A role I cant play, yet.

I dont want to smoke, but I needed to.

I know how self-delusive that sounds, but I am not lying. I havent been smoking for approximately 4 months, less the occasional social sticks.

But whenever I feel very stressed, I inevitably buy a pack and start smoking away. I know I have to pull myself together, gain confidence of myself, and introduce a system to this team of messy trains of thought. But I am being sucked into the abyss with everyone telling me different things.

I know my role, but I have no idea how to perform it.

But I must.