Not joining the gathering

En'en initiated a dinner gathering this fri, using a sum of money which is pretty much 来历不明. I usually would happily accept the invitation, especially when it is one that I neednt pay for.

I am such a cheapo that I am ashamed of myself sometimes, but the guilty feeling usually give way after a few minutes, for that is only how long my conscience can stretch.

But I've decided not to turn up this fri.

I had been experiencing an overwhelming amount of negative feelings these days, may it be anger, sadness, helplessness, I am unable to cope with any of them.

I dont think I want to meet them and then ended up using smoking breaks as an excuse to get away when I dont want to talk. Like how it had been for the past few times.

So I think it is surely a better idea to not join them, but go home and sleep.

I dont need friends, I just need to be left alone so that no one can witness my depressed self.