Once upon a time

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
\不停哼着/
爱怎会输给了时间 我的耳边再停不见。
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It is actually 12.30am now. I should be sleeping but I had just got home an hour ago and my hair is still wet. Shiiat.

Was out shopping for christmas present for vnc, ncn, yp and mchl with jsyn. It took us a good 3 hours to get all the presents, but at least all the presents are bought. Tomorrow I will be wrapping the presents with jsyn. I hope it wont take long, cos I will need to buy jsyn's present tomorrow.

I feel like a bitch la. I meant to buy a japanese phasebook for jsyn, I saw one at bugis kinokuniya (Yah, I slacked on my job. So what? Shoot me lor!) today, it costs $16.80 and I feel I like it too. It doesnt make sense to buy two copies, hence I evily thought of buying another phasebook for her while I keep that one to myself.

Jian hor. How?

Dunno for the moment, anyway, will have to wait until tmr to see what I can find at popular. Maybe there are better phasebooks after all?


Back to the title of this entry.

Once upon a time, in this job, a person told me that I would never need to meet up a client on my own. At the point of time, I was shoved out to do a meet-up with a designer and I was entirely unprepared.

I didnt want to go at the time not because I know I would be bua-ed by that designer. I dunno whether I mentioned this part before, but heck la. I've been scolded upside down by my customers in my last job and after so many repeated scoldings, I am really immuned to such verbal abuse.

Even if it is NOT bad enough to be categorised as verbal abuse, I thought it would be a bad idea to meet that designer because I dont like to be scolded when I am in no stand to defend myself.

That time, the situation was as such. I was on the losing end to begin with. There was absolutely no way that I could get back a winning edge, which eventually proved that I couldnt also.

I wont call that experience traumatic. It was more of me being dulan because I was clearly sabotaged.

Ever since then, I dont like adl anymore and became too dependant on that person who promised me that I would never need to attend a meeting with a client or a designer alone. If such events occur, he would accompany me.

That assurance greatly comfort me, and I thought that 天塌下来有他顶着.

Until he keep asking me to, alone, meet a client to recieve instructions for some drawings so that I can eventually draw them.

At first everything seems like a joke. I went alone initially thinking it is just some simple gestures of jotting down what the client wanted then relay the msg to him. It turned out not, and I returned to the office and told him I would amend the drawings and whatever it is necessary for him, but he have to bring the completed stuff to meet up with the client himself the next time round.

He complained that he have no idea where the project is paused at, and that since I was the one who was doing all the drawings, I should be the one to go down again.

It makes sense from his point of view, but he didnt realised that I was making COMPLETE sense from MY point of view. The project was never mine to begin with, and why should I be bua-ed and hiam-ed by the client when I lacked information?

I never had the information to begin with, it is not as though I know of the answers but I conveniently forgot them.

We finally came to an agreement that we would go down together. I have no idea why he needs me to go down because the client dont need us to tell her what she already know (read: the things I know) and she wants us to tell her things that she dunno (note: if she dunno, I also dunno, cos whatever I know are pieced up from what I gathered from her, and him, and the archived files).

But ok la, whatever la. As I always put: 他喜欢就好, 我没意见.

That was what it was arranged since last fri, and yet over these few days he had been telling me to go down myself. I had to keep reminding him that the project is his, he either go down with me or he goes alone. The joke was that he would keep asking me, "Ooi, you so gey gao meh?"

He keeps stressing that 我们不要分彼此, and I would tell him, when it comes to such sai-gang, it is best that we 划清界线. Such jibs would end up in crackles of laughters and I really thought he would be attending the next meeting with me.

He didnt.

Today he repeatedly asked me to go down to meet the client myself. Either that or he would suddenly turn around and ask me why I've got nothing to do... if I am so free then go down to meet the client!

Of course I tried to dodge the bullets, but eventually I was tired and I just let him gunned me down. At lunch I told jsyn since he is so unwilling to attend the meeting with me then fine, I shall attend alone.

I may be unprepared, but meeting up with clients doesnt faze me. I can always smile my way through, apologised for the lack of preparation and promise to amend whatever that is lacking. I would think that no client would be as mean as to scream at a person who already 放低姿态.

It may sound nauseous to the people who doesnt understand the reason behind needing to eat the humble pie, but this way of handling stuff always put the opposite party in a better mood and hence, the chance of getting lashed is lower.

There is no point to be scolded in the face when there is a way to avoid it.

I told jsyn nevermind. 我是有骨气的. I wont beg for him to come along, I would handle it myself. Jsyn kept assuring me that the person is just enjoying teasing me and he is not actually unwilling.

I dont care if he having fun bullying me/teasing me/whatever fuck, but I dont enjoy to be rejected repeatedly for anything. If I mind it enough to ask for the 3rd time, and you have to reject me 3 times, no matter how much you think it is amusing to see my irritated expression.

Thank you very much, I am out of your way.

You just walk carefully and dont trip over your own feet please.

Straight after lunch, he picked on me again, asking me if I am that free maybe I should just meet up with the client. I already decided not to bicker with him. Instead I just pick up my completed drawings and called the client.

We arranged for a time, then I checked with that person to see if there is anything that he need to inform me before I go. He sensed I was unhappy (sorry but my vibes are always strong, too strong.) and said to forget it.

He said he would attend the meeting with me tomorrow or something. I told him it's too late, arrangement had been settled and I need to go down as promised.

Only then did he feel bad and he asked "你ok吗?"

I told him "Enough, I dowan to talk to you anymore."

He requested "你不要这样 leh, 我会过意不去."

"Dont bother, 你会过意不去才怪."

"我 promise, 以后不会再给你这种东西做."

"不用 promise, 没有用的."

He left it at that and went out to a meeting with jsyn.

I heard from jsyn during our mrt trip to orchard, that when he and herself returned from the meeting and was waiting for the lift at the lobby, that person asked jsyn whether she thinks I am already back at the office.

Jsyn told him he is worried about the wrong issue, he should instead be worried whether I was angry. He optimistically choose that I wont be.

It is true. I wasnt angry. Not at all. I would be if I harboured any dependance on him. But the moment I realised that I shouldnt be begging him anymore, there wasnt anymore anger.

Once upon a time I might be angry that he dua-ed me. Not anymore.

The bubble have to burst somewhere. I have to be dependant on myself. No one would be around long enough to screen all the bad stuff for me.

I would take care of myself from now on.