I am such a fussy bitch

When I was too free at work, I complain I that I am swatting flies only.
(Btw, slacking is fine, but my complains is that I have to look busy. With what! The point it.)

When I am eyebrow deep with work, I complain I am so stressed that I am going to die.

When I had to stay alone in office in my last job, I commented that I feel helpless when there was no one to ask when I have questions.

When I had a WHOLE BUNCH of colleagues staying every night in this job, each playing a different genre of music, I feel my head was swelling and near explosion.

If you are rolling your eyes now and want to punch me thoroughly, join the queue.

Even I want to punch myself, only that I've never successfully complete that move because I flinch before my air hit my face. I've slapped myself considerable number of times, though.

I'm really tired of ot-ing every night. I am so stressed by this routine that my tear ducts are beyond controlling these days, when I would bravely swallow my tears until I walk out of the office (usually with a lie about rushing to meet a friend).

I psych myself to think my working hours is from 9am to 8pm, but usually by 6pm I am already very tired, and I cant help but to buckle inside and wish to go home.

Today I had lots of work to do, but I didnt stay but went home at 7.30. I wish I could just walk out without feeling guilty, justifying that I've already put in my best efforts during working hours!

I did leave, but I felt so guilty that I brought work home to do. I end up feeling very miserable that I cant even rest after I've reached home. I think I'll not bring work home to do again, cos I can never draw the line at where I should stop and have some 'me' time.

I felt exceptionally stressed at this job mostly because I never felt I was up to the job. I joined the job to prove myself right. I wanted to feel I am able to accomplish anything I want if I set my heart to it, but I've been proven wrong once and again in this job.

That is why earlier I mentioned I want to get away, for a while, from the people I know. I hate to be so depressed and moody that all my friends are worried about me. At the same time, I cant seem to do anything to help myself.

I must find the courage to call 1800-221-4444. I need to talk to someone who dunno me. I think I will call on fri night after my date with iris.

Hopefully the call will save.