Disheartened

When ever I read up on the course's entry level and fees required, I feel very vexed and disheartened. Camilla is right, life cant be smooth sailing for me, I accept that.

But why must my obstacle be money? How I wish I can properly assure myself that any problem that can be solved by money isnt a problem, for there is a definate way to overcome it. I wish I can tell myself that.

But when the sum involved is 40k, I dunno what else to say. Sometimes I think I am mildly cursed. I just checked on the nafa website and it says wef 2005, all students who had previously had a tuition loan cant take another.

That means if I had embarked earlier to apply I might be able to get my tuition loan. Yet again, no matter what I also need to halt studying plans and work to earn.

It is the same with the passport renewal leh. If my passport expired 1 yr ago, I would be renewing for 10 yrs instead of 5 yrs for the same price.

I am voodoo-ed.

Back to the course. 40k leh. I want to scold vulgarities, can?

I have some plans of course. But there are so many things that can happen to stop me from pursuing my dreams.

My current plans are (in steps) :

1. work for another 18mths (during same period of time I need to repay my last tuiton loan.)
2. apply for lasalle dip in fine arts
3. beg many banks for a 40k loan
4. get a loan and start to study (while using my savings to live on)
5. finish my dip and apply for teaching (and reapply and reapply until I get in if I dont the first time round)
   
6. teach, and live happily after
   

I am worried. Very. I might not be able to get a loan to take my dip. I might not be able to have enough savings to live that 3 yrs, I might not be able to be engaged by moe, and I might repay the 40k loan until I die. Kao.

The only thing I am confident of is, if I study the dip, I will definately graduate. I cant afford more money and I can do anything as long as I am determined.

But monetary wise, hai...