Guess for CA-Sem2 score

While I am waiting for the page to load, let me make a guess of the score I got for my CA for my 2nd sem.

This score will take up 50% of the final grade, while the exams next wk will make up the remaining 50%. As all students know, if I suck at these CA, however hard I work at exams would generally be fruitless.

Business Accounting - A+
Business Communication - B+
Business Statistics - B

Will post in 2 mins time what I'd got.

My Irritating Bahaviour

Did I ever blog about this before?

A friend once observed, that I have the habit of competing, and then turn and walk away once I'd won it. She said that I do that to friends, to bosses, to colleagues, and frequently, to guys as well.

I protest, saying that I dont do that hor! She warn me that I am hurting many people in the process, because I will appear eager one day, and cold the next, and people will be confused by my erratic behaviour.

But after she pointed out to me, I recognise the same trend too. I have the irritating enthusiasm for new found friends, and will keep talking and making the person like me. And the moment I'd received the approval, and when this person started to be the one taking initiative to interact with me, I'll escape at amazing speed.

If the tables are turned, and when the other party is the one who is enthusiastic, I will bask in the attention for a while, then decide to run away because I am fearful of the affection he/she display.

And although I am already aware of this, yet between the time when my friend told me this, till today, I'd already repeated this nasty habit more than 3 times.

Recently, I'd tried extremely hard to crack the exterior of a very quiet guy, and I succeeded. Now he'll msn me whenever he come online, and I wont reply for at least 30 minutes, hoping that he'll be offline by then. I catch him trying to get my attention in a room full of people, I'd divert my eyes and look in the opposite direction.

Gosh. Why am I so irritating?

Selfish Friends

I seek the help of an ex colleague to help me with my maths, and he agreed, only if I promise to help him with his project that requires some design work.

This conversation was help 2 weeks ago, and this cross-helping would to take place last saturday, 2 days after his last exam papers.

Just days before this saturday, he msn-ed me to tell me that he cannot help me with my maths anymore. Fine. I told him. I would help myself.

Moments ago, he msn-ed me, asking me if I need help in my maths still. I told him I am fine, and I am still coping ok. He then asked me if I could still help him with his project then. Tomorrow, in school.

I told him I am not free. Had work.

Well, teeny bit of lie, I had HOMEwork, but why should I help him if he played me out first?

He then asked me if I can take leave tomorrow and help him with his project. Hahahahahahahah. That's one of the funniest thing I'd heard for a long while. Tell me, someone, how come I have so many selfish friends?

I'd lots of these who take me as informative counter, or people who stood me up for appointments, and then when I cannot make it for their appointments, sulk and ignore me for weeks.

Sigh.

Thanks a lot, dear god.

On the cold call list now, thanks a lot

An ex-colleague whom I hadnt voluntarily contacted for 3 years sent me a sms at 4.30 am this morning to tell me she gave my contact to a mani+pedi outlet.

She said that when they call, ignore them and do not sign up with them.

What the hell. It's bad enough to sell a friend's number to cold call list, worse still to sell an ex-colleague's.

Die knowing

Ever since the day I decided that I must talk to him about my year-end bonus, I knew I am setting myself up for a hard time.

I'd been warned by numerous people that I shouldnt talk to him. "He gets very defensive and will close his ears upon hearing things he doesnt want to listen to" I quote my source verbatim.

As the lyrics goes,

If I fail, if I succeed
At least I live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity


I can feel him trying means and ways to tekan me now, but then again, he had been doing that all the time in the past, only that this week is particularly bad.

But so what, like I told a friend. Things will go from bad to worse from now on, but at least I am doing something I believe in, and I can answer to myself safely that yes I failed, but I did tried. Anyway, it's better to die knowing, than die without a clue on what had happened.

For a few days, I was discouraged. But now I'm feeling much better because I believed that bad as it is, I controlled the direction of my life.

Plain disgusting

I realised how easy it is to get irritated when one is in a bad mood.

I am plain disgusted by her not even willing to raise a finger to flip on the switch for the electric kettle. She would rather go without her daily coffee than to switch it on. And when she's the one who enjoyed the last cup of hot water, it'll kill her to top up from the sink beside the kettle.

Dont even need to walk a single step ok!

KNN!

Sitting on the fence

When I first ask you for opinion, you firmly said no, that is not possible.

I explained to you that I'd gone through a discussion with the client. While I understand where you are coming from by you saying no, I have to stand from the viewpoint of the client and contemplate issues with their benefits in mind. Further more, while I understand you, I dont agree with what you say.

You still insisted no.

Ok lorh. Fine. Whatever you say. I dont give a damn. You are the boss here. Do whatever you like.

When you put your reply in writing to client, you state in the first paragraph in your email that: It is impossible.

2 paragraphs later, you state: It can still be done.

I dont want to question you, but I had to. Tell me, what is the message you want to convey? Is it a yes or a no?

You mumbled. Obviously you have no answer for me. I'll leave it hanging in the air.

The client replied to your email, stating that it is unacceptable to say no, especially when it is blatantly obvious that it is possible.

You then immediately replied. Ok. Sure. That is possible.

Wow. 墙头草，风吹两头倒。

How did I miss it out?

I realised a mistake I made at work.

Back in March, I revised a set of drawings and proceed to India for meeting. One of the contractors didnt make it to the meeting, and when I return, I did not follow up to send the drawings to said contractor.

When I realise it today, the first thing that come to mind is "Gawd! I forgot to send it out!".

And then I discover, I did not forget about it. I actually didnt have the awareness to send it out. And that scares me. How many times had this already happened? I seldom forget tasks, and when I do, I usually remember 2 or 3 days later.

But now it is a scenario that I entirely didnt sense that I need to something. Yet how can that even happen? I dowan to make excuses for myself, saying things like I was too busy and naturally forgot. I just know that I missed out something, and that shouldnt happen.

Eff.

Older entries

I have a habit of re-reading my older entries, in an effort to understand myself better.

Sometimes I felt I'd matured a whole lot, given what kind of crap I'd suffered in my past jobs. Reading those dates entries now still feel as though someone had punched me in my guts.

I'm feeling sick.

Whaaat

Mr Prettyboy once told me that irregardless of my stress level, I should take it in stride, and learn to compose a smile so that I don't affect the team. My retort was, it is easier said than done, hmmph, since the crap is dumped on me, not him, and I am the poor soul who is expected to finish sweeping it, in record time, no less.

In my defense, I also must state that everyone has a temper, and yet I am already trying my best to suppress it. But when the focus is on the completion of projects, and bosses' expectation that things gets completed with a nonchalant swing of a magic wand, I cant help it that my smile is no longer stapled to my face, and a determined frown took over instead.

These days, Mr Prettyboy's default expression for me is an impatient scowl, completed with a tsk, or a "Whaaat". Notice the lack of question mark in the "what"? That is exactly his tone, droning the single syllabus, with no interest whatsoever to answer my question.

Which is fine with me. Go ahead, don't answer! I'll read tea leaves in my cup and I'm sure I'll have a solution in no time.



So when I am stressed I'm expected to swallow the pain whole, and chase it with plenty of cigarette breaks (which now replace the bottles of vile of their positions in my life). When he is stressed, he has all the right to take it out on me. Our relationship between one and other in this office, is slowly spiraling out of control. Mr Prettyboy used to be my Hercules at work, where I can safely depend on him when things goes wrong.

Now? I'm extremely blessed if he would express a notch of interest in the shit pit I am treading in. But no luck. Actually I should be glad he is not spitting into this pit. What more can I ask for?

I hate mondays

Nah, not the its-the-dreadful-start-of-the-week rants.

I hate mondays simply because there's a lot of things that was carried over from saturday and sunday! My boss is a little bian tai, checking emails every single day and every single waking hour.

And while I am reading emails as they come in every day, I have to read 2 days' worth at 8.30am on monday mornings, and that alone can take me 2 hours.

And while I am slaying these emails, new emails come in every 5 minutes or so, making the first 3 hours on monday morning totally useless.

I heard a guru mentioned before, that sometimes we really ought to ignore emails to maximise our job efficiency. But while my job efficiency is improved, it doesnt help that my responsiveness
is that of a dead corpse.

Actually I tried my best already! I give emails attention only when my name is in the 'TO' field. If my name is only in the 'CC' field, I will conveniently give it a 5 second glance through.

(That is why I always make it a point to double confirm the 'TO' field in the emails I send has the names of people whom I want attention from.)

But at this moment, I can tell you this is still not good enough. I must quickly find more efficient way to work. "QUICKLY" being the operative word.

Control

I took these random pictures that day I went drinking with my colleagues. The place is quite decent in all aspects, but I smoke more than I drank, because I no longer enjoy drinking so much.


Otherwise, how do I survive with a single glass of screwdriver through the night?

And I dont understand myself. I hate screwdrivers but yet I chose to drink it where every I go. I contemplated choosing a magarita, but ended up drinking vodka yet again.

Ought to quit, ought to quit.

And I am smoking at alarming rates these days too. I was smoking only when I am stressed in the past, but now I am smoking out of a habit. Now I dont want this habit to form.

I already have as little control over my life as it is, I neednt to lose all of it.

Ought to restrain, ought to restrain.

I cant figure myself out, can you?