Xiao mei is asking me if I still want to organise a chalet for my birthday. I am turning 22 coming july.
What? Celebrating 22nd is weird meh? I tell you something tt scored higher on the peculiar board. I didnt celebrate my 21st birthday except a joint birthday party with my granny whose birthday fell on the same week.
Hen ling lei, I know.
I digressed. Xiao mei asked if I still want to book a chalet cos we mentioned it the last time we went out. Told her I've decided against it cos I've bought a camera and I'm broke. Haha.
But actually it is more being worried the cost la. And the turnout rate. If bbq people can come and go I also dun care, then just come and eat lor. Prepare food for around 30 or 40 ppl or what lor. If cant finish, ask everyone to tapau a bit home, or I bring home and bring lunch for the entire following wk.
Xiao mei being sweet like she always is, will be helping me with organising. Meanwhile, I just need to inform people first of the bbq date and ask them to free themselves to make time. Now, who should I invite?
Monday, May 30, 2005
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Yay!
I've bought it.
*qie4 xi2*
(Cant think of the english relevant. If cant understand go check dictionary ok? =P)
It cost me $499. The price tt was the recommended retail price. But if you read my last entry, I was lamenting that someone bought his at $630 .
I felt these are good enough. 128mb can take easily 120 in good quality or 190 in a lower quality. Wont be considering 640 x 480 at all. Quality super lan, but can take 680 pictures with the 128mb card. O.O
But meanwhile, I felt these are really sufficient le la. If I need a new battery, I shall get one when my battery is spoilt. Unless the point of having the second battery is for spare when you bring out camera. Then again, if the battery cant last a day, it should be replaced la.
Anyway, very happy tt I've bought it. Hen kuai le hen kuai le. It is so pretty and it is very simple to use, no complex fuctions and toggling and pressing here and pressing there.
Now the battery is in the charger's cradle. Should be bringing it out tmr and start snapping and start uploading for this blog. Meanwhile cannot be ming mu zhang dan, cos the witch hasnt known about it yet. So far only mashi knows (she went with me), her lao gong, granny and yang, in the same order.
Dowan to be explaining to her cos lazy genes at work.
And, mashi is considering to buy the same camera. We once had an agreement that when I buy a digital camera, she would get the same one so that I can learn how to use the camera and teach her. Mashi is not techy-savvy, and always depends on me to on technical stuff *arrogant smirk*
She asked her laogong and he at first sd ok, later he sms again to ask her to reconsider. Ended up with me buying and she didnt.
Later when we both piled to her place, her laogong sd his friend at simlim can get it for $420!!!!! (Oh, fuck!) It would be with 1 x 128mb xd card. I consoled myself cos originally, courts had the same offer for $499. But a check with harvey norman and me and mashi realised the latter is giving a bundle of 2 x 128mb and a mini tripod with the camera for $499 too!
Went back to courts cos the salesgirl kelly is very nice. Told her of harvey norman's bundle, told her if she can match it or beat it I would purchase it from her cos she is very enthusiatic about this model. The uncle at harvey norman look at this camera with distain I swear!
And of course I prefer to buy it from someone who feels tt this camera is a good buy. (Nevermind if she is acting, cos it is quite flawless. But then again, my acting skills over the phone also quite flawless.)
Ok, I digressed. Mashi can get the camera at $420!!! Shit! Then I brightened and sd nvm, the second memory card is supposed to be $79 anyway.
Da ge has to burst my thought bubble and inform me that the memory card costs $40.
That means wo bai bai sun shi le $39. -_-"
Very bu shuang leh. Love the camera but hate courts. I will never grace courts or harvey norman my patronage any more!
Eventually, mashi decided tt they will dash down to simlim to get the camera, but da ge was in a bad mood cos he knocked into his injured leg. In the end the camera is not bought and there was tension in the air.
Told mashi shuan le la. Knows she wants to get the camera, but to give both of them xia tai jie, shall make it like mashi gave it one good, long, thoughtful, serious consideration and still decided tt she likes it and wants to buy it. Say like tt ensure tt there wont be any awkwardness the next time the camera is brought up (verbally or physically).
So I shall be accompanying mashi to simlim next sat to buy the camera.
***
On a sidenote, I am supposed to be going back for ot next sat, and the sat aft tt. But I shall tell lao ban tt I have plans and can only go back on second and third sat. Next fri will stay over at mashi's place, then shall go buy her cam on sat, then jalan jalan at bugis lor. The last time we've been to bugis was when she need to buy a small bag for her wedding night to contain her barangs barangs.
I have a mind to lie and tell lao ban (if he zui jiu) that me and mashi and da ge going to drive up to kl over the wkend, and I can ot cos da ge got one last delivery at 9.30. OT so that I can take taxi to mashi's place. Or otherwise I need to take taxi from my house anyway. Bo hua.
Hee.
*qie4 xi2*
(Cant think of the english relevant. If cant understand go check dictionary ok? =P)
It cost me $499. The price tt was the recommended retail price. But if you read my last entry, I was lamenting that someone bought his at $630 .
FULL PACKAGE: ORIGINAL BOX, CAMERA, BATTERY, MANUAL, WARRANTY, CHARGER
ADDITIONAL ITEMS: 128mb XD CARD, 256mb XD CARD, TRIPOD,
ORIGINAL CARRY CASE, EXTRA BATTERY, XD-CARD HOLDER
OLYMPUS DIGITAL WORKSHOP
Mine came with the box of course, the battery, manual, charger and the such, and 2 x 128mb XD card, and one mini tripod (which is v useless). XD card holder came with one of the XD card.
I felt these are good enough. 128mb can take easily 120 in good quality or 190 in a lower quality. Wont be considering 640 x 480 at all. Quality super lan, but can take 680 pictures with the 128mb card. O.O
But meanwhile, I felt these are really sufficient le la. If I need a new battery, I shall get one when my battery is spoilt. Unless the point of having the second battery is for spare when you bring out camera. Then again, if the battery cant last a day, it should be replaced la.
Anyway, very happy tt I've bought it. Hen kuai le hen kuai le. It is so pretty and it is very simple to use, no complex fuctions and toggling and pressing here and pressing there.
Now the battery is in the charger's cradle. Should be bringing it out tmr and start snapping and start uploading for this blog. Meanwhile cannot be ming mu zhang dan, cos the witch hasnt known about it yet. So far only mashi knows (she went with me), her lao gong, granny and yang, in the same order.
Dowan to be explaining to her cos lazy genes at work.
And, mashi is considering to buy the same camera. We once had an agreement that when I buy a digital camera, she would get the same one so that I can learn how to use the camera and teach her. Mashi is not techy-savvy, and always depends on me to on technical stuff *arrogant smirk*
She asked her laogong and he at first sd ok, later he sms again to ask her to reconsider. Ended up with me buying and she didnt.
Later when we both piled to her place, her laogong sd his friend at simlim can get it for $420!!!!! (Oh, fuck!) It would be with 1 x 128mb xd card. I consoled myself cos originally, courts had the same offer for $499. But a check with harvey norman and me and mashi realised the latter is giving a bundle of 2 x 128mb and a mini tripod with the camera for $499 too!
Went back to courts cos the salesgirl kelly is very nice. Told her of harvey norman's bundle, told her if she can match it or beat it I would purchase it from her cos she is very enthusiatic about this model. The uncle at harvey norman look at this camera with distain I swear!
And of course I prefer to buy it from someone who feels tt this camera is a good buy. (Nevermind if she is acting, cos it is quite flawless. But then again, my acting skills over the phone also quite flawless.)
Ok, I digressed. Mashi can get the camera at $420!!! Shit! Then I brightened and sd nvm, the second memory card is supposed to be $79 anyway.
Da ge has to burst my thought bubble and inform me that the memory card costs $40.
That means wo bai bai sun shi le $39. -_-"
Very bu shuang leh. Love the camera but hate courts. I will never grace courts or harvey norman my patronage any more!
Eventually, mashi decided tt they will dash down to simlim to get the camera, but da ge was in a bad mood cos he knocked into his injured leg. In the end the camera is not bought and there was tension in the air.
Told mashi shuan le la. Knows she wants to get the camera, but to give both of them xia tai jie, shall make it like mashi gave it one good, long, thoughtful, serious consideration and still decided tt she likes it and wants to buy it. Say like tt ensure tt there wont be any awkwardness the next time the camera is brought up (verbally or physically).
So I shall be accompanying mashi to simlim next sat to buy the camera.
***
On a sidenote, I am supposed to be going back for ot next sat, and the sat aft tt. But I shall tell lao ban tt I have plans and can only go back on second and third sat. Next fri will stay over at mashi's place, then shall go buy her cam on sat, then jalan jalan at bugis lor. The last time we've been to bugis was when she need to buy a small bag for her wedding night to contain her barangs barangs.
I have a mind to lie and tell lao ban (if he zui jiu) that me and mashi and da ge going to drive up to kl over the wkend, and I can ot cos da ge got one last delivery at 9.30. OT so that I can take taxi to mashi's place. Or otherwise I need to take taxi from my house anyway. Bo hua.
Hee.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Shoebox shoes
Recieved the mailer in my email to say there will be a shoebox shoe sale at suntec room 209 today, which will start at 11:00. Was super excited and was expecting a grab of good buys.
But horror, horror, the space they rented for this sale is super small. It is, by my estimation, not bigger than 10m x 15m. That is really small considering the crowd at any one time is around 200 or 250.
But to cut the long story short, I only manage to find a pair tt I like, which is the pair below..
It spells of gothic! It is black laced, and the heels are at least 2 inches (my comfortable heels' height) and the heels are covered with satin material, which is so smooth and luxurious. There is a black leather bow at the front of the shoes which adds a contrast to the style. The shoe on the whole screams of attitude, but the black bow seems to be a meek bow (ignore pun) over.
Ok, a bit kua zhang to associate like tt, but it comes naturally to me to recognise concept mah. Jeez.
But one thing is, they ran out of shoe sizes. I expect a size 7 to fit comfortably, a 6 to be a tad tight. But they ran out of 7s.
Never mind I thought, what's pain when pretty shoes are at stake? I swore the pair on display showed $9.90, but the pair of 6 that I was hugging says $37.90.
Never mind, never mind, it is PRETTY!!! I must have it, despite looking weird, cos I was the only one (I think, I saw, I realised) who is queuing up with a single pair. Others are like carrying 5, 6 pairs per person...
By the time I was queuing up for this pair of shoes, it was around 11:45. I was supposed to be meeting camilla for lunch, after which we would go back to the office, where she will use her pass to let me access the office.
My office pass isnt ready, so I would have to depend largely on the favour of my nice colleagues to open doors for me.
But 30 mins passed, I barely moved 2 metres. After 1 hr of queuing, I was, YAY!, 5 metres and advancing! But at least another 10 metres away.
(All in estimations, because the queue was weaving.)
But horror, horror, the space they rented for this sale is super small. It is, by my estimation, not bigger than 10m x 15m. That is really small considering the crowd at any one time is around 200 or 250.
But to cut the long story short, I only manage to find a pair tt I like, which is the pair below..
It spells of gothic! It is black laced, and the heels are at least 2 inches (my comfortable heels' height) and the heels are covered with satin material, which is so smooth and luxurious. There is a black leather bow at the front of the shoes which adds a contrast to the style. The shoe on the whole screams of attitude, but the black bow seems to be a meek bow (ignore pun) over.
Ok, a bit kua zhang to associate like tt, but it comes naturally to me to recognise concept mah. Jeez.
But one thing is, they ran out of shoe sizes. I expect a size 7 to fit comfortably, a 6 to be a tad tight. But they ran out of 7s.
Never mind I thought, what's pain when pretty shoes are at stake? I swore the pair on display showed $9.90, but the pair of 6 that I was hugging says $37.90.
Never mind, never mind, it is PRETTY!!! I must have it, despite looking weird, cos I was the only one (I think, I saw, I realised) who is queuing up with a single pair. Others are like carrying 5, 6 pairs per person...
By the time I was queuing up for this pair of shoes, it was around 11:45. I was supposed to be meeting camilla for lunch, after which we would go back to the office, where she will use her pass to let me access the office.
My office pass isnt ready, so I would have to depend largely on the favour of my nice colleagues to open doors for me.
But 30 mins passed, I barely moved 2 metres. After 1 hr of queuing, I was, YAY!, 5 metres and advancing! But at least another 10 metres away.
(All in estimations, because the queue was weaving.)
Then I gave up. The queue is really too long to queue, I estimate I might be in the queue for another 2 hours, and I consoled myself saying tt the shoes doesnt fit perfectly anyway! And for $37.90 I can easily get another pair of shoes tt I like! (My usual shoe budget is not more than $30.)
But when I reached home, checked back the mailer, and realise the pair is INDEED $9.90. Now, I dont know if I knew for sure tt the pair was $9.90 would I have cont to queue? All I know is that I feel a little disappointed to know I let go of that fabulous pair of cheap shoes!!
Sigh.
To add to it, I realise the FE5500 camera might cost me up to $630 if I buy the bundle because someone is selling his set on auctions for $580. I was praying tt the tangs voucher can be put into good use. But recently I have no plans to go to tangs to cfm leh... Think will try to convince mashi to go with me next sat.
And recently I've spent a lot on the auctions! I've bought a pair of jeans, 3 tops, and am eyeing another few tops too.
Kao eh, I really spent too much money these days, especially with the camera purchase coming up, I feel very stressed that I'm spending as fast as I earn!
Then again, I really want to buy the camera leh!! But I cant compromise my clothes spending budget too! Ren yi jing bu mei le, bu ke yi yi fu ye bu mei! Sigh.
Zen me ban!
But when I reached home, checked back the mailer, and realise the pair is INDEED $9.90. Now, I dont know if I knew for sure tt the pair was $9.90 would I have cont to queue? All I know is that I feel a little disappointed to know I let go of that fabulous pair of cheap shoes!!
Sigh.
To add to it, I realise the FE5500 camera might cost me up to $630 if I buy the bundle because someone is selling his set on auctions for $580. I was praying tt the tangs voucher can be put into good use. But recently I have no plans to go to tangs to cfm leh... Think will try to convince mashi to go with me next sat.
And recently I've spent a lot on the auctions! I've bought a pair of jeans, 3 tops, and am eyeing another few tops too.
Kao eh, I really spent too much money these days, especially with the camera purchase coming up, I feel very stressed that I'm spending as fast as I earn!
Then again, I really want to buy the camera leh!! But I cant compromise my clothes spending budget too! Ren yi jing bu mei le, bu ke yi yi fu ye bu mei! Sigh.
Zen me ban!
Friday, May 27, 2005
Confusion
I am very lost when it comes to communicating (or the trying in communcating) with andrew. Like I previously blogged, I think he is very wary of me because of my over-enthusiasm.
Which I am a little worried about, because I dont want him to be thinking tt I am being pushy. I quitted sms-ing him since he isnt high in replying.
Ok la, he does reply to my sms until they grow into a conversation. And I do know most guys cant stand sending smses to talk or arrange something, they would rather call. This is typical guy-ish behaviour, so there isnt much issues la.
But it is just that I am not into talking on the phone especially after I've talked on the phone on the whole day mah. And I am not high on talking over lunch too. So I rely largely on my fingers to connect to friends.
And the story cont...
For 2 days in a row I've been eating in cos want to pia. It's end of the month and I've got a target to meet. Sigh.
Jordan and camilla convinced me to go for lunch, stating that they are going to congress, not ms, not mw, not ss... so it is not too disgusting la.
Soooo, I decided to join them, then minutes before 12:30, andrew appeared behind me and started talking to me while I was still with another customer on the line. I got him to halt, while I tried to rush the customer to finish his kb-ing. (It's lunch time, dear customer!)
When I ended tt call, I still have memo the call. But I paused and tried to make sense what andrew said. But I guess I was a tad ( A TAD ONLY OK!! ) irritated cos he interrupted my job. So I frowned and 'huh' when he tried to explain to me that they are going for lunch and it is supposed two for price of one, and he hopes I can come along cos I've got the privilege card.
I must have been distracted, and my mind is willing me to turn back to my monitor and memo the call. He must have explained 3, 4 times then I finally understood. I thought he wanted to ask me along to round their group to an even number or what, so I thought asking jordan and camilla should be ok also what.
But he doesnt seems to want to invite them, and said he will go check and walked away. Jordan and camilla kept urging me to go for lunch cos it's already eating into our lunch hour le, but I still dunno what andrew eventually wants.
I went to search for him, and realised he was there chatting with some ppl whom I do not recognise, but I went up anyway and asked exactly how is the arrangement now? Seemingly he was going for the 2for1 with hong wei and waiyee. So he wanted to know if I can go along.
Which I told him no, I cant, and left the scene of crime.
Hong wei is fine, but lunch w/ waiyee? What the shit can we talk about? I dunno hong wei well either, what the shit can we talk about? I dunno andrew well too!!!! What the shit can we talk about!??!
A scenario immediately played in my mind as that we four share a table in the restuarant, the ambience is soothing and quiet. Nice and soft music above and around us. The waitresses serve us iced water and display our forks and spoons for us. The cultery are all placed parallel to each other, at right angles to the table edge.
The table clothe is white, the restuarant lights are slightly beiged. We order our food from a long page of menu, at the same time trying to balance it tightly to avoid it flying out of our hands and landing in somebody's angels' tresses.
We shall dissertate softly over the table on what to eat, then one of us shall raise an arm and sign an 'a' (as in sign language 'a'). We shall order our food and the food shall be served hot and savoury-smelling.
We shall cut our food in small portions and attempt to look elegant while feeding ourselves. And over food we shall discuss and laugh heartily... and throughout, we w..........
*SCREECHED TO A STOP*
Ooi ooi ooi. Siao ar. This kind of ambience is nice, but not for 4 people who dunno each other leh. It will be so fuckingly embarassing when we have nothing to say, and I will feel uneasy because I cant keep my mouth shut.
This lunch combination is so qi guai! I refused to go hence.
Which I am a little worried about, because I dont want him to be thinking tt I am being pushy. I quitted sms-ing him since he isnt high in replying.
Ok la, he does reply to my sms until they grow into a conversation. And I do know most guys cant stand sending smses to talk or arrange something, they would rather call. This is typical guy-ish behaviour, so there isnt much issues la.
But it is just that I am not into talking on the phone especially after I've talked on the phone on the whole day mah. And I am not high on talking over lunch too. So I rely largely on my fingers to connect to friends.
And the story cont...
For 2 days in a row I've been eating in cos want to pia. It's end of the month and I've got a target to meet. Sigh.
Jordan and camilla convinced me to go for lunch, stating that they are going to congress, not ms, not mw, not ss... so it is not too disgusting la.
Soooo, I decided to join them, then minutes before 12:30, andrew appeared behind me and started talking to me while I was still with another customer on the line. I got him to halt, while I tried to rush the customer to finish his kb-ing. (It's lunch time, dear customer!)
When I ended tt call, I still have memo the call. But I paused and tried to make sense what andrew said. But I guess I was a tad ( A TAD ONLY OK!! ) irritated cos he interrupted my job. So I frowned and 'huh' when he tried to explain to me that they are going for lunch and it is supposed two for price of one, and he hopes I can come along cos I've got the privilege card.
I must have been distracted, and my mind is willing me to turn back to my monitor and memo the call. He must have explained 3, 4 times then I finally understood. I thought he wanted to ask me along to round their group to an even number or what, so I thought asking jordan and camilla should be ok also what.
But he doesnt seems to want to invite them, and said he will go check and walked away. Jordan and camilla kept urging me to go for lunch cos it's already eating into our lunch hour le, but I still dunno what andrew eventually wants.
I went to search for him, and realised he was there chatting with some ppl whom I do not recognise, but I went up anyway and asked exactly how is the arrangement now? Seemingly he was going for the 2for1 with hong wei and waiyee. So he wanted to know if I can go along.
Which I told him no, I cant, and left the scene of crime.
Hong wei is fine, but lunch w/ waiyee? What the shit can we talk about? I dunno hong wei well either, what the shit can we talk about? I dunno andrew well too!!!! What the shit can we talk about!??!
A scenario immediately played in my mind as that we four share a table in the restuarant, the ambience is soothing and quiet. Nice and soft music above and around us. The waitresses serve us iced water and display our forks and spoons for us. The cultery are all placed parallel to each other, at right angles to the table edge.
The table clothe is white, the restuarant lights are slightly beiged. We order our food from a long page of menu, at the same time trying to balance it tightly to avoid it flying out of our hands and landing in somebody's angels' tresses.
We shall dissertate softly over the table on what to eat, then one of us shall raise an arm and sign an 'a' (as in sign language 'a'). We shall order our food and the food shall be served hot and savoury-smelling.
We shall cut our food in small portions and attempt to look elegant while feeding ourselves. And over food we shall discuss and laugh heartily... and throughout, we w..........
*SCREECHED TO A STOP*
Ooi ooi ooi. Siao ar. This kind of ambience is nice, but not for 4 people who dunno each other leh. It will be so fuckingly embarassing when we have nothing to say, and I will feel uneasy because I cant keep my mouth shut.
This lunch combination is so qi guai! I refused to go hence.
Monday, May 23, 2005
Drools.
I am lusting after the Olympus FE5500. Read it here, here or here.
Was originally thinking about Benq DC S30 or Benq DC S40 or Fujifilm A350.
(If got nothing better to do, also dont click on the benq links... super laggy, put there for the sake of remembering)
Then saw the FE5500 on Cnet and I'm in love with it. It is so pretty! I am initially against buying an olympus cos the witch has a mju.
My first bet was on Benq S30, a model which I saw in the papers since long long ago but it never seems to come to singapore for some reason. S30 boasts of 3mp, which is a lot 3 yrs ago.
S40 is simply because it was an upgraded version of S30.
I am confident in fujifilm's products because I have a dummy camera from them and it serves me very well and took very pretty pictures. But now I dont take pics w/ it anymore, cos in any occassion that I need to use a camera, the witch has a mju that serves the function.
You may ask why do I want to buy a camera when I can use the mju. Sure I can, but xin you bu gan mah... She bought the camera specifically for my gor's ns(police) passout. It costs her $700 I think, and since the purchase, the camera has been in used for a grand total of 5 times, out of which 2 times it used by me to take pictures of my newly bought shoes.
And the camera is placed conveniently on my bro's table (by her choice, no less) so that he can use it anytime he wants. Sure if I want to use I can just take it, but sometimes I just feel spiteful and dont want to use it, choosing to borrow from friends instead.
So therefore I want to buy a camera.
My criterias are simple. 5.0mp, zoom, and a decent look. I dont mind camera not being small and slim, but as much as some cameras are built according to ergonomics, they are very ugly. Given a choice, I want my camera to me squarish. It is just a wierd preferrance, with no obvious reference to any pioneer imagary.
This camera is just the one I wanted. And the price is at an affordable $500. True that memory sticks will eventually push the price up, but it's the GSS, so I'm sure I can get the memory sticks at cheaper prices.
When I get the camera, I would be able to snap at beautiful skys and clouds, and take pics of whatever I want, even sneak shots of pretty boys.. Hehe...
Was originally thinking about Benq DC S30 or Benq DC S40 or Fujifilm A350.
(If got nothing better to do, also dont click on the benq links... super laggy, put there for the sake of remembering)
Then saw the FE5500 on Cnet and I'm in love with it. It is so pretty! I am initially against buying an olympus cos the witch has a mju.
My first bet was on Benq S30, a model which I saw in the papers since long long ago but it never seems to come to singapore for some reason. S30 boasts of 3mp, which is a lot 3 yrs ago.
S40 is simply because it was an upgraded version of S30.
I am confident in fujifilm's products because I have a dummy camera from them and it serves me very well and took very pretty pictures. But now I dont take pics w/ it anymore, cos in any occassion that I need to use a camera, the witch has a mju that serves the function.
You may ask why do I want to buy a camera when I can use the mju. Sure I can, but xin you bu gan mah... She bought the camera specifically for my gor's ns(police) passout. It costs her $700 I think, and since the purchase, the camera has been in used for a grand total of 5 times, out of which 2 times it used by me to take pictures of my newly bought shoes.
And the camera is placed conveniently on my bro's table (by her choice, no less) so that he can use it anytime he wants. Sure if I want to use I can just take it, but sometimes I just feel spiteful and dont want to use it, choosing to borrow from friends instead.
So therefore I want to buy a camera.
My criterias are simple. 5.0mp, zoom, and a decent look. I dont mind camera not being small and slim, but as much as some cameras are built according to ergonomics, they are very ugly. Given a choice, I want my camera to me squarish. It is just a wierd preferrance, with no obvious reference to any pioneer imagary.
This camera is just the one I wanted. And the price is at an affordable $500. True that memory sticks will eventually push the price up, but it's the GSS, so I'm sure I can get the memory sticks at cheaper prices.
When I get the camera, I would be able to snap at beautiful skys and clouds, and take pics of whatever I want, even sneak shots of pretty boys.. Hehe...
It's ridiculous...
... but I'm feeling upset.
I dont know why, but I felt swarmed by negative feelings. =(
I am looking forward to my block leave and birthday in july. But at the same time, that will signify a uncomfortable closeness to my job's contract's end. I dont exactly love the job, but I am worried about being stranded.
What if I dont get renewed? What if eventually I cant live my dreams? What if I'm stuck in the expressway of hopelessness? Yah, I know I should break my bad habit of worrying, but old habits die hard.
I should go sleep on it. It's late. Thank god tmr's a holiday in lieu, I can escape from work a little while more. =)
I am trying to convince myself to relax a little and do my job as they come along. Although I hit a pretty good target last mth, I have to remember that all lies mainly on luck, and I just had a overdose on luck last mth. And that luck doesnt come every mth/day/minute.
If I cant hit good score on my targets, I should be contented over meeting minimum target with minimum ot. The more I work on this job where I have to recycle my anger, the more it drains me. To avoid a dehydration, I shall cease to work excessively and continously.
And I shall be taking jap courses w/ lao da as planned. Will be calling some of the schools to find out soon. I want to take my mind off the job, and enjoy my life.
Eventually, I hope I can be living my dream job in this order.
Parttime diploma >> Parttime degree >> NIE training >> Teacher.
I pray.
While slaying the procrastinator within me. Or trying to slay.
I dont know why, but I felt swarmed by negative feelings. =(
I am looking forward to my block leave and birthday in july. But at the same time, that will signify a uncomfortable closeness to my job's contract's end. I dont exactly love the job, but I am worried about being stranded.
What if I dont get renewed? What if eventually I cant live my dreams? What if I'm stuck in the expressway of hopelessness? Yah, I know I should break my bad habit of worrying, but old habits die hard.
I should go sleep on it. It's late. Thank god tmr's a holiday in lieu, I can escape from work a little while more. =)
I am trying to convince myself to relax a little and do my job as they come along. Although I hit a pretty good target last mth, I have to remember that all lies mainly on luck, and I just had a overdose on luck last mth. And that luck doesnt come every mth/day/minute.
If I cant hit good score on my targets, I should be contented over meeting minimum target with minimum ot. The more I work on this job where I have to recycle my anger, the more it drains me. To avoid a dehydration, I shall cease to work excessively and continously.
And I shall be taking jap courses w/ lao da as planned. Will be calling some of the schools to find out soon. I want to take my mind off the job, and enjoy my life.
Eventually, I hope I can be living my dream job in this order.
Parttime diploma >> Parttime degree >> NIE training >> Teacher.
I pray.
While slaying the procrastinator within me. Or trying to slay.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Fast forward back.
Writing this entry in a reverse order of it happening. Dunno why also, shuang lor.
Met up w/ xiao mei today. Biang oi, the last time we met was ard 6 mths ago. But the thing I find comforting abt some of my friends is that, no matter how long was the last time we met up, there are always endless chatter when we finally did.
Hmmm, or is it me what is going on non stop leh? -_-"
But like I say lou, it is comforting, to be able to chat w/ friends even when the last time we've met was ages ago. Sometimes it is bewildering how come I can maintain any friends the way I do. Other than an occasional sms, I seldom keep up w/ my friend's life (tt's why I say... GO WRITE A BLOG, EVERYONE!). I am slowly relying on the luxury of keeping ctcs via email, msn, sms and reading blogs. I am simply too lazy to keep up w/ talking on phone or going out.
Then again, if you jio me to go sing k, I seldom reject laa. Hee.
Was shopping ard ps w/ xiao mei and the shoe shops are super tempting. But! I must remember tt I want to buy shoes at the shoe sale next sat at suntec. So for this while I must refrain from buying shoes...
In the end bought clothes from baleno only. That silly girl point out baleno when I was looking for bossini... -_-'
Tell her wrong leh, she tell me ok la, all start with 'b'... -_-"
Bought a baby blue top and 2 halters in white and green and 1 raceback in pink from baleno hence, since we are already there. The halters and raceback are for layering purposes. The top costs $18. Not expensive but I really dun like blue but black ran out of sizes, so shit lor. Other clothes includes a yucky yellow, a yucky lime, a yucky orange-red, and yucky washed out plum and a slightly less yucky baby blue and a very nice black.
I dont blame my luck that black run out of sizes. Who in the right frame of mind would choose one of the other colours leh?
But baby blue is really not too bad lah.
But black very nice!!
Fast forward back to dinner. We two very bu yao lian de sit in cafe cartel eating and chatting for 2.5 hours. Yah, it's dinner time and it is crowded, we should be getting our ass out of that place to allow more people to eat. The table next to us had 4 change of customers during the time when we were there... Hee...
Ate chicken lagsana (spelt like tt?) and mocha w/ vanilla icecream. I seldom report food here but this meal not exactly cheap mah, so must note it down and remind myself next time just spend the money on shopping la. All food turn to waste (literally) anyway.
Fast forward back to spotlight... Sigh, wanted to buy materials to make skirt. Dont ask me why the sudden interest, but sometimes really think a simple skirt is just two piece of clothe sewed together, and how come can cost $25 and above leh? Like very bo hua. Wanted to redeem my sins a little and spend less on clothes, so was considering making them.
But all the clothe I took to fancy seems to be choices by others as curtains. -_-"
I console myself by saying because the fabrics I like are usually loud, and most people are too conservative to wear them. But because they like it so much they must possess it, so they buy them to be used as curtains and bedsheets.
So! The issue here is not I like to wear curtains la hor! Get that right.
Fast forward back to 3.30 when I was supposed to be meeting esther. Wonder wonder! I was on time! (Please applause.)
Before tt was at work la. Mashi feels that I spent too much time working. But ok la, I dont mind going back on sat to work cos it is not compulsory. Or rather, I dont mind doing extra work if it is not mandatory. I hate it when bosses forward notice to serve ot. It is not even do ot, or work ot, or what... it is served, because it is like a mini jail sentence.
Ok la, a bit kua zhang. But no one likes ot mah.
Tan shui de wo overslept until 10am. *faints*. Was contemplating to give up thoughts abt going back to work and go back to sleep instead. But I can be very stubborn when I need to. So still went to work but think today's manage to do very little only. But shuan le la. Thought tt counts.
Oh, and reflections.
Remembered lao da's and andy's advice to make more friends. So yday very bu zhi suo wei de asked andrew's for his hp#. He is leaving the job soon, so thought ask for ctc#s so next time can keep in touch mah.
[Bitch's note: Andrew is this temp guy from admin side who is very quiet (based on my zhi ming bu fan de observation skills..) Generally saying, he's more of a colleague than a friend but fuck care mah, have to start somewhere anyway. He is a little too quiet to my preference, but who am I to criticise/judge?]
So as usual lor, when every I get a new hp# I find myself sms-ing this person endlessly. Some people will eventually went crazy and had to be admitted in hospital. The rest are now my best friends. People usually only take it either way, love it or loathe it. Some people are appreciative tt I take initiative, but others feel I am overwhelming.
Andrew seems to be the latter. Just 6, 7 smses in 2 days and he is starting not to reply to me le... Oops, I've successfully scared off another could-be-friend le... My bad.
Previously terrorised a few others away too. But also good la.. If cant stand my sms bombarding means eventually cant stand me in person. At least over sms they have time to react, over the phone or in person I will be pressing for answers NOW. So also good la... if cant find a friend in him then maybe it's good to end my smses before he freak out.
Lao da also cant stand my smses. But he cleverly choose to sms me over phoning me. Cos to quote him, 'my hp bills very ex leh, and once you start talking you dont stop one.'
Very hard to please leh. So long nv contact once contacted must crap more mah. I think I ever spoke to lao da once over phone only. Ever since then he avoided my calls. Anything can wait until we speak over lunch ( in school) or over la-teh sessions (aft we grad).
Ooooii... Why like that.
Met up w/ xiao mei today. Biang oi, the last time we met was ard 6 mths ago. But the thing I find comforting abt some of my friends is that, no matter how long was the last time we met up, there are always endless chatter when we finally did.
Hmmm, or is it me what is going on non stop leh? -_-"
But like I say lou, it is comforting, to be able to chat w/ friends even when the last time we've met was ages ago. Sometimes it is bewildering how come I can maintain any friends the way I do. Other than an occasional sms, I seldom keep up w/ my friend's life (tt's why I say... GO WRITE A BLOG, EVERYONE!). I am slowly relying on the luxury of keeping ctcs via email, msn, sms and reading blogs. I am simply too lazy to keep up w/ talking on phone or going out.
Then again, if you jio me to go sing k, I seldom reject laa. Hee.
Was shopping ard ps w/ xiao mei and the shoe shops are super tempting. But! I must remember tt I want to buy shoes at the shoe sale next sat at suntec. So for this while I must refrain from buying shoes...
In the end bought clothes from baleno only. That silly girl point out baleno when I was looking for bossini... -_-'
Tell her wrong leh, she tell me ok la, all start with 'b'... -_-"
Bought a baby blue top and 2 halters in white and green and 1 raceback in pink from baleno hence, since we are already there. The halters and raceback are for layering purposes. The top costs $18. Not expensive but I really dun like blue but black ran out of sizes, so shit lor. Other clothes includes a yucky yellow, a yucky lime, a yucky orange-red, and yucky washed out plum and a slightly less yucky baby blue and a very nice black.
I dont blame my luck that black run out of sizes. Who in the right frame of mind would choose one of the other colours leh?
But baby blue is really not too bad lah.
But black very nice!!
Fast forward back to dinner. We two very bu yao lian de sit in cafe cartel eating and chatting for 2.5 hours. Yah, it's dinner time and it is crowded, we should be getting our ass out of that place to allow more people to eat. The table next to us had 4 change of customers during the time when we were there... Hee...
Ate chicken lagsana (spelt like tt?) and mocha w/ vanilla icecream. I seldom report food here but this meal not exactly cheap mah, so must note it down and remind myself next time just spend the money on shopping la. All food turn to waste (literally) anyway.
Fast forward back to spotlight... Sigh, wanted to buy materials to make skirt. Dont ask me why the sudden interest, but sometimes really think a simple skirt is just two piece of clothe sewed together, and how come can cost $25 and above leh? Like very bo hua. Wanted to redeem my sins a little and spend less on clothes, so was considering making them.
But all the clothe I took to fancy seems to be choices by others as curtains. -_-"
I console myself by saying because the fabrics I like are usually loud, and most people are too conservative to wear them. But because they like it so much they must possess it, so they buy them to be used as curtains and bedsheets.
So! The issue here is not I like to wear curtains la hor! Get that right.
Fast forward back to 3.30 when I was supposed to be meeting esther. Wonder wonder! I was on time! (Please applause.)
Before tt was at work la. Mashi feels that I spent too much time working. But ok la, I dont mind going back on sat to work cos it is not compulsory. Or rather, I dont mind doing extra work if it is not mandatory. I hate it when bosses forward notice to serve ot. It is not even do ot, or work ot, or what... it is served, because it is like a mini jail sentence.
Ok la, a bit kua zhang. But no one likes ot mah.
Tan shui de wo overslept until 10am. *faints*. Was contemplating to give up thoughts abt going back to work and go back to sleep instead. But I can be very stubborn when I need to. So still went to work but think today's manage to do very little only. But shuan le la. Thought tt counts.
Oh, and reflections.
Remembered lao da's and andy's advice to make more friends. So yday very bu zhi suo wei de asked andrew's for his hp#. He is leaving the job soon, so thought ask for ctc#s so next time can keep in touch mah.
[Bitch's note: Andrew is this temp guy from admin side who is very quiet (based on my zhi ming bu fan de observation skills..) Generally saying, he's more of a colleague than a friend but fuck care mah, have to start somewhere anyway. He is a little too quiet to my preference, but who am I to criticise/judge?]
So as usual lor, when every I get a new hp# I find myself sms-ing this person endlessly. Some people will eventually went crazy and had to be admitted in hospital. The rest are now my best friends. People usually only take it either way, love it or loathe it. Some people are appreciative tt I take initiative, but others feel I am overwhelming.
Andrew seems to be the latter. Just 6, 7 smses in 2 days and he is starting not to reply to me le... Oops, I've successfully scared off another could-be-friend le... My bad.
Previously terrorised a few others away too. But also good la.. If cant stand my sms bombarding means eventually cant stand me in person. At least over sms they have time to react, over the phone or in person I will be pressing for answers NOW. So also good la... if cant find a friend in him then maybe it's good to end my smses before he freak out.
Lao da also cant stand my smses. But he cleverly choose to sms me over phoning me. Cos to quote him, 'my hp bills very ex leh, and once you start talking you dont stop one.'
Very hard to please leh. So long nv contact once contacted must crap more mah. I think I ever spoke to lao da once over phone only. Ever since then he avoided my calls. Anything can wait until we speak over lunch ( in school) or over la-teh sessions (aft we grad).
Ooooii... Why like that.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Kind spirit
Saw a message board online yesterday from a person who says he wants to give away his art stuff. I really jump at the chance and email him immediately.
I cant draw but hopefully when I take over his art stuff I can inherit some drawing spirits too. Hehe... But really ren hen hao leh... All these need money but he is willing to give them up. Ren jian you wen qing~! =)
I cant draw but hopefully when I take over his art stuff I can inherit some drawing spirits too. Hehe... But really ren hen hao leh... All these need money but he is willing to give them up. Ren jian you wen qing~! =)
Hen xing ku
Cramps are scary!
I went to work, but by 9.30 I was about to throw in the towel and beg to be allowed home. But although as gan kor as I was feeling, I still managed to tahan while considering whether to take 1/2 day leave or not.
L come over and advised me to go home and rest, which is where I am now. Ensured me that cycle is in good hands because we have full strength today, so even if I have to leave first they are fine. So went over to tell lao ban that I would like 1/2 day off... Lao ban machiam dowan to allow, and I was going to walk back to my seat, defeated.
Then lao ban give his go-ahead.
In another circumstance I would have thought I won the tug and war, but I am in trememdous pain leh, so I can only think that boss very bu jing ren qing. Really want to see me faint then admit me to hospital meh?
Ok la, it's true I wont faint. But if he dont let me come home I will bear grudges and hate him from now on.
But I shall be considerate and stand in another's shoes.
Might be hor... Lao ban also have to consider many factors la. But then I am just a tiny screw in the whole machinary. One less screw the machine wont fall apart la. But if this screw is rusty might need to change it all together? But this screw although take mc once every mth, it is purely to recharge energy mah. Holding up this machinary is a lot of sweat and blood leh. Then while the screw is on the job she does her job duly what. Might not have been the screw of the yr nor the most improved screw but plays a part is making the machinary runs mah!
Ok, I shall quit talking to myself.
I went to work, but by 9.30 I was about to throw in the towel and beg to be allowed home. But although as gan kor as I was feeling, I still managed to tahan while considering whether to take 1/2 day leave or not.
L come over and advised me to go home and rest, which is where I am now. Ensured me that cycle is in good hands because we have full strength today, so even if I have to leave first they are fine. So went over to tell lao ban that I would like 1/2 day off... Lao ban machiam dowan to allow, and I was going to walk back to my seat, defeated.
Then lao ban give his go-ahead.
In another circumstance I would have thought I won the tug and war, but I am in trememdous pain leh, so I can only think that boss very bu jing ren qing. Really want to see me faint then admit me to hospital meh?
Ok la, it's true I wont faint. But if he dont let me come home I will bear grudges and hate him from now on.
But I shall be considerate and stand in another's shoes.
Lao ban's view:
1. Cant let her go because last few cycles not doing very well. Her cycle looks dangerous too.. Cant let all the cycles flop.
2. If she pretending or what, yday on mc today want to take 1/2 day? Trying to get away from work issit?
3. Stupid complain case, always same story from this customer. Huh, what did you just said?
Might be hor... Lao ban also have to consider many factors la. But then I am just a tiny screw in the whole machinary. One less screw the machine wont fall apart la. But if this screw is rusty might need to change it all together? But this screw although take mc once every mth, it is purely to recharge energy mah. Holding up this machinary is a lot of sweat and blood leh. Then while the screw is on the job she does her job duly what. Might not have been the screw of the yr nor the most improved screw but plays a part is making the machinary runs mah!
Ok, I shall quit talking to myself.
Monday, May 16, 2005
Fedup
Post note:
Happens once and again. I flare up then realised I shouldnt be so agitated. Maybe I really need to take my emotions more in rein lah. But decided against deleting the post to remind myself not to be so angered over such issues again.
They are just going to cost more wrinkles, and guys to run away from me... I cant let either happen la!
I am going to let loose of my tongue and leash out all the vulgarities I ever know at the top of my voice!!!!!!!!!!
That doesnt relieve me of my anger at all! I want to slap things to the floor, break some china, tear up some witch's costumes among other things. I want to learn how to ride a bike and ride away at the speed of 200km/h so that I can scream to my heart's contents and others just think it is my engine humming.
I want to go around slapping everyone in sight and want to stab every one I see with a single chopstick. If the opening is too small to allow a quick lost of vast volume of blood, let me perform harakiri on everyone with my cosmetic eyebrow shaver. One single swing of sword is too fast to feel any pain, I want to peel at skin and corpse with the most minute weapon.
When all have died I want to whip their corpse and sever the limbs and heads then when I have sufficient fun I want to burn all the corpses to form the most natural fertilizers.
She is really a witch leh. I am only seeking some refuge from my work and she have to bombard me with HER work. If she gives me all of her pay or pay me accordingly to my market worth then come and ask me to help her can?
At these days, even if you as much as want someone to pass you the liquid paper at work it is considered as a giant favour and you are expected to return the favour with a favour that is worth, in all monetary and dao yi senses, that is 5 or 10 times greater than the original.
Why did she even have the warped mind to think that my mind is supposed to work ot for her. It is as though I dont have a bad enough time at work already.... Then once in a rare occassion when I decide to indulge in myself and stay away from work I am expected to spend all of my saved time on her.
To begin with, she dont even treat me like her f/m. Not tt I want to, because I am not into american's habit of celebrating halloween, nor do I have any huge passion to learn how to ride a broom as my transport to work. Or for that matter, transport to anywhere.
I dont understand how can anyone be so selfish. When computer is down, everyone can take the excuse to say they have no computer knowledge then not lift a finger to help.
When my old ahma needs help they just push the responsibility to anyone else.
When I was suffering from panic attacks while working on my final yr project, was nearing hysterics but she will demand I return her the money I borrowed from her.
When I tried to help when she manages sat dinner preparation she screams at me. When I cant control my emotions she ask me to stop acting.
When there are letters to read, contents to be explained, she will come to me. And when I explained I am seriously a dummy when it comes to insurrance, she feels I am being evasive.
When I need to do work on the computer when I was in poly, when the computer was in my elder bro's room, she will ask me to switch off the ceiling light so that it will not affect his sleep. But I fuckingly need to refer to my sketches and hand drawn plans!
When I need to study for exams, the tv can be left on and everyone can be walking ard me and talking and laughing and conversating. When I closed the door to one of the rooms to try to study in peace she ask I need to close the door as though she dont know how tremendously noisy it is.
When my elder bro needs to study for exam, none of us can talk beyond a certain voice level so that we will not disturb him. What the good does it do? He still flucks his exams.
When my younger bro needs to study, despite how busy I am, I must find time to teach him. If he did well, it is because he is gifted. If he didnt do well, I am condemned to hell.
When my younger bro needs to choose a sec school after psle, everyone appointed me to do it. I tried to explain he is the one studying, he should make the final choice. No one agrees and wants me to decide. Fine I did. And when the choice was finally wrong, I die.
When this same younger bro is rebellious, I am expected to talk to him, to counsel him, to explain to him what's right and what's not. If I dont I am considered as have not taking responsibility is my younger bro's affair. But did it ever cross her mind that I AM NOT HIS MOTHER!!!!!!!!!
And why is it that I need to collect his report card when it is a task that belongs to parents? Must I repeat that I AM NOT HIS MOTHER!!~!~!~!~!~!!??!
She expects me to learn illustrator because she needs it at work. She thinks because illustrator is under adobe, photoshop is also under adobe, I know photoshop, so therefore I must know illustrator.
What kind of warped mindset is that?
It is like I tell you I've learn japanese, and I can speak a little japanese too! *proud*
Then you throw me a book and tell me, japanese is asian language, korean is asian language, therefore I must know korean too. WTF?
Or I tell you I listen to guang dong ge (although I dont), you tell me since I like guang dong ge I must like guang dong da xi too. WTF?? Where got the same meh? Siao.
If you think these examples are too far-fetched, then I quote a nearer and more similar example lor.
I tell you I'm good at microsoft word and microsoft powerpoint.
You tell me "Oh if that's the case, you must know microsoft frontpage and microsoft access as well."
Then I always pride myself as being patient with people who needs my help. But for some reason, this exclusiveless doesnt extend to the witch. I hate to explain things to her. Who wouldnt? Especially when the same question gets asked again and again and again. I'm experiencing deja vu every night that I suspect my life never actually moves forward.
I scan this in liao, how to save the work. Can save "my lock-q-ments" in a'drive or not? If I save this in a'drive later tmr can I take it out from a'drive? Or can take it out from "my lock-q-ments"? Or can take out from scanner?
>Furious explaination with lots of hand gestures and a lot of translations from eng to mandarin<
If I scan in this thing huh, later how I save leh? Can save at "my lock-q-ments"? Or can save in diskette? How to save in diskette huh? Then how to save in "my lock-q-ments"? Later how I open?
>Animated explaination with finger gestures and much translation from eng to mandarin<
I today scan this thing leh. How to save huh? Can I save at "my lock-q-ments" or a'drive? Later when I want to open how to open leh?
>Half-hearted explaination with occassional head movements and all terms like "save", "file", "scan" etc remain all in their native english. Every other sentenses also deliberately punctuated with english.<
I scan liao I can save where huh? Can save at "my lock-q-ments" or "my computer"? Later when I open the file I must open scanner?
>Deja Vu!!!! Piangzzzz....... I thought I've heard tt before?!!<
Happens once and again. I flare up then realised I shouldnt be so agitated. Maybe I really need to take my emotions more in rein lah. But decided against deleting the post to remind myself not to be so angered over such issues again.
They are just going to cost more wrinkles, and guys to run away from me... I cant let either happen la!
I am going to let loose of my tongue and leash out all the vulgarities I ever know at the top of my voice!!!!!!!!!!
CCB!!!!!
KNN!!!!!
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!
KNN!!!!!
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!
That doesnt relieve me of my anger at all! I want to slap things to the floor, break some china, tear up some witch's costumes among other things. I want to learn how to ride a bike and ride away at the speed of 200km/h so that I can scream to my heart's contents and others just think it is my engine humming.
I want to go around slapping everyone in sight and want to stab every one I see with a single chopstick. If the opening is too small to allow a quick lost of vast volume of blood, let me perform harakiri on everyone with my cosmetic eyebrow shaver. One single swing of sword is too fast to feel any pain, I want to peel at skin and corpse with the most minute weapon.
When all have died I want to whip their corpse and sever the limbs and heads then when I have sufficient fun I want to burn all the corpses to form the most natural fertilizers.
She is really a witch leh. I am only seeking some refuge from my work and she have to bombard me with HER work. If she gives me all of her pay or pay me accordingly to my market worth then come and ask me to help her can?
At these days, even if you as much as want someone to pass you the liquid paper at work it is considered as a giant favour and you are expected to return the favour with a favour that is worth, in all monetary and dao yi senses, that is 5 or 10 times greater than the original.
Why did she even have the warped mind to think that my mind is supposed to work ot for her. It is as though I dont have a bad enough time at work already.... Then once in a rare occassion when I decide to indulge in myself and stay away from work I am expected to spend all of my saved time on her.
To begin with, she dont even treat me like her f/m. Not tt I want to, because I am not into american's habit of celebrating halloween, nor do I have any huge passion to learn how to ride a broom as my transport to work. Or for that matter, transport to anywhere.
I dont understand how can anyone be so selfish. When computer is down, everyone can take the excuse to say they have no computer knowledge then not lift a finger to help.
When my old ahma needs help they just push the responsibility to anyone else.
When I was suffering from panic attacks while working on my final yr project, was nearing hysterics but she will demand I return her the money I borrowed from her.
When I tried to help when she manages sat dinner preparation she screams at me. When I cant control my emotions she ask me to stop acting.
When there are letters to read, contents to be explained, she will come to me. And when I explained I am seriously a dummy when it comes to insurrance, she feels I am being evasive.
When I need to do work on the computer when I was in poly, when the computer was in my elder bro's room, she will ask me to switch off the ceiling light so that it will not affect his sleep. But I fuckingly need to refer to my sketches and hand drawn plans!
When I need to study for exams, the tv can be left on and everyone can be walking ard me and talking and laughing and conversating. When I closed the door to one of the rooms to try to study in peace she ask I need to close the door as though she dont know how tremendously noisy it is.
When my elder bro needs to study for exam, none of us can talk beyond a certain voice level so that we will not disturb him. What the good does it do? He still flucks his exams.
When my younger bro needs to study, despite how busy I am, I must find time to teach him. If he did well, it is because he is gifted. If he didnt do well, I am condemned to hell.
When my younger bro needs to choose a sec school after psle, everyone appointed me to do it. I tried to explain he is the one studying, he should make the final choice. No one agrees and wants me to decide. Fine I did. And when the choice was finally wrong, I die.
When this same younger bro is rebellious, I am expected to talk to him, to counsel him, to explain to him what's right and what's not. If I dont I am considered as have not taking responsibility is my younger bro's affair. But did it ever cross her mind that I AM NOT HIS MOTHER!!!!!!!!!
And why is it that I need to collect his report card when it is a task that belongs to parents? Must I repeat that I AM NOT HIS MOTHER!!~!~!~!~!~!!??!
She expects me to learn illustrator because she needs it at work. She thinks because illustrator is under adobe, photoshop is also under adobe, I know photoshop, so therefore I must know illustrator.
What kind of warped mindset is that?
It is like I tell you I've learn japanese, and I can speak a little japanese too! *proud*
Then you throw me a book and tell me, japanese is asian language, korean is asian language, therefore I must know korean too. WTF?
Or I tell you I listen to guang dong ge (although I dont), you tell me since I like guang dong ge I must like guang dong da xi too. WTF?? Where got the same meh? Siao.
If you think these examples are too far-fetched, then I quote a nearer and more similar example lor.
I tell you I'm good at microsoft word and microsoft powerpoint.
You tell me "Oh if that's the case, you must know microsoft frontpage and microsoft access as well."
Huh?
Huh??
HUH?!?!?!?!?!
Related meh?Huh??
HUH?!?!?!?!?!
Then I always pride myself as being patient with people who needs my help. But for some reason, this exclusiveless doesnt extend to the witch. I hate to explain things to her. Who wouldnt? Especially when the same question gets asked again and again and again. I'm experiencing deja vu every night that I suspect my life never actually moves forward.
*****
Night 1:I scan this in liao, how to save the work. Can save "my lock-q-ments" in a'drive or not? If I save this in a'drive later tmr can I take it out from a'drive? Or can take it out from "my lock-q-ments"? Or can take out from scanner?
>Furious explaination with lots of hand gestures and a lot of translations from eng to mandarin<
*****
Night 2:If I scan in this thing huh, later how I save leh? Can save at "my lock-q-ments"? Or can save in diskette? How to save in diskette huh? Then how to save in "my lock-q-ments"? Later how I open?
>Animated explaination with finger gestures and much translation from eng to mandarin<
*****
Night 3:I today scan this thing leh. How to save huh? Can I save at "my lock-q-ments" or a'drive? Later when I want to open how to open leh?
>Half-hearted explaination with occassional head movements and all terms like "save", "file", "scan" etc remain all in their native english. Every other sentenses also deliberately punctuated with english.<
*****
Night 4:I scan liao I can save where huh? Can save at "my lock-q-ments" or "my computer"? Later when I open the file I must open scanner?
>Deja Vu!!!! Piangzzzz....... I thought I've heard tt before?!!<
MC again
Wha, now I am really taking mc-s once a month. But also heck care la, not as though I dont take mc I dont get arrowed. The best way to avoid being arrowed is to do less wrong things. The only way to do less wrong things is..
1. NOT to be more careful (there's always monsters to ruin your work)
2. NOT to do more correct things (people always see your wrong-doings only)
3. do less
Above isnt a multiple choice qn, because there is not even any logic that you need to apply to see which is the correct answer.
It's like asking you
what colour is the sky...
1. envelope
2. happy
3. blue
I always lament that when you do one correct thing one thousand times, no one realise. When you make as much as one single mistake, all the stakes are out to pierce your heart.
Anyway, dowan to go to work cos mc.. MC as in not medical cert, as in menstrual cramps.
I am quite blessed to report I am not estrangled by such cramps every mth, but once is a purple cheese fries moon when they attack, I will be rolling around my bed in pain.
This is the third time it had happened. And I'm a little more used to it now, thank god.
The first time was when I was in poly. It hurts so much that I squatted beside the toilet wall and couldnt get up for 15 minutes. I rushed home when I finally did.
Second time I was due for work but I wouldnt get out of bed cos I was clutching my stomach (no extra hands to clutch the bedsheets to get up, haha), and was sweating marbles.
This is the third time and while I am sleeping, I am relatively fine. But once I am awaken I cant go back to sleep anymore. The pain was excruciating.... (This morn I was woke up by the rain at 6.20, and the pain cont until 7.05 when I gave in and sms lao ban.)
Was a dilemna. Cos half of me thought today should go to work cos can call using automatic dailling. But thought also cfm need to work on cycle, but if in our group of 6, maybe need to handle 20 accts each, shouldnt be too siong. Then afternoon can start to use a/d.
Or maybe by 10.30 or 11 can use a/d.
But after consideration, I will only be ending up hugging by stomach for the whole day, and feel irritable and snap at customers. So suan le lor.
In the end, obasan inform only she and J ard. All the rest of us on mc... Whahahah... that means under normal circumstances, the two of them might have to work 60 accts each and dont get to use a/d. I am not laughing at the plight. I am just glad that it might have been me who was stuck in tt cos working 60 accts not very fun leh, lots of work to do..
But lao ban sure very stress. Since last wk our group's strength has been weak. 6 in the group, namely L, K, J, S, B, and myself Y.
Mon: L (in) / K (mc) / J (annual leave) /S (scheduled leave) / B (exam leave) / Y (in)
Tues: L (in) / K (mc) / J (annual leave) /S (mc) / B (mc) / Y (in)
Wed: L (in) / K (in) / J (annual leave) /S (scheduled leave) / B (mc) / Y (in)
Thur: L (in) / K (in) / J (annual leave) /S (scheduled leave) / B (exam leave) / Y (in)
Fri: L (in) / K (in) / J (in) /S (scheduled leave) / B (exam leave) / Y (in)
Tdy: L (mc) / K (in) / J (in) /S (mc) / B (mc) / Y (mc)
On normal rights why should I care if the group stength is low? I am just supposed to be doing my work, no?
No, because eventually when the group stuff are not done, it will eat into the time where we can work on our individual stuff and targets, which is why it is perplexing to know the strength has not went up, but further down.
And also, we might end up like our neighbour group, with our lao ban give orders to ot. OT SUCKS, but we salaried workers dont have a say in our lives. It is totally puppetted in the hands of our bosses... Sigh.
1. NOT to be more careful (there's always monsters to ruin your work)
2. NOT to do more correct things (people always see your wrong-doings only)
3. do less
Above isnt a multiple choice qn, because there is not even any logic that you need to apply to see which is the correct answer.
It's like asking you
what colour is the sky...
1. envelope
2. happy
3. blue
I always lament that when you do one correct thing one thousand times, no one realise. When you make as much as one single mistake, all the stakes are out to pierce your heart.
Anyway, dowan to go to work cos mc.. MC as in not medical cert, as in menstrual cramps.
I am quite blessed to report I am not estrangled by such cramps every mth, but once is a purple cheese fries moon when they attack, I will be rolling around my bed in pain.
This is the third time it had happened. And I'm a little more used to it now, thank god.
The first time was when I was in poly. It hurts so much that I squatted beside the toilet wall and couldnt get up for 15 minutes. I rushed home when I finally did.
Second time I was due for work but I wouldnt get out of bed cos I was clutching my stomach (no extra hands to clutch the bedsheets to get up, haha), and was sweating marbles.
This is the third time and while I am sleeping, I am relatively fine. But once I am awaken I cant go back to sleep anymore. The pain was excruciating.... (This morn I was woke up by the rain at 6.20, and the pain cont until 7.05 when I gave in and sms lao ban.)
Was a dilemna. Cos half of me thought today should go to work cos can call using automatic dailling. But thought also cfm need to work on cycle, but if in our group of 6, maybe need to handle 20 accts each, shouldnt be too siong. Then afternoon can start to use a/d.
Or maybe by 10.30 or 11 can use a/d.
But after consideration, I will only be ending up hugging by stomach for the whole day, and feel irritable and snap at customers. So suan le lor.
In the end, obasan inform only she and J ard. All the rest of us on mc... Whahahah... that means under normal circumstances, the two of them might have to work 60 accts each and dont get to use a/d. I am not laughing at the plight. I am just glad that it might have been me who was stuck in tt cos working 60 accts not very fun leh, lots of work to do..
But lao ban sure very stress. Since last wk our group's strength has been weak. 6 in the group, namely L, K, J, S, B, and myself Y.
Mon: L (in) / K (mc) / J (annual leave) /S (scheduled leave) / B (exam leave) / Y (in)
Tues: L (in) / K (mc) / J (annual leave) /S (mc) / B (mc) / Y (in)
Wed: L (in) / K (in) / J (annual leave) /S (scheduled leave) / B (mc) / Y (in)
Thur: L (in) / K (in) / J (annual leave) /S (scheduled leave) / B (exam leave) / Y (in)
Fri: L (in) / K (in) / J (in) /S (scheduled leave) / B (exam leave) / Y (in)
Tdy: L (mc) / K (in) / J (in) /S (mc) / B (mc) / Y (mc)
On normal rights why should I care if the group stength is low? I am just supposed to be doing my work, no?
No, because eventually when the group stuff are not done, it will eat into the time where we can work on our individual stuff and targets, which is why it is perplexing to know the strength has not went up, but further down.
And also, we might end up like our neighbour group, with our lao ban give orders to ot. OT SUCKS, but we salaried workers dont have a say in our lives. It is totally puppetted in the hands of our bosses... Sigh.
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Frienster acct!!
Was looking back at an super old yahoo acct and realise I have a friendster acct wor! Zhen shen qi lei!
Once upon a time, jason the shuai ge invited me, and I guess I must have created an acct. But shit lor, cos all along I always declare I DONT HAVE a friendster acct (zhen yi min ran de shuo!)
I vaguely remembering seeing his acct, but I didnt remember that I have to create an acct to take a look. I always thought it is simply a click-to-see.
So just now when I logged on the now-defunct yahoo acct to retrieve sis's email add to forward her crap, then I saw the frienster notification that jason had uploaded 3 new photos (or something like that), so as usual cts lor.
Ai yah, to be honest also la, it's because it's that shuai ge then I will cts, otherwise I wont bother even. Thought of perking my life w/ a shuai ge's pic mah.
Then realised have to key password, so randomly key in a commonly used password and ding-ding-ding, can access leh! Zhen shen qi!
Hmm, from his list of friends I saw a lot of my poly mates friendster accts. Cts...cts... Then saw a lot more poly mates! O_O
Yah la, I do know tt is the power of friendster, but it is really O_O lor. It is like a wart that cannot duan gen (lao da, not hinting anything here ok?)
Oh, and I updated the 'about me' section:
Think that is good enought to remind people tt I cannot be offended right. Or do I have to add more graphic details on how I can abuse corpses leh?
Think better not, still want people to think I am a gentle and nice girl despite all court evidence. And I am thinking of renaming my second name yet again. Think should call myself paranoia. I am looking at this friendster acct of this guy whom I used to have a serious infatuation for.. and there in his testimonials, his friend mentioned abt they going thru a period of time of avoiding a certian miss aggressive's advances.
Kao, is that me!?!?!?!?
Bu hui ba! -_-"
Once upon a time, jason the shuai ge invited me, and I guess I must have created an acct. But shit lor, cos all along I always declare I DONT HAVE a friendster acct (zhen yi min ran de shuo!)
I vaguely remembering seeing his acct, but I didnt remember that I have to create an acct to take a look. I always thought it is simply a click-to-see.
So just now when I logged on the now-defunct yahoo acct to retrieve sis's email add to forward her crap, then I saw the frienster notification that jason had uploaded 3 new photos (or something like that), so as usual cts lor.
Ai yah, to be honest also la, it's because it's that shuai ge then I will cts, otherwise I wont bother even. Thought of perking my life w/ a shuai ge's pic mah.
Then realised have to key password, so randomly key in a commonly used password and ding-ding-ding, can access leh! Zhen shen qi!
Hmm, from his list of friends I saw a lot of my poly mates friendster accts. Cts...cts... Then saw a lot more poly mates! O_O
Yah la, I do know tt is the power of friendster, but it is really O_O lor. It is like a wart that cannot duan gen (lao da, not hinting anything here ok?)
Oh, and I updated the 'about me' section:
I'm a self proclaimed bitch but my nice friends assured me i am too mild to be labelled as one.
I cannot keep track of my moods cos it is a rollercoaster ride minute to minute. This moment i am your guardian angel, the next i am visualising myself whipping your corpse.
I cannot be offended because I'll rmb them forever. My tail is excessively long and extends to every inch of the ground ard you, so you better ballet in the air and land NOT on my tail.
Think that is good enought to remind people tt I cannot be offended right. Or do I have to add more graphic details on how I can abuse corpses leh?
Think better not, still want people to think I am a gentle and nice girl despite all court evidence. And I am thinking of renaming my second name yet again. Think should call myself paranoia. I am looking at this friendster acct of this guy whom I used to have a serious infatuation for.. and there in his testimonials, his friend mentioned abt they going thru a period of time of avoiding a certian miss aggressive's advances.
Kao, is that me!?!?!?!?
Bu hui ba! -_-"
Saturday, May 14, 2005
K Session
Went for k session with lao da and ah du today. Because we didnt do prior booking, can only sing k lunch to 1pm! Very shit! Then out of we three person each person can sing ard 6 or 7 songs. Then it's time to go. It's like hallo~ gen ben sao bu dao yang chu lor!
Lao da and ah du these two, as usual they are a funny pair. The two of them might as well get married to each other and live their happy lifes. But too bad despite their xin ling xiang tong, the two like girls.
Honestly. These two are the best guys I've ever known in this life of mine. Sometimes I am tempted to pair them up with my girl friends. But being skeptical as I always am, I havent find anyone who seems to be able to suit them leh. Basically have to be pretty la, they are 'se-lang's. Have to be able to understand their jokes, cos they jokes are really sheng2-hua3-pian1. Dont have some basic fundamental jokes training wont be able to understand one. Haha.
Ok la, a bit kua zhang. But they have too many insider jokes tt I cant catch. So maybe humour fundamental isnt essential, but what is necessary is more chance to leech ard them so tt there isnt any issues with not comprehending their insider jokes.
But okok... *shove matchmaking plans aside*...
Was talking to the two of them abt the issues of friends. Mentioned to them about the erv incident. The two of them unanimously feels tt I am seriously lacking in friends whom I can relate to, therefore I was so affected by the incident. And at the same time, because I have so little friends, I became expectant of them. I feel they can this, they can that, they shouldnt this, shouldnt that.
In short, if I have more friends, I cant bug the same person all the time, giving everyone room to breathe.
It makes sense. But unfortunately for me, my senses are all warped and as much as I know it is true, I keep making the same mistakes and keep zhuan niu jiao jian.
Ah du commented it might be harsh of him to point me out like that, but he feels (as he quote from a book that he is recently reading) that I am saying I cant, but in reality, it is more of a said, then a tried and said.
Come to think of it. It might be true. But I dunno either. All the while, there are some things that 'I cant do'. Wherever/when the categorisation occurs I have no idea, but I sure have a lot of things tt I deny my capability of completing or doing.
Both pinpointed tt I am turning my face away from the reality, is hiding away and pretends things are ok.
I admitted openly to them that I cannot forget the fact that I took pains to finish my diploma, but eventually decided to work in a totally different field. It seems to be just highlighting tt I made a wrong choice all the way in the start when I choose the course. If I didnt choose this course would things be different?
Not saying I will take a biz or engineering course la, but if I were to take a graphic design course instead, or fine arts course instead, would things be different?
Ah du very hen3 du2. Said things will be the same, because it is my character/personality/thinking that causes me to eventually flop and fail. Is it really?
I need to sleep on it and re-consider.
And also, it is funny how I am so affected by how others think of me. (Yah, I will find it funny too if this is happening to another person.) It is weird but I am very worried what the others think about me. But I am most affected by people who dunno me well.
I will be fine if lao da thinks negatively of me, cos I can explain myself. I will be fine if mashi doesnt understand my decisions, cos I can explain myself too. But if now, it's christine or susan or davina or clive or lailai or vickey who looks at me in a different and despising light, I am not able to explain myself to them.
I asked myself, is it simply explaining as it words and language? Or explaining as proportionate to the degree that they know me?
Or is it a lack of chance for those 3 degree, 4 degree 5 degree friends?
I think it is think it is a cross btw the lack of chance and the difficulty of explaining to people who dunno know me well. It is tedious to try to clear up misgivings others have of me expecially when the next time when I see him/her might be an eternity away.
It is also v ma fan to try to explain to people all the way from the beginning of the story cos the it stretches all the way back to the prehistoric ages.
But!! But!! Why the fuck do I need to explain to these bu xiang guan de ren leh?
That was the question that was brought up repeatedly throughout the la-teh session. And of course I do understand the concept of it all. It definately doesnt make sense to be so bothered by what others think of me, especially by people who are so unfamiliar to me.
But yet again, I have no idea why is it that I feel this way. Sure I can twist my thoughts ard when I chant to myself for enough times. All I have to do is to keep repeating "Why the fuck you care?... Why the fuck you care?..." Eventually I would have brainwashed myself enough to remember that I live for myself, not for my family, nor lao da, nor ah du, nor mashi, nor esther, erv, lyn babe, or anyone else.
And certainly not for the person who just pass by in my life, poked in his kpo nose and left a comment to make himself feels important, and me miserable.
So that's it, from now on I want to brainwash myself to remember I dont fuckingly care what others think of me.
But to trace back to the roots, I really have no idea how come I am feeling this way. What is it specifically that causes me to be so afraid of views coming from others, be it I know them well or I dont.
It is an irony that while I'm looking at myself as a design and art student, I should be having a mind of myself. Yet I am so concerned about how others look at me. It doesnt make much sense, does it?
I remember when I first started in design, I defend my project and design a lot. I do it to the way tt I like it. If I designed something crappy I would admit. If I designed something which I like but another doesnt agree, I would listen to opinion and decide (myself, no less) if I need to make any amendments.
Opinions to me then were merely opinions.
Now they are stings.
But no! I mustnt let it sting me for any longer, I must seriously get it out of my system, get myself together and forget abt the pain of it all!
Starting ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... NOW!!!
Lao da and ah du these two, as usual they are a funny pair. The two of them might as well get married to each other and live their happy lifes. But too bad despite their xin ling xiang tong, the two like girls.
Honestly. These two are the best guys I've ever known in this life of mine. Sometimes I am tempted to pair them up with my girl friends. But being skeptical as I always am, I havent find anyone who seems to be able to suit them leh. Basically have to be pretty la, they are 'se-lang's. Have to be able to understand their jokes, cos they jokes are really sheng2-hua3-pian1. Dont have some basic fundamental jokes training wont be able to understand one. Haha.
Ok la, a bit kua zhang. But they have too many insider jokes tt I cant catch. So maybe humour fundamental isnt essential, but what is necessary is more chance to leech ard them so tt there isnt any issues with not comprehending their insider jokes.
But okok... *shove matchmaking plans aside*...
Was talking to the two of them abt the issues of friends. Mentioned to them about the erv incident. The two of them unanimously feels tt I am seriously lacking in friends whom I can relate to, therefore I was so affected by the incident. And at the same time, because I have so little friends, I became expectant of them. I feel they can this, they can that, they shouldnt this, shouldnt that.
In short, if I have more friends, I cant bug the same person all the time, giving everyone room to breathe.
It makes sense. But unfortunately for me, my senses are all warped and as much as I know it is true, I keep making the same mistakes and keep zhuan niu jiao jian.
Ah du commented it might be harsh of him to point me out like that, but he feels (as he quote from a book that he is recently reading) that I am saying I cant, but in reality, it is more of a said, then a tried and said.
Come to think of it. It might be true. But I dunno either. All the while, there are some things that 'I cant do'. Wherever/when the categorisation occurs I have no idea, but I sure have a lot of things tt I deny my capability of completing or doing.
Both pinpointed tt I am turning my face away from the reality, is hiding away and pretends things are ok.
I admitted openly to them that I cannot forget the fact that I took pains to finish my diploma, but eventually decided to work in a totally different field. It seems to be just highlighting tt I made a wrong choice all the way in the start when I choose the course. If I didnt choose this course would things be different?
Not saying I will take a biz or engineering course la, but if I were to take a graphic design course instead, or fine arts course instead, would things be different?
Ah du very hen3 du2. Said things will be the same, because it is my character/personality/thinking that causes me to eventually flop and fail. Is it really?
I need to sleep on it and re-consider.
And also, it is funny how I am so affected by how others think of me. (Yah, I will find it funny too if this is happening to another person.) It is weird but I am very worried what the others think about me. But I am most affected by people who dunno me well.
I will be fine if lao da thinks negatively of me, cos I can explain myself. I will be fine if mashi doesnt understand my decisions, cos I can explain myself too. But if now, it's christine or susan or davina or clive or lailai or vickey who looks at me in a different and despising light, I am not able to explain myself to them.
I asked myself, is it simply explaining as it words and language? Or explaining as proportionate to the degree that they know me?
Or is it a lack of chance for those 3 degree, 4 degree 5 degree friends?
I think it is think it is a cross btw the lack of chance and the difficulty of explaining to people who dunno know me well. It is tedious to try to clear up misgivings others have of me expecially when the next time when I see him/her might be an eternity away.
It is also v ma fan to try to explain to people all the way from the beginning of the story cos the it stretches all the way back to the prehistoric ages.
But!! But!! Why the fuck do I need to explain to these bu xiang guan de ren leh?
That was the question that was brought up repeatedly throughout the la-teh session. And of course I do understand the concept of it all. It definately doesnt make sense to be so bothered by what others think of me, especially by people who are so unfamiliar to me.
But yet again, I have no idea why is it that I feel this way. Sure I can twist my thoughts ard when I chant to myself for enough times. All I have to do is to keep repeating "Why the fuck you care?... Why the fuck you care?..." Eventually I would have brainwashed myself enough to remember that I live for myself, not for my family, nor lao da, nor ah du, nor mashi, nor esther, erv, lyn babe, or anyone else.
And certainly not for the person who just pass by in my life, poked in his kpo nose and left a comment to make himself feels important, and me miserable.
So that's it, from now on I want to brainwash myself to remember I dont fuckingly care what others think of me.
But to trace back to the roots, I really have no idea how come I am feeling this way. What is it specifically that causes me to be so afraid of views coming from others, be it I know them well or I dont.
It is an irony that while I'm looking at myself as a design and art student, I should be having a mind of myself. Yet I am so concerned about how others look at me. It doesnt make much sense, does it?
I remember when I first started in design, I defend my project and design a lot. I do it to the way tt I like it. If I designed something crappy I would admit. If I designed something which I like but another doesnt agree, I would listen to opinion and decide (myself, no less) if I need to make any amendments.
Opinions to me then were merely opinions.
Now they are stings.
But no! I mustnt let it sting me for any longer, I must seriously get it out of my system, get myself together and forget abt the pain of it all!
Starting ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... NOW!!!
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Those smells
Let me say it once and for all, I am allergic to perfume.
Dont tell me they cost $200 for 50ml, because I dont fuckingly care. Dont tell me it is an exclusive edition from some exclusive brand and this is bottle #4564 out of #144512 or whatever. Dont tell me it smells oh-so-nice, because you cant find a fan in me for that stupid bottle of smell of yours.
Upon saying so, the next time you go out with me, or stand within 5feet of me, dont let me catch any whiff from you. I will just show you a look of disgust and stand far away. Between the two of us you know your perfume is irking me, but to the eyes of innocent passerbys, you are one piece of walking chou-dou-fu.
I repeat that I am not against perfume or what. Nor am I against someone who wears perfume, but I seriously like my oxygen pure and as is it, thank you very much. I need no artificial smells-flavouring.
It is the same concept as I eat my guavas. I like them cut and eaten, not cut and dipped in suan mei fen and lick and dip and lick and dip and lick and finally throw away the piece of saliva-soaked guava. (Ok.. I know only ar-nic treats his guavas so disgustingly.)
Why did I ever start on this leh? Because I nearly died when I took mrt this morning. There is this indian lady (for the thousandth time, this isnt a racist blog) who was wearing a smell that is overpowering/suffocating/stiffling.
She is standing very close to me and was pratically hugging the metal pole as though her life depends solely on it. I was grasping on the same pole, so my distance with her is just my arm's length, which is very short I know.
*Dont start your t-rex jokes about my short arms ok*
I want to die, I kept having the raise my head to face the ceiling of the mrt train where air isnt half as contaminated.
It is time like this tt I pray I can find a husband who can drive me to work everyday. I either get suffocated by perfume on the trains, or wrinkle my nose on the rude stench of sweat on the way to work every morning. Soon my nose will begin to malfunction and stop processing smells altogether because of these few offending stinks that I have to experience day in day out.
While I'm on the topic, I have to be grateful to my shang piao you. It saves my live all the time. Whenever I caught a whiff of any stink I'll just whip out my shang piao you and dab a little on my wrist and my throat. Like I always tell friends, if you cant decide what to get for me for my birthday, or if you want to buy something to make me like you better, shang piao you is never wrong.
Can please buy the biggest bottle one? I use one bottle a mth. And it cost $4 and I will love you lots. Haha.
Dont tell me they cost $200 for 50ml, because I dont fuckingly care. Dont tell me it is an exclusive edition from some exclusive brand and this is bottle #4564 out of #144512 or whatever. Dont tell me it smells oh-so-nice, because you cant find a fan in me for that stupid bottle of smell of yours.
Upon saying so, the next time you go out with me, or stand within 5feet of me, dont let me catch any whiff from you. I will just show you a look of disgust and stand far away. Between the two of us you know your perfume is irking me, but to the eyes of innocent passerbys, you are one piece of walking chou-dou-fu.
I repeat that I am not against perfume or what. Nor am I against someone who wears perfume, but I seriously like my oxygen pure and as is it, thank you very much. I need no artificial smells-flavouring.
It is the same concept as I eat my guavas. I like them cut and eaten, not cut and dipped in suan mei fen and lick and dip and lick and dip and lick and finally throw away the piece of saliva-soaked guava. (Ok.. I know only ar-nic treats his guavas so disgustingly.)
Why did I ever start on this leh? Because I nearly died when I took mrt this morning. There is this indian lady (for the thousandth time, this isnt a racist blog) who was wearing a smell that is overpowering/suffocating/stiffling.
She is standing very close to me and was pratically hugging the metal pole as though her life depends solely on it. I was grasping on the same pole, so my distance with her is just my arm's length, which is very short I know.
*Dont start your t-rex jokes about my short arms ok*
I want to die, I kept having the raise my head to face the ceiling of the mrt train where air isnt half as contaminated.
It is time like this tt I pray I can find a husband who can drive me to work everyday. I either get suffocated by perfume on the trains, or wrinkle my nose on the rude stench of sweat on the way to work every morning. Soon my nose will begin to malfunction and stop processing smells altogether because of these few offending stinks that I have to experience day in day out.
While I'm on the topic, I have to be grateful to my shang piao you. It saves my live all the time. Whenever I caught a whiff of any stink I'll just whip out my shang piao you and dab a little on my wrist and my throat. Like I always tell friends, if you cant decide what to get for me for my birthday, or if you want to buy something to make me like you better, shang piao you is never wrong.
Can please buy the biggest bottle one? I use one bottle a mth. And it cost $4 and I will love you lots. Haha.
Sunday, May 08, 2005
Personality Disorder Test
Was doing the quiz from a link I fished out from someone's blog... and my results as following.
Cai bu xiang xin ne!
Disorder Rating: Paranoid: Very High | Schizoid: High | Schizotypal: Moderate | Antisocial: Moderate | Borderline: Moderate | Histrionic: Moderate | Narcissistic: Low | Avoidant: Moderate | Dependent: High | Obsessive-Compulsive: High
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Bearing animosity
I am angry with myself because I am thinking of giving in and sms erv! But I know I shouldnt. I was never magnanimous to begin with. And I am also angry tt he, as a guy, dont take the effort to appease me. This only further proves my point that I treat him better than he me.
On top of anger, I am feeling upset too. Sigh... Ni Min Ran (倪敏然) committed suicide by hanging himself from a tree. His corpse was found with his identifications. He was believed to have committed suicide 10days back. By the time he was found, his body has been drained of blood, and his organs has supposedly 'tuo luo'. From what the lianhe wanbao reported, he was hanging 2feet above the ground, and there is no objects nearby that he could step on. This could only means he had his noose ard his neck, climb up the tree and jumped off.
This is so saddening. I am in no particular favour of nmr, but I gan tong sheng shou. He was having problems with relationship issues. He had a wife but is in love with another artiste. His career seems to be suffering a downfall and he seems to have lose faith in his religion late into his life. He used to be a christian, then lately he worshipped si-mian-fo, but when he penned his last words, he seems to be still holding hope in christianity.
I am not a christian. But everyone should have a religion to believe in to distract themselves in time of weaknesses.
Nmr seems to be suffering from depression. And with the various reports, these are the people who chooses the most cruel way to commit sucide. There are other artistes who leaped off building, burnt charcoal in airtight room, and hang themselves from hanger.
It is depressing to see people who cant control their emotions anymore. I am just lucky tt as much as I considered that option before, I was often too drained of energy from crying to carry it out. Suffering from depression is never a decision. No one should ever go up to someone who is suffering from depression or psychological problems to ask them 'to snap out of it'.
Depression is an illness. It is like cancer, it is like your common flu or sore throat. Only thing is everyone sympathise with people suffering from cancer or the common ailments, but when one realise you have depression, they think you chose it.
People thinks tt depression is a trend. It is a way to show how melancholic is percieved as personalities on 'shuai-ge's and it is oh-so-appealing... think hua ze lei.
Ya right.
Depression is ugly. Just think of tears-washed eyes, so swollen tt they cant be opened beyond a slit. Think of the constant knitted-brows, and the down-turned lips. Think of the spaced-out look in their eyes when the patient is just feeling waves of emotions but do not feel sad over a specific reason. When depression progresses, it is not just the single reason tt causes sadness, but anything begins to suck.
Nothing is ever nice or beautiful anymore the moment you suffer from depression.
And it doesnt help at all, that people ard you doesnt understand and accept your illness. If it was a cancer case, friends and family members know how to react. I dare say 90% of people cant handle a depressed patient.
I used to have a friend who was a chao ah lian in sec one and two. We were in the worst class in sec 3 and 4. She eventually still managed to get a 11 point for 'O's based on her own efforts (none of the teachers can claim credit). She entered a jc and 3 mths or so before 'A's she quitted school.
She told me she was suffering from panic attacks and she seems to be suffering from depression too. I didnt know how to console her, because I dont understand the illness at all. She told me whenever she need to study she will feel breathless and she would squat in the living room and cant cont her studies.
That sounded so ridiculous to me then! It sounds like an excuse to get out of studies! Especially when I was not exactly experiencing heaven in poly 1 or 2. My projects got thrashed by lecturers and I was going w/o sleep to get work done, only to have it thrashed again.
I really thought this friend is trying to pull a fast one. But nonetheless, I dont bother to talk sense into her because I dont know where to start. So I just crap ard with her and didnt talk to her abt her studies at all... Up to now I have no idea whether I was doing the correct thing or not, because we gradually lost ctc.
This is just to show how ignorant a common person is towards depression/panic attacks.
When I was going thru my own tough patch, almost none of my friends can speak to me without me rejecting to talk because (a) I dowan to talk to them (b) I want to talk to them but because I feel my tears swelling and I have to walk away.
I only managed to open up to ryce. Up to know I dunno whether she knows she is my saviour. But sad to say, once upon graduation, I lost touch with everyone from poly but lao da. I can never leave lao da because I need his jokes to get me going. I cant face anyone from poly anymore and have since left the field.
I cant face my lecturers anymore, and I am rejecting all forms of contacting 'attacks' launched by my poly friends. When people ask me why do I have to suffer so much in poly, to give up later?
I cant admit to anyone tt I failed to take myself in reins.
On top of anger, I am feeling upset too. Sigh... Ni Min Ran (倪敏然) committed suicide by hanging himself from a tree. His corpse was found with his identifications. He was believed to have committed suicide 10days back. By the time he was found, his body has been drained of blood, and his organs has supposedly 'tuo luo'. From what the lianhe wanbao reported, he was hanging 2feet above the ground, and there is no objects nearby that he could step on. This could only means he had his noose ard his neck, climb up the tree and jumped off.
This is so saddening. I am in no particular favour of nmr, but I gan tong sheng shou. He was having problems with relationship issues. He had a wife but is in love with another artiste. His career seems to be suffering a downfall and he seems to have lose faith in his religion late into his life. He used to be a christian, then lately he worshipped si-mian-fo, but when he penned his last words, he seems to be still holding hope in christianity.
I am not a christian. But everyone should have a religion to believe in to distract themselves in time of weaknesses.
Nmr seems to be suffering from depression. And with the various reports, these are the people who chooses the most cruel way to commit sucide. There are other artistes who leaped off building, burnt charcoal in airtight room, and hang themselves from hanger.
It is depressing to see people who cant control their emotions anymore. I am just lucky tt as much as I considered that option before, I was often too drained of energy from crying to carry it out. Suffering from depression is never a decision. No one should ever go up to someone who is suffering from depression or psychological problems to ask them 'to snap out of it'.
Depression is an illness. It is like cancer, it is like your common flu or sore throat. Only thing is everyone sympathise with people suffering from cancer or the common ailments, but when one realise you have depression, they think you chose it.
People thinks tt depression is a trend. It is a way to show how melancholic is percieved as personalities on 'shuai-ge's and it is oh-so-appealing... think hua ze lei.
Ya right.
Depression is ugly. Just think of tears-washed eyes, so swollen tt they cant be opened beyond a slit. Think of the constant knitted-brows, and the down-turned lips. Think of the spaced-out look in their eyes when the patient is just feeling waves of emotions but do not feel sad over a specific reason. When depression progresses, it is not just the single reason tt causes sadness, but anything begins to suck.
Nothing is ever nice or beautiful anymore the moment you suffer from depression.
And it doesnt help at all, that people ard you doesnt understand and accept your illness. If it was a cancer case, friends and family members know how to react. I dare say 90% of people cant handle a depressed patient.
I used to have a friend who was a chao ah lian in sec one and two. We were in the worst class in sec 3 and 4. She eventually still managed to get a 11 point for 'O's based on her own efforts (none of the teachers can claim credit). She entered a jc and 3 mths or so before 'A's she quitted school.
She told me she was suffering from panic attacks and she seems to be suffering from depression too. I didnt know how to console her, because I dont understand the illness at all. She told me whenever she need to study she will feel breathless and she would squat in the living room and cant cont her studies.
That sounded so ridiculous to me then! It sounds like an excuse to get out of studies! Especially when I was not exactly experiencing heaven in poly 1 or 2. My projects got thrashed by lecturers and I was going w/o sleep to get work done, only to have it thrashed again.
I really thought this friend is trying to pull a fast one. But nonetheless, I dont bother to talk sense into her because I dont know where to start. So I just crap ard with her and didnt talk to her abt her studies at all... Up to now I have no idea whether I was doing the correct thing or not, because we gradually lost ctc.
This is just to show how ignorant a common person is towards depression/panic attacks.
When I was going thru my own tough patch, almost none of my friends can speak to me without me rejecting to talk because (a) I dowan to talk to them (b) I want to talk to them but because I feel my tears swelling and I have to walk away.
I only managed to open up to ryce. Up to know I dunno whether she knows she is my saviour. But sad to say, once upon graduation, I lost touch with everyone from poly but lao da. I can never leave lao da because I need his jokes to get me going. I cant face anyone from poly anymore and have since left the field.
I cant face my lecturers anymore, and I am rejecting all forms of contacting 'attacks' launched by my poly friends. When people ask me why do I have to suffer so much in poly, to give up later?
I cant admit to anyone tt I failed to take myself in reins.
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