Took a nosedive

My good luck on finding the job seems to be on a overdose for the past few days, now things are taking a nosedive.

Yesterday pearly kept urging me tender my resignation, saying that although I cant sign the appointment letter yet, she is very confident. She said there are a few person in the company that was employed thru her and the company can be trusted.

She said the company seems to be expanding and they are looking to hire 4 persons.

Earlier that morning, she chided me for not having confidence. She said between myself and the other guy who went for interview on the same day, the company quickly confirmed me.

Yesterday she also said the company had already signed the contract with her, and now it is just the appointment letter that needs to be drafted and some contents to be confirmed.

She said she will call me today to give me all the details, after which I can tender my resignation maybe towards end of the day.

And?

Nothing.

She didnt call, and when I called to ask her, she said the people from the company seems to be still in meetings and cant reply to her.

She said I can hold back the resignation letter first, no problem.

Tell me, how does that sound like to you? Full of hope? Or full of false hope?

Dont tell me the answer, I dont really want to know.

Now I can only keep consoling myself, telling myself I've been thru worse, and false hopes is so much easier to handle than my bad past.

I dont have much to lose when I dont have much to begin with.

I am also constantly reminding myself things are not at its worst. If it is, it would only turn for the better. If it is not, I shall just slowly sink to the bottom of the sea and die there.

Blooop blooop blooooooop.