用尽了力气勇敢后，就不再有力气坚强了。

薄毅力) 难敌惰性

2011-11-27T23:57:00.001+08:00

下载了blogger 的 app，因为赫然发现2011年就快过去了而我却没有实现年初立下的承诺，多写点作为纪录。又是同个原因，懒呗。

算了，我根本都没啥毅力，干嘛逼自己。现在就看我能持续写几天，搞不好这以后又长期失踪。

价值感）别人堆出来的

2011-01-18T02:15:00.000+08:00

今天开学了，由是得组小组，好可以做小组作业。

我原本属于的小组人数不够，所以其他也不够人数的小组来挖角。

被抢的感觉真好。哈哈。

Sent from my iPhone

Movie : Seasons of Witches

2011-01-16T06:58:00.004+08:00

Watched Seasons of Witches with Greg not knowing what show it was. Generally an interesting show, and must say that Greg makes a good movie companion, for he is very quiet throughout the show.

I like movie companions who dont talk to me. =)

All in all, the show is entertaining, but the CG is pretty sucky.

Cathay | 16 Jan 2011 | 01:30 | greg|

Movie : Love and Other Drugs

2011-01-07T02:29:00.000+08:00

I seriously need to keep registering the movies I watch, cos I forget about them soon after.

Watched Love and Other Drugs with my colleagues, like it of course, cos there's Anne Hathaway.

Love the way her acting is so infused.
Giving it a 7/10

| Vivo | 6 Jan 2011 | 21:30 | colleagues |

独立者）常常被自己困死

2011-01-07T00:06:00.000+08:00

我很喜欢独来独往，也很习惯如此。我长久下来选择只相信自己，因为发现每次信任别人，换来的都是伤痕累累的自己。

可是也因为如次，我渐渐发现我真的是孤立的。谁也不在我身边，谁都也不在我身边。

Sent from my iPhone

宁是缺) 也绝对勿滥

2011-01-03T23:55:00.003+08:00

最近看见两个不是很熟识的朋友决定在一起，我就很缺德的在想，那女的也太没眼光了吧！

这几年里，常常看见身边的朋友，因为敌不过社会压力，而决定结婚。结了婚后又是在fb上不停的埋怨。那为什么结婚呢？更糟的是，往往这些因为压力结婚的人，也很快就离婚。

那为什么不能再没找到对的人的时候，就默默地等着就好？为什么非得骑驴找马？因该要宁缺毋滥吧。醒醒吧，姐妹们！

冥冥中）一切的发生都是注定的

2011-01-02T21:54:00.000+08:00

我们需要相信，一切发生的事情，都是有原因的。现在的磨难，都是为了训练我们的成长。

如果一个人对你不好，你就把这当成训练。

如果这个人真的很过分，你就把这当成修炼！

Sent from my iPhone

失落感）是寒冷的天气造成的

2011-01-01T23:31:00.001+08:00

虽然这四季如春的国家没有冬天，我发现，每当天气转凉时我就心情很难过。

可能是感冒爱尾随来到，我全身发冷，让我整个人很没有精神。

加上店里常常只有我一个，我分外孤独。不说话时更觉得血液都凝结了。

Sent from my iPhone

久违了）我回来了

2011-01-01T19:45:00.007+08:00

我好久好久没有更新了。为什么？懒呗。

2011 年了，我突然回想，却想不太起这一年发生的事。我记性一向来不好，很容易被当下的情绪带着走，然后在过两天就把事情忘个清光。这整年没写部落格，我就对发生的事情一点印象感觉很模糊，应该是痴呆症提前发生吧。

所以嘛，我今年得乖点。

Traveling Alone : Tokyo

2010-02-20T14:23:00.006+08:00

90% of the people who knew that I was traveling alone expressed concern how it would be dangerous.

Only lin, my cousin, and mr.bashful were totally supportive, telling me that I definitely would be okay, and nothing would be too difficult for me.

The rest of the people, my mother inclusive, mainly said that I am very 勇敢, daring to travel alone, to a country that I'd never visited.

I laughed, and to the people who are worried for me, I appear nonchalant, and to the people who tell me things will be fine, I shed my pretense and revealed how worried I actually am.

And my worry is basically due to the the cold weather in Tokyo. I read that it would be between 10 to 12 degrees, because it was the end of winter, and moving towards spring already. And while I bought thermal wear suitable for 8deg, I thought I was smart but was worried what would happen if it rains.

At the end of the day? The temperature hover around 3 to 5 degrees, coupled with strong wind, rain, and even snow! As a matter of fact, it was the first time it snowed in Tokyo in February for the past 20 odd years.

I traveled during the cny period, leaving after my reunion dinner, and returning in the early hours of friday. It was a 8 hour flight, and therefore I was in Tokyo for less than 100 hours. But it was a great experience!

Traveling alone equates to needing to do everything myself, including research, and having only myself to transfer 3 trains to get to my hotel, lugging my luggage with me.

During the trip, I went to the important landmarks and destinations, and like my cousin who saw my facebook photo album, commented that my photos have a melancholic feel to it. I totally agreed! I did not take photo of myself, only scenes, and coupled with the gloomy weather, the photos all reeks of loneliness. =)

When I was there, I was going crazy from the coldness, and when I lost my way while finding my destinations, I am so helpless that I really want to squat by the roadside and cry, and really really hoped that I have somebody with me who can tell me which direction to walk, and someone whose hands I can hold.

But that was just when I was lost and out in the cold. But I was seldom lost, so most of the time I had fun camouflaging into the tokyo crowd, looking so at ease that I have locals coming up to me to ask for directions.

And the fun of traveling alone is that I choose to do whatever I want to, at the pace that I want. I can walk for a while, and decide to stop along the path leading to Meiji Shrine, and enjoy the smell of burnt wood from afar. I could take as long as I like at the shopping centres, and take as short as I want. I did not need to wait for someone else to try on clothes, nor wait for someone else to pose for pictures at every landmark.

Therefore the time that I calculated I need for each destination was actually more than I took, and I had plenty of time to stop and drink coffee, or return to my hotel room to rest for an hour, before leaving the room again to go shopping.

I love the feeling of traveling alone! And I must do it again! I already have the intention to go to Taipei this july, and more shopping lining up! I'm excited just thinking about it. =) =) =)

Keeping A Safe Distance

2010-02-06T19:42:00.000+08:00

It is not that I dunno I have to keep my distance. But how do I do it?

2010

2010-01-01T15:52:00.001+08:00

New Year. Is everything going to be great? Or worse?

Results Out For Sem 2

2009-12-15T21:45:00.002+08:00

Results are out for sem 2. I'd gotten A+ for Financing Accounting, C+ for Business Communication, and A for Business Statistics.

Sigh. Didnt do well enough for my business comm, but I had expected the results, given that I'd only gotten a C for my assignments.

Well. Sem 3 coming. How can I change group mates?

Same Old design.

2009-12-13T00:10:00.000+08:00

Same old design over and over and over and over again. In short, this company should rebrand as 'manufacturing'.

Leeched wifi, Cant she get her own???

2009-12-10T00:53:00.004+08:00

Wow, she sure doesn't pass by any chance! The moment she knows I had installed wireless Internet at home, she brought her laptop over and requested for my wireless password.

Major Pain In The Ass

2009-12-09T16:05:00.001+08:00

They are a major pain in the ass. One person told me that the schedule has to be blocked out on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday and Friday are mine. When the team who is snatching schedule from me requested that they dont start on Monday, because they do not have all the information ready yet, I told them it is ok, they can start on Tuesday onwards, while I use Monday for now.

Then the bastard went to tell them that that their schedule is changed to Wednesday onwards. Without telling me. He told them that they can have Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. So that team happily believe they have Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

This is a bloody small company and everybody is doing things in ways beneficial to themselves. Myself guilty as charged, I am not skimming from my responsibilities. But all I can say is, this will be the last time this happens. If I need to be the corporate bitch, I will play the part very well from now on.

They started the war. You dont expect me to sit and be killed.

没时间)是什么大罪吗

2009-11-25T22:30:00.005+08:00

一次又一次的，受到身边的不同人，对我因为念书没空陪他们，而对我表示不满。

选择半工半读，是一种对自己的挑战。身历其境前，也知道会是一段难熬的日子。我不求别人迁就我，可是至少希望身边的人，谅解我并不是不愿花时间陪伴，是我没有时间。

一个学期不过是6个月，而其中，我只有其中一个月会躲起来念书，其余的时间，我再忙也会努力的赴约。我这样会很过分吗？还好吧。

1 more day

2009-11-25T02:51:00.002+08:00

I more day before my first paper, but I am not ready at all.

On one hand, I want to do well, on the other, I secretly hope I dont, so that I can quit and then I can reclaim my life, and go on vacations anytime I want.

Sigh. Irresponsible thought.

Stop Drilling!

2009-11-23T16:16:00.001+08:00

Here I am trying to study, but there's a irritating drilling going on non-stop beneath my block.
ARGGH.

Bloody Hell!!

2009-11-18T17:48:00.002+08:00

FINANCIAL ACCOUNTING A+
BUSINESS COMMUNICATION C
BUSINESS STATISTICS B+

What the hell!!! Why is my business comm results so bloody poor!!!
When the lecturer sent out email to say that 95% of us did better than 60%, I was thinking, 60% is so bloody little! Fucking hell!! The lecturer is super crap!

Guess for CA-Sem2 score

2009-11-18T17:41:00.006+08:00

While I am waiting for the page to load, let me make a guess of the score I got for my CA for my 2nd sem.

This score will take up 50% of the final grade, while the exams next wk will make up the remaining 50%. As all students know, if I suck at these CA, however hard I work at exams would generally be fruitless.

Business Accounting - A+
Business Communication - B+
Business Statistics - B

Will post in 2 mins time what I'd got.

Taking Unpaid Leave for Exams Preparation

2009-11-14T00:51:00.004+08:00

As per last sem, I am taking unpaid leave to study for my exams. My exams are starting in 2 weeks time, and I've a hell lot more of topics to go.

But happy that I dont have to go to work!! My 2 weeks of leave officially starts from today, and my first paper is 2 thursday from now. I will also take this opportunity to catch up on my sleep, which is totally acceptable, because I gain 4 hours a day by not traveling to and fro work, and by not needing to shower twice a day. Need not makeup too! Need not wash contact lens too! And need not iron clothes!! And also have no work clothes to wash!!! =) =)

Yay~~ \o/

I guess I'll come back in 2 days time to complain about mugging for exams. Hahahah.

Regarding my course

2009-11-09T16:43:00.001+08:00

Everyone whom I'd known, repeatedly ask me why do I study a part time diploma, when I can study for a part time degree.

Woohoo, wait a minute. It is not that I dont want to study for a degree, but it is because I do not have any business background, and I know that I will have a hard time catching up degree standards, and therefore I choose to do diploma first, and work towards a degree later.

Of course I know I am spending more time than the other route, but I'd rather move at a more comfortable pace when it comes to studying part time (trust me, it is bloody tough), than to force myself on, and fail modules after modules. What's the difference?

I wish people understand that this is a huge sum of money we are talking about, and I did my maths, and proper thinking through before I made any decision, and not just randomly choose something based on tossing a coin.

无奈感)席卷而来

2009-11-09T13:56:00.001+08:00

最近因为正逢考试期间，我忙得不可开交。朋友们一个个，平时都不太常找我的，这几个星期联络我联络得很凶。

可是我压根没空。复习进度很慢，我也常常处于一个心神不宁的状态，搞得我一直在同一些章反复来回，无法前进。

对于朋友，我只好一一道歉，可是我晓得他们都不是很谅解。

我也很无奈。可是没办法啊。

不仅如此，工作也非常不顺利。我不明白这公司请我来明明就是以设计师的身份，那为什么他们有宁可一直墨守成规，不愿意做一些新的创意。不然就是抄杂志和书上的现有设计。难怪我都不想继续当设计师了，因为我呈交的他都不接受，又不让我做我喜欢的设计。

纵然我的设计未必绝佳，可是不试，就永远不会往前移动。一直在同一个点上，到底是要呆到几时？

我对我的人生，突然觉得失去了控制权。一切是那么的不如意，可是我好像没法改变什么。人生嘛，不应安安稳稳的过着就好了，而是要轰轰烈烈 - 以自己的方式，轰轰烈烈。

很想啊。做不到罢了。

黑咖啡)喝了一杯又一杯

2009-11-09T00:48:00.002+08:00

我因为是个夜猫子，所以我都是要过了半夜，才能够静下心来复习。
隔天一早又得起床上班，所以我只能拼命的灌下黑咖啡。

可是其实没差。我从很久以前就常灌咖啡，因为当时喜欢和爱喝咖啡的婆婆一起边喝咖啡乌边聊天，所以现在练成免疫力。

自欺欺人吧。总希望有些方法能够让自己精神一点。

幸好我多一个星期就开始放无薪假。虽然没有收入，可是重要的时可以边读书边休息。每天要工作，不仅是需要呆在办公室9至10个小时，还需要花3小时来回的车程，再加上1至2小时的准备时间化妆，烫衣服。

加油。再5天！

Studying Sem II - Rant I

2009-11-09T00:40:00.003+08:00

Studying.
Accounting is darn complicated.

No thanks

2009-10-24T21:23:00.002+08:00

I was ~~watching tv~~ doing homework when my father called from the coffeeshop.

Father: Do you want to eat rojak?

(For the record, I love the rojak at the coffeeshop near my house. Hee.)

Me: No it's ok.

(I'm not hungry.)

Father: Eat lah. I know you like the rojak here.

Me: No, no need. Thanks.

Father: Ok. Will buy for you, bye~.

Hahahahahahahaha.

Intelligence of People

2009-10-22T09:45:00.002+08:00

My school project team mate, or rather, team leader, smsed me this morning, asking if I have further comments on the final version of our project. She likes to be the one consolidating our work, so whenever she mentioned final version, I know actually what she meant is the compiled copy.

I told her I hadnt seen any email from her, and she told me, oh it is not completed yet.

Not completed then print what fuck?

Wah lao eh. The intelligence of people. Really.

Mr Unhelpful

2009-10-18T22:35:00.012+08:00

For one of my school projects, after working on the preparation work and researches on and off for 2 months, I left the team.

And why did I do that? Because one of my classmates approached me for help, and this classmate had given me 5 hours of accounting tuition previously, and I was very grateful for his help.

With that, I gave up the work I'd already accomplished, and then joined this guy to do the project. There is another girl in the team, but she is a confirmed fail, and is therefore not putting in effort at all. So she is as good as non-existent.

I told this guy, now known as Mr Unhelpful, that I am willing to slog all over again for the project, if he would assure that he will put in 100% of effort. Of course he agreed upfront, and I did not count on him changing his mind along the way.

For this project, we first had to plan a questionnaire survey so that we can get people to participate, and subsequently tabulate data obtained.

Mr Unhelpful was eager to think of the questions for the questionnaire, and we worked till 2am over msn to get it completed within the day, after a few rounds of virtual whipping from me after he wanted to give up after working for a while.

When the questionnaire was endorsed by the lecturer (by my email request), we had to get respondents. Mr Unhelpful prefers to do it the easy way - faking the results - while I insisted I want to go to school and get real people to reply on the questionnaires. I told him that if he dont want to, fine, I'll do it myself!!

Then he gave in and said he will do it too. On the actual day, I must have gotten 80 of the respondents, while he 20, and I entered the 100 replies into the system, all by myself.

As of then, I was beginning to be pissed because it felt as though I am slowly doing more than half of the work.

After that day, we agreed that based on the results that were entered, we will each do some drafts and then meet the next day to discuss again, and then start to write the actual draft.

I did 8 pages. He did 1.

Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind.

The same night, we tidied up the work we already completed, and then I compiled them into a draft report, ready for the lecturer to review the next day. I had to print it in the office because he cannot, and while I had already been given warning against using office equipment for my own use, I sneaked the print job between my work and got it done.

The entire draft was 80% my work, and after he looked at the printed copy, he was embarrassed, and told me that he would put my bullet forms into paragraphs, and we will be able to submit already. I'd already done more than enough.

Well, great to hear, but I wasnt prepared to really not do anymore work on the project, but with his assurance, I thought even if the work is split down the middle, and I do half, I am willing to accept.

The next time I heard from him, it was after I repeatedly confirmed with him when is his report going to be completed, because I would still have to do grammatical checks. Over the phone, he told me that he need me to convert my bullet points into paragraphs because he 'doesnt really understand what I am trying to say'.

That is HILARIOUS because just days ago, he reviewed the draft with the lecturer and he KNEW how to continue to expand the report from where I left off.

Nevermind!

So I do my portions, and while doing it, I added on more sections to pad up the report so that it is more substantial. He? From what was agreed that he would do, he reduced a further 20%. I told him to leave the introduction and pre-report for me to do, because that is a crucial portion of every business report, and he insisted he wanted to do it.

Okie. We separately do our work, and then we combined it, and after looking at the introduction, I had to rewrite it due to missing facts and the repeated grammar errors.

I went through the entire report and corrected all his english, and then redo all the statistical graphs using excel to make the colour and fonts consistent, and then send the work to him for him to take a final look to see if he wants to add anymore points.

I made it clear that that is the last I am going to work on the project.

He replied, saying that maybe we should include some more graphs into the report and wanted me to add them in. I told him if he want to, he can do it himself, and I am ok with whatever he want to add.

He emailed back, requesting I do it for him (the graphs are within the sections he wrote) and said that he do not want to do it because then he will have to recheck all the numberings of the content page.

I told him. "Then dont add!!"

He didnt reply after that.

Bloody hell.. He was at home, while I was in the office doing OT and does that tells a little who is the busier person here?

I happened to be the only one doing OT that night, so I'd printed the work quickly and brought the copies home. Without him asking, I'd also brought the work to bind, and had also prepared a cd to bring to office tomorrow to burn the soft copies of the data into CD as requested by the lecturer.

And what is his contribution here? He sent me an sms "Have you already printed the work? Furthermore, have you burn the work into a CD?"

...
... ...
... ... ...

WHAT FUCKING FURTHERMORE IS HE TALKING ABOUT?? Is it my responsibility only? And isnt this supposed to be a groupwork? And had he already forgotten that I came over to help him with his project because he whine to me that he cannot finish it with the other girl not helping him? And didnt he realise I already did more than my portion of the work?

postnote:
he sent another sms : please reply asap or else we will not have cd to submit tomorrow.
knn. firstly, if he is so worried, he should ask me about it earlier than 15 hours before submission, secondly, if he is soooo worried, he can jolly well prepare a cd himself. thirdly, why is he thinking that i should do everything for him! KNN!

Homework

2009-10-14T20:04:00.001+08:00

I'm in my office now doing my school homework. Haha. There was a period of time when I work best when I study at home, but maybe because now I use my laptop in my room constantly, my bedroom is no longer my temple for mugging.

Erhh!

I meant to do my homework at home tonight, but I guess I will be slacking like mad, so better do it in the office, and when I reached home I can play fb until I drop dead. Whahaha.

没出息)也都是自找的

2009-10-12T17:53:00.001+08:00

一个星期前，我还在说我的个性怪异，常常喜欢空降另一个人的生活，逼着他/她接受我。

我现在又发现我在重蹈覆辙。我为了一个人，魂不守舍。他不特别，我也不知道我在迷恋什么。
可是我好想得到他的认可！我好希望他会有空时都只想到要找我，希望他能因为我打给他而欣喜若狂。

但是我知道我并不喜欢他。那我到底在追求些什么？
我真是没出息。

Drinking

2009-10-10T15:22:00.002+08:00

I hadnt been drinking for months, and for a friend's birthday, I joined him and other friends at a pub and drank at least 10 glasses of beer.

Pictures wont be posted here. It will be on facebook, across various friend's accounts as I did not have my camera with me, and my handphone takes very scary flashlight shots.

I started drinking at 9pm, and ended at almost 12 and left early because I need to go back to office this morning at 8.30am.

It had been super fun, must do it again soon. =)

Yah. I Am KNN. So What?

2009-10-09T12:27:00.001+08:00

As we need to move office today, obviously we need to pack the stupid office.

The senior was smart, choose to pack the stupid library books, and left the material library for me to pack. The library books are.. well, books, for fuck's sake, while the material library is full of misc sizes and shapes and weights of tiles and catalogues.

He then said he have to meet clients today to go through other projects, and couldnt be back in time to help pack the material library, and if there's anything that I cant bring over, just discard, and then subsequently when we'd move, we can request for suppliers to bring new pieces of samples.

Bloody hell. By then I will be the one who have to do it. One way or the other I am the one at the losing end.

So how? Discard lor. Who gives a damn.

Then a moment ago, he accidentally dialed the office number, and I picked up the call. I can recognise his voice, and I hear him talking to someone over lunch regarding how knn I am, expecting him to come back and babysit and coordinate the packing of the material library.

In the first place, moving office is his job responsibility. He was bloody tasked to do it. Of course as colleagues I should help, but then again he always pass shit to me whenever he can, so why should I be so kind to him? And the whole moving of office should take 1 month, but due to his poor coordination, we end up needing to rush everything within a very short period of time.

I prompted him when I can, but he would rather leave things to last minute, and then now because of 'last minute meetings' he cannot help to pack the materials, which are like easy 20kg a box. And he left the whole job to 4 of us, which comprises of 3 girls and 1 guy. Very smart!

Bloody hell.

Facebook Game - Roller Coaster Kingdom

2009-10-08T21:52:00.003+08:00

For the people who play facebook, you MUST install this application! Roller Coaster Kingdom is generically another of those silly games on fb, but I LUURRVE the sound effects!

"Woohoo~!"
"Yaaay!"

Cheers me up considerably. =) =) =)

A Line or Two

2009-10-07T10:44:00.001+08:00

With all due respect, why do some individuals post facebook status messages, twitter updates and msn display nicks with such crappy English?

Is it deliberate? Or is it simply a poor command of the language?

"Why is me feeling this way?"
"Wednesday make me happy. LOL."
"Can? I think."

=_=!

My Irritating Bahaviour

2009-10-06T23:59:00.002+08:00

Did I ever blog about this before?

A friend once observed, that I have the habit of competing, and then turn and walk away once I'd won it. She said that I do that to friends, to bosses, to colleagues, and frequently, to guys as well.

I protest, saying that I dont do that hor! She warn me that I am hurting many people in the process, because I will appear eager one day, and cold the next, and people will be confused by my erratic behaviour.

But after she pointed out to me, I recognise the same trend too. I have the irritating enthusiasm for new found friends, and will keep talking and making the person like me. And the moment I'd received the approval, and when this person started to be the one taking initiative to interact with me, I'll escape at amazing speed.

If the tables are turned, and when the other party is the one who is enthusiastic, I will bask in the attention for a while, then decide to run away because I am fearful of the affection he/she display.

And although I am already aware of this, yet between the time when my friend told me this, till today, I'd already repeated this nasty habit more than 3 times.

Recently, I'd tried extremely hard to crack the exterior of a very quiet guy, and I succeeded. Now he'll msn me whenever he come online, and I wont reply for at least 30 minutes, hoping that he'll be offline by then. I catch him trying to get my attention in a room full of people, I'd divert my eyes and look in the opposite direction.

Gosh. Why am I so irritating?

Waiting For The Stupid Bus

2009-10-06T23:22:00.007+08:00

Waiting for 174 to come so that I can go to school. When I first reached the bus stop, it says, 22 minutes and 39 minutes. Sigh. But fair enough, I'll wait.

25 minutes later, it says 44 minutes! What the hell!

Walking 5 Bus Stops

2009-10-06T00:26:00.004+08:00

On my way to class today, I overslept on the bus by 5 bus stops, and because I was too cheapskate to pay to take a bus back in the opposite direction, I walked almost 20 minutes back to the correct bus stop, before walking uphill to school.

Haha. In actual fact, the prospect of needing to climb the overhead bridge to the opposite side of the road to take the bus, and climb back to this side later, makes me want to puke. And so I walked 5 bus stops, and now my feet feels like it is going to break into many pieces.

Ouch~

I Need More Insecticides

2009-10-03T20:26:00.001+08:00

Why are there so many cockroaches? I need to buy more cans of insecticides!

Effort Put In

2009-10-03T15:30:00.007+08:00

In my career, the presentations I'd done are always dramatic and animated. I have to demonstrate to my clients that I am enthusiastic about my design and how fun the space will be. I will also be accompanied with my material sample boards and loose samples that I'll use to pass around the table to give my clients an interactive presentation session.

Therefore in my class presentation, when I only have a powerpoint to reply on, and it has to be formal and serious, with no toys to play with, imagine how lost I'd felt.

I hence decided that I will add illustrations to my powerpoint, and start conceptualising how to do it. I'd also researched on infographics so that I am able to create engaging data illustrations.

I'd spent roughly 15 hours doing it alone, and many more hours conceptualising, when I am showering, when I am traveling, when I am eating. When I realise that my classmates spent 20 minutes or so gathering info and doing a basic powerpoint presentation, I was wondering am I being too stupid.

For the presentation, I was worried that the equipments will fail and etc, and had did a lot of backup plans. I'd also rehearsed my presentation tens and tens of times, and I'd reviewed my powerpoint slides repeatedly.

During the presentation, I was the first speaker of the night, and as I present, I'd heard myself missing out portions after portions, and I was hardly making sense. I was also going at the speed of light, given how I have the habit of speaking 100words/minutes as a general habit.

After the presentation, we had to sit in front of the class and listen to the critique session. The first comment was for me. Fann said she like my presentation slides as they were different from what others had done.

The next comment was for me too. Derek said my voice projection was good, and felt that I was in control of the presentation and sounded very confident. (Whahahah.. me is good actress.)

The lecturer asked if anyone had any comments (read bad comments so that I can improve) for me, and another classmate commented that she was totally engrossed in the attractive slides and didnt hear what I'd said. The lecturer said that the whole idea is that my presentation should have gain equal attention, instead of letting my slideshow take centre stage.

Well, I shall defend myself that I am not 100% confident of my presentation, and hence I need a good slideshow to back myself up.

Generally I had very good comments and reviews from my lecturer and coursemates, and I am super delighted.

=) =) =) =) =)

But one thing irks me. The class commented that my slides and the rest of my team mate's look very different, and how there is no consistency. The lecturer explained, saying that there is a consistent background picture (courtesy of me, as usual) and he is judging individual by the slides done, and so those who had put in less effort wont be able to ride on those who had put in more effort.

Then my team leader rose her hand and said that it is not fair to judge that way, because her portion were recommendations and therefore there were no visuals that could support, unlike my introduction.

But hallo. I was talking about purpose and background as I am presenting on the introduction. I thought for many days before knowing how I can present it with elements of interest. It is not very fair to say that because I manage to find an edge, it is because there was a ready edge for me to find. I had to conceptualise to come out with what I had done.

She also mentioned that she couldnt find nice images that fit with her text, and how my background picture had distracted her. It is like hallo! I put in the background picture after everyone had finished their slides, and after I had requested for someone to find a suitable background picture and everyone ignored me.

Now she felt that because I'd put in the picture, that's why she couldnt put in any visuals.

What the hell.

I didnt have to do much, just smile on the stage, while thinking lots of bad thoughts about her. LOL. But the class helped me bombarded her, saying that it was just a poor excuse. Other teams had recommendation sections, and they could come up with visuals or related quotations to make the slides interesting.

After my presentation, a classmate who did not comment on my slides earlier came up to me and told me that he liked my presentation and felt I had done a good job. He was so full of praises that I felt a renewed sense of confidence.

Other classmates had also congratulated me on my presentation and I feel so relieved because my effort for this presentation I'd put in. My lecturer gave me an encouraging nod and I can tell that I am going to score pretty good.

I'm happy I'm happy I'm happy.

Sleepy. Will Blog Tomorrow

2009-10-03T04:45:00.002+08:00

I'm in the mood to blog, but am too sleepy.
Haha.

To preview what I will blog tomorrow, I'm going to talk about the presentation I had today. I'd spent more than 15 hours doing the powerpoint slides, while my classmates spent 20minutes or so.

But the lecturer loves my presentation slides! Woot.

Let's talk again tomorrow. =)

Brains? Nah, Too Heavy To Bring To Work.

2009-10-01T16:20:00.001+08:00

Why is it that some people comes to work without checking if they'd brought their brain along?

Is it that difficult to take that little effort to remember the instructions that were given? I am not even expecting input, cos that will be too much to ask for, apparently, but is taking instructions THAT hard on people?

I organised all the information in bite-sizes so that it will be easier to understand and digest, yet obviously that is not good enough. Why dont we do it like this, I do all the work myself, you just sit there and chat on msn for the whole day? Does that sounds good to you?

Or tell me what I should do?
Can I throw my temper? Oh, of course not. What blasphemy to the favourite pet of the boss!

So I ended up stabbing my thighs with the highlighter I am using to mark out information on the layout plan, and now my thigh is a myriad of neon colours. How very beautiful.

Laughter

2009-09-28T20:37:00.001+08:00

I am unable to express my tiredness by words alone.

At what stage will I finally breakdown, beyond the 2 lines of tears down my face?

Crying is no longer an effective way to demonstrate how painful it feels, and therefore I laugh.

I laugh.

And I laugh some more.

Friends

2009-09-25T12:36:00.001+08:00

I came to realise, that for friends to stay as friends forever, it is best not to add an additional relationship to it.

Dont start a business with them.
Dont recommend them to work in your company.
Dont work on projects with them. School projects in my case.
Dont agree to rent a house with him/her.
Dont lend them money.

And why is it I know the concept of this, but I still do it all the time.

To hell with them

2009-09-03T12:07:00.001+08:00

School projects are driving me nuts.

I'm stuck with a team with no ambition and I am worrying my ass off at the thought of not being able to finish the work in time. Honestly, to hell with them, I am going to write my own report and then if they want, they take it. If not I am just taking it as practice towards writing.

And I am not going to care if my portion fits into theirs. As a matter of fact, I am not even going to check their grammar. I will write my own portion and present my own portion. I dont want to help them anymore.

Smokers Unite!

2009-09-02T17:41:00.001+08:00

True to my recent weird behaviour, I jio-ed someone to go smoking.

What's weird about this action, is that I'd never talked to this person before, but we happen to see each other when we are smoking separately. So instead of 2 bored person smoking separately, why not smoke together?

Funny thing is, he kept justifying my reasons, saying that there is nothing wrong with me jio-ing him, cos making friends mah. The more he tried to explain, the funnier the situation it appears to be.

I didnt mean it to be anything special. I just thought that is is ok to talk to someone else who is a smoker (smokers unite!) Then he started asking me things like how old I am, where do I work, where do I stay, what do I work as, etc. This is like so cute lor! =) =) =)

Trivialities

2009-09-01T14:23:00.001+08:00

There's this girl whom I'd known just recently, who simply loves to msn me on whim. Nothing wrong with wanting to talk to me, if there's something to talk about.

She would msn me to update the trivialities of her life which I have little interest in, and then when I replied out of sheer politeness (read bored), she would accuse me of being patronising.

Gosh. What does she want?!

I am..

2009-08-25T15:54:00.001+08:00

I'm blogging lesser these days, no thanks to fb.
I'm experiencing emotions waves, no thanks to memories.
I'm talking at faster speed, no thanks to the amount of commitments I have.
I'm neglecting my dreams, no thanks to boss.
I'm smoking fewer sticks, no thanks to the weird respiratory seizure.
I'm smiling more, no thanks to the need to disguise my true emotions.

Reclaim

2009-08-20T15:17:00.001+08:00

A friend msned me, telling me that there's this guy she know of, very nice, very sincere, etc. She went on to mentioned that he is like a younger brother to her, and I laughed after realising that the so-called age gap is half a year.

I asked her whether she is very against going out with guys who is younger than her. She said she is, because most guys of our same age are childish.

Well, fair enough. I agree. (Dont whack me! It's just an opinion!)

She went on to say he is the reserved and quiet kind, and asked me how I felt about such guys. Honestly? I am scared shitless of such guys. I always felt compelled to make them feel at ease, therefore I will always try to talk to them, and keep them company when we are in a large group. Xian qi liang mu type ok, me is.

Haha.

She continued to hard sell this guy, and like how many of my other friends are trying to hitch me up, I agreed that he sounds nice, and let's go sing k or something soon?

She happily agreed.

I didnt think too much about this. In short, I am hard to get along with, and I knew it perfectly well. I make friends easily, but seldom get to keep them because of my nasty personality.

But if someone else wants to introduce more friends to me, well why not? The more the merrier.

One day later, the same girl msned me again. This time round, she started the message with -

"Yesterday I was speaking to you regarding this guy right? Actually we have feelings for each other, and now I am confused..blah blah blah.. what do you think."

Yah, I can tell you are confused, or you wouldnt had promoted him so aggressively to me the day before, and then quickly reclaimed relationship status with the guy today. What are you worried about? I hadnt met this guy, and probably never will, if you dont build the connection.

So now that you'd decided you dont want to let go of this nice guy, just break the connection, and you wont look like how you looked now, flustered and embarassed.

Once again

2009-08-20T14:04:00.001+08:00

A group of guys recently roped in my help, wanting me to check out the response of a girl on one of the guys in this group.

It feels like a very foreign affair, for the last time I did something like this, was probably years and years ago, say five?

And because I am not high on the wink wink nudge nudge routine (see my eyes twitch madly and my elbows causing bruises in the girl's side), I ended up telling her straight to the point.

Subsequently she told me that I shouldnt had promised to assist the guy, for this is such a wimpy way of declaring interest. True enough, and I apologised.

This morning, on my way to work, I was thinking about this incident again, and suddenly a conversation came to mind.

"Hey what do you think about XXX?" Someone asked me.
"He's nice?" I offered.
"Yah, he's a very nice guy. Would you consider him?"
"And you are a nice guy too! Why dont the two of you fall in love?"

And I thought I was being very humorous.

To think of it, friends would only help to sound out, when one party already made it clear of his/her interest. Why didnt I just be serious for once, and answered sincerely? So. I did myself in. Once again, I realised.

Not in the least worried

2009-08-16T17:52:00.001+08:00

I did something quite out of my behaviour recently. Because I couldnt find people to sing karaoke with, I went to facebook to try to find people with common interests.

And I manage to! And I went to sing with them twice already, once 2 wks ago, once yesterday.

It feels very weird, but luckily I am 神经很大条, so I dont feel too out of place, and when this group of people are talkng about something which happened dates before I joined them, I will just tune out and snooze.

Whahahaha.

I guess it came to a part of life that nothing scares me that much anymore, and I am comfortable with myself enough to parachute into other's life, haha. As a matter of fact, yesterday when we were singing in the hall of the pub, 4 guys from the next table were singing one of my favourite songs terribly, and I was too near to them, and singing along too loud.

They nudged each other and wanted to get me to help, and before they actually approached me, I went over and offered "hey, can I help?" and they happily said okay! I helped up to the chorus portion, then return the mike to them. I think this is something I wouldnt do previously bah, but it didnt feel that weird yesterday.

=) =) =) =)

And when I joined this group 2 wks ago, they were all marvelling how I would attend a group like this all along. Even the other guys who were new came in pairs. Haha. Well, like I say, 没有在怕的。

Stop Harassing Me!

2009-07-28T17:57:00.001+08:00

The guy I previously blogged about? I didnt blog more details, but it came to a point where I blew up and told him that's it! I couldnt talk to him a second longer and I wanted to end any association there and then.

The same night he called repeatedly, acting as though nothing happen. Incredulously I asked him whether he had no recollection of the argument over MCPs?!!?!

He said he remember, but wont be as petty as me as to hold it to heart.

Bloody hell.

Anyway, it finally reached a stage that I do not want to say a single sentence to him anymore. I did not save his number in the first place because the last 4 numbers were easy enough to remember, therefore I didnt need to delete it. I did, however, delete all phone records, and all smses sent and received to/from him.

He subsequently called repeatedly, and smsed repeated. I'll cancel calls, and I'll delete his sms without looking.

Late last night I received a call from an unknown number. (Ok, you know where this is leading to.)
Curious, I returned call, but no one picked up. Today, there were more missed calls and I was intriqued! Secret admirer maybe? Whahahah.

When I got through and he identified himself, I cant tell you how disgusted I am.
He actually changed him number (I think he meant got a prepaid card or something) to call me so that I will answer his calls! How juvenile!

Oh my gawd!

Brown

2009-07-25T23:59:00.000+08:00

I went to colour my hair today! =) Nothing much, just thought I'll say it. Haha.

New jeans, but doesnt fit snugly anymore!

2009-07-23T18:16:00.001+08:00

I bought a really pretty pair of jeans from esprit, and my mother wanted to try it on.

Now the jeans is too loose! Either I lost a few inches, which I do not believe, or she had stretched my jeans! Now it slides off and hang unwillingly on the hips, causing thousands of creases while doing do.

Nabei. New jeans leh! Now have to alter liao. Siannnnn.

My method

2009-07-22T10:40:00.001+08:00

I am super irritated with myself!!!
I cant stand him, yet give him the chance to hang around and make my blood boil.

Why must I do this to myself?

I told myself that I'd rejected guys with better qualities, and yet not feel a thing. Maybe it is because all the other guys will retreat after 2 or 3 rejections, but this particular is very insistent. I'd raised my voice, said very mean things, hang up on him, spew vulgarities and still it doesnt stop him. I know my method is not the best method, but I believe in putting a stop to wrong things as soon as I can manage, and my method is so far working perfectly well for me.

What more can I do to make him get it?
Shit!

US Planning #1

2009-07-14T00:06:00.003+08:00

Okie, I will be calling the agency tomorrow to confirm on the prices of the airtickets, but meanwhile it seems that I should be travelling via nwa, for $1177.

My goodie friend will help me source out hotels, and meanwhile I need to find out where's fun to go!

Plans!

2009-07-13T23:14:00.001+08:00

My 2nd semester starts next monday and I have driving lessons to attend to, but I am currently planning to travel to US between 25th Aug and 1 Sept, alone!

I had always wanted to travel alone, but had never plucked up enough courage to. Well, I want to do it now!

If the following sounds familiar, it is because it aptly describe what I always feel about life, and I shamelessly lifted it :
If not me, who? If not now, when?

I dowan to procrastinate any longer, and by blogging about the plans, I am less likely to back out! So I am going to carefully document the planning. =)

At the same time, I am working on a project with lao da, and I also hope it goes very well. I am busy researching into it as well!

I feel so energised suddenly. Workaholic by nature, I complain when I am busy, but complain EVEN MORE when I am slacking.

Okie, off to check out on US while playing facebook in the background, will blog more later. =)

Keyword Being SERIOUSLY

2009-07-07T23:49:00.001+08:00

Well, remember you cant please everyone, and what's important is that you can answer to yourself...

Unless seriously jeopardising someone else's benefit, always choose to put yourself in first priority.

Keyword being SERIOUSLY..
If only slightly causing other's discomfort, well it is something they have to get use to.

Already Older

2009-07-04T22:49:00.001+08:00

26 is a number, or a state of mind?

Older

2009-07-03T22:23:00.000+08:00

I am turning 26 in around 180 minutes time!

They say once u past 21 years old life speed past you. It's really true. 不久后就三十拉警报了.

Slacking Smartly

2009-06-30T17:27:00.001+08:00

I heard on a local radio show that it is perfectly alright to slack!

Now, before you rule my execution, listen to how it make sense.

Thing is, no one can be 100% alert and enthusiastic at work, because well, it is demanding, and it saps our energy away. Therefore, it is important to cut yourself some slack when the boss is not looking, and then turn on full gear when he is around. If you do not do this, chances are, you think that bosses know that you had been working hard, and even when you surf net in front of them, they know it is because you happen to need to take a break.

That is silly! You should take a break when they are not looking, and work hard when they are peering at you from their room, wondering how many hours of facebook are you going to incur on company time, just because he saw you clicking on bejewelled that one time.

So. Slack when they are not seeing, and turn on full throttle when they are in! Come back and read this blog when they are out! =)

School's Having Top Priority In My Life

2009-06-30T10:17:00.001+08:00

Boss arranged a meeting with client last saturday, and wanted me to attend as well. I came all the way back to office but I am not even grant entry to the conference room.

Now he arranged another meeting tonight at 7pm, and because senior cannot make it because he has to go back to camp, I am the official standby personnel and I am expected to go instead.

I told boss I cannot. Need to go to school today, and he immediately wore an irritated face, saying that he has to pick up his son today. I told him, well, no choice. It's school that I'm talking about.

I seldom will reject requests from bosses, but recently I'd found out that I am willing to do everything it takes to ensure I my commitment to school. Previously I had took 11 days of unpaid leave and I had also rejected going australia because it clashed with my study period. I'm willing to spend my sundays solving questions after questions of mathematics that always has me throwing my hands in the air in surrendar.

What's stopping me now? Even though I am only going to pay school fees, and it is not like it's real class, I am still not going to let anything get in my way. Due date's coming up, and nothing must stop me.

Wake Up!

2009-06-26T13:57:00.001+08:00

Exactly how much of my dignity must I slam to the floor, before I realise that I am getting nowhere?

Why is it I know there is no happy ending, but I still keep all my fingers crossed and hope for the best? Each time I lose hope, I quickly rebound and tell myself it is fine, all it takes is more patience. And so what I know that my faith is placed on the wrong clause? I still tread in the murky waters and refused to climb to shore, where it is dry and warm.

It is painful. Damn painful.

Crazy Taxi Game

2009-06-25T13:32:00.001+08:00

I am so addicted to Crazy Taxi on Facebook! Gosh, I dash through my lunch, then spend 30 minutes playing it.

Whahahaha.

Stuck. Not Moving.

2009-06-24T11:23:00.001+08:00

The plateau is damn frustrating.

What is the easiest way to get past it? I'm not lazy, but I'd spent so much effort getting here, I dont think I have any bursts of energies left.

Damages

2009-06-20T20:08:00.001+08:00

I'd spent almost 1.5k on shopping by now. Where the hell do I store all of my shopping? My wardrobe is full, shelves are full, etc etc.

Errrrrrhhh.

Results! YAY!

2009-06-17T17:16:00.001+08:00

It's a..............

A+ for mathematics (which means it is 90-100)

B+ for business english (which means it is 75-79)

B+ for management

This calls for a celebration!!!! =)

Results Released SOON

2009-06-17T14:30:00.001+08:00

In 2 hours and 30 minutes time, results for the exams will be released. I am soooo kancheong! What if I 阴沟里翻船, and failed?

My somewhat unrealistic expectations of my grades is at:

maths - a,

business english - b,

management - b

........but what are the odds, seriously?

Let's be satisfied with b,c,c.

Fingers and toes all crossed now. =)

How Much More You Want From Me?!?

2009-06-13T17:38:00.003+08:00

For friends, I'm willing to put in effort. I understand that it takes effort to maintain relationships between people, and this includes time and quality of get-together time.

But please dont expect me to bend over backwards for you all the time. I am not here to fulfill every whimsical needs that you have.

Shopping!

2009-06-11T12:15:00.001+08:00

MORE MORE MORE!!

Spent approximately $800 in the past 1 mth or so. Still going strong. My bank acct is not bleeding. Yet.=D

Go On! Sway Both Sides! But Dont Fault Me For It!

2009-06-10T10:44:00.001+08:00

First the boss wants the recommendation report to lean towards one of the options.

Therefore I structured my entire report in that manner, so that our inclination is towards our favoured choice.

Suddenly the choice is no longer available to be selected, and now he asks me why is the report leaning towards a choice that is no longer available?

Hallo! The report was completed before the latest news were made known to me. What you want me to do? Is it bloody fair to scream at me for something that is produced with your strict instructions?

Knn.

吾得闲) 因为逼自己逼得太紧

2009-06-07T12:48:00.003+08:00

又是管理课程，又是学开车。
加上恼人的老板和工作。
加上想和朋友出门，想多购物。
再加上我需要大量的独处时间。

天啊。。。人生怎么会那么超载？

Enrolled for Driving Lessons

2009-06-06T21:31:00.002+08:00

I'd just enrolled for munual private driving lessons.

My BTT will be on 14 July, 6.45pm. I'll likely take 1 hr off work to go. So 5 weeks for preparation. Must pass!

Shopping. More to go.

2009-06-06T21:29:00.001+08:00

New clothes! New clothes! New clothes!~~

*Dances*

No Idea What Boss Wants

2009-06-05T13:09:00.001+08:00

I am increasingly annoyed with how my boss talks to us, or if I want to me more accurate, to me.

First he wanted me to keep comments to myself (he didnt express through words, more through actions, which we all know is more accurate than opening one's mouths) and I struggled repeatedly, until I realized that I should not waste my effort on something that saps my energy, and subsequently brings no tangible results.

So I give up struggling.

Then now he wants me to think. Now he doesnt want to 'spoonfeed' and he wants to see what I can do if he is not around. Isnt that some sort of an oxymoron? He wants to know how I would do something if he is not around. If he is not around, why would I need to show him anything? And if he is around, why must I pretend that he isnt, when he is going to shred my efforts into tiny strips and then impose his views on me?

And there's no point in communication with him either. And that is the sad part. I honestly hadnt seen someone as defensive as he is. He is either being verbally defensive, or he will stay mute for a while, strategising his defence measures, and then launch a full attack on you.

If I speak, I'm at fault. If I am silent, I'm at fault too.
And he will phrase it in such a nasty manner that I refrain to record here.

Oh god, please help me.

Mathematics Exam over

2009-06-01T17:44:00.004+08:00

And the last paper is now over!

I think I'd lost around 20 marks in the questions that I do not know how to do, but other than that, it should be ok, so I estimate I will be getting at least a 70.

I can breathe easier now. =) Results will be out on 17th after 5pm. Good luck to me!

English Exam over

2009-05-30T18:19:00.002+08:00

One might ask how come it is essential to study english language in a management course. Certainly it is important, because only then will we be able to write with proper structuring and precise grammar.

The paper isnt easy, but I'm glad it is over. Yay. One more paper to go.
\o/

Management Exam over

2009-05-29T17:21:00.006+08:00

..management.. managing resources.. managing changes.. managing strategically.. managing entrepreneurally.. planning.. directing.. staffing.. directing.. controlling.. figurehead.. liaison.. leader.. monitor.. disseminator.. spokesperson.. entrepreneur.. disturbance handler.. THESE negotiator.. resources allocator.. interpersonal skills.. technical skills.. conceptual skills.. demands dimensions.. contraints dimensions.. ARE choices dimensions.. effeciency perspective.. social responsibility.. THEcorporate social responsibility..defenders.. accomodators.. reactors.. anticipators.. ethical dilemna.. ethical lapse.. utilitarian..EXAM moral rights.. universal.. justice..ethics making decisions.. moral intensity factors.. magnitude of consequences.. social consensus.. probability of effect.. termporial immediacy.. proximity.. concentration of effect.. MATERIALS fostering ethical decisisons.. rewards and punishments.. codes of conducts.. communication.. training.. examples of leaders.. whistle blower.. inside out.. outside in.. outside out.. globalization.. THAT culture.. institutions.. economic development dimensions.. political-legal dimensions.. infrastructure dimensions.. power distance.. uncertainty avoidance.. I individualism.. collectivism.. gender focus.. global focus.. region-country focus.. transnational focus..decision making.. individual.. group.. classical.. rational.. bounded rationality.. HAD retrospective.. Grashams’s Law.. programmed decisions.. non programmed decisions.. heuristics.. satisficing.. perceptual distortion.. intuitive..strategic mamagement process.. setting direction.. formulate strategy.. MEMORISEDimplementation.. competitive advantage.. superior value.. rare.. difficult to imitate.. non-substitutability.. strategic vision..sociocultural forces.. technological forces.. economic forces.. political-legal forces.. global forces.. nature of rivalry.. new entrants.. substitute.. customers.. FORsuppliers.. internal analysis, SWOT analysis.. strategic objectives.. cost leader strategy.. differentiation strategy.. focus cost leader strategy.. focus differentiation strategy.. differentiation-cost-leadership strategy.. MY multipoint competition strategy.. monitoring and evaluating.. information bia.. uncertainty absorption.. selective perception.. stress.. MANAGEMENT stereotype.. cognitive complexity.. strategic plans.. tactical plans.. operative plans.. corporate level.. business level.. functional level.. time horizon.. scope.. complexity.. impact.. independence.. planning.. budgeting.. EXMAINATION specific.. measurable.. commitment.. realistic.. timebound.. external environment analysis.. resources.. objectives.. actions.. implementation.. outcome... forecast.. environment uncertainty.. benchmark.. environment dynamism.. sequence and timing.. accountability.. real-time adjustments

The above are the terms I memorised for my management exam today. Not only the terms ok, and the definition, and the rationale behind the terms, and the associated terms. There are approximately 200 terms above, and this is 6 chapters of the 12 chapters needed, and the terms listed here are off the top of my brain.. I need to unload them before I have space for other things.

Hahaha.

My management exam is over, thank goodness, and I think there's no reason for me to fail, because in total I'd read the textbook > wrote notes > went thru lecturer's notes > wemt through personal notes > took online mcqs as revision > went through textbook > went through notes > last dash through textbook this morning on the bus to school.

I'd seriously done EVERYTHING I could have for this subject.

Finished.

Thank god.

Very Dead

2009-05-27T19:05:00.003+08:00

I am almost like quarantining myself, forcing myself not to go out, and to stay at home and continue to study. My first exam is on Friday morning for Management, and as of now I'd went through my entire textbook, wrote notes for all chapters - colour coded and all, my class tutorial notes, but there must be at least 200 terms and group-terms which I need to memorise and I obviously I cannot recall most of them.

I do understand the theories, but during exams, if I cannot even recall which terms to apply, I dont even need to get to the portion of elaborating in my own words.

Dead. Very dead.

Meanwhile, for english, I'd written 6 mock essays, or essays outlines.

For maths, I'd finished all other chapters, including differentiation, logarithms, etc. I have integration to finish, and then an overall revision.

Dead. I Am Very Dead.

Live a Life

2009-05-26T00:04:00.002+08:00

I have many things that I want to do but fear I do not have the time to spare to expedite them.

Each of these would cost me bucks, but I’d since reasoned with myself that although I want to save up as much money as possible, I cannot deprive myself of too many things in life, as life is too short to live on a shoestring.

So what if I will have lesser money? I will never be rich anyway, so what is the difference? As long as I am happy with my current life, isn’t it utmost important?

I want to take up driving lessons, something that I had always put off because I am worried about my hand-feet-brain coordination. But I am going to take auto-lessons to take off the stress level. I am not going to drive a manual car anyway, so who cares.

Subsequently, I want to get a car. A small 2nd hand one, than I will be able to go where I want to go, and need not squeeze in the mad morning public sardines can.

I want to learn how to dance. I dunno which kind. Waltz? Salsa?

I want to relearn swimming.

I want to learn to cook and bake. I want to be able to cook a simple fare for the man in my life (who hasn’t appear as yet, but I’m not too worried yet).

I want to learn to love more unconditionally. Something I had never been able to do. I wonder why.

I want to learn to use a sewing machine properly. I wish to have my own clothes collection, but I have absolutely no idea how I am going to do it. I cant even sew.

I want to be a teacher/lecturer/corporate trainer. To get to there I need to study more. Which is what I am beginning to do, but unfortunately I am still million of miles away before this dream fulfills.

I want to work in another country. US probably. Just uproot myself, and go. Actually, I’d decided that if I fail my exams this time round, I will quit the course and consider working overseas.

So much to do, so little time and money. Especially time. Actually, after taking leave for the 6th day, I am seriously contemplating to quit my job so that I have time to live my life. I’d taken long leave before, 7 days the last time round, 14 days previously, but this is the first time that I realize there is so much I have in my life that I hadn’t do and wishes to do, and the only way to do it, is to quit this job.

When I resigned previously – and subsequently entered an agreement with my boss that I will agree to withdraw my resignation if I needn’t do anymore OT – I reasoned that this job is going to the wrong direction, and life is too short to dawdle in somewhere that I am not happy to be at.

No idea why it took me so long to see it. But this is exactly what I feel right now, therefore I am seriously…seriously…contemplating…

Mini dumplings

2009-05-24T17:36:00.003+08:00

端午节！！

I made mini-粽子s, that is like half the size of the normal one. Look at the bottom right of the picture, where I have a comparison of size between my 粽子 and my mother's version.

I can wrap them pretty well, but I suck at tying them to the bundle. Whahahaha.

Dont ask me. I've got no answer.

2009-05-23T16:51:00.002+08:00

What transpired?

Search me.

I thought I understand myself pretty well. Turns out, I dont.

Studying. Bah.

2009-05-19T21:34:00.004+08:00

Tired. And my studying hours are totally fucked up. I stay awake (of cos that includes studying and websurfing, and blah blah) until I need to sleep, and I sleep until I need to wake up.

Whahahah.

Selfish Friends

2009-05-18T17:03:00.003+08:00

I seek the help of an ex colleague to help me with my maths, and he agreed, only if I promise to help him with his project that requires some design work.

This conversation was help 2 weeks ago, and this cross-helping would to take place last saturday, 2 days after his last exam papers.

Just days before this saturday, he msn-ed me to tell me that he cannot help me with my maths anymore. Fine. I told him. I would help myself.

Moments ago, he msn-ed me, asking me if I need help in my maths still. I told him I am fine, and I am still coping ok. He then asked me if I could still help him with his project then. Tomorrow, in school.

I told him I am not free. Had work.

Well, teeny bit of lie, I had HOMEwork, but why should I help him if he played me out first?

He then asked me if I can take leave tomorrow and help him with his project. Hahahahahahahah. That's one of the funniest thing I'd heard for a long while. Tell me, someone, how come I have so many selfish friends?

I'd lots of these who take me as informative counter, or people who stood me up for appointments, and then when I cannot make it for their appointments, sulk and ignore me for weeks.

Sigh.

Thanks a lot, dear god.

I Dunno Who Is That, Seriously.

2009-05-18T10:26:00.003+08:00

My younger brother called me on my handphone 7.30 in the morning, saying his ferry is leaving at 8am, but he'd forgotten his passport.

He is going on a school trip with his school, and all I know was that he left home at 6am this morning in order to beat the traffic.

Then I went into a mad frenzy, trying to locate his passport. Even he himself is not sure where would it be at. He also told me to get my father to drive me over to pass him his passport. Destination? Tanah Merah ferry centre.

My father immediately drew a line, and said he doesnt know how to go. I told him to grab his 公路指南 and we'll find out directions as we go along.

He keep refusing, saying he doesnt have, and that it is my younger brother's fault for not remembering something so crucial. I told him there is no time to argue and pin point fault now. I just want to deliver his passport to him.

My father again repeated that he doesnt have the 购物指南. I repeated 公路指南 a few more times and he is not listening to me, instead, turning around and walk away, shaking his head saying he doesnt have any 购物指南.

I repeated a few more times, then resort to screaming.... 公路指南！！！他妈的！！我又没有和你说英文！！！！我又没有和你说STREET DIRECTORY!!!! 公路指南!!!

I know I shouldnt had been so rude, but I am seriously pissed. He keep reminding that it is my brother's own fault for not remembering, and we shouldnt deliver it for him. Let him miss the ferry, and let him get struck, and dont get to go.

I cant believe he is that ridiculous. What is his problem?!? I looked at him in his eye and told him. 我不管你是怎么想的，可是我就只有这么一个弟弟，我不可以不帮他的。

Then I left the house, rushing down to the ferry centre in cab, then subsequently took mrt home. This fiasco took me 3 hours, and I should be studying at home, if not why should I even take leave in the first place.

My father leh? He is basically doing nothing at home now, given that hie delivery job is becoming very random in job quantities, and he doesnt feel the need to find another job. Instead, he is contented to stay at home to read his malay dictionary, or go to the nearby coffee shop to lament how he missed the week's toto again.

Of course he doesnt feel concerned. At the end of the day, my mother still cook his share of his dinner and he still have a comfortable air con room to stay in.

I know I should deserving of a slap across the face for saying that of my father. But I am sick of him spending every single cent he has on 4d and toto, and his total savings as of now, is less than 2k, and he still thinks it is alright, because my mother can supplement him food.

This father figure that is supposed to be the column of the family is not keeping up to his responsibilities. Everyone within the extended family circle knows about this but no one ever spoke up or talk some sense into him.

I am not even expecting him to do things out of his own will, but seeing how he would reject even after we had pleaded, is upsetting.

The last time my elder brother had to go to the hospital because of a badly infected wound got the same rejection from him. We do know he doesnt want to drive us there because he doesnt recognise the way, that we can accept. What we cannot accept it, nonchalant to our mad hysteria, he will sink back into the sofa and continue reading his malay dictionary, as though we are not related, and he need not be concerned about our urgency.

Studying Midnight Session 02

2009-05-18T06:52:00.001+08:00

Had been studying for the whole night, but not that productive... hmm...

Studying. And resting.

2009-05-18T00:44:00.003+08:00

So. I am currently on leave for 11 days to catch up on my exams. Obviously I am not exactly studying every hour, how boring that would be.

Instead, I'm happily catching up on my sleep.

=D =D =D =D

Cynical

2009-05-13T12:34:00.001+08:00

I met Leen yesterday, and we shared with each other, well, our… observations of our current company and jobscope and colleagues.

Leen is my secondary school friend, and because she went on to complete her degree course after poly, I ended up joining workforce 3 years ahead of her.

However, because we are so alike in our beliefs and working attitudes, the worklife we are experiencing is eerily alike. It is almost like we are living in a parallel universe, getting the same kind of crap from the same kind of flawed human beings that descent in the form of nasty bosses, and those in the form of control-freak clients, and those in the form of hypocritical colleagues.

She gets it worse than me in the job responsibility department – if I say I am the designer / secretary / sales / helpdesk / cleaning auntie / delivery girl / teacher all rolled into one, then she is like a compact 20-in-1 kind of operation.

On the other hand, when it comes to human relationship in a workplace, I’d seen more than her, due to, ahem, the number of years I’d been working, and the ultimate streak of unluckiness in finding a nice and cozy working environment. Companies between companies I shuffled, and I saw more ugliness than I ever expected.

Per what Leen evaluated previously, back in school, we get to choose our project partners and lunch kakis, and we’ll never hang out with people we don’t like. In work, the people you don’t like might not necessarily mean they are imperfect, but only because your thinking and his thinking doesn’t gel. Given so, plus the unavoidable working relationship, because bosses said you MUST work together, things turn unattractive.

I warned her there’s more ugliness from people to come, and that she should take everything with a pinch of salt. These people whom you are working with are here for one purpose – make money. Anyone or anything that lies as an obstacle in their path to success must be eliminated with prompt efficiency, therefore if you invest too much trust in them, you are offering an opening in your armour for them to slice their sword through.

Wow. I sound very cynical, don’t I? Unfortunately, I mean every notion I spoke to her about. This is exactly how much rubbish I had been receiving and accumulating from all the experiences.

I Still Think I Am Right

2009-05-08T10:29:00.001+08:00

When I was doing design in school, for my FYP I was doing a residential project where it was marketed as a dwelling for a rich author. Therefore she lives alone in a giant house where I incorporated a indoor garage. She would be able to drive her car into her house, and then turn right into the kitchen, or turn left and up the stairs to the second storey, or walk down a short corridor straight ahead to reach the waiting and living room area.

My lecturers had snorted, and said that driving your car into your house is SUCH A SILLY IDEA. Who would do that?

I reasoned that you spend 1k on your handphone and you wont leave it out in the rain, why wouldnt anyone want to park their 100k car indoors if they can help it? And gloat about it?

Dont argue! They warned, and insisted on me removing this design element.

I refused, and argued for 4 weeks with them, until I felt so depressed about my project, my concepts, my ideas and I had no idea how to continue with the project.

(I eventually finished the project, with the garage intact, but entire project not fully developed because I'd spent weeks arguing with lecturers why my idea will work!)

Up to this day, I still think I am right, only that I regretted that I'd never completed the project.
Given me now, 3 short years of ID experience to my name, I know how to do the project in a way that it would look 10 times better, and if I have the time, and the energy, I would want to redo the project, and close this chapter to my life. Forget about how inept I was. And move on.

But what brought me to blog about this? This.

Exams coming up!

2009-05-08T09:46:00.001+08:00

Because of a stupid cockroach flying around in the kitchen last night, when I'd just dragged myself home at 11pm, after a 3 hour maths revision lecture, I gave up dinner and went to sleep.

Ok, I know I am not supposed to be having dinner at 11pm, but give me a break la, my lessons start at 7pm, and during the 8pm refreshment break the canteen is only selling bread that look suspiciously like it's wednesday's batch, and fried wantons on sticks that looks like it was thrown back to the wok 4, 5 times already, looking at the colour.

Yesterday's class marks the end of the my maths lectures. Next mon and fri shall be my eng and mgmt lectures' last lessons respectively. Following which I will have 2 weeks where I am supposed to finish all my revisions in time for my exams at the end of the month.

And realistically, it is not humanly possible. How is 8 days of after-work hours, plus 4 days of weekends, enough to let me catch up on all the revision? Especially when I had been so busy with work for the past 3 mths that I didnt revise my work at all?

(I attended lessons religiously, but that doesnt help me retain any memorised stuff, because I listen and then I dont get to reinforce the memory.)

Therefore I took 2 wks unpaid leave.

Hahah. Next fri shall be my last day at work before I emerged myself in revision. I assume I will lock my bedroom door, draw all the curtains and not step out other than toilet needs and feeding needs. I think I'll skip bathing to save a few more minutes. Actually, make that a few more hours. Ooops.

And, due to the fact I am earning half mth less of salary this month, I should be spending less money. But who gives a damn! Girls! Once after my exams, jio me out for shopping! =)

I think I'm sick

2009-05-04T19:20:00.001+08:00

Not as in psycho. But as in ill. I'm feeling feverish, having a flu,
and feel my bones aching. Gosh. If not for deadlines, I'll take MC
tomorrow.

Sian.

Travelling With Each Other

2009-05-02T19:15:00.000+08:00

Entry posted on a locked blog.

Personal Time

2009-05-02T19:13:00.000+08:00

I had always been a person who needs a lot of personal time. I like to be able to snuggle in a sofa with a good book or magazine, and I like to be able to sit in front of a computer, playing games without people telling me I am wasting my time.

But ever since I’d started taking this part time course, my time had been sapped away from me. Suddenly I have no more time for myself, because all the spare time I have outside work and school is spent with friends and family, and my me-time was the first to go.

So I am trying to squeeze in time for my own, and I am ridiculously happy when my friends are late when we’d arranged to meet, or when they have to cancel on me. In the first scenario, suddenly I found myself having time to drink coffee alone in starbucks, accompanied with a magazine that I speedily picked up from the newsstand.

In the latter, I take solace that I’d attempted to meet friends and it is them who cannot make it. Only then they have no reason to fault me if they stop and think and realize that we hadn’t meet for the longest period of time.

Sigh. Where can I regain my lost time? I’ve got so much to blog but so little time. But today and tomorrow are my revision-time and self-designated me-time, and I will blog in my Microsoft Word without internet connection (Low willpower! Don’t take the chance!) and then publish them later.

Oh, by the way, I am devastated to find out that my alter ego blog personality that I hosted on blogsome is gone. Must be that I hadn’t log in for more than a year. But why didn’t anyone send me a warning email? Sigh. I want my entries back lah.. Cries.

I hope blogger never does that to me.

Hong Kong trip

2009-05-01T01:28:00.009+08:00

We were at Hong Kong for 3 days in total, and by avoiding disneyland and ocean park, we were able to cover quite a lot of major attractions.

We reached HK at about 11am, and subsequently reached hotel (Royal Park @ ShaTin, lovely room) at 1pm. Lunch was dim sum! Yay happiness! =) We then took a walk at Loi Yan Gai, but because it was raining, I was super grouchy and have absolutely no mood to look at anything!

So we moved on.

Bank of China building by I.M Pei is always featured in TV shows, and seeing it in real is one of the important milestones in this trip.

From here, we went up to the peak, wanting to enjoy the spectacular view of Hong Kong. The journey uphill in on a tram where it is like a 45 degrees mountain scale. But the weather was too bad to see anything, therefore we didnt see any view at all.

I skipped Madame Trussauds because I had already seen it at Shanghai.

It feels like it is drizzling on the peak, but I know it is because the cold air is condensing on us and it feels cool and refreshing.

Nothing can be seen, therefore we left the place and went to Kowloon Tong and then went to Walk of Fame, and managed to catch the 'Light Symphony'.

On second day, we started off with a visit to the museum - Hong Kong Heritage Museum. I am super glad my friend is as interested in museums, or I will have to abandon him for the sake of wanting to indulging in some culture depths.

We then went down to Macau via ferry to look at Da San Ba - The Ruins of St Pauls.

Love it.

Then we had portugese egg tarts and yu dan (fishballs in curry sauce).

We then went down to Lan Kwai Fong for drinks and finger food. Strawberry margarita and chicken fillets. Yum.

Then at the end of the day, when I passed by the Coach flagship store, and was totally enchanted by the facade design. =)

We went back to Loi Yan Gai to shop again, and then tasted the tasty mango ice in Xu Liu Shan.

On the final day, we went down to see the Hong Kong Coliseum in real. And then wanted to visit the nearby Hong Kong Museum of History, but it was closed for the day. So we thought maybe we can go to Lantau for the Ngong Ping 360, but we estimate it will take too long to go to and fro.

Oh, one more photo on the typical housing blocks in Hong Kong.

The entire trip was very tiring, honestly, but I am happy to be able to cover so much within such a short period of trip.

Not that into him

2009-04-29T13:27:00.001+08:00

I dunno. He's a good enough man. But still, dont seem to be the one I am looking for. Am I forcing myself to believe that he is the one because I feel the pressure from seeing my friends all getting married?

I think I am not that into him. Because I tend to magnify his flaws than to try to forgive them. At this stage, I thought I will be super forgiving, like how I used to be, then eventually become a menacing little bitch.

No idea how to explain this. Lunch time is not a good time to ponder on such stuff.. Will think about it tonight.

Am Back

2009-04-29T01:57:00.000+08:00

I'm back from HK. Super tired.

Don't believe it

2009-04-22T20:57:00.002+08:00

I did the assignment painfully, over 2 weekends, and did not resort to copying my classmates' work.
I even took time to teach one of the girls because she didn't understand how to solve.

Ended up? I got 35 out of 40 while almost everyone else scored perfect. Even she.

What's fucking life coming to?

Bourbon Coke

2009-04-19T01:06:00.002+08:00

Was attending a friend's friend's charity event today at Harry's Bar at Millenia Walk, and not quite noticing myself, I'd ordered a bourbon coke.

I hadnt been drinking for a while already, because it brings back too many memories that I have no wish to remember. I wonder how come I cannot overwrite those memories with happier ones, especially when I'd found a new group of acquaintances who loves to drink.

Ordering bourbon coke had seemed so natural, and the taste still agreed with me. The hostess confirmed with me that I was indeed drinking BC before giving me an approving nod, as if to say that this is the only drink that serious drinker should indulge in.

She subsequently asked me if I am a good drinker, and I confessed that I hadnt touch the vile for ages. (Of course I mean I hadnt been drinking excessively. Time to time I still drink socially, but I will stop at one.) She explained that bourbon is a type of hard liquor and most people cannot take it.

Is it so? I queried. That seemed so weird. Because BC had always been the easiest to drown down my throat, and because I know bourbon is a type of housepour, it had always came across to me as a drink that is meant for the beginners.

Maybe that is why whenever I ordered this drink, guys look at me like I am some weirdo from another solar system, and when they actually drank it themselves, they nod their heads in affirmative, that I am indeed from another solar system.

But actually, I chose it because this is his choice of drink. And inevitably, I picked that up. If you ask me whether I like the drink or not, I have no answer for you. But certainly I know that my body doesnt resist it.

Taken urgent leave because of an idiot's irresponsibility

2009-04-17T09:10:00.003+08:00

I took urgent leave today because I have a school project submission today, and the idiot who was typing the final drafts, and doing final consolidation, failed to finish, for 4 times in a row.

He promised he will finish it by this morning, but I prefer to do a backup plan myself. Even if it is not used, and my effort and urgent leave is wasted, at least I can answer to myself.

Warm feeling

2009-04-08T09:17:00.001+08:00

The colleagues here on site, actually asked me to go KL with them this friday. I couldnt go, because I have to work on this public holiday. I couldnt go, because I dont drive. But I am feeling warm that they asked me.

=)