I am weird, and I know it

There are some people, like I ever mentioned before, that I want their attention but I cant get it, and there are some people whom is seeking mine but I am furiously rejecting.

There is another group of ppl that I am being cruel with.

I said "I'm less chivalrous to people whom I once find indispensable. Once upon a time, there are a few people whom I immediately associate as friends/hao peng you.

I love to be around them, and it seemed, back then, that they must be present to make my life a fulfilling and joyful one. Now I see them without their glow, and am scathing with my words which I am describing them in the deep of my heart."

I am very nice to them, and they are nice back. But I withdraw my attention at my pleasure, and sometimes these people are shocked by my sudden coldness.

Maybe cant call it coldness, but the positive feelings are definately gone.

I am such a person that I will express what I feel. If I miss a friend I will say I miss him/her. If I treasure a friend a lot, he/she will know. I dowan to regret not telling any of my friends how much they mean to me, and how much I love them for being here for me all these while.

So to my bestest friends, they are used to me being so verbal, and leaves me alone when I am not. They will not suspect I no longer care for them when I stopped saying I care. I am such that I may love you a lot now, but I might suddenly grow sick of you for a while and I dowan to talk to you for that one or two weeks. I just need to have the space to be away from you.

Pardon me and I will be back soon, usually still loving you.

It may sound very strange to certain people, I dont know how can I explain it properly and coherently, but that is just me.

Unfortunately, I am too 任性 to worry about what other feels. I come and go as I like. If you dont like me I but suay suay for you that I like you, I will keep coming closer and closer until you eventually accept me. Once I do, we may share many close moments together, but when I feel I have to halt this relationship, it is at my discreet.

I know how 讨人厌 this habit of mine is, I know! But I am not having any strong intention to change myself.

Ironically, jes once mentioned to me that since I am a typical cancerian, I must be such that I dont like people to be too good to me.

Which is very true. I dont like ppl to be too nice to me. Moderation, everyone. Be sweet to me and I will love you. A slight overdose and I will avoid you. I dunno where the line is, I'm sorry, but I can tell you slightly less is better than slightly more.

This habit of leaving friends seemed to be due to the fact that I dont like ppl to know me too well. I never like telling a single person every detail in my life. I would rather tell different ppl different things, so that no one knows the entire picture.

I dunno what is it that scares me, someone who knows me too well, or the prospect of someone whom knows me too well hurting me.

But I rather not find out by the hard way. I rather be the one being selective of who to say what to.