Tumbling

I'm officially with this company for 8 months and some days. The first 6 months were great, now things are tumbling downhill.

For these last few months, I had been confined to this office, as Mr Boss and Mr Prettyboy had taken over the role of meeting every single client, and I am banished to this 800 sq ft little space, churning out drawings after drawings, presentation boards after presentation boards.

I am one of those few who hates desk bound job, and that is precisely the reason why I chose to study ID in the first place. If I want to be chained to my desk, then I would jolly well stay in my high-paying bank job.

Mr Boss and Mr Prettyboy takes on the role of meeting the client, then return to tell me what the clients want, and I implement their wishlist. From space planning to design to presentation format, everything had already been decided, and I am no more than a glorified draftsperson, although Mr Boss and Mr Prettyboy like to acknowledge me as the chief designer-to-be.

Yah right.

I am merely taking instructions, sometimes so vague I think I can put a hand through the mist, and dutifully carrying it out. It doesnt take a designer to do that. At least not a non-junior designer. One can understand if the designer is fresh to the company, close supervision might be required, in case he/she burn down the building.

But I was never one of those dimwitted employees who needs boss nearby to save the day every single day. True, I screwed up before, but I always salvage situations and I take that as a learning experience.

That is why in all my previous jobs, my bosses are extremely comfortable leaving me alone with the project, minimum instructions, and plenty of space. Hours before deadline is up, work is always completed, properly printed and labeled, with sensible colour coding and explanatory notes.

But over here, I feel like I am THE dimwitted employee, and it is the result of Mr Boss's request to show him every single thing that I do, before I show it to the client (that little faith in me?!?!), and also the result of Mr Prettyboy enjoyment of overwriting my decisions.

I am always the aggressive and ambitious individual in a company, and am not afraid to show that I want more. I am easily bored, and need new challenges to give me an adrenaline rush. Long way back, since my interview with Mr Boss, I already told him the same thing. I leave one job after another, because I can no longer find goals in the job.

I need competitions and I need it fast.

He assure me that there will be plenty for me to learn, and I shall never feel bored.

Ha Ha Ha. Very Funny.

I cannot comprehend why must I strictly follow the path he mete out for me. Sure, this path was suitable for Mr Prettyboy to tread on, but I am not his replica, so why is Mr Boss giving me a duplicate path?

If he have my best interest in mind, shouldnt he be providing me a route that is made-to-measure? I distinctively remembered telling him that I don't really need someone to point me to the light, as I prefer to stumble and crawl my way to the destination, thank you very much, but since he insist, I oblige.

Yet, wouldn't it make more sense to ensure this path will work for me, since he is the one who insisted on cloning creating this? I guess no. I am to extend both arms and hug whatever he bestow upon me.

And how blasphemous!, to refuse his generous offer.


Sigh. Can't he tell that I am best left alone? I dont need enlightenment. At least, all I need is a single light bulb, not 10 sets of soccer field flood lights? Don't try to blind me please.


Postnote:

I spoke to The Mother, and she thought, then ask me one single question.

"Do you think your boss never needed a designer to begin with?"

And she is right. Mr Boss and Mr Prettyboy separately told me before, that I was hired when they were under pressure to meet deadlines. They were desperate to take just about anybody, but they are pleasantly surprised to find out I was more capable than they assumed.

So the point is, as much as close to perfect as an employee one can be, given that I fulfill all the items on most's checklist, for I am enthusiastic, software-skillful, bilingual, young, intelligent, patient, cheerful, etc....

...I am not the perfect candidate they are looking for.

You have no idea how sad that sounds.