Kanigi wants to die

That is my custom message on google chat today.

I feel that everyone is plotting against me, and trying to cause me harm. Yes, I am paranoid, I am letting my imagination going into an overdrive and I am really helpless.

My colleagues keep speaking in low whispers, and when they speak up, they speak in rapid cantonese, a dialect I cant catch up at all.

They laugh among themselves and I know they are laughing at me, laughing at how horribly I am doing in this company, and how I can never understand their common language.

I can feel their spiteful sideglances at me, I can feel their looks drilling a hole into my back. The more influential people had gathered earlier in a secret meeting and deliberately leaving me out. They spoke in hushed tones about the meeting but a colleague who was by default in the league, had naively asked what was the meeting about.

They assured him it was a friendly meeting only, and give each other knowing nods.

There are some who seems sympathetic of my plight but is taking a step backwards in case my bad luck infected them unknowingly. I know they are shaking their heads as I walked past them, and will look at me walk further and further away, alone.

I try to walk away, chin's up and with an confident stride, I can only manage until I am out of their sight when I turned a corner. There, I will leaned against the wall and cry with sorrow, and hope I will be killed in a freak road accident.