wks into the job.
h : so fast ar?
k : i just joined the company and i didnt know my company's product
k : she ask me go visit a client alone. (vnc told me i NEVER need to visit client alone)
k : i told her i cant handle, she unwillingly say will go with me
k : on the day, she took mc, and i was forced to go alone... she asked the third boss in our team to ask me to go alone
k : i keep saying i cant
h : u say u not experienced enuff ma...
k : cos i dunno the information
h : ya... TRUE!!!
k : if client ask me i DIE!
k : she insist i go, and so i went lor
k : client really bua me
k : i dont mind getting scolded, cos at my last job i am getting scolded everyday, i am immuned,
k : but i mind getting sabotaged
k : she knew very well i couldnt handle but she wouldnt help me
h : the u next time also take mc lor....
k : despite me repeatedly saying i cant
k : from then on i dont like her le
h : purposely bitch...
k : that day the moment i stepped back into the office i slammed the file on the table
k : vnc asked me what's wrong, i explained to him
k : he told me "wha, you very gan leh... any information also dun have you also dare to go... you really prepare yourself to be scolded hor?"
h : wah... bastard le.....like that u got sandwich....
k : vnc is still ok, tell you, compared to adl...
h : he is an angel ar?
k : at least with vnc i anything unhappy i can just slam the table
k : and thrash out with him over vulgarities
h : wah.... fierce.....
k : he also knows he work well, so he wont sabotage me in terms of work... he will only show me attitude problem only
k : i am fine with tt la, cos my attitude sucks also
k : but adl not like that one leh... she dunno her work, and yet we cannot make her feel stupid, or she will be angry
k : i am really earning the title of the official bitch in the company
k : my temper is the worst of the worse
k : hahaha
h : haha... but try to endure and change....
k : change my temper?
k : how to?
k : it is my personality leh
k : how to change
k : i can control la
k : dont show my anger
k : swallow them up
k : but i will implode leh
h : then change attitude also...
h : later u'll get depression wor..
k : i alr have depression, at the most i get is a relapse
k : which is very often
k : so there's no difference
k : sometimes, i really dunno how to handle life
h : Wah.... Hey..... dun talk like that leh...
k : i always talk like tt one leh... dont you start installing an alarm once you hear i've got depression leh
k : i am not worried about my depression
k : but recently it really seems to be coming back
k : and i have to start to worry about my other illness
h : maybe due to ur work mah.....
h : must learn to enjoy ur work mah.....
k : i thought i am
k : until vnc reminds me that i am not doing work up to standard
h : but do u think u are going to work long there?
k : i planned 2 yrs
k : but now....
k : dunno wor, ive been here for less than 5mths
It had been days, but I am still upset as I thought about it.
I really think I might be in the wrong job, but then again, I dont seem to fit in any other job.
Henry is a friend whom I chat regularly on msn only.
k : i very pek chek... but dunno have to explain to you starting from where... long long story... regarding work
h : will take long or not.... later story half u wan to log off liao...
k : very long, you want to listen ar?
h : haha..... convenient not?
k : ok , i start
k : basically i long bang a coll's car home just now
k : he is something like a boss/manager in the company, but i am not under him
k : at my office, we are divided into teams
k : in my team there is 3 boss, he is one of them, but i am under another boss in the team
k : so... the three of them always get together and talk one lah,
h : so he is not ur direct boss right....
k : yah... not, but he can tekan me still... he is the one who hired me though.. he just now just said that he can sack me if he wants to
h : WAH!!!!
k : so just now vnc was saying i have attitude problem, said i am not handling things aptly
k : said he felt it is not fair for me to go tell so many people of the conflict between me and my direct boss (adl)
k : said adl is upset.
k : i told him i never expected her not to, she have to start to get use to the fact that not everyone will do things the way she wants
h : HM... OKOK...
k : if life dont sail smoothly for me, why must is sail smoothly for her at MY EXPENSE?
k : he felt that i shouldnt have told so many ppl, shouldnt have gossip
k : i told him, that is depending on how a person defines 'gossip'
k : to me, i am not gossiping, I am just relating my anger to my friends at work
k : i am not restricting to only colleagues, i complain about it to my family, to my outside friends, ex colleagues, etc...
k : i told him i dont think i am gossiping,
h : but u talk to it in the office?
k : but i did talk about it to many ppl
h : i mean u talk about it in the office?
k : yah
h : today?
k : angry about things tt she did to me, then i talk about it lor
k : no lah, it is acutally quite some time ago
k : dunno why suddenly he brings it up again.
h : oic.... so it's some time ago one....
k : and also i dont think i am gossiping because i wasnt lying at all.... i didnt twist the story to my favour, and i am not targetting at her alone....
k : when i am angry, i AM angry,
k : if it is vnc who made me angry, i will also complain about him.
k : to me it is really not a case of gossip, if anyone have to put a term to it, i am complaining
h : okok...
k : i dont expect everything to go my way
h : maybe perhaps he dun wan u to sow more discord around ba....
k : but sometimes these boss are really *_$(*$%&#
k : precisely.... that is what he felt
k : that i am sowing discord
k : that with me coming to the surface with my anger
k : many ppl are admitting on their anger too
k : it is not something that i expected
k : nor is is somethign that I was wishing for
k : when i complain, i was going saying my piece
k : i dont know how it affects the rest
h : ya.... boss always cover each other's backside...
k : the rest had always have a problem with her but because the bosses cover each other so well, we subordinates usually dont dare to say anything.
k : i used to think that I am the one having problem
k : until i express my anger, express my helplessness when it comes to handling her, then i realised everyone who worked with her felt exactly the same way
k : she is at fault but she would point the finger at me because i am an easy scapegoat
h : simple lor....
k : can always say i havent got time to finish my work, (when it is because she felt the job is too small for her but yet she dowan to offend client personally)
k : everyone who ever worked with her kena it before
h : some boss are like that one...
k : if i never express my anger, i would never had known so many ppl are facing the same problem
h : hm.... then dun have to worry lah....
k : but because i expressed my anger, many ppl are taking the opportunity to run adl down
k : and now the fault lies with me,
k : because i am 'sowing discord'
h : the worst case is look for new job lor since u cannot enjoy ur work....
k : when did i did that? i was merely expressing my opinion
k : sometimes i felt like quitting
k : but i dowan to be yet another person to quit because of her
h : maybe voice out to HR to transfer....
h : that means many has left ar?
k : the other teams wont take me in one... cos if they do they will offend adl
k : a few have left. from as far as i heard... not just in the department, some of the admin also
h : then i think since u feel so bad there, might as well look for a new job liao...
h : no point feeling so sad working there right...
k : because when she gives work, she wants the work NOW... no matter what you are doing, she want the work NOW!, if you cannot finish, good luck, she will tell the client you cannot finish the work
k : and she totally ignore the fact that it takes time to do any work
k : like she can go for meeting at 11, tell the client she will get the changes done and she will be back by 2
h : simple lor.... jus do what u do best lor....
h : anything happen she push the blame to u...
h : but something will happen to her sooner or later....
h : if she skeep pushing the job to ur side..
k : she will give unrealistic deadlines
k : but now at least she dont do that to me, cos i argued with her once
k : i told her that her deadlines are unrealistic and unreasonable
k : but now at least she dont do that to me, cos i argued with her once
k : but she is still doing that to other colleagues, but i cant help them either... i also cant save myself much
h : i think she shud ask u first by what time u can finish and do adjustment...
k : because i do autocad drawings
k : i tell her to give me at least one hr per piece
k : last time she can demand 2 piece in 50mins
h : for buildings or electronics?
k : system furniture la, not as complicated as building plans
k : so each a4 will take ard 1hr for me
h : oicic....
h : so jus take ur time to do ur best lor...
h : see how long she can push the blame to u....
h : the most u get fired...
h : but she'll be in depp shit....
k : she still does tt all the time
k : i dowan to be fired la
k : i want to throw letter if i can
h : hm.... okok... try to endure....
k : he felt that i am not responsible at work
k : doing things like adl tells me
k : he said when he hired me
k : he is looking to have someone who can counter propose to the sales (adl is the sales person)
k : i know i should be, but i am not doing it at all
k : i also dunno why
h : meaning?
k : say client have this budget
k : then adl propose something
k : she propose then all the sai gang proposal i do one la, like dwgs, quotation, imaging, etc all i do
k : so while i am doing, i should be thinking of ways to improve her quotation,
k : maybe quote a different range of products
k : and etc etc etc etc
h : oic.... evaluation...
k : so that she gets the job
k : but i am not doing tt at all
k : she gives me whatever crap
k : i do up proposal and gives her whatever crap she decided on
h : then u shud start to do what ur job scope allows..
k : i also dunno why i so kuai lan
k : maybe because i want to cut down on the chance to talk to her
k : the less i ask and counterpropose, the less i need to communicate with her
k : then i wont be so pissed by her, or the chance of her pissing me off is reduced
h : hm.... in the first place.... first impression.... do u like her?
k : first impresson ar
k : no particular impression
k : but i started being pissed with her less than 2 wks into the job.
h : so fast ar?
k : i just joined the company and i didnt know my company's product
k : she ask me go visit a client alone. (vnc told me i NEVER need to visit client alone)
k : i told her i cant handle, she unwillingly say will go with me
k : on the day, she took mc, and i was forced to go alone... she asked the third boss in our team to ask me to go alone
k : i keep saying i cant
h : u say u not experienced enuff ma...
k : cos i dunno the information
h : ya... TRUE!!!
k : if client ask me i DIE!
k : she insist i go, and so i went lor
k : client really bua me
k : i dont mind getting scolded, cos at my last job i am getting scolded everyday, i am immuned,
k : but i mind getting sabotaged
k : she knew very well i couldnt handle but she wouldnt help me
h : the u next time also take mc lor....
k : despite me repeatedly saying i cant
k : from then on i dont like her le
h : purposely bitch...
k : that day the moment i stepped back into the office i slammed the file on the table
k : vnc asked me what's wrong, i explained to him
k : he told me "wha, you very gan leh... any information also dun have you also dare to go... you really prepare yourself to be scolded hor?"
h : wah... bastard le.....like that u got sandwich....
k : vnc is still ok, tell you, compared to adl...
h : he is an angel ar?
k : at least with vnc i anything unhappy i can just slam the table
k : and thrash out with him over vulgarities
h : wah.... fierce.....
k : he also knows he work well, so he wont sabotage me in terms of work... he will only show me attitude problem only
k : i am fine with tt la, cos my attitude sucks also
k : but adl not like that one leh... she dunno her work, and yet we cannot make her feel stupid, or she will be angry
k : i am really earning the title of the official bitch in the company
k : my temper is the worst of the worse
k : hahaha
h : haha... but try to endure and change....
k : change my temper?
k : how to?
k : it is my personality leh
k : how to change
k : i can control la
k : dont show my anger
k : swallow them up
k : but i will implode leh
h : then change attitude also...
h : later u'll get depression wor..
k : i alr have depression, at the most i get is a relapse
k : which is very often
k : so there's no difference
k : sometimes, i really dunno how to handle life
h : Wah.... Hey..... dun talk like that leh...
k : i always talk like tt one leh... dont you start installing an alarm once you hear i've got depression leh
k : i am not worried about my depression
k : but recently it really seems to be coming back
k : and i have to start to worry about my other illness
h : maybe due to ur work mah.....
h : must learn to enjoy ur work mah.....
k : i thought i am
k : until vnc reminds me that i am not doing work up to standard
h : but do u think u are going to work long there?
k : i planned 2 yrs
k : but now....
k : dunno wor, ive been here for less than 5mths
It had been days, but I am still upset as I thought about it.
I really think I might be in the wrong job, but then again, I dont seem to fit in any other job.
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