What's your seduction style?

Hallo Devil! : Leave

Ivel went on leave when the peak of busy-ness was over. The day before she was back at work, she met up with a colleague for lunch to see what was the latest gossip in the company.

She may be away, but she wants to be updated before she goes back to work so that she would not appear left out tomorrow.

Ivel, though eager to know, still tried to appear casual when she asked her colleague what was the latest status of the account that the manager had passed to her before she left. Her colleague told her that the manager had asked everyone to give the latest information of the project to Oliva, a lady in the team whom hold the same position as she is.

After the meal, Ivel was blistering with irritation on how an account that was supposed to be hers is seemingly being passed to another person. Oliva is more senior in the company than she is, and she is the better liked one, because she always play the role of a weakling when she needs to, and guys always rushed to her aid.

Comparatively, Ivel doesnt have those charms, and neither does she wants to depend on others, so she always work on her own, silently planning, secretly measuring odds.

Ivel had already decided, good that she knows it now, that if the manager is to tell her tomorrow that the account is passed to Oliva tomorrow, she is just going to smile and thank them for reducing her workload.

Still, she called Oliva, wanting to confirm with her whether she was given instructions to take over the project. "Of course not! The project is yours!" Oliva apparently dont wish to take over Ivel's project so to avoid a conflict between them.

"Why? Is everything ok?" Oliva asked, sounding concerned.

"Oh, just that I heard that they passed all the latest information of the project to you, and I wondered what happen." Ivel disguised the edge in her voice.

"I wondered too. But I know it is your account, so I've left all the information on your table already. You will see them when you return tomorrow."

"That's so nice of you. I was just worried that the manager will ask you to collate the information on my behalf. I know you are busy, so I dont wish to trouble you." Ivel immediately lied.

"Dont say that, I was busy too, or I will help too."

"That's so nice of you, ok, I see you tomorrow, bye!" Ivel smiled, ensuring she sounded cheerful over the phone.

"Bye!"

Ivel ended the call and wiped the smile off her face. Every conversation these days is leading to an impromptu acting practice.

It feels like crap

When one thing goes wrong, everything else will just take cue and
break into pieces.

Shards cut. But not worse than indifference.

Misunderstood

It hurts most when it is by someone whom you care about.

"He is just too busy to take my call," the girl consoled herself.

But all three calls, an hour spaced carefully between them, hadnt manage to convince the guy to call back. He sent a harsh sms, asking her what's wrong?

She knew, from the tone, she was treading on thin ice, so she picked her words cautiously in the reply. She only wanted to know how he was, and was worried when he didnt answer calls.

His retort, even if it was just digital words in her handphone, felt like a knife that was drove into her.

She has little left to say. Maybe she should accept that this relationship, directed by both of them hand in hand, was leading towards doom.

Ktv: 菊花台

Recently learning
周杰伦 - 菊花台

Guestbook

After scrapping the tagboard, I've created a guestbook in place so that you readers (all 3 of you) can leave comments for me.

Meanwhile, emailing me is still an option. If you can still remember it, that is. =)

Ktv: 女爵

Recently learning:
楊乃文 - 女爵

Youtube

Recently I've taken a love to search youtube for MVs. Because I am too too lazy to think of new contents to post, so I am posting something related to what I like best - singing! =)

Actually I started doing this while I am at work. When I am free at work, I will go to youtube to search for MVs and play them (ears plugged in earphones of course) because I cant download songs there.

Dowan to get caught you see.

Wah lao eh! Youtube really have a lot of contents loh! I seldom surf youtube like others do, cos I prefer to invest my time in reading newsweek lah, etc. Haaaa. =P

Ktv: 墓仔埔也敢去

Recently learning:
蔡依林 - 墓仔埔也敢去

Please be polite

I use msn on a daily basis, and once upon a time, msn is typically a form of deformed communication between me and my friends.

These days, I logged on for the heck of it, and blocked everyone who might be talking to me, except my colleagues and mashi of course. There is no way I will block mashi because she is the perfect anger dumpster for me.

I would just msn a whole lot of crap, not even need to wait for her to reply her take, and I would close the window. It is like writing an letter and slot it into the metal bins instead of the postbox.

My colleagues are all unblocked for a simple reason, cos sometimes it gets too cumbersome to walk over to their workstation (read lazy genes) and I will just msn them to tell them to come talk to me when they happen to need the loo.

I sit near the smelly place, by the way.

For certain friends, we almost talk on gmail chats only. Gmail totally rocks my socks off, because while we used to need to download and install google talk to be able to talk to friends, now we can just talk via the inbox, as long as we are logged in.

Amazing.

And I like it that way that if you set your status as 'BUSY', gmail will automatically generate a message to say that "User is busy, you may be interrupting. Continue?"

Usually this message is good enough to stop anybody who swings by and looking for a chat.

('BUSY' mode isnt an automatic mode. You will have to set it, so there is no excuse for people who claim "Oh, I thought it was an away message." Bleah!)

Still, I get messages from people who apparently cannot understand the simple message. Are they expecting me to reply despite my busy status, or are they thinking that I am pretending to be busy (hmmm, maybe I am), or what?

If they meant it as a note for me, then drop me an email! We are in the inbox already for godness sake!!

14 Nov 2007

That is when my singnet contract is ending! Holy crap!!

My greatest wish now is to wait until this contract expire, and hopefully by then I get myself married out, and I can do set up in my new house all over again. Currently it is just so irritating to re-setup everytime somethings cock up.

And I want to get wireless internet, and get a laptop. In short, I want everything that mashi is having. I kinda think that if I have a living room like hers, with a low table in front of the tv, I would be able to bring work home to do. I would sit in front of the tv and do my drawings, while fully utlising my scv bill and internet bill, unlike what is currently happening.

Anyway, 11 mths is definitely not long enough to convince any man to marry me. Heck, I dont like living with me either. Hee. =)

But anyone wants to offer?

Grinning like an idiot

I was on the line with a certain someone yesterday, and I am still grinning like an idiot for the whole of today for any of the time that I remembered the conversation.

So! Sometimes it is not what a person say that matters, but who the person is. I remembered being thoroughly pissed when a person retorted me "xx your head lah" when I was just making an innocent comment on something.

But when this certain someone laughed during our conversation, and jibed "xx your head lah", I didnt feel a single pinch of anger, but laughed heartily with him.

I missed talking to him, and missed the way the two of us would exchange sarcasm and me appearing determined to win the silly bicker, but I will always stop after a while and let him win. Well, I am not a guy, I dont need the ego boaster. =)

And, being able to cry foul at the end of the bicker allows me to act irritated and complain to him how come he is always picking on me? Then he would smiled and cry foul, saying he never did that.

Ok, it is quite silly, but that is how the two of us get along. I am usually very smart and sensible with other friends, but with this funny one, I tend to stoop to his level and that make me lose my intellectual front.

Sigh. Spoiler. Hee.

I arranged with him to come out for coffee sometime soon. I am so eager! =)

Colleague who doesnt work

It is an entire irony, when I say that I am doing too much, and working too hard, and not being able to enjoy life anymore, while I have a colleague who is not doing work.

I have lots and lots of complains about this colleague, but I am too lazy to list them one by one down specifically.

All I want to say is, how come he is not doing work? How come he is doing so little compared to CD whom he was supposed to take over? How come we have to spoon feed him with all the information and he still feels we owes him big time?

BigBoss (not the same person as BigBigBoss) asked me to ask CD to come back, so that he can ask this guy to go. But CD is asking for a very high pay as compared to what she used to be taking here, and apparently the boss doesnt want it.

But one way or the other, this guy would have to go. I feel a tad bad for him, but if he is not performing, and not showing that he is willing to work hard, there is nothing much chance the boss wants to keep him.

That brings me to another problem. I used to think it would be a good idea if CD comes back, because now I am not too sure.

I mean, she is a good gossip buddy, and she stands up for me, but sometimes she can be very overbearing. When she wants to talk to me, she will just go on and on without stopping, and she wont care if I am eyebrow deep in work or not.

If she wants to talk, and need a listening ear, I can lend her while I am busy working. But I am really unable to answer her each whims. And like yesterday, she, SS and myself were supposed to be having dinner at 7. They arranged between themselves and told me they would be meeting at 7.

They wanted me to join them promptly at 7, but I mentioned that if I have OT to do, I will try to finish it before joining them. Dinner at 7 is almost totally impossible for me.

She said that maybe I shouldnt, and I must join them for dinner first, and then return to office to do OT after that, and that was a command. I told her I am not going to do that if I can help it, because it feels like shit when your dinner companions are heading home after dinner but you are going back to work.

She was displeased, but I wasnt going to continue discussing it with her because I was very determined.

Then come yesterday, knowing that I have this thing against the japanese restuarant near workplace, she insisted on eating there. She told SS that they should just go ahead and ignore my dislike for the place, and that I will still go no matter what.

She underestimated my stubborness and when she called me to tell me they are eating there, I told her then I am not going. She then sounded hurt and said I should have told her earlier that I dont want to dine there.

But the point is, she knew about it, and joked about it, and then she pretends not to know about it. And she kept calling me while I was still in office doing work, and kept urging me to join them when I've mentioned that I want to finish what I was doing.

And I wondered, in the past 2 mths that she left the company, because the guy who was supposed to be taking over her is not quite competent, I had been taking charge of many matters myself and I had hence grew an edge to my patience too.

While she mentioned that I havent got the tiniest bit of patience to begin with, the main difference was that if it was in the past, I would loose patience and try to do the work myself, making mess in the process.

Now, after I am more familiar with work, if I lost my patience, say because the person supposed to be doing the job is not effecient enough, I will do the work myself, and I will give the ineffecient person hell later on for adding to my workload.

I cant imagine if she returns, and then she will keep bugging me as a colleague like what she is doing now as a friend, how am I going to cope with her. Actually I think, maybe it would be a good idea to tell the boss to hire a fresh grad and train from the beginning.

I would be quite willing to help to teach her if she shows willingness to learn.

I think CD is better as a friend then as a colleague maybe.

Doing too much

EC and I were the last to leave the office yesterday, and he informed me, because there wasnt anyone else around to eavesdrop, that BigBigBoss has called him for a meeting.

BBB asked him how come I had been the one liasing with clients and suppliers very often at this stage of the project. Actually after the design stage, after the client have approved the design and signed the contract, after I'd briefed the project team on the design, my involvment in the job is actually quite over.

But because the project team has been very tied up recently because of some new staff joining us, and there was some training periods involved, I involved myself more with some of the jobscope that was meant to be of the project's team.

In other words, while the liasion with clients and suppliers are the project team's business, I've been putting a nose into it.

Partly because the project is mine, I want the best for it and I want the best for my clients.

Partly because I am new to this line, and I want to learn as much knowledge and information about the trade as I can, and this can be acheived if I take the trouble to do all the crap work.

Actually, it is also partly because I prefer to depend on myself when I can help it, because it is easier to yourself to help then to request some to lend a helping hand. And by not always needing others' help, I wont be develping a dependant trait on my colleagues.

I've mentioned before that when I first joined a bank as a temp, because I was really no good with figures, I grew very dependant on a colleague and hence I was totally helpless for a period of time after he left the job.

Actually, with the memory in mind, I really do not want that to happen again.

The dependence on another person does little to my growth in any job because I am absolutely certain he would be there at the adjacent workstation when I need his help. But having said that, I have to admit, the best thing on being dependant on another person, is that I will remember to be humble.

Humble.

This term had seemed to disappeared from me over this past 3 months.

I am now in the 7th month of this job. I once thought I will leave after 6 mths but now I am still here. When I first joined, or to be exact, in the first 3 mths, I was very uncertain and felt very lost. I depended on my colleagues very frequently for their help and I had to be humble when I needed them to assist me.

Past that, I realised I have been more arrogant these days. Well, maybe not arrogant, but I've lost the humble bit. It is due to the increase in confidence that came with the increase of knowledge of this trade.

People felt that my current attitude is more suitable as compared to my old behaviour. Probably because I am supposedly a designer, I need to be more confident in my works, and not bend myself to suit what others felt.

I constantly reminded myself to plant my feet firmly to the ground, or I will fly into a concrete wall without me noticing. But sometimes I guess it isnt easily achieved. It is impossible for me to be confident and humble at the same time, I dont know how others does it.

Well, maybe the others didnt manage to do it also, but if their objects of abuse doesnt retaliate, I guess it is fine.

For me, I do try to put myself in the shoes of others, therefore I speak to others like how I want others to speak to me. I try not to be rude even if I am pushed to the edge. I dont want to use my position as a designer to boss others around, but communiate with them why I think it is better to do things this way than the other way.

Sometimes when vendors ask me for my opinions, I offer but I dont insist, but listen to what they have to say about the issue. But it causes me certain dilemnas too. If I prefer things to be done in a certain way, the vendors felt that I am not being considerate towards their difficulties.

If I dont, and agree to change certain designs due to constraints, they will ask me how come, I as a designer, doesnt have a mind on my own and is so easily swayed by their so called problems.

Well said.

I hope they recognise the irony too. But usually people cant because they are in the situation themselves.

There are some issues that I can leave it to the project team to handle, because the issues arose on site, and if so, the project team are supposed to handle them and give me a solution, or give me a choice between 2 solutions.

At the same time, they will have to be the one to sort it out with the clients because, well, the issues arose on site!

Hey, I know that sounds like I am shrinking my responsibilities. But precisely because I hadnt been shrinking my responsibilities, I got EC into trouble. While such issues are project team's problems, I had been tackling them myself. This had made EC look bad because it looks like I am doing more than I should and he less than he should.

CD told me that I shouldnt be doing all these because eventually the project team will grew reliant on me to get things done. And I will be pushed up to the firing square with them should anything goes wrong.

Sigh. How then? How should I solve this problem?

Tonsil infection

Over one night, I suddenly had a tonsil infection. I was still completely fine yesterday, but suddenly at night my throat felt suddenly clamped up and I couldnt sleep at all.

I called in sick and I am on mc for today and tomorrow but I guess I will be going back to work tomorrow. There are some things that I need to make decisions on at work, and I dont want my projects to be delayed because of me falling sick, especially when my projects are all very urgent.

I am super drowsy now due to the medicine that I just took, I think I am going to take a nap. Hee. =)

Cant find the time

I was supposed to be talking to a colleague regarding a project last fri. I was finally free after 3 weeks of endless workload, but everyone else had began to be working their asses off already.

Luckily my bosses are sympathetic enough to recognise that I'd been eyebrow deep in work and struggling with all my OT, and so they are okay with me being more laid back this one or two days.

But of course I still had work to do, just that my workload is being lesser over this two days. But still, I am still juggling two or three projects at one time, and hence, like everyone else in the company, I dont have the luxury of attending to one project wholeheartedly.

Therefore, all of us are always finding time to get together for a discussion. And sometimes it proves fruitless because everyone rockets away to the next meeting.

I digressed. I was supposed to be having this discussion with a colleague last fri, and then attend the company's gathering at a karaoke pub. This discussion is for a project that finally got confirmed after 4 months of bouncing balls off the walls, and the client had many questions for me.

I tried to check with this colleague regarding some issues, but he was very busy. I understand the frustration of being bothered when you are super busy, hence I told him that once he has a little time, look for me.

Well he didnt, and I was thinking he might had forgotten, so I would visit his workstation every 2 hrs to see if he is any less busy. He was still very tied up and I could only remind him repeatedly that I really need to speak to him at his first available minute.

He went out for another meeting at around 5pm and the client was already chasing me for answers. I wrote out a list of questions that the clients had for me and waited for said colleague to return, which he estimated to be at 6 plus.

I meant to email the client the answers to her questions and I told her the email would come by around 6.30. I didnt think it was a problem at all because all I needed was some information and I could draft out the email very quickly.

But he never did return on time, and while he was still away, the boss mentioned that we shall go for dinner first before attending the company party. But because I wasnt interested in the dinner venue, I declined and wanted to stay back to finish the project before going to the company party.

When boss mentioned that the said colleague was joining them for dinner, I hadnt any complains. All I wanted is that he answer a few questions for me so that I can draft an email to the client, and work out some details in the project.

But he went for his dinner. Still, I have no problem with that, because well, it is his prerogative to have his meal, but all I wanted is some information so that I can get my work done.

I waited until 7, when I was already get tired of needing to wait, so I left the list of question for him, wrote a note for him to remind him that he had to send out the email the same day, and proceed to leave. While I was walking out, he returned and he wanted me to tell him what was it that I needed from him.

I told him everything is already on the piece of paper and he immediately showed his annoyance and said he rushed back from the dinner so that he can discuss the project with me. I told him I am tired, and I needed to get some shopping done before the shops are closed.

When I saw him again at the company party, he said that they were rushing him to leave the office, hence he didnt manage to get the email sent. Nevermind, he said, he will get it sent out on saturday.

Come today, I checked with him was the email sent. He admitted no. He said he will be doing it today and I told him nevermind, I shall get the information from another colleague and reply the email. But because I need to arrange a meeting with the client tomorrow, I need this colleague to let me know what time will he be free.

He told me he was busy and he cant confirm there and then, and told me he will let me know. I had to attend the company meeting and I told him I will speak to him later. While I was in the meeting, I saw him leave the office and hence I was not able to check with him after the meeting.

I then went out to attend another meeting and then returned to the office to realise he is not around. Bosses began to chase me for the status on the project and told me to call said colleague to see what time will he be free tomorrow so that we can arrange the meeting with the client.

I tried to explain that said colleague is busy, but boss insist I make the call. Then? Said colleague told me he is busy and will be back in a while's time.

He didnt, and the email was just hanging in the air, and the moment he came back, I wanted him to give me an answer and that we can have a discussion on the project. We only managed to speak for 10 minutes and he had to rush off to the next meeting. We managed to confirm the meeting time for tomorrow, but said colleague mentioned that we shouldnt send out this email until a later time.

I disagree, because it isnt nice to arrange a meeting without giving the client sufficient notice. But he insist on not sending out the email. He told me he will come back to discuss further with me when he was back, which he promised to be soon.

It was 4pm then.

I went back to do other stuff while waiting for him to return. He wasnt back by 6.30 and I called him. He said he will be back soon and then the line went dead. I called back but there was no reponse.

By then I was thoroughly pissed. It wasnt everyday that I can leave on time and for the one day that I can, I had to be delayed for someone who couldnt be contacted.

I packed my things and left. I left a note for him to remind him that the email had to be out today and explained to boss that I had an appointment and I cant be waiting around endlessly.

After I've left the office, I saw said colleague's sms and he said that he will be back in 10 minutes time. I replied to tell him I've left and that I know he is busy, but I really had been waiting for the few pieces of information for the whole day already.

I really arent angry with him, because I know he is very busy. When I was busy, I didnt manage to attend to everyone who needed a share of my time. But I really think a simple email taking 3 days is too much.

Simply too much.

I am not feeling well, and I am considering whether I should be taking mc tomorrow and let him die himself. Sigh. He is not the only one who is tired. While he had long hrs, at least he enjoyed one or two days of leaving on time every week. Really, let's not compare who had it worse, but just be considerate to one another.

Moon

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.