Strangely pleased

Knowing that I'm not playing second fiddle to him makes me feel
strangely pleased.

It's official, I'm weird.

Each smiling face

Remember the show I watched, "Infamous"?

Back then I've spoken of how sometimes there are people whom are doing you in, but you let them because you desperately want to believe that this is a person whom cares, and is doing what he is doing because it is his method of concern, even when you do not understand how it is?

It is certainly a point to be upset about if you step back and realise that this person is not only on your side, he is on shore shooting at your boat, willing it to capsize.

I lost count how many of such 'friends' I have in my life.

To counter this, I tend to take every single bit of concern I receive with a large pinch of skepticism. I look at each smiling face and wonder what is lying behind that apparent joy - is it a facade which would crumble upon scrutinise?

Cheapskate

I hate to think that I've friends whom ask me to go smoking breaks so that they can get cigs from me.

Of course once or twice is nothing to mention about. I take cigs from friends time to time but I offer mine to them as well.

But for those who pretends to jio me for smoking breaks so that they can fish a couple of sticks from me, I am appalled.

Hallo, dont go all the trouble, beg nicely and I will still share my cigs with you, cheapskate.

What? There's no one else to shit on?

As far as I can count, there's 4 designers in this company? So why is it that I am the one whom need to take stock of company supplies?

It's ok when the other designers are free, they have all the right to surf youtube and chat on msn. But once I am free I am expected to restock.

Talk about unfairness.

Me is stoooopid

I'd just done something stupid and saw $65 disappearing from me.

*Headesk*

Sigh. I am going to take it that I'd spent $20 for 3 days of 4d, for this sat, sun and next wed. I am going to take it as I bought $10 big and $10 small for the number.... (totally randomly selecting)... 1534.


Ok. *Breathe in breathe out*

A smoker

I am weird.

Because of the stress level at work, I took to smoking, and I will waste myself to around 4 or 5 sticks a day. When I am not working, I can go days without a single puff but the moment I stepped into this office, I will have an uncontrollable urge to smoke.

Yet I feel giddy after smoking, and it is really apparent that I am introducing toxin into my body.

I have no idea what good does it do, since I dont feel particularly refresh after a stick, but I do know that I enjoy the minute of solitude.

No integrity

I dunno if I mentioned before, but my company is working on an account that is the sister company of one of my completed accounts.

So the story goes that this sister company - lets just call them NI, short for no integrity - apparently request for our input in their new office.

They are currently squatting at my client's office, and using their facilities, and hogging their limited space. My clients are not happy about it but there's nothing much they can do to invite NI out.

Now NI is looking for a space of their own, partly because my client no longer have space for them to eat into. Another designer was assigned to this account, much to my relief.

I am definitely on my client's side and there's no way I will withhold information from them, like how NI requested. My sales team now is very secretive towards the whole project, fearing that I might divulge certain information to my own client, and make them lose this new one.

But even so, so what? I have all the right to protect the interest of my own client, much to they have theirs. We should just draw the line clean and let my colleague to start on an account with fresh ideas, in mind, instead of being restricted by my earlier configurations.

My sales team keep asking information from me regarding my client but refused to speak a word to me about NI. I know their stand, and I know they wont recognise my stand, because to the sales team, once an account is closed, it is goodbye, pass me the money and please fuck off for them.

Sigh. It's difficult to work with people with double standards, worse when they insist I comply.

Ktv: 你很爱她

Recently learning
FIR － 你很爱她

Blowing warm and cool

"I really cannot. I'm sorry."

"You always do that to me. I hate you." I hissed.

"If I can then will you like me?"



Does he knows how ironic that sounds?

Please!

Dear guardian angels,


Please!
Let him be able to go.


Kami-sama! Onegaishimasu!

Cute guy

Missed my bus again, sigh.

Actually I wouldnt have, but I halted to make small talk to a new vendor.
He's cute, and I cant resist, haha. =)

Wilted

I blogged yesterday that I've lost another account at work, making it very depressing for me.

As a matter of fact, I hadnt been doing much yesterday nor today. Put it this way, I am addressing my job duties but I am not performing them.

But tell me what to do? Of course I know that I am whining too much about spilled milk, but seeing how the sales team is telling me to look forward and move on also served to irritate me.

What do they know? To them, each account is merely a combination of dates and money, but to the designer, each account is a study of the client, the client's requirements, the site, the constraints, the layout, the concept, the materials and colours, the quotation and the presentation.

I dont want to wipe off my sale's effort in their job, but they really have much lesser involvement in any account than we do.

And now they are telling me to move on, but do they know that how much effort I had to put in for each account, whether they've seen it or not. I am not exaggerating when I say that I put a part of myself into each account when I lost them, a part of myself wilt.

I am thinking... Should I request to transfer to the sales department? I certainly can do with less stress.

Depressing

Sigh.. I've lost another account again.

It is not a matter of moving on and looking ahead, but a matter of picking up my confidence.

My accounts won and lost ratio is frighteningly slanted, and there is nothing I can do about it, because I cant force my clients to like my design.

I work hard, and then realise everytime I OT to do projects I jinx them, so I try to do less OT. But so far I hadnt manage to finish any of my recent projects within working hours.

I think I ought to put in less of myself into the design, or I am seeing a part of myself wilt everytime I lose an account.

Am I not suited for the job? But what am I suited for? I've got no idea.

Favourtism

My mother was reading the chinese newspaper with my elder brother, and she exclaimed out loud at one particular article.

One mother had asked 2 maids to bring her young twins (around 4 years old I think) to the void deck to everyday from morn till night so that they do not disturb their sister.

It is not indicated how old this sister is, but I dont think it is of any importance anyway.

My mother shook her head in disbelief at how a mother would be so biased to one child that she have to send 2 other out of the way.

Please leh~ I then need to shake my head in disbelief -- at her.

Dont she remember how it was when I was studying in poly? The comp was in my elder brother's room due to his insistence, and nothing I said could make them agree to move the computer out to the living room.

I had to do my work in his room, translating my hand drawn plans into autocad, but I wasnt allow to switch on the lights because that would affect my elder brother's sleep.

Hence I had to bring my drawing close to the monitor so that I can see something from the light emitted. I had to type very softly so that I do not wake my brother up with my noisy typing habits.

I had to go though that for 3 years of my poly school life, and the only time I can switch on the lights was when my brother decided to play mahjong overnight outside.

And here she is, criticising favouritism?

Nabei, dont give me that.

Bus that rocketed by

This happened on the past friday, 6th July.

I went back to work after 2 days of leave, and understandably, my work was piling nicely on my table, demanding attention.

I managed to finish work at 7.55pm, which was partially because I've skipped lunch and dinner so that I can leave earlier. I was going home, so that I may freshen up and go out later that night.

I checked the unreliable iris, partly as a habit than an assurance, and saw that the bus service was coming in around 20 minutes, and 3 minutes later, when I checked, it says 12minutes.

Bloody hell, what is the correct one? I didnt want to miss the bus if it is really coming in 12 minutes, so I rushed to the bus stop.

Reaching at 8.05pm, I stood at the end of the bus stop while keeping a looking out for the bus while sms-ing.



Sorry for the blurry picture, but you should be able to tell that the bush is very tall, and there's a bus parking (most probably illegally) by the road.




The moment I saw my bus, I moved nearer to the road, and flagged the bus.

I then turned and walked towards the beginning of the busstop, halfway through I flagged the bus again, at my estimating that the bus would be drawing into the bus bay at that point.

(I dont wait at the beginning at the bus stop because by the time I see the bus and flag it, it would have sped past even faster. Tried and known.)

So I was saying, the bus that I was flagging didnt stop for me, and zoomed past instead. I looked at it in horror, cos at the back of my mind I know that I have to wait another 20 minutes before the next service arrived.

The bus actually slowed down a few meters beyond the bus bay, but the traffic was coming behind it, and the driver had to drive off.

WHAT THE FUCK!

I sat down defeated, and waited irritably for my next bus. I took both pictures so that I may send a feedback form to sbs regarding the incident.

In this shot, can you tell that there is a service 97 behind the single deck bus? Neither could I. But there was. This distance is definitely less than 50 meters, and if the bus is driving at 80km/h, it takes him 2 SECONDS to reach where I was standing.

This stretch of shenton way is a straight road, meaning the bus is never slow on approaching. And usually when the bus sped past, it wont stop for you even when it is his fault.

On the occasion that he does, be prepared to receive a few words of lashing when you board his bus.

Sigh.. The bus service standards is dropping to new lows.

I can understand the schedule of bus being erratic due to uncontrollable traffic conditions. I can ignore the aircon leaking, and the torn seat snapping at my skirt. I can forgive the bus drivers driving as though he is trying to get all of us killed, speeding then jamming brakes.

But dont make me wait at the bus stop for 30 to 40 minutes or not! 20 minutes is already a strain on my patience, and anymore than that is unacceptable!

But knowing sbs, nothing would be done one lor. Except spending stupid money on campaigns like "Stop Bus Captain Assaults" then think of ways to justify price hikes.

Cupcakes for birthday

My younger brother and myself have a mutual understanding to buy each other a cake on our birthdays.

It started since around 4 or 5 years ago, and I initiated it because I am sick of not having birthday cakes for birthdays.

Since young, I never had the luxury of having cakes for my birthdays while I see my younger brother having it. My elder brother didnt get much cakes either, but mainly it was because he is never home on the actual day.

For me, I do not care if I am home that day, I just want a birthday cake, forgive me for my whining.

My younger brother was very broke this month due to him spending most of his allowance on props (dont ask), and hence he gave me something different as a cake this year:


Wahahhahaa.. Cute. But this confectionery no longer makes cupcakes that is as delectable as previously. But it's the thought that counts!

Happy Birthday to myself!

=)

Pissed!

I organised a BBQ for my birthday and invited my colleagues. The idea was to create a gathering which may serves to promote better relationship between us.

The whole planning didnt take that long. I formed an idea about having a BBQ and then asked them whether they are interested.

All of them were, and hence I went ahead with the booking of the pit and asked around to see if anyone know of BBQ food supplier.

My colleagues were ready to give me a few contacts, and all I had to do was to compare to see which supplier would be the most economical (seeing that I would be the one footing the bill, with none of them mentioning splitting the bill).

My planning was rushed, partly because I was very busy at work, and partly because the headcounts were never confirmed. Most of them cannot give me a straightforward answer, and some of them who could, eventually decided to boycott because of a tiff with another colleague.

I nurse my headache while trying to keep my temper in check.

I'd already spoke to them previously that I would be in charge of ordering of the food, but drinks had to be purchased separately because the BBQ supplier dont have a drink list.

I reasoned that if I was already footing the bill for the food and for the pit booking fee, it isnt that unreasonable that the rest of them share the cost for the drinks from NTUC.

But no! They are actually expecting me to pay for the drinks as well. Not only that they tick the food items on the food list unreservedly, they still decide that they want to buy 4 or 5 different types of food juice, plus half dozen of 1litre mineral water, and etc.

To them, by volunteering to bring a bottle of whisky from home is a huge favour already. Yah right. It is not as though I am the one whom want to drink it. If they are the one who want to drink, then yes they should bring their own beverage.

But that is hardly considered as contributing isnt it?

It is like going to potluck bringing your favourite chou tou fu. You like to eat it yes, it is food yes, but you are still not contributing to the potluck what!


Come the actual day, and we meant to leave the office at 6 sharp, but I just returned from a meeting and I still had work to follow up on. I quickly work on my stuff, while feverishly trying to handle the flood of msn-s asking me what time can we leave.

I told each one of them to start packing the necessities first, for I still have a few emails to send. All of them decided that ignoring me is the best thing to do at that time, and began to surf their friendster and etc.

By 6.30, the time which we should be leaving the office, nothing was packed but I am hardly ready to go because I still had to talk to a vendor on the phone.

(We should reach by 7 because that was the time the BBQ food supplier would reach the pit with my food. If I am not there, then what if the supplier leave? Then great, all of us can eat grass straight off the soil.)

I finished the call hastily, and began to do the packing up myself. I shouldnt, I know, but I started slamming doors of the cabinets while I retrieve food from them. Those surfing friendster then drifted towards me, sheepishly offering help.

We reached the BBQ pits by 7.20 only, and by then, it began to drizzle, as though I am not irritated enough.

The BBQ was a crap on its own, because there's no butter, no honey, no chili sauce, insufficient charcoal, and it was drizzling.

Ok, I cant help the drizzling part, but I am not apologetic about the rest either. No one wanted to help, and expected to just turn up and eat. Hallo! I paid for everything, planned the BBQ (when it is not that beneficial to me anyway), packed, prepared, and then have to take care of each and everyone of them?

I seriously promise this is the last time I ever organise something for them. With the money spent, I might as well had bought a few more pair of shoes, or treat myself and mashi to a good dinner.

As a matter of fact, they wanted to plan a weekend trip to phuket 2 wks from now. I will tell them tomorrow that I do not want to go anymore if nothing is booked yet. Actually even if it is booked, I rather waste the money than to go msia with them.

They are just a bunch of people who keeps their own benefits as the foremost important. I hardly feel safe travelling with them.