For the past two months, almost immediately after I returned from my block leave, I harboured the idea of quitting there and then. Very shuai ok, walk in, sit down a while, shriek and run to the toilet. Come out trembling and tell boss I would like to quit, and would like to take the day off.
But I never la. I stayed, and it had been 2 mths already since. These two months had seemed to past by so slowly that I can almost recall how I pass each day in pain.
Everyday I would wake up and I hope I am sick. I hope I can take mc for 2, 3 days and stay away from work. Everyday without fail.
Or I would wake up, let out a long sighhhhhhh, then grudgingly prepare for work while cursing a few swear words.
Long ago, I enjoyed my work and always scold customers behind their back. I felt it was therapeutic. Now I would tell boon heng, who is my neighbour at my workplace, that customers 很贱.
Would just mutter a few comments, and sink back into the seat and continue to call the next (贱) customer. It doesnt bother me as much anymore. I used to be very bothered by the bad tempered customers, especially when he/she is screaming or shouting and not making sense and is not giving me chance to explain.
Now I am very affected when I had to reject customers' request despite their pleads, and have to mete out further actions that the managements have decided. As boon heng say, in a job like this, sometimes you have to bind your heart with a length of white clothe and remind yourself it is just a job.
I hate it.
So for the past 2 mths I've been telling myself, my contract ending soon le, bear with it!!! And so I stayed. Just yesterday, I've confirmed with boss that I will like to offset my last day with 3 of my remaining 4 days leave. I would be leaving this job on 25nov.
I do feel a little unsure. But during every other moment, when boss gather us for a meeting, and lay out new and stricter rules and regulations, I would heave a sigh of relief and is thankful that I am leaving soon.
Sometimes I wonder how far are they going. Exactly what other aspects are they going to control. Currently they are already controlling the number of calls made, the number of people we managed to contact, the times customer fulfil their promises to us, the amt involved in the process, every call conversation, how long are we logged on to the system, and what time we log on.
Then they started controlling that we cant read newspapers while we are waiting for customers to answer our calls. We cannot do anything except to stare at the screen.
This is something I am absolutely pissed about, because we are have to juggle our job responsibilities, our goals, company image, and customers' feelings in every call. But we cant even take a few secs to update ourselves on the latest news. You may feel that it is correct what, to not be able to read the papers during work, but I think I am just trying to stretch my time a little more.
They tell us we cant claim meals allowance, when it is just $5 but we have to stay 1.5 hrs. Each ot hr is worth less than $3.30 hence, but they want to restrict us.
They are saying we should not be going to the loo in 3s. Best is that we dont go in pairs too. Best if we wear pampers la.
Do I need to start to breathe quietly when I work in fear of breathing would be the next thing they stomp down on.
Do I need to stop combing my hair while talking to customers in fear of them insist on all of us to shave our heads?
I think restrictions and regulations 是在所难免的, but excessiveness makes the working environment cold. 当大家都摒着气，深怕着一个人的不小心，又会造成一个新的条规的时候，大家都不得不小心翼翼.
很难过.
This morning, boss ask me whether I want to renew my contract. I was at my seat and he ask jordan to come over to my seat.
*****
Me = K
Boss = B
Jordon = J
B: If your contract were to be renewed until next year's march, are you interested? (Turns to me and called my name quizzically.)
K: I dont want.
B: Ok, you dont mind, and you jordan?
K: (Interrupts) I say I dont want.
B: Dont want? (Pause) Oh ok, and jordan you leh?
J: I dont mind.
B: (Turns to me again) You sure you dont want?
K: I dont want, I want to go, I dont want to stay anymore.
B: (Nods and walk away.)
Hours later, the contract renewal is confirmed.
*****
People ask me why I dowan to stay. I think the reason to leave outweighs staying.
If I want to stay, it would be because
1. I shouldnt be bumming around
2. I should be working to earn money.
3. I would miss my colleagues, especially the few of them who cant become friends. Like kenny.
I am leaving, because
1. I cant stand all the rules and regulations
2. I want more job security, hence perm job
3. I feel very zek ark in the job, incurring a lot of bad karma
4. The management is reviewing restrictions and yet wants us to hit target. Like want you to shoot bulleye, but put the dartboard 11 traffic lights away.
5. If I stay in the job, I dont feel the 迫切感 to find a more suitable job.
6. I dowan to be the last person standing, dowan to feel that I am forced to stay because I dont have a better choice.
7. I always wanted to be offered renewal, but I would reject and exit gracefully. I dowan to be a stranded fish.
8. I hope to join a job which I would use my brain a little bit more.
9. I dowan to use the upgraded system. Pui la. Upgraded the bugs 就有.
10. Boss very 怕死.
11. Dont like her.
12. Let's leave, then I'll feel happier.
It is really not a whimsical thing. I've been thru worse and I wouldnt really leave if I could continue to endure. As a matter of fact, I would love to leave now.
Everyone has been supportive, but a lot of people cant understand why I have to be so adamant. After I've explained, everyone accepted, but that doesnt stop people from speculating.
People might think that I am not renewed because boss dowan to renew me, people might think that I am just a naive girl who 不知天高地厚, quitting a job before I've secured another.
But I really not being 意气用事. Why should I be. But I really think the job is really devouring me up. If I dont leave I might slip into the comfort zone. I shouldnt say this on a public domain, but I think my company is manupulative. But I guess every company tries to maximise what they can get out of the money they pay for each employee, so I just have to accept that.
But I think this move of renewing for 4 mths is purely to cushion the impact of too many perm staffs leaving. After this initial period, once everyone starts getting use to the workload, they will immediately ask the contracts to leave.
It feels like you are playing a game, you see your time counting down to death, and you pick up an element that grant you 15 more seconds. In this 15 seconds, you cant do much but you have to count down to your death once more, extending the agony.
I dowan to play le. Game over can?
No comments:
Post a Comment