If only I had loads of money

I would take taxi to work everyday. I shant buy a car because that means I have to go thru the stress of driving.

I will not learn to drive, then I neednt worry about knocking down pedestrains and animals that marathon across the road, and neednt worry about lang ga because I cannot trust myself with machineries.

If I've got the money, I will definately take taxi every day. In that way, I will never have to take public transport again. Of course since I had SO much money, I will dial a cab. I shall never have to wait for a cab.

Public transport sucks.

I take mrt to work everyday and bus home.

I live at zuulorng and work at por duay. The mrt journey will take me around 25 minutes from je mrt to city hall mrt. But because I have to walk to mrt, and from mrt walk to take free shuttle bus to work, yada yada, the journey to work will take me 60 minutes.

After work I will take 97 home, the journey itself will take 1 hr, but I would need to wait for the stupid bus and walk home after alighting. The whole trip will take 80 minutes at least.

But if lao niang take taxi leh? 30 minutes.

See how much of my youth is wasted on travelling? Whenever I board public transport I will either lapse into a blank look, or catch 20 winks instead of 40. I cant read, cant write, cant do much else, so I can only listen to music and try to catch up on sleep, among fellow bus passengers.

Having to share seats with strangers at such close proximity is the worst part of taking transport, especially when the whole world is made up of so many people with so many weird habits.


Those who smells
Excessively sweet or excessively sweaty or excessively anything also I cannot tahan. It is peculiar why cant people go easy on the amt of perfume they wear. Perfume no need money to buy one issit? You just drop a pail into the well and can get the quantity necessary for 1 day?

I am allergic to perfume, so whenever I smell strong perfume smells I would whip out my shang piao you and sprinkle some droplets in the air in a guan yin manner.

Some people smells of sweat so badly it feels like they are in a permanently motion of shedding water thru their pores. Sweat on it's own doesnt smell bad, but sweat dried and damped and dried and damped it truly a nose-opening experience. Of course being superficial, I must say if it is a shuai ge who looks like he just finished a 5km run, I wouldnt mind half as much.

But if it a man, decently dressed, but stinks like hell, I would have the urge to poke you in the eye with a teck gou.

Half the time, these people are also dressed in faded-colour clothes that have dirt stains. One look in their direction and you inevitably wrinkle your nose.

There are also people who smells so unique that you can put a finger to it. -_-" On two separate occasions, I've met with people who smell this way. People say that is the smell of unwashed clothes, but I really have got no idea.

Thank god so far I have met such people on public transport yet.

But luckily because the buses I ever took are always very cold, so my nose are always in a permanent blocked state.


Those who stared
These people are obviously too free and dunno what else to do to the time they have while they are travelling. I slept a large part of time while travelling, I get woke up when the dear bus driver decided to dodge every cockroach on the road.

Whenever I wake up I will do a quick check to confirm I dont have saliva dripping down my mouth. Once I am sure, I will raise my head and look around and outside the bus to orientate myself.

With my many years of experience of sleeping on public transport, I've mastered not dripping salivas and not drooping my head to my neighbour's shoulder. (Unless I am absolutely stoned after not sleeping for 48 hours.)

Almost every time, I'll catch someone looking at me. I like to park myself in those long rows of seats near the back of the bus, where the seats faced each other.

Whenever I catch someone looking at me, I will just stare back, and hold the glance until the person look away. Because I look very rude, so far I havent met with anyone who win me in this stupid staring game.

Dont these people have any idea that it is super rude to stare? I will recycle the teck gou and poke your eyes one after another ok!!


Those who play musical chairs
I am guilty of this action, but I will never do it when the bus is packed. I have a few seats on the bus where I would always sit at, but in case a single deck bus came instead, I would shuffle seats a few times until I've found a comfortable spot.

But I will never change seats if it would unreasonably disturbed the peace of someone else.

So why is it some people like to move seats again and again and again. Playing musical chairs hor? Having fun?


Those who has daddy long legs
I am not jealous that they have long legs, not very jealous at least, so ignore me when you saw me carrying chainsaw onto mrt or buses.

It is strange how there are some people who cant sit up straight. No wonder there are so many people with crooked spines. I detest it when people prop their legs against the back of my seats on the bus. Sit up straight you people!

And I feel the people who cross their legs on mrt at an exaggerated angle is, well, bu hui zhi dong. The morning crowd in mrt are always rushing for time, so many people will load onto each train that arrives. To the lucky who have never taken mrt during peak hours, I congratuate you. That means you have never seen the ugliness.

My friends recoil in horror when I re-enact some of the scenes that happens in the trains.

Anyway, was saying that there are some ladies who like to cross their legs at such unusual angles that it is affecting everyone standing in front of them.

Their legs are kicked so far out from them I suspect they are harbouring chickens in their knee pits.

Please, ladies, retract your legs. I am already pissed that you have a seat and I dont, stop causing me to not even have room to stand.


Those who eats
I confess to eating sweets on transportation, but at least I dont eat french fries or curry puffs or orange hor.


Those who died on me
Dead asleep I mean. Although I die on people sometimes, but that will only occur when I hadnt slept for very many hours. Some people just dont have the basic courtesy to keep their heads to themselves one leh. If you know you have the bad habit of dying on people, choose a window seat and masking-tape your head to the glass please.

(Although I say that, I will never rest on the windows because they are super dirty. Yucks.)

It is not possible that one doesnt know that he/she is resting on the neighbour's shoulder if he/she has the basic sense of paiseh-ness. So if one knows he/she is treating stranger's shoulders as free pillows, for goodness sake dont sleep on public transport. Watch the stupid tv mobile la.


Those who sits too near
I have a big butt, so I take up the full space of a given bus seat/mrt seat. Once I've sat down I will check to make sure I am sitting within the allocated space because I will be sleeping and I dont want to shift my butt once I am asleep.

So why is it that I can do that, but there are ladies who like to squeeze their butts over? Dont they know like that very kuey sio?

One classic example was, there was once I took mrt from bugis to jurong point and I was with mashi. There was this malay family sitting to my left, consisting of a father, a mother and 2 kids. The mother was sitting to my immediate left, and the rest of that family played musical chairs.

This mother suddenly realised there was something interesting outside the train and turn around to look out of the window behind us. By normal rights, you just turn your neck and head right? She didnt, she invaded my seat by reversing her butt into my seat.

I could only squash against mashi but I couldnt retaliate because I've lost my voice then. (Super suay!) I was so irritated that I could only silently stand up (ok la, I tsk-ed very loudly, that was all that I could manage with my linguistic abilities muted.), and guess what she did? She happily took over my seat and spanned her body mass across 2 seats.

If you think that was all, it wasnt, she began to squash mashi. I think it is her conspiracy to squeeze everyone off their seats then laugh muahahahahaha while all of us -_-"...


Those who talks too loudly
Ark-cusme!! I do not want to hear your conversation on your hp! I dont want to hear you laugh at a joke that I cant hear and I dont want to hear your how your boss sucks. I dont want to know how much you love your gf nor do I want to know what movie is showing at cineleisure.

Keep that to yourself, or if you have to talk in public, pls ensure you have a voice as nice as mine first. Whahahahaha.

Other than hp users, I also cant stand it when two girls chat so loudly in the bus that it miraculously drowns out the racket from the tv mobile. *Talk talk giggle giggle laugh talk talk talk laugh giggle giggle giggle* I can only wish they will alight quick.

Or a group of jc students who board the bus while engaging in a debate. Their constant noises burns a hole through my head as my limited grey matters drips out.


Those who runaway from home
If you decided to spent $2000 on a brand new computer, please spend another $20 to take taxi home. If you decided you need to buy a broom or a mop, and die die have to take bus or mrt home, can you please buy your stuff during normal working hrs? Take transport ard 3pm in the afternoon where there is plenty of space for you to wield your weapons.


Those who bounce on chair
The very worst kind! Can you people sit down gently on buses? Especially when you see the person who is already seated is fast asleep? Can dont bounce on the chair in a jii-ba-boom motion? Bian tai one leh.

Not asking you to sit down like a sissy, but as long as you dont plonk into the seat it is good enough already. Remember the fright you will give to the person who is already seated!!



Ok, finally finish listing. I took 2 nights to complete this super long entries. I am sleepy, going to sleep le.


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Ar!! V is going to be enlisted later at 8.30am. All the best to this xiao shuai ge. =)