What if tomorrow never comes?

Esther forwarded me an email that says we should tell our friends we love them, and do it fast, cos what if tomorrow never comes?

I rubbed my chin and think:

Wow, that is a good idea!

Can we make tomorrow to not come?

[OK EVERYONE CEASE READING FROM HERE ON .
The rest of this entry is for myself only, and I am putting it here cos it is my blog.]

That is difficult, I can only manage my own destiny I guess. I think I can cause my tomorrow never to come.

But should I do it? Would that be a good idea?

Sometimes I feel so sick of myself and my existence that I wonder what bad does it result in the case of my death? Sure, friends and family would be shocked, they will grieve, and then?

What would they do after that? Bravely continuing their lives while tears gather in their eyes on the anniversary?

While I burn in hell for ending a misery?

I tried to think on the bright side and tell myself maybe things would turn for the better if I quit and embark on a new life.

And then I laughed at my own foolishness.How can that be even remotely possible?

My life was too smooth up to my entry to poly, and from there life went downhill. I must had used up all my good karma in my early years.

Now there is none left.

And bad karma is here to haunt me.

I wished I am positive and optimistic enough to pull through any difficulties, and I know some of you are already shaking your heads and feel that I am being a wilful attention seeking bitch who cannot take the tiniest hardship.

So what if I am.

Come knock me down with your car lor!

Interview didnt go well

I went to thomson for interview although I know the chances of me wanting to take the job is very low. Well, sharron is pris's friend, I cant act like a spoilt bitch and give her problems.

The job is wrong in every aspects but bernard, the interviewer, is a very nice guy.

But like what peilin say, when looking for a job, think with your mind and not your heart. If I am immediately associating whether the job would be suitable based on things like whether the interviewer is nice, it simply means I am thinking with my heart.

My mother says I said the same thing after I came home from the interview that got me this job. She reminded me I raved about how the ppl seems really nice. And see what happens now.

I laughed and told her: See! I am so amicable! I think the best of everyone and every environment until I realised the truth.

Mahahahah.

She says that most people take the effort to be friendly to the person whom they first meet, so first impression doesnt always last.

True!

Peilin seconded me on the point that when we go to work, we are paid to work and not paid to make friends. Hence if it is any consolation, I should just stay in this job and do my work.

I told her if kaki or no kaki is my only issue I might just worked things out that way. But 'Clearing Bins' is currently topping the list of "WHY I HATE THIS JOB", while 'Ordered to do Random Sai gangs' come a close second.

Life sucks ar!

Happy Birthday to Jnce!

In advance! I will drop you a sms tmr again, hahah.

I think somewhere in this blog I've mentioned before how I got to know jnce, and she is one person whom I think I will enjoy having as a kaki forever.

Sad to say, I can only categorise her under kaki section, together with slt, wilfred, ec etc. Maybe things will change eventually but currently she is one person whom I can meet alone for meals, wont really run out of things to say but conversation never runs deep either.

Haha. Two superficial ladies here.

We met at marche suntec yesterday, and went to zouk after that. On a general whole I can say it is fun but that's about it. I was pretty bored actually because no one was really talking to me.

Well, I took the time to smoke more then. Hee.

It will be my own birthday celebration next saturday, and I am.. I cant find the correct word.. ok elated, to say that laoda will be able to make it for my birthday!

Dear laoda will touch down at 6pm, will go home bathe and etc, and reach ard 10pm. I am so happy to hear that! =)

That was the best thing that happened for the whole of yesterday, for the day sucked more that it didnt. -_-"

I meant to meet ncn at 6.45 at city hall mrt station, but I was still doing work by 6.30pm. In the end I could just print out whatever I've completed and left, much to the annoyance of LW. (Sometimes I think LW wants to strangle me because I had always been leaving on time these days.)

I was walking very quick steps, almost breaking into a sprint so that I wouldnt be too late, when ncn called and inform wilfred and slt are picking her up and she will meet me at suntec at 7.15pm instead.

It was too early hence to take mrt, so I walked all the way from amoy street to suntec city, smoking sticks on my way. It was a fucking 30mins walk, super shiok to be left alone and smoking without a care.

Earlier, jnce told me over msn that she wanted a strawberry cake for birthday and asked aloud over msn whether we can bring the cake into marche hereen. I told her to check and let me know, and she lamented that why was she doing everything herself.

Personally if it is my birthday I dowan to be the one doing all the liasing etc, so I told her I'll check for her. Marche hereen's number doesnt get through and I asked jnce what time does marche opens for business cos I cant get through. She said she couldnt either, and hence she never made a reservation.

-_-"

I searched for marche suntec's number, which was the smartest thing I did the whole day because marche hereen was closed for renovation. I imformed jnce of so, and she requested I inform everyone of the change in location.

Since when I became the organiser?!?!

But nevermind, for jnce only, the extra spent smses and phone calls are justified. If jnce is reading this she sure would feel touched. Muahahahah.

Zouk was a first time experience for me, and I drank the standard screwdriver and bourbon coke. I took half a glass of graveyard too and the floor immediately floated. My drinking capacity needs to be trained.

But zouk was quite fun, or rather, it is always fun to be intoxicated. I am really growing to be a junkie - for both ciggs and drinks. Tsk tsk, I think I am going to die very soon.

Good to know that. =)

Unpaid leave what?!

When I decided to take mc beginning of this month, it was because I was really tired after many OT nights in a row and I wanted to take a rest.

Mashi told me I might as well take urgent leave since it is going to be unpaid anyway, and I neednt waste money to see the doctor.

I told her it doesnt matter, cos I never like to take urgent leave, and I dont mind seeing the doctor for medicine.

Fast forward to today. The admin head (the one who is in charge of one single person) told me I have to submit my mc but it would be an unpaid leave.

What the fuck.

Medical leave means medical leave, unpaid leave means unpaid leave! What submit mc then take it as unpaid leave.

Fucked up. Totally fucked up.

I wanted to take leave for my birthday on the actual day, but now to think of it, I might as well tender resignation next monday and leave just before my birthday!

That would be, in mashi's words, the biggest birthday present I can give myself.

In sucky mood

I dunno which direction to head. Either way I think I am going to meet with a brick wall. This thought made me so fearful that I am not daring to move a step now.

But where I am standing I am sinking into the concrete anyway. Slowly the grey substance will devour me, and I will be no more.

Can I say goodbye to you all first?

Pay cut?

The interview was scheduled next wed, but she smsed me today to ask me if it was ok to meet today instead.

Of course it is! 求之不得!

She informed me during lunch only, and by the time I saw it, my lunch was almost over already.

She arranged to meet me at 6pm, which I told her is not quite possible because my working hours are until 6pm. I told her I will rush down but I dont believe I will be there before 6.30pm.

But actually, I knew I wont be there before 7.

Purely because I was VERY DRESSED DOWN!

I simply larp a top and jeans and went to work today, and I wasnt in the state to go for an interview!

So I planned to buy a change of clothes after work, but trust me, it doesnt help that I was wearing blue jeans, brown denim like heels, and green bag. I have no idea what colour of clothes to buy at all. Sigh.

I ended up spending $50 within 10mins. And $10 - calling for a cab and erp and cab fees.

The interview went quite well. She is quite amused by my honesty and she seems to want to hire me. I blatantly list every thing I dunno how to do (to inform before hand so that she would not assign such work to me) and I complaint about how I hate to clear bins on this current job.

But on the other hand, the project scope she handles doesnt really appeal to me. Granted that I can learn a lot, I dunno if I can even lift my spirits enough to choose drapes colours. (Victorian styled. Eh?)

If I take on the job, I will be alone in the company. I am trying to decided if I would go crazy being alone in the (small-10-steps-from-one-end-to-the-other-end) company, with no one to talk to me. She mentioned she is considering to get internet into the office too (so that I can use msn, hee, so nice right?). I would be eating lunch alone too, but there is a general pantry area where I can eat at, so no need to go squeeze with the crowd.

I would still get to hold the nice-sounding job title as a designer, even though my jobscope is nowhere near it. I do not mind actually, because it doesnt matter to me if I cant be one. I would mainly be supporting her role, and put her ideas into reality, something that I greatly like.

The only thing is that she might not be giving me a pay that I want to accept.

If I take a further pay cut, I might as well go work in macdonalds near home. I can save my transport fees and meals will be covered.

And the travelling is tedious.

I will sms her tmr to confirm with her how much pay will she offer and then I will get friends to vote to see whether I should go over.

*Dear god, you had been nice to me I know, be nicer still can? Can you psycho her to give me a very generous pay?*

Msn shoutout: 20jun06

I am overwhelmed with sorrow, and it caught me by surprise.

I was just walking the usual route to work when I suddenly felt tears rushing to my eyes. My face crunched up as I tried to blink them back. Imagine how ugly that is.

And it doesnt help that I had always been feeling unwell when I am here. Currently, my msn shoutout is:

Chor mii buut sii xiu ai tor? Sin tey boh hou? Gou sii wa sim zim boh hou?

Not only I feel like I am going to throw up, I am nursing a mild migraine, and my stomache feels weird. I feel a sore throat coming too.

It is like all my organs are fighting each other.

I think I am causing myself to feel ill. Whenever I am in a denial mood, my body will automatically generate illness so that I can see the doctor.

Save me. I am scheduled to have an interview next wed. I mustnt cock up!

It's monday again

And of course I must post some depressing entry.

What a bad habit.

I am in a thoroughly bad mood. You imagine me being doing nothing now, slacking like mad for the past one hour, but I am not feeling a single bit of ecstasy.

An invisible hand is grabbing at my throat, depriving me of air. I feel choked and I feel breathless.

Oh wait, or is that a signal to ask me to go for a smoking break?

It rained again this morning the moment I stepped out of my house, but I didnt bother to bring an umbrella. I reasoned that it might be a good idea to get drenched and get pneumonia.

I'll endure a stay in the hospital and if he will come and visit me.

Great, now I am dreaming.

Anyway, a guy offered to share his umbrella with me. I dunno what came over him to offer, but I accepted, cos why not?

I was still thinking he is a very nice person to offer, well until he suggested I walk faster so that we can avoid the rain.

Well done, mister, I am wearing 3 inch heels. Heels and marathon walking doesnt go together lor!

But still want to say thanks to him, that was a kind gesture all in all, I shouldnt be a bitch about it.

My new heels hurt my feet, but pain is a welcomed feeling because I hadnt been feeling it for ages.

Did I blogged about how I tripped and nearly fell flat on my face the other day? Ok that was exaggerated. I missed a step, sprawled sideway and kind of sprained my ankle.

I simply picked myself up, brushed my skirt with my hands and walked away with a limb. No shout of shock, no scream of pain, no nothing.

It was like I was in someone else's body and I couldnt feel the physical pain at all.

My ankle is fine, thanks for asking.

Can someone knock me down with his car? Can I rest a while in the hospital while getting compensated? I dont mind the pain, just dont break any major bones in me.

Ok, before that happens, I might be smashing my head against the wall in front of me. I am going steadily mad when the same song is playing over and over, hour after hour, day after day, week after week.

Doesnt one understand that not everyone enjoys the same genre of music?

Dear god, dear guardian angels, dear everyone who can bless me, can you please give me a better job that this?

Take 2 years off my lifespan if you want. Please stop being playful with me, and please cease to make every aspect of my life sucks so completely.

Msn shoutout: 19jun06

Peng yuu, woo gang gai siao boh? Ai mian dou boon-sou eh.

Tell me about it

I was talking to victor over msn and we were talking about a flopped interview that I once went to.

I explained the details and he agreed that it was really sucky, and I haha-ed and said "Yah, tell me about it."

He didnt understand this phrase, and asked me what I wanted him to tell me. =)

Reminds me of a certain scene in a certain movie/book. An person was talking to another who didnt understand the phrase either. Person A thought about it and came up with this scenario:

You imagine you are hanging on to a branch, dangling over a cliff. The drop is thousands of feet down and your arms are tired. A viper is slowly crawling towards your live-depending branch and you have no way to escape.

I came along and saw you in your precaucious position. And I asked you "Woah! You are in a damned situation!"

And you will say... (now Person A and Person B in chorus) "Tell me about it!"

Haha. I'm poisoned these days with weird thoughts and memories.

Neeon

I've been mentioning that I want to get a mp3 player, and currently my eyes are set on the neeon.

Creative's products may not always match ipod in terms of appearance but this neeon is pretty, really.

I have no idea when this product was launched, and I do not care. If I want a looker, I would had settled for an ipod nano.

I like neeon probably because of the clean look, with buttons on its side. Dont rave non stop about ipod's white earphones (I know they have a special name but I cant recall) because I prefer headphones anytime, although I cant afford a decent one.

6gb is $339 now, and I guess I will force myself to wake up before 11am on this coming sat to visit their warehouse sale in hope to get a cheaper deal. If I cant, I will have to save up lor. =(

I am going to read some reviews the internet next to see what the experts are saying. No point buying something that is not user friendly.

Sibei Eng: Anomalyinfo

http://anomalyinfo.com/

This website is full of engaging 'unsolved' legends/stories etc.

Excuse me while I go read some more. =)

Msn shoutout: 16jun06

Gua gao ai sii. Leng kee mian dian, dian mian lui ar?

Happy early birthday to ec

EC's birthday is not until this sat but he had decided to throw a karaoke bday party tonight instead.

It is not exactly a good idea, considering we have work tomorrow. But when it comes to friend's bday, we cant just let it pass by silently!

The attendance rate was very high today, surprisingly, and we even went for supper after karaoke.

But I am not in a good mood. Not at all. I feel so miserable these days that I dont know what to do with myself. I am hardly in the mood to sing, even, and if anything was an indication of my bad mood, not being in the mood to sing is it.


Shoutout to en'en:

I dunno when will I eventually tell you this blog address, and I am not sure if you are even interested to read about my life. But in case you do, I really want to thank you, just for being there.

Sometimes it is hard to admit when I've faulted, and it is even harder to face myself when I know I've faulted but I am refusing to see it.

I hate myself most when I am fully aware of consequences, but I went ahead and do it anyway.

Maybe I am just being wilful, maybe I am just being lost, but there is really no point to make excuses for myself.

I hope I wont depend too much on the sticks from now on. But at the moment, it might be the only thing that can take my mind off uglier thoughts.

Msn shoutout: 15jun06

Wa eh tong kor siang eh zai? Wo xiu ai tor, gia jit kia tarng hor wa.

Msn shoutout: 14jun06

Mai gou geeo wa dou lup-sarp!

Retaliation

I dont need any lewd messages from you if you dont mind. If you need help in chopping ur penis into half I am the woman for u then. Whether I am doing anything has no FUCKING thing to do with you. Go copulate a goldfish or something can?

My reply is my retaliation, but if you are bent on replying more salacious comments you will be pleased to know you are considered to be harassing me. I cannot promise you I wont make a police report on you, but when that happens, it'll be ugly, like you.

*Pissssed*

Latest plans for my birthday

I've already said how I want to celebrate this year's birthday like one week ago, and I've already changed my mind a few times!

I considered holding my birthday with jnce on 23rd june (next fri) because I thought the gang will go quietly mad by attending so many birthday bashes in a row.

(It would be ec's bday bash this thurs, follow by jnce's next fri, and mine on next next sat.)

Then again I realised I do not really want to. It is my birthday and I dowan to compromise. 23rd june is unfortunately too early for me, being more than 10 days in advance.

And so I went with my initial decision of holding it on 1 july, sat, 3 days before the actual.

I know I wrote a long list of people whom I want to invite, but sorry people, I have to let you all go. I think I rather have meals with each of you separately if you are interested in celebrating my birthday for me, haha.

I do not want to hold a birthday karaoke party, invite you, and proceed to ignore you for the whole night.

Hence, the following are on the current invite list:

mashi, slt, ncn, jnce,
ina, iris, pris, hxan,
&
kt (happily ignore me when I ask if he is coming)
ec (most prob not coming)
wilfred (most prob not coming)
nd (but he is definitely not coming)
lao da (I can pray, cant I?)

Can start counting down le!

Happy Birthday to Huixian

Ok, this post should had been here yesterday but because blogger was so bloody slow, I couldnt blog a single word.

Happy birthday to huixian! Aww... 21 only, so young.

I just heard from pris that you have resigned. Smart move! I must give you a hug when you come for my birthday karaoke party! =)

Love the way you speak from your heart (like me), but remember dont offend people so easily (like me), haha.

Msn shoutout: 12jun06

Sibei tou yam tou lup-sarp. Ker sii hou la!

Monday morning

I drag my feet to work every morning, and I dont even look forward to weekends these days because all I can remember during weekends is that monday is coming in less that 48 hours.

That kind of feeling sucks.

I do not even have the energy to go out on saturdays these days. I just want to stay at home and mope around, looking listless and pissing everyone in the family with my negative vibes.

And so, it is monday now, and I am wearing a "ok-you-may-kill-me-now" look, and I imagine my colleagues sharpening their knives on the mobile pedestals under their table.

Aiyoh, someone do me a favour. Please ki...  Ok forget it.

Have to pretend to be interested in work, blog later. =(

Factory's rejects

I am feeling super sian now.

It is the true-blue hokkien "sian", not tired, not bored, not something that I can describe with any english words. I guess my english still sucks.

I am feeling "意兴阑珊".

I dunno when can I leave this job. I am not enjoying myself here and I still cant pinpoint the reason why. I've maintained that my colleagues are generally nice people, but I just cannot get along with them.

My manager spoke to me on fri. He told me that he feels I am someone who can communicate very well. He stressed that he is sure I am a person who can express my concepts to clients easily, and have the capability to get clients to understand me.

That is, if I speak up.

He told me that he dunno if it is my habit or what, but he felt that I should interact with colleagues and talk more. He said that once I become more familiar with the people here, I would be happier.

I just smiled.

I dont need to speak up. I need to open up.

The worse scenario is when someone knows exactly what is wrong but the person cannot/would not improve it.

But no one really know the extent of my low morale. They look at me and think I am joyous, humourous, funloving and 爱玩, 好玩 .

I am not.

I feel like some factory's rejects sometimes. It is almost like someone had stamped a red ugly "REJECT" across my forehead, branding me a failure.

Flawed and unwanted.

Everyone is sharing their opinions on my ill feelings towards the job. Some advised me to hang in there, some advise me to get a better job, some advise me that they dont know how to advise me and it would be best if I can come to a conclusion myself.

Very true. I want to be the person making the decision and not anyone else.

Family members. Friends. Ex colleagues. Everyone.

I kept gathering opinions in hope that I can organise my thoughts better, get the full range of pros and cons, and make a decision about what I really want.

There are some things that I am really sure now though.

1. I want to leave this job.

I contemplated to quit and study for the 'A' Levels that I am going to take next year, but my mother isnt supportive. She felt that I should be at least working till end of the year before I quit, since I can only enrol for lessons at some private institution like british counsel next year.

I agree also. But in total honesty, I felt that it might be a case that I work till end of this year, and then I spend the next two years studying as a private student before I can pass my 'A' levels. I am not exactly very confident in subjects like maths.

Otherwise another ideal situation is that I leave this job for one that I like - colleagues, environment, jobscope, pay, etc. If I do like the job, I would feel energised enough to even work and study part-time.

Then I would just continue to work while I slowly attend lessons to eventually take and pass my 'A' levels.

2. I want to go back to study, then apply to be a teacher.

My mother is questioning on whether there is any prospects in this job.

I am not looking for prospects! I want to work as a teacher because I want to impart the knowledge of whatever I know.

She asked me what will happen if there is no longer a demand for art teachers in future?

I told her nothing is predictable in life. But if art teachers can survive in the last 10,20 years, there is really no reason how art teachers cant survive in the next 10,20 years.

All along, I had never imagine that one day art would be 主流 in school. I am not striving to be the one to execute major art plans in singapore's education systems.

All I want, is to ignite a very small interest in my students. That is all.

Can everyone stop discouraging me? I really feel like getting away from all of you sometimes. I am not the best out there I know, but I am not looking to be the best either!

I just want to do something that I want to do. I dont want to live another 20 years, then look back and regret that I never follow my dreams.

"It's better to regret what you have done, than what you havent." ~ Paul Arden

Happy belated bday to Andy!

Me bad. Me forget good friend's bday!

Andy have always been a last resort when I am feeling confused. Unless absolutely dead-ended, I seldom bother andy in case his magic is used up by my wilful personality - nonstop questions about the meaning of life.

Happy belated birthday! Stay wise! =)

Customer orientated

My house number is constantly been mistaken for a country club's number. I dont blame them, because my house number is swee-er than the country club number and your fingers would just unrealisingly (got such word?) press the prettier sequence.

We had this number for more than 15 years I think, and all these while people would call and ask for the country club.

There are days when we receive 10 calls or more a day.

Sometimes haughty club members called and make a fool of themselves.

HCM: How's the weather?
Kanigi: Huh?
HCM: How's the weather like?!?!? Good for golf?

Bitchy me realised this HCM is obviously calling for the country club, and I felt evil. *Evil big-small-eye corner-of-mouth-twitching-upwards smile*

Kanigi: Ok lor. Let me see (pause), I dont think it would rain.
HCM: Ok, can I make a booking?
Kanigi: Sure you can, when you call the right number. The number should be 6xxx-xxxx. Bye!

And I quickly hang up.

At least I didnt tell him ok already and make him run wasted trip ok!


But that is then. I am seldom this childish these days. 'Sometimes' is the keyword.


Few minutes ago, someone called (it is 12.30am!!) to ask for the country club. I told him he'd got the wrong number and he apologised. He asked what place was this and I told him it is residential. He apologised again and explain he was frenziedly looking for a place to watch world cup.

I told him it is alright, because we get calls for the country club all the time. I gave him the club's number and he asked me for my name! What? He think this is an information counter and he want to write a praising letter to my boss?

I informed, since english names are generic anyway, and ended the call. (I even thanked him? I must be crazy, and all the months in the bank job really tuned me mad.)

Being the responsible person like I always am, I turned back to the comp and googled the country club's name. I realised the number I provided was wrong and I immediately called back to the guy to inform him of the correct number.

He was pleasantly surprised that I took the effort. He even told me his name is KC and thanked me, while mispronouncing my name like everybody does. I laughed and said my byes.

I am really too customer orientated already la. Had I been losing more marbles these days? But in total honesty, it was because I know it would gnaw at me more if I didnt call. The call would take just 15 seconds and I would make someone's midnight.

Aww.. I've such a cordial personality. *Smiles sweetly and bow.*

Lyrics: pygh

Everyone who knows me also know that I love to sing. I love songs not only for the melody, but also for the lyrics.

I dont like sun ho, but I am never biased any songs as long as they are nice.

I like this line especially "我的心飘洋过海 为了你而来, 却 说不出对你的爱". I've read in someone's blog before that most lyrics are written this way, ambigious enough to make everyone find a line or two to identify with.

Haha, very true. =)


飘洋过海

飞越过那片海洋 此方到彼方
这座城市的阳光 温暖 疲惫脸庞
安慰我 莫名的心慌

这个有你的地方 是爱的故乡
分处两端的流浪 终点在你身旁
我怕你 早遗忘

我的心飘洋过海 为了你而来
却说不出对你的爱
感觉 你已不在
是时间或距离留下太多空白
还是我不该有期待
我爱你 像风中的尘埃 悄悄地飞了

反覆练习的话语 输给了勇气
只敢远远的靠近 就是 害怕听到
你说的 对不起

深深的爱 是心里的内海
我跨不过你曾给的未来

我为你飘洋过我内心里的海
却找不回对你的爱
这幸福 却再也不再
是时间或距离留下太多空白
还是我不该有期待
我爱你 像风中的遗憾 悄悄地悲哀

Just within 1 hour

I spent nearly $100 buying things! -_-"

Me is bad. I spend an estimated 30% of my salary on shopping every month, and my room is totally overbrimmed with my worldly possessions.

I've got so many clothes that I want to slap myself when I cant find clothes to wear in the morning.

-_-"


Shopping is not completed without earrings, and I've bought 9 pairs (!!!) today.

Psst! Here! Dun tell him how many pairs of earrings I have, or he might be scared by my obsessive collection.

New clothes too! I love this shade of green on this new top, and I like the sash on the skirt.

The skirt is black, and hence the camera doesnt capture the details.

Well, there is always a ctrl-m in photoshop.

Pretty right? *Faints in admiration.*

Super laggy internet

Super laggy internet connection.

I dunno if every human, animal, insect, organism etc are all trying to use internet or what? The internet connection is so laggy that I cant get anything done at all!

I cant blog, cant read blogs, cant email, cant even play games.

Why is it that the connection is so slow? Is it because everyone is checking the stupid world cup scores?

Or is it that singnet is fucked up as usual?

Great, I am going crazy with the snail speed of the internet. It might be faster to publish any entry now, by blogging on microsoft word, print it out and sent it to blogger's headquarters via shipping.

Too tired

I have many things that I want to blog about, but I am feeling too tired now.

I dunno why I am this tired, especially when I had been slacking for the whole afternoon today. LW disappeared after lunch and I thought she was out meeting a client.

It was only after 6.00 when I realised she wouldnt be coming back for the day and it made me very angry!

If I knew she wasnt coming back, I wouldnt have needed to look over my shoulder constantly the whole afternoon! I would have enjoyed the slack better!

:p

I've got an interview tomorrow. I was very excited about it when they first called to arrange the interview with me but now I am just feeling very worn out, not knowing why.

I just will have to drag myself over there tomorrow, and because it is at an ultra ulu place, I will have to take a cab down. And back. Sian!

If I ever got to it, you can look forward to seeing me blog tmr. I wanted to blog about how the manager asked me for a pep talk this morning, I also want to blog about how uncertain I feel my future is now.

I might even blog about the usual boring dinner with michael, ec and slt today. But it is so boring that I think my fingernails will fall asleep typing it out.

Speaking of fingernails, I want to blog about how I trim my nails recently. Bo liao? Yes it is. Dont read lor.

And etc.

.
..
...

I'm going to sleep. Good night people.

I hate!

I really hate to clear bins!

Hence I am going to quit whether I found a job or not. If I found a job, good, if not I will start to study for 'A' Levels.

I will tender my resignation sometime nex wk, probably next fri. Then I will serve one week notice, and leave on the 23rd June.

Originally I considered working till end of month before I leave, then in my resume I can put I worked until july.

But I think I cant take it much longer. This jobscope is really not suitable for me. I need a job where I can speak freely and neednt stutter. I prefer to talk to people who knows less than me and I educate them, and not the other way round.

Also, I cant stand eating alone too.

Despite me saying with nonchalance, I hate to eat alone.

I tend to visit cafes, or fast food resturants, and burn at least $6 per meal (can go up to $10). I used to be spending like $3 per meal when I had lunch buddies.

I dunno, maybe it is the fact that there is less people at those cafes and I dont feel too awkward reading my book.

Great, no friends, and broke. Wonderful, simply wonderful!

Not for long! For I must leave!

But definitely not before tmr, cos their is a client of the company who is launching a new product, and there is a party going on. I am going to get myself drunk! =)

Going blind

My myopia is at 3.75 on my left eye and 5.5 in my right. As you may realise, I have what they call the lazy eye syndrome, and hence I am always trying to correct it by forcing my right eye to work.

It was by incident that I realise I will look at things with my left eye, then swing my head more to my left so that my right eye can see the image/object. But my then my right eye neednt work at all because my left eye already transmitted the information to my brain to process information.

My right eye is almost decorative only.

Not anymore. Recently my left eye is acting up. It is refusing to focus and now I am merrily seeing things with a drop shadow on the left, and it is irritating the hell out of me.

I will have to go get new contact lens, even though that means wasting 3 unopened pairs.

Shit.

Information on private 'A' Levels

I wanted to update the last entry with this link but blogger is fuckingly slow. I.GIVE.UP!!

Luckily I can blog via email.

H1 and H2 for 2007, whatever that means. Someone who understand all these please advice. Sank you.

But at least from the website I can see that art can be taken as a private 'a' subject. That really pleased me.

=)

My dream

"Don't allow anyone to sway you away from your ambition to be a teacher. You may not do as bad as they think of you, and I'm sure you'll do better than them if you really wanna be a teacher. Most of them don't even know what they are doing in their life, let alone advise you."

I've been posting my problems on a forum to seek advice, and this was one of the positive replies I've got.

I'm so touched that it brought tears to my eyes.

Many people had been appalled that I even suggest that I want to be a teacher. I know, I know, I am loud, kpkb, paranoid, bitchy, crazy, and all negative traits combined into a unique me.

But let me say : hi!! cos I really want to be a teacher and I am doing whatever I can to move in the direction of my dream, even though I've been deviating from the path.

Currently my plans are either a) pay 50k to take art diploma, or b) study as a private 'A' level student - cheaper but discipline level x 100

I'm mapping out my plans now and once I've got a definite outline I will be embarking on my ambition.

And that means I might be quitting my job immediately so that I can focus better. =)

Dear God, please help me. I am going to buckle and fall already, please lend me a hand and let my life run smoothly now on. Thanks!

The 4 Ds

Peilin's msn display message reads: The 4 Ds!

bleah~! says: die, dying, died, dead?
Peilin says: morning!
Peilin says: hahahahah
Peilin says: nahhh
Peilin says: the 4 Ds to becoming rich
bleah~! says: wha
bleah~! says: i want to know
bleah~! says: but i am even more interested if they are underhand means
Peilin says: Desire, Decision, Determination, DIscipline
Peilin says: hahah
Peilin says: no, all legit *)

It's one month away

My birthday is coming!

Exactly one month from today, it will be my birthday!

Gosh, I feel old, for I am going to turn 23 already, but then again, I had been feeling old for very very long already.

My current plans for my birthday would be a karaoke party. Tentatively I am planning a karaoke session on 1 july, sat, for around 15 persons.

My estimated damage would be around $300.

I should be holding it at partyworld because they charge by the size of the room and the food and drinks we take, unlike kbox, where they go by headcount.

That is only the best, because it is a sat, I expect a lot of people to have activities of their own and they might be dropping by for like 1 hr or so, hence although my planned invite list was around 40, I think a room for 15 would suffice.

The list so far, inclusive, but definitely not wickedly exclusive (because I might miss some of you out):

mashi, laoda, nd, christie, hao
ncn, jnce, slt, wilfred, kt,
ec, mchl, chong, priscilla, huixian,
joane, iris, ina, jane, yp
wx, esther, in, obasan, meow
x jun, liyng, ronald, puay, jasper
ervn, chyht.

(I expect these people to bring their better halves along actually, and also some people in the list might not turn up despite red carpets anyway. Hence plus minus would be around 30.)

(Names in bold are the only people whom I estimated would stay for more than one hour. Nehmind, all other friends, I know you all are SOOOO busy. That is why I predict a room for 15 would be more than enough.)

I am beginning to compile a wishlist because I dowan to recieve presents that I do not like. But people, fret not, if you still prefer surprises, you can give me one.

1. motorola h700 bluetooth. (But I might get this myself)
2. mp3 player. (I like the look of nano but I dowan one. A creative one would be good.)
3. books. (This is where the surprises come in, surprise me with a book that you think I will like.)
4. earrings. (Buy bracelet/necklace/brooches and I'll slap you)
5. vouchers. (Really, I dun mind them, but no tangs voucher.)

I will continue to think about it and add on to my sidebar.

But no nasty surprises ok? Please check with me before you handover your money to the cashier.

Earrings eye feast!

See my entire collection here, as usual.

These two pairs of earrings are from en'en. She gave them to me on my last day of work at that last job. That night we had originally planned a karaoke session but she couldnt made it because she going for an interview.

Eventually, when it was confirmed that I was leaving that job, she actually took the effort to go home to change, and came to the karaoke session although she was really tired.

Her sister sells earrings on a 'freelance' basis, I think, and she got these from her. I like the green one, and I am pleasantly surprised at the gift, and that she remembered that I like green.

The reason why I took so long to post this entry is simply because I am lazy. Ooops.

I was too lazy to take pictures of them, as usual.

Ha.

I bought these 5 pairs today. My earrings collection is expanding so rapidly that I will need to buy a proper storage for my earrings.

I used two bowls from value$ shop to contain them, each around 6 inch in diameter. They used to be good enough, but now they suck because they are too small for my collection. I think I need to think of a better way.

Hejin's earrings collection.

I cant even do it like hejin because I will probably need 5 or 6 shoeboxes and it would look plain silly. I estimate she have around 25 pairs of earrings. I am not calculating studs because they dont take up space anyway.

Hmm, will think about it. =)

And, I bought two new bras from ero just now. Sheesh, I had been spending a lot of money these days, I am really broke.

But 80% off the second piece is too good a deal to pass. I spent only $70 for two bras, that is $40 savings! *Gleam in eyes.*

Back from the doctor

I just went to see the doctor, I think I am going to make him my doctor from now on. Cos he gave me two days mc.

I have two doctors that I visit for my medicine - one at blk 105 and the other at blk 215. I prefer the 215-doctor anytime but it is the 105-doctor who could give me the correct migraine medicine. Further more, 215-doctor charges more.

But I always prefer 215-doctor. Probably because he asks less questions.

It is always annoying to be asked tens of questions when all you want is a mc, medicine and the immediate chance to crawl back to bed.

The 105-doctor is young and eager I guess, but please dont be, to me, when I am absolutely lethargic like I am now.

105-doctor : Hi, how are you?
Kanigi : Not very good, my migraine doesnt seem to stop coming back, but your medicine is great. It always does wonders to suppress the pain.
105-doctor : I see, so how are you feeling?
Kanigi : I dunno, the migraine problem is still here, the floor seems to be dancing, and I feel someone is wringing the insides of my head.
105-doctor : Floor dancing?
Kanigi : (troubled) It is like, say you look at the line where the walls and the floor joins, and the line is trembling, jumping in momentums... Something like large scale heartbeats.
105-doctor : Hmmm? Hmm... Oh ok. How about objects?
Kanigi : (realised doctor dont quite catch colourful language) See everything also a bit blur.

10-20 more questions later...

105-doctor : (satisfied) Oh, I'll give you mc for today, and the migraine medicine.

On the other hand, 215-doctor is precise and to the point.

215-doctor : How are you today?
Kanigi : Headache and bouts of nausea.
215-doctor : Sleeping well?
Kanigi : No! My working hours are tiringly long, and my travelling time to and fro is 3 hrs a day (2.5 hours but rounding up always help exaggerate the issue).

Doctor shone a torch in my eyes and gave a small shake-head. I know my eyes sparkle when I am in a good mood, and clouds over when I am feeling lousy. I bet doctor saw the silver lining just now.

215-doctor : Gosh, I'll give you 2 days mc, please catch up on your sleep.
Kanigi : (thankful for the speedy diagnose) As much as I can afford.

Straightforward = good. Actually if the doctor gave me just one day mc I wouldnt have minded also. All I want is to cover my ass for today.

(Even when the sucky job is not covering my medical expenses.)

Blocked people on msn.

With reference to my last entry, I am on mc but I seldom spent my mc mornings sleeping. I would wake up on time, then decide that I dowan to go to work, then spend the whole morning surfing net, blogging etc, until I see the doctor.

Then I would take medicine and drop back to sleep.

But because my colleagues have my msn add as well, so I quickly logged in at 7.20am in the morning and temporarily blocked them. That way I would be able to still log on and chat with mashi. Haha.

I cant stand this job much longer. I gave my cards to jnce, slt, elfree and en'en yesterday and told them to keep it cos it might be of historical value in the near future - it will be going out of print.

Hahah.

I want to quit this current job for a better paying one. Even if it is more siong, at least it is worth it.

On mc

I eventually still decided to take mc today.

Well, I am in a lousy mood, and I dont wish to work. I am sleepy like hell, and I dont wish to work. I hate life on a general whole, and I dont wish to work.

I think I can list you another 50 whimsical reasons why I dont wish to work, but I'll spare you this time.

***

It was en'en's last day at that damn company yesterday, and we always make a big fuss over someone's graduation (as jnce puts it). A celebration is always due when one leaves, too bad I left at such short notice that I didnt have chance to organise something.

Jnce even got en'en a graduation card that brought an evil knowing smile to all our faces. (All = us graduates.)

The night was fun as I randomly crapped with jnce and etc and I spent most of the time staring at the karaoke remote controller, hoping the rest of them would let go of it and let me select songs to sing.

I am too much a fanatic sometimes. I go to karaoke at least twice a month and I cant get enough of it. I still prefer to go in small groups where I can get to sing. But yesterday's a special occasion, so I am not complaining.

The only thing I was peeved about was not being able to finish ni zui zhen gui with kt. Priscilla asked if I could let her sing the second part of it and I stupidly agreed.

*Slaps myself.*

Lao da, where are you, let's go sing karaoke ai mai? I want to sing ni zui zhen gui with you.

Speaking of kt, I must have accidentally broke the arm of his barbie doll or something like that, if not why is he always suaning me. I reached the session late and saw pris smoking outside partyworld. Minutes after I reached, he appeared too and he walked past me with menace in his eyes.

Diao me some more!

As if I havent got diao-ed enough at work.

What? What did I do now? I get you carebears la, or furby la, or polly pocket la, dont be angry with me leh!

Back to en'en. 'Grats to be able to leave the job. Hope we can meet up pretty regularly still.

I've said it once and I dont mind to say it again, knowing you (and the rest also la) was the best thing that came out from the damn job. Even now that we had all left the forsaken place, we must still keep closely in touch ok? =)