On mother's day

I dont even bother to say happy mother's day to her because I seriously do not care too much if she is happy or she is not. Call me ungrateful and I will ask you ungrateful about what? About the education I've received or the food I've eaten? Or how I can arrive at this world?

How can I be grateful when I hate life on a general whole? Life has always sucks for me, so much so that I cant even justify why am I still alive when plenty of loved beings are dying everyday.

Why dont gods be fair and give those people whom are widely loved a longer life, and those who are pathetically agonising a shorter pain span?

So tell me, is there a reason for life to celebrate? If there isnt, what is there to be gratified about her giving me my life?

All these years, it has never been a secret that I cannot get along with her. For all my life she has been constantly angry and she will take her anger out on me. She dotes on my elder brother so much that my eyes are permanently rolled when she gushed about him. It could be anything from he slept ONLY 8 hours before his working shift or his mediocre achievements on the job (like boss remember his name).

Friends always asked me that since I am the only daughter in the family, am I cherished and preciously guarded? I would always snicker and repeat : No.

I've blogged before how I never had a curfew in my life, not because my parents are a liberal pair, but more because they couldnt give a fuck about where I am. There was once when I staggered home after drinking at around 3am in the morning, the lights are all out (as always after my elder brother had reached home) and I went to sleep after iced water. The next afternoon, she told me that she didnt sleep well the previous night until EB came home at 1am. I asked her did she realised I came home at 3am? She said she was already asleep by then.

I've blogged about how I pretended that I didnt receive calls from home even after 12am in the morning because my battery had went flat? He was a new friend then and after he received a call from his mother at 12am, I felt obliged to act I was missed at home too.

These days I roam the house getting out of her way by trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. It is not simple, for she finds fault with whatever I do. I shant even go into the level of favoritism she display, when she have a different set of reaction to the same wrongdoing done by EB and myself.

I dislike her so much that in return, I tend to keep away from my maternal grandparents. My grandmother dotes on me but I dont return the affection. My grandfather is in hospital now for routine observation but I have no wish to visit him.

That is very juvenile I know, but you know how sometimes you do things even though you know it is wrong.